


Last Sacrifice: Dimitri's Point of View

by gigi256



Series: Dimitri's Story: The Vampire Academy Books from Dimitri's Point of View [6]
Category: Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-05 02:29:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 156,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13378203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigi256/pseuds/gigi256
Summary: Safety. Comfort. Fear. What would you sacrifice if it meant saving someone's life? Could you sacrifice everything, including your own pride, to make sure that she'd be safe? And does that last sacrifice mean anything at all...if it comes too late?Book 6 in the Dimitri Point of View series.





	1. Chapter 1

Time seems to have a funny way of warping around us all. It moves fast when you want it to last forever, and slows to a crawl when all you want to do is get away. Then there are those strange in-between times when you honestly don't know if you want time to move fast, or slow, or stop altogether. At the moment, I seemed to be stuck in that odd limbo where time just seemed to twist around me in a never ending cycle – bringing future fears, horrifying memories, and the anxious waiting of the present all together into one swirling mass of nausea.

Rose's face smiled up at me from the newspaper, looking almost eager, and completely disconnected from the bolded headline above her picture:

Rosemarie Hathaway Charged With High Treason And Manslaughter

I had been staring at her for hours now. Perhaps it wasn't the smartest thing to do. A slow but steady trickle of anxiety grew every time I glanced over the article, and while it hadn't sent me into a downward spiral quite yet, I was feeling hot and restless. That hardly mattered, though. Since Rose wasn't allowed visitors besides her legal counsel, this was the best way to learn how she was doing. I knew it wouldn't tell me anything I truly wanted to hear, but I clutched at it anyway. This paper, and any speculation inside, was the closest I would come to seeing her.

The picture was recent and staged. It was probably the headshot taken for her Guardian ID badge. She wore her hair down, with one side tucked behind her ear. I could see a small stray lock that must have fallen forward just before the shot was taken. Without really realizing what I was doing, my fingers touched the spot as if I could reach through the photo and make it right again. It had become almost habitual at one time, fending off that stubborn lock of hair that always seemed to tease me; if she wasn't constantly pulling it back into place, then I was gently doing it for her. Now, all that was just an image in my mind – a screenshot of the past just like this photo in the paper. None of it was real, at least not anymore. Rose wasn't smiling now, and she certainly wouldn't want me touching her, even if it was to do something as innocent as fix her hair.

A solid knock tore me away from starting yet another read-through of the article that I practically had memorized by now. As I moved quickly towards the door, I hesitated just a moment to pray that he wasn't on the other side. Thus far, I had been lucky enough to not be caught alone with Mr. Mazur. I knew that luck couldn't last forever, but I was willing to hold on to it for as long as possible. Thankfully, there were two people when I opened the door.

"Any news?"

Vasilisa shook her head, but Christian provided the voice for them both. "Nothing yet. Apparently, the Council is being surprisingly quiet on anything really significant about her…" her name was like an unspoken dread over us all that we could somehow hold off if we never said it. "But Aunt Tasha did hear some things about your case."

Honestly, at this point, I was hardly concerned about myself. And the government seemed to agree.

"I guess they're leaning towards writing the whole thing off and calling it a sudden urge, as her former mentor, to protect Rose. Basically, you jumped in before you realized what was happening. Aunt Tash thinks they just don't want to deal with another thing, considering it all. Between the funeral, finding a new monarch and their coronation, and of course, the trial, your case was the easiest to just to ignore."

Sure, getting off easy was probably a blessing. I was still essentially under house arrest, but it was much better than that tiny cell again. At least the guards gave me privacy here and stayed out in the hall most of the time. Especially if I had visitors, like I did right now. Considering I had gone on a rampage less than a week before trying to defend Rose against the Royal Guard, this was much more than anyone could reasonably expect. I had my head guard, Adams, and his avocation for me to thank for that. Still, I would gladly trade that if it meant taking pressure away from Rose's situation.

"Tatiana and I met before she died." Vasilisa looked up at me, eyes watery but still managing to hold back any tears. "That day you sent me to look for Rose. She wanted to talk to me about you. She was ready to publicly announce you as fully Dhampir."

I shrugged. The announcement might have changed some people's minds, but I still would have faced speculation from most. I doubted I would ever completely shed the title of "former Strigoi" in people's minds, especially here in Court. There would always be some who saw me as a monster. There was a small desire to just start my life over without the stigma, but that would mean giving up my oath to Vasilisa for saving me from that horrific state.

Mr. Mazur blew past us and into the room like a tornado. He had that habit. One second all was fine, and then the next, there was a storm. And depending on his mood, he could destroy you completely, or shift his focus just a little and leave you and your life completely untouched. The only way to be safe from his wrath was to hide deep underground...and sometimes even that wasn't enough to protect you.

"We need to get started. They moved up the trial date." He was moving before the rest of us had the chance to process the words.

"Moved it up?" I tried to grasp what he had said. They had already fast-tracked it, giving him (and the rest of us) only about three months to get any evidence we needed. "How long do we have now?"

"Two weeks? Maybe three if we're lucky." Everyone stilled at his words. It was as if the air had been sucked out of the room. "We need to act quickly. I was able to speak to her today and get a little more information, but it's time to make a plan. Vasilisa, can you block her out? It'd be better if Rose doesn't hear any of this. We can't take the chance that she tips off her guards, even unintentionally."

She hesitated. "I can try. I'm getting better, but it's much harder than you'd think. I can't guarantee how long it holds."

I was just about to ask how Rose was doing when Mazur locked eyes on me. "By the way, she does not like you right now."

"I can't imagine why." Adrian slipped into the room and immediately helped himself to my coffee maker. He looked much better today than he had in the past few days, but it was still easy to see exhaustion weighing him down. As he leaned against the counter, waiting for the pot to fill, he rolled his shoulders and closed his eyes for a moment. With how dark the circles under his eyes were, that might have been the most rest he had gotten all day. I doubt I looked much better though, so I didn't comment on it, nor did anyone else in the group.

Mr. Mazur continued, "I gave her one little reminder that you had been in that exact same cell just a week or so ago, and she gave me a glare that would turn Medusa to stone." He almost looked amused by the fact. "She's getting a little antsy in there, that's for sure."

"It's probably driving her crazy." It had nearly driven me insane, being stuck in that small space. I could practically see her pacing as I had, wearing down the same path back and forth across the room, and the thought made me sick. Rose being caged was beyond cruel.

"She agrees. I brought her some things to read while she waits, but she wasn't exactly thrilled to hear she wasn't being released."

I looked at him questioningly. I could imagine Rose screaming at the guards for hours, but I couldn't imagine her actually passing the time with a book. She just didn't read much, at least not for fun. She was just too active to sit and do something like that.

"Did you tell her…" I trailed off, but there was no doubt as to what I was asking.

"Yes." His earlier cockiness drained away immediately. "She didn't take it well."

"I can't believe this is happening," whispered Vasilisa, her arms crossed protectively over her chest. "Poor Rose." Christian pulled his girlfriend in a little tighter. Over his shoulder, I watched Adrian as he stared down at his cup as if it might hold some answers for him. Apparently finding nothing there, he shook his head slowly and took a sip.

"She's strong," he whispered, almost as if he was speaking to himself more than anyone else. "She'll get out of there."

"She will." Mr. Mazur's words seemed to solidify us all. "We're going to make sure of it. It's time for us to move and get ready for plan B."

* * *

 

"Tomorrow is the day."

We were all scattered around the tiny living room as Mazur laid out the final plans.

"Tomorrow?" protested Adrian. "That's my aunt's funeral."

"That will also be the perfect opportunity for us," assured Mr. Mazur. "Guardians are already in short supply with all the extra security needed with so many people flying in for the event, and they expect even more to come in tomorrow. That, coupled with the additional security needed for the actual procession into the church, will mean that they will be spread thin over the entire Court. It's almost a guarantee that they'll be reducing the numbers over at the prison."

"He's right," I confirmed. "Adams told me this morning that I'd be sequestered here tomorrow since most of my detail will be needed for the event. I don't know how many they'll keep on me, but I'm sure the majority will be needed down for the parade."

Mazur looked exceptionally pleased with what I said, and I had an itching sensation at the back of my neck telling me that it was due to more than me simply confirming a theory. He settled back in his chair, staring at me far longer than was necessary, while the others debated just how many guardians would be needed for tomorrow's funeral. I could practically see him plotting right in front of my eyes. The baser part of me wanted to run, but I held his stare until he decided to return to the topic at hand.

"Tatiana's funeral will only provide a small distraction, however. We will need something larger to create the chaos needed to pull this off."

"We could always blow something up." Christian laughed at his own joke but stopped the moment Mazur didn't laugh. Instead, he gave Christian the same terrifyingly calculating gaze he had given me just a moment ago. Christian didn't take it as stoically as I had, however. The moment he realized that nobody was contradicting him, he pulled back and looked towards the rest of us for support.

"I wouldn't be opposed to that," Mazur smiled, making everyone shift uncomfortably.

Lissa jumped in her seat, gripping the edge of the armrest. "There'll be too many people! You can't put them in danger!"

Mazur brushed off Vasilisa's concern with a wave of his hand. "Don't worry, my dear. It'll be a controlled blast. We'll make sure nobody gets hurt."

"They'll be able to tell that Christian was the one that blew it up. It'll be easy to tell if fire magic was used, and they'll immediately pin it on Christian," I interjected. "He's the first one I'd look to. He's too close to Rose for them to overlook the obvious link."

"Don't worry, Belikov. I wasn't planning on using Christian's specialty to do this. I was thinking a few blocks of C-4 would be sufficient. It'd also be much harder to link to anyone here."

I sighed. "And how do you propose we get our hands on some C-4?" The entire conversation was pointless. We were wasting time on things we couldn't pull off without the supplies to do it. It wasn't like we had a few spare bombs hanging around. I doubted any of us could even find something like that before tomorrow. Well, except for…

The realization seemed to hit everyone at once as we all eyed Mazur suspiciously.

"Don't worry," he said, shrugging at everyone's concern as if we all just wanted a cup of coffee and not several pounds of dangerous, not to mention illegal, explosives. "Just leave that to me."

I didn't want to ask any more questions on the matter, and everyone else seemed satisfied as well. Maybe not satisfied. Maybe silenced by the thought of what he was capable of. I caught Vasilisa eyeing him, fiddling her hands as if she was slightly worried about the whole matter. Christian seemed more impressed than anything else.

"So, say you can get the firepower. You haven't mentioned what we'll be destroying." Adrian looked much more blasé about the whole matter, which was odd, considering the fact that he probably had the most investment in this plan. Not only were we trying to break out his girlfriend, we were also trying to find his aunt's real murderer. I was starting to realize that was all just a front for him, though. Just like Rose fell back on her sarcasm in difficult situations, Adrian feigned nonchalance.

Mazur rubbed at his jaw, stroking his beard as he considered the obvious roadblock. "Well, it needs to be very visible, but even I'm not so bold as to blow up the actual church." Several pairs of eyes bulged but returned to normal quickly. Perhaps some of the others thought he was being facetious, but I had no doubt that he would, in fact, destroy the church if he felt it was necessary. He continued after a moment. "How about one of the statues next to it?"

Vasilisa gasped at the very thought and narrowed her eyes. "You can't destroy one of the statues! They're centuries old! They're part of our history!"

He leveled his stare, giving off a dangerous look towards the Princess. I knew that he wouldn't touch Vasilisa, but that still didn't keep me from tensing, preparing to intercept any attack towards her.

"Listen here, my dear." She lifted her chin in defiance, bravely not backing down from his threatening tone. "Yes, those statues are 'precious artifacts,' but in the end, all they really are is stone chipped into a pretty shape to remind us of the past. Rose is flesh and blood, alive and relatively well...for now. Now, does that piece of rock mean more to you than saving your best friend?"

"No." Her admittance was quick, easy, and sure. I knew she meant it wholeheartedly, but I could still sense her wavering at the idea of destroying such a relic. I wasn't thrilled with the idea either, but nobody could contradict Mazur - Rose's life was vastly more important than a statue.

"Then it's settled." The topic officially closed with his declaration, and he resumed his deceivingly carefree attitude. "Now onto other things."

We quickly discussed the strategy of when to create the diversion, as well as how to physically get Rose out of the cell. Mazur noted that the cell seemed to have no real weak points (at least that he could see from his earlier visit) and it was something that I confirmed when he asked if I had noticed anything that would help us there. In the end, we agreed that we'd need the actual key to unlock the door, rather than some other trick.

"We'll need a few more people to help us," I said, still looking over the scraps of paper that had become our blueprint for the jailbreak. "Even if I get to her before people realize what's happening, there could still be enough guards there to make things difficult. You're right, it won't be nearly as packed as it is most days, but there will still be more than one or two men to keep Rose under lockdown."

"The more people who know about this, the more possibilities for it all to go awry," Mazur warned.

"I understand, but I can't take them on alone."

"Why not? You took out half the Queen's Guard, remember?"

I paused, annoyed at his flippancy. "Someone had my back, remember? I wasn't doing it alone." I gritted my teeth, frustrated again that, in the end, Rose had still been taken. "I don't want to take the chance that this goes wrong because I'm not able to subdue them quickly enough. I need backup."

"Fine, but who do you propose? We'll have to trust them implicitly to make sure this all goes according to plan."

"Eddie Castile and Mikhail Tanner." Nobody questioned my choice of Guardian Castile, but they did give a little resistance to Tanner.

"We hardly know him," protested Adrian, with Christian nodding next to him. "How do you know he won't immediately turn us in?"

Again, I was brought back to that lonely jail cell after Mikhail had brought Rose in to see me against my wishes. 'If she were in that cell, wouldn't you move heaven and earth to make sure she was okay?' His question had become a prophecy, and I knew now as I did then, that I would do anything it took to make sure she escaped her sentence. He understood that sometimes we had to sacrifice the 'correct thing' to make sure the 'right thing' happened. I had no doubt that he would help us, despite the illegality of it all.

"I trust him," I said, simply.

"I do too," replied Vasilisa. "He's helped Rose in the past, and he'll help her now."

"They'll be considered accomplices," Mazur noted. "It's hard to create an alibi when you attack Guardians in the very prison someone breaks out of."

Adrian raised his hand a little. "Maybe I can help with that. Some simple compulsion, perhaps, to make them hard to identify."

"You're going to compulse them to just forget that we all broke Rose out?"

"No," Mazur answered me. "Just the two others. You and Rose need to be seen clearly."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, Dimitri." He didn't look sorry at all. In fact, Mazur looked almost delighted. "We need someone to be our fall guy. That'll be you."

"You can't -" Vasilisa's protest was cut off sharply again.

"We need someone, Princess. He's the obvious choice. He's already considered dangerous and is fairly outcast by the Court. Plus, with his little stunt the other day in the cafe, nobody will question the idea that he'd come to break her out." He grinned menacingly towards me, and I bit my tongue in an effort to keep from reacting. "What are they calling it? A protective urge to keep his student safe? Nobody would think twice about them running away together."

Adrian scoffed at my 'official' motivation for defending Rose, but we ignored him. I knew that my former relationship with Rose wasn't quite a secret here anymore, at least between her friends, but the idea that her father knew wasn't exactly the most reassuring thing in the world.

But there was more to it than Mazur's suggestion of our rather unorthodox relationship. There was something hidden under the surface. Running away with Rose meant staying with Rose.

The thought of being with Rose for so long terrified me. I had just worked up the courage to finally have a private conversation with her. And even then, I was only comfortable being with her the few minutes it took to offer an apology. Honestly, I still wasn't sure I could manage more than that without being thrown into an instant panic attack.

However, I knew that Mazur was right. I had the training to protect her. I had the motive to break her out. Perhaps most importantly, I had the desire to. Even if it terrified me, I wanted to help Rose. Whatever sacrifice that entailed, I wanted to help her.

"You're right. I'm the obvious choice," I admitted. "I'll do it."

* * *

 

**Author's Note**

* * *

 

Every single thing I have written has been leading up to this.

I've been waiting for this moment for four long years. I've been waiting for this since Vampire Academy: Dimitri's Point of View. Last Sacrifice is, by far, my favorite book in the Vampire Academy series. I once considered writing LS DPOV first due to how much I loved it, but I knew I couldn't. I knew I needed to start at the beginning. I needed to give Dimitri his own journey, independent from Rose's. I needed to develop everything that made him Dimitri – his personality, his emotions, his sense of self – from the moment he saw Rose from that window all the way to those very last moments. He deserved his own story and I've tried my best to give it to him.

So thank you for being here with me as we start the first chapter of this last book because I'm so excited to share it with you.


	2. Chapter 2

I was instantly regretting my choice to be the one to stay with Rose after the jailbreak. The anxiety I thought I could hold back, no,  _needed_ to hold back was already rearing its head.

"Are you sure?" Vasilisa caught my eye, then scanned the room. They were all too busy looking at me. "I'm sure we can find another way. Maybe?"

The rest of the room stayed silent. That is, until Mazur sat back and crossed his arms. "No 'maybe.' Everything rests on the idea that Dimitri, here, can step up and play his part as the jailbreak mastermind. He needs to be the one that gets her out and keeps her safe."

"I can do it," Adrian offered. "I can get her out and keep her safe."

"All good intentions aside, son, you don't have the right skill set to do this. I know you're more than willing to sacrifice your reputation for my daughter, but that's not the issue here."

Adrian's foot started bouncing rapidly as if he was ready to prove himself by running out right now and breaking down her cell door, all on his own.

"We know you are more than capable, Belikov. If you choose not to do this, then you're choosing to let Rose rot in that cell until they kill her and leave her to rot in the ground." Mazur had taken on that tone again. The one that said I was dangerously close to my own death if I said the wrong thing. "We need someone to protect my daughter, and you're going to be the one to do it."

"I said I would." My voice came out much calmer than the raging storm that was stirring up inside me. "I want her safe, too."

Adrian laughed without a trace of humor in his voice. "Sure you do. You guys aren't even on speaking terms."

"That doesn't mean I don't care about her safety!" I growled back at him. He didn't flinch.

Vasilisa reached over and placed her hand on my knee. "We know. Nobody doubts your commitment to her -"

Adrian threw his hands up in exasperation. "I do!"

She continued, ignoring him, "- but you understand that this is more than just getting her out of Court, right? You know it might take weeks, perhaps even months, for us to find proof that she didn't kill Tatiana."

For once, her concern struck me as more than sympathetic. It almost seemed patronizing. I knew it was just out of consideration to our situation, but her lack of faith rubbed me the wrong way.

"I know," I said firmly. "I'm not saying that it'll be easy. Adrian's right; Rose and I aren't on the best of terms right now." I gestured vaguely to her father, "You said yourself that she hates me."

"I don't care if she hates you," Mazur replied. "As long as you're there to make sure she doesn't run off or get shot, then I don't care if you speak two words to one another. Your job is to just make sure she survives long enough to eventually come back. Everything else is inconsequential."

I watched the clock, letting the second-hand circle a full thirty-seven seconds before nodding. The simple movement eased almost everyone. Adrian still glared at me from the kitchen, where he had apparently decided to refill his drink. I didn't miss the silver flask that seemed to magically appear out of thin air. Nor did I miss the look he gave me. I might have convinced everyone else that I was up to the task, but the distrust in his eyes reminded me that I had let her down before. It was a silent warning that he wouldn't allow me to fail again.

* * *

It took another hour to finish the final planning. Or, to be more specific, dissect every single aspect of the final plan until there were no possible holes. Everyone seemed to be growing physically weary. Vasilisa's head rested on Christian's shoulder as they went over, again, where everyone was supposed to be when the blast went off. Despite several cups of coffee, the earlier exhaustion that Adrian had come in with was beginning to pull him down again. He rolled his shoulders and leaned against the back of the couch.

We had plotted and planned everything down to the last detail. I was all too aware that an accidental slip beyond our control could destroy the entire mission, but we all knew this was the best chance we had to get Rose out.

"We all need to rest before the morning." Everyone looked at me with worry, but the truth of my words was accepted when Christian yawned and hid his face in his hands for a moment before reluctantly raising his head again. The effort of such a simple action looked almost too much for him to bear.

"He's right," Mazur agreed, albeit reluctantly. "We all need to get some sleep. Just remember the plan and do what you need to do. Remember, this isn't a practice run. If we mess up, we'll be tried for treason as well."

* * *

Everyone left, except Mazur. "You guys go ahead. I need to speak to Belikov for a moment. Alone."

Adrian hesitated by the door, looking like he had a few choice words for me in private as well. A second later, he ran his hand through his hair and turned to walk away. He and his girlfriend's father seemed to have some sort of understanding built into their relationship, but even he wasn't immune to obeying Zmey's commands.

And that's who greeted me when he turned around. Mr. Mazur was gone. In his place stood Zmey. The snake. The man who could strike fear into someone's heart and wasn't above threats to make people bend to his will. He wasn't above  _acting_ on those threats, either.

"You will do this, boy."

"I said I would. I will."

"I want you to be a hundred percent sure." His tone was deceptively mild, but I didn't let my guard down. He was poised to strike like the viper he was named after. "If you mess this up, she dies."

I felt the heavy pressure weighing on me. "It sounds like I have no choice in the matter."

"Oh, you have a choice, but remember that there are consequences to your choices." He seemed completely composed somehow, but my own emotions were starting to run rampant as everything started washing over me. He tilted his head a little and gave me a knowing look. "You know what I'm capable of. You don't want to test me here."

"Or what? You'll what? Send him back to them? After all these years?" My body struggled with every breath - fists clenching, nose flaring, chest heaving - a stark contrast to the unnerving calm he projected. Only his eyes seemed to burn in anger towards me.

I might have kicked my father out of my childhood home, but it was Zmey who kept him away. I didn't know how, but he made sure that man never set foot in Baia again. It hadn't come without a price, though. I had made an open-ended agreement with him over ten years ago, and he had warned me that he'd call to collect...eventually.

"No. I wouldn't sacrifice the wellbeing of an innocent family just for my own personal gain. Believe it or not, even I'm not that callous." Relief flooded through me at his assurance that my family would still be safe, but the feeling was short-lived when he continued. "But know there are plenty of things that I could do to  _you_. If this doesn't work because you faltered and couldn't go through with it, then I will kill you. Simple as that. I'll find you and I'll kill you, and this time you won't come back. Understand?"

"You don't have to threaten my family. You don't have to threaten me, either. I said I'd do this and I will."

"For Vasilisa? I know you owe her a debt as well."

The thought of my promise to Vasilisa to protect her hadn't even occurred me. Leaving with Rose meant leaving her unguarded. I hesitated just a little, remembering my duty towards her. Perhaps he saw that hesitation as doubt.

"Don't worry about her or that promise you made to her. Besides, you know as well as I do that Rose is a part of Lissa, and leaving Rose to suffer will only do the same to Lissa in the long run. Do you think she'd ever be able to look at you again? Knowing that you had the power in your hands to keep Rose safe and you just let it go."

I knew she wouldn't. Vasilisa wouldn't be able to bear it. Nor could I. This went beyond my moral obligation to protect the Princess. I truly wanted to help Rose, and that realization that I would do whatever that took to help her, even without threats or pleading, struck again.

Just like my earlier hesitation, he saw that moment of resolve.

"I'll offer one more thing." It sounded more like whatever he wanted to offer would be closer to blackmail than an enticement. "If you choose to keep Rose safe, then I'll pass on that same courtesy to you. I'll make sure that you never have to face the stigma of your former 'life' again. You know I can do it. I'm very good at making people disappear, aren't I? You can start over somewhere new. I'll even give you whatever means you need to do so, and you'll get to live out your new life in peace."

The offer was more than appealing. As much as I wanted to be there for Vasilisa - as much as I was committed to that promise - the thought of running away from everything was something I had entertained more than once. It would make everyone's staring, both of pity and suspicion, go away. It'd make the whispers go away. And, ultimately, it would make the problem of Rose and everything she made me feel go away, too.

That was something I had once practically begged for. Everything had changed, though. The moment I saw those guards steal her away from me, something changed. I still couldn't quite describe why, or even how really, but now I needed to know Rose was safe. I couldn't stand not knowing. That meant having Rose somewhere in my life. I still didn't know where, but I needed her somewhere I could make sure she was safe. And I'd do whatever it took to know that. No threats, or bribery, or vows of eternal gratitude required.

I'd just do what was needed.

"I'll consider it," I told him. "But you should know that I would do it anyways. Protecting Rose, that is. I owe it to her. And even if I didn't...I'd still do it."

His smile became true. Zmey, the intimidating businessman who had been warning and bargaining with me earlier was gone. A simple man stood there now. A man who, I realized, was more concerned with his daughter's wellbeing than anything else. Yes, he would do whatever was required to make sure she came out of this alive, but in the end, he was just a father who loved his daughter.

A father who, unlike my own, actually loved his child. Enough to put her first and take care of her.

A father who was trusting  _me_  to take care of her.

He was doing everything he could to get her out of Court safely, but once she was gone, he was trusting me to make sure she stayed safe.

' _There's a difference between honor and duty._ ' He had told me that a long time ago over hot chocolate and a handshake. I had been young and scared, looking to him for help. Now he was the one afraid and was looking to me.

I offered him my hand, knowing that it would say more to him than any further declaration from me.

"Maybe that boy - the one who protected his family and was willing to lay down his life for them - maybe he's still in there somewhere. Maybe you aren't totally gone yet, Belikov."

"Dimitri," I amended, offering my true name as another token of my promise.

"Dimitri, then." He smiled. "Well Dimitri, if we all make it through tomorrow and she gets out of here alive, you can call me Abe."

He turned to leave but wavered when he opened the door. I knew my guards were just down the hall, unable to hear our earlier planning, but well aware of the reputation of the man who was just now leaving my apartment.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Abe."

He turned and nodded. We'd make it through tomorrow. I'd make sure she got out of here alive.

* * *

My head hadn't quite settled onto my pillow when a knock sounded at the door. I closed my eyes tight, desperately hoping that I had just imagined the noise. The illusion was broken when another knock sounded.

With a deep, and admittedly overdramatic, sigh, I threw off the blanket and made my way to the door. My footsteps were a bit louder than usual, but my energy, and patience, were quickly depleting. Entertaining another guest was the last thing I wanted to do right now.

I threw the door open just as the third knock started to beat down. Adrian stood on the other side.

"I told you and the others I'd do it," I snapped in annoyance. Each time I had to remake this promise, I became a little more agitated. "I've also promised Mazur. What more do you need from me?"

He pushed himself up from the door jam and moved past me, crashing on the couch with nearly the same amount of force that I used to shut the door. Our mutual distaste for one another was at a peak today, climbing with every bit of our collective nervousness about tomorrow. The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife. Perhaps too thick for that.

"I know you will. I'm not worried about that."

"Then why are you here?"

"Don't hurt her." He punctuated every word.

"You know I wouldn't allow that. I'll make sure she's safe. I'll make sure she comes back as soon as it's safe to."

"I have no doubt about that, but that's not what I'm talking about."

When I just stared at him in silence, he clarified.

"Don't hurt her. Not again, Belikov."

Our conversation from the night before her arrest came back to me. Unintentionally, and occasionally intentionally, I had hurt Rose time and time again. I had let her down, I had pushed her away, I had broken her heart. It seemed like almost everything I had done, down to the moment I died, had hurt her somehow. And of course, it didn't stop with my death. As a Strigoi, I had mentally and physically abused her. When I had been restored, I hurt her even more by simply staying away.

Everything I did seemed to hurt her. And he was here begging me not to do it again.

"I'll do my best, Adrian."

He shook his head while his palms slid up and down his thighs in an attempt to control his apparent hostility. "That's not good enough. I don't want a promise to 'try.' I need you to assure me, right here and right now, that you will not hurt her. I can't be there to protect her. I can't be there to pick her up when you break her down. I can't be there when she needs me. So I need you to not hurt her. Okay?"

By the time he finished the tirade, his anger had turned to an anxious grief. I watched his jaw tremble half a second before he tensed it. As he looked away, he admitted, "I love her, Dimitri. I love her and I can't be there for her. So I need you to be."

I had promised to break her out. I had promised to stay with her. I had promised to protect her and keep her safe. Those were all relatively simple promises to make because I knew they were logical and I wanted to make them. I was capable of making them and keeping them.

Not hurting her - protecting her from myself and my own actions - I wasn't sure I could make that promise. At least not genuinely. How do you keep a promise when you don't know  _how_ to keep it? Or how you'd break it? It seemed like I could unintentionally do either with any simple action.

All I had was 'try.'

But 'try' wasn't good enough. Not for him. And for me, either, to be honest. I couldn't hurt her anymore.

"I promise. I'll do absolutely every single thing in my power to not hurt her."

He watched me, eyes slitted with both skepticism and suspicion, before apparently deciding that I had given everything I could offer.

"Fine." His eyes were still narrowed slightly, but some of the cynicism behind them had faded. "I'm trusting you."

That phrase rang through my mind for the rest of the night.

' _I'm trusting you. I'm trusting you. I'm trusting you.'_

I wasn't sure I completely trusted myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for a WONDERFUL beginning to this story. There were so many beautiful comments welcoming and telling me just how excited you guys were to have me and this series back. I am just as happy to have all of you back as well. 
> 
> I'm sure you noticed some vague references to Dimitri's family and a past between Abe and Dimitri. If you haven't already done so, I really recommend that you check out my story "Dimitri's Debt" to learn more about their history.
> 
> Here's the 'Question of the Week!' Since I didn't get the chance to do so last week, I want to ask it this week: Whats your favorite scene from Last Sacrifice? I know it's an odd one, but I'm really partial to their quiet moment in the tent. 
> 
> Thanks again for all your favs, follows, comments, and especially those that shared with their friends last week. I can't wait to hear your thoughts!


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, only Adams was there to greet me. His smile was too wide, his voice too bright, and his eyes too happy.

Or he was acting completely normal and I was the one who acting strange today.

I had hoped it wouldn't be him. I would have preferred anyone other than him. Adams had been a huge supporter of me since the beginning. He had been my advocate this whole time, even going so far as to testify to the Council that I wasn't dangerous after physically assaulting several sanctioned guardians alongside Rose. It was because of him that I wasn't locked in a cell beside her.

Now he would be the one testifying on how I escaped this room. And more. The thought of what was about to come felt just a bit heavier now.

"Since it's just us today, Dimitri, I thought I'd make some breakfast for us. It's been too long since I've made pancakes, but I can fry up bacon and eggs like nobody's business."

His grin got a little bigger as he raided my fridge, and the weight in the pit of my stomach increased. There was no way I'd be able to eat breakfast. But I had to agree. I had to act normal.

He wasn't lying when he said he made some great bacon and eggs. As simple as the dish was, it smelled great. Especially the bacon. The fleeting thought of 'Rose would love this,' drifted into my mind. Occasionally, back at the Academy, I'd let her out of morning practice a few minutes early so she could get to the cafeteria and load her plate up with more than her fair share of bacon. She wasn't a huge fan of eggs if I remembered right, but Adams's eggs might have been enough to tempt her.

These thoughts of her, no matter how random, were a quick and solidifying reminder of why I was doing all this.

The funeral was to begin at sunset. That was about an hour from now. Every minute between now and then seemed liked an eternity. I tried keeping simple conversation with Adams, but even that seemed to fail me.

"Are you okay, Dimitri? You seem anxious."

I nearly laughed. Anxious didn't begin to cover it. Still, if my emotions were noticeable, then I needed a quick cover. I didn't want him to be suspicious.

"There's a lot of people," I replied, with a quick glance out the window. "Too many. It makes me a little nervous." The fact that it wasn't a complete fabrication helped me (and my lie) seem more sincere.

He chuckled a little. "I get it. I think Court has doubled - no tripled - in size for the whole funeral and coronation thing. I think we're all a bit nervous."

I gave a small grunt of acknowledgment, looking out at the window again at the mass of people.

He quickly grasped that that might not be my entire worry. Thankfully, he misinterpreted it again. "Don't worry, though. You're not going to have to deal with any of them. None of them can bother you if you're up here. We'll make sure you get anything you need until the Council makes an official decision about your case, and unfortunately, that may not be until after everything else is over. On the other hand, I did hear some good news! It sounds like they're going to be lenient. They might not prosecute at all!"

I hated how proud he looked at that bit of information. I tried to match his enthusiasm, but I wasn't sure if I quite got there or if I fell just a bit short.

Finally, after what felt like forever had passed, the sun started to kiss the horizon. I played the plan in my mind one last time. Vasilisa was with the funeral procession, far enough away from any danger and safe from suspicion. Thank God. Christian was near her, and he would make sure that she got out of the crowd quickly. Mazur had organized everything earlier, and now he was supposed to look as unsuspicious as possible. The entire thing would reek of him if he was anywhere near it, and the public needed to believe it was entirely my doing. Adrian was at th-

The sound came like a sonic blast, making the windows shake slightly. Adams rushed to the window, and I followed a moment behind him.

"What the hell was that?!"

I silently mirrored his exclamation. Even though I had been anticipating the blast, it was much larger than I had expected, and I felt a moment of uncertainty as to how something like that could be controlled to not hurt anyone. I didn't have long to linger on the issue, though.

Adams started to turn around, perhaps to find a way to help, when I swung my fist at him. The movement wasn't as precise as I would have liked, but I was close enough and had the element of surprise on my side. It knocked him back with enough force to hit the wall and slide to the floor. I didn't think twice as I instantly kicked him across the face, though the sound of bone cracking rang through my ears and twisted my gut slightly.

Before he could right himself from where he was splayed out on the ground (and more importantly, before he could reach for it himself), I grabbed the gun on his belt. I knew he would have been just as reluctant to use it as I had been to attack him, but we both had a job to do. Unfortunately, we just had different goals.

I didn't point it directly at him, but as he slowly sat up and tried to make sense of everything that had just happened, he realized quickly that the gun was now in my possession. I had the advantage. He raised his hands slightly in deference - not surrender, just momentary submission - as he looked between me and the weapon. I could see the calculations running through his mind as he tried to find a way to get to me without being shot. Eventually, it became clear that there was nothing he could do.

Before he could make the decision to try for the gun, whether or not it meant getting shot in the process, I spoke.

"I'm sorry, Adams." He looked a bit shocked and somewhat scared as any man, even a guardian, would be as he slowly counted down the seconds of his life. "I have to go get her."

The shock and fear faded immediately. His eyes softened a bit and his shoulders dropped, knowing exactly what I meant without ever saying her name.

Then he managed to surprise  _me_.

He nodded then glanced at the door. "Go. I'll give you five minutes before I call it in."

I stared at him in shock. For a moment, my hand twitched. I never wanted to kill him. I wasn't sure I could. I had planned to just knock him out. Now...I was considering leaving without even doing that. Could I just take him at his word? Five minutes could make all the difference…

"Go!" He gestured to the door again. "Hurry!"

And I did. I ran out of the door, leaving him bruised and bloody, and praying that he would wait to call in the cavalry.

I decided to drop the gun in a wastebasket just before rushing out of Guardian Housing. Being apprehended with a gun in my hand wasn't likely to make my sentence any worse than if I was caught without one, but if a guardian spotted me with one while I was running through Court, they would be more likely to use their own to take me down. Reducing altercations to physical battles rather than shootouts shifted things in my favor significantly.

Mazur was right. The chaos created by the explosion had allowed more than enough cover for me. I was hardly nondescript, yet I was able to run directly past two guardians who were too caught up in trying to care for hysterical funeral attendees to realize someone who was supposed to be on a long-term house arrest was out in the open.

As I wove through the scrambling crowd, I did manage to glimpse the still flaming stone corpse of the former statue, and the question of how they had managed to control such a blast ran through me again. Even though several guardians were surrounding the area, looking for any injured, I still felt a tug to join them and help in the cause. I pushed past it though, knowing that my mission was much more pressing.

Just as we had hoped for in our planning, as I neared the jail, I saw a few guardians leaving and running towards the fray. ' _Good_ ,' I silently reassured myself. The fewer people in there, the fewer people Eddie, Mikhail, and I had to deal with. That meant the easier this entire process would be.

I paused, ducking behind a wall, waiting until I saw three figures rush into the building - two guardians, and a Moroi.

That was my cue. I followed quickly after them, reaching the lobby just on their heels. Both Mikhail and Eddie had stakes on them, but neither had them out. Instead, they were brandishing their tactical batons. Those were meant to incapacitate, not kill. Our hope was to get out of here with no casualties.

There was only one guardian still there. He was glancing out the window at the still chaotic scene and had yet to notice us. Slowly, Mikhail slipped the stake out of his holster and set it down on the reception desk. He didn't have to say anything for me to know exactly what he wanted me to do.

The moment the guardian stepped away from the window, we made our move. I grabbed the stake and rushed the man. He barely had time to grab his own weapon and block my attack, but that assured us that he was fully focused on me while Eddie, Mikhail, and Adrian slipped down the stairs towards Rose.

I kept the guardian engaged in a game of cat and mouse until I heard the others reach the lower hallway and the familiar clang of steel doors. He was quick to recognize me, which was intentional, and quickly the fight went from him trying to simply apprehend me to using lethal force 'if necessary.' He certainly felt it was necessary.

I dodged a wide slash toward the right-hand side of my face and grabbed his arm as it swung across my body. His momentum, combined with my own force, was more than enough to do some damage as my knee struck his solar plexus. I could practically feel his ribs cracking around me. I needed him out cold, though, not just laying winded on the floor. So rather than let him fall, I pulled him up one more time, shifted slightly, and slammed his head down onto the desk next to us. He practically bounced, head first, onto the floor from the blow. It wasn't enough to kill him, but it was more than enough for a concussion and would certainly take care of him for the next few hours.

The sounds of fighting below me were quickly coming to an end. By the time I hit the lower steps, they were gone completely. Rose's voice echoed out of one of the cells.

"Where on earth did you -"

I had been glancing at the hall and cells, looking for any more issues, but the moment my gaze passed her, I stopped. We both stopped. Her hand was still on the steel bar of the cell, my foot was still on the last step of the stairs, but we stopped in the midst of everything just to  _see_ one another again. Some deep part of me had been worried that I would never have that luxury again.

She recovered first. "You're here, too? Aren't you under house arrest?"

I poured over every inch of her, visually checking for any injuries she might have received in the few days she had been stuck in that cell. They had initially neglected to feed me, and I wanted to make sure they hadn't done the same, or worse, to her. She seemed shocked with everything happening but otherwise fine. She almost seemed...amused. In any other situation, I would have smirked at her very-typically-Rose reaction of laughing in the face of danger, but now certainly wasn't the time.

"He escaped." Eddie also seemed amused and Rose's eyes went wide as he continued, "It's what people would expect some violent probably-still-a-Strigoi guy to do, right?"

Mikhail picked up where Eddie left off. "You'd also expect him to come bust you out. Especially considering how he fought for you last week. Really, everyone is going to think he busted you out alone. Not with us."

For a moment, she glanced my way, and I couldn't tell if she was asking me to confirm or deny what they were saying. So I said the only thing I could, under the circumstances: "Come on. We don't have much time."

"There's no way they'll think he did it alone!" She pulled her hand from Mikhail's grip as he tried to pull her further from the cell and towards me on the stairs. "They saw your faces."

"Not really. Not after a little spirit-induced amnesia." Adrian's overly casual voice sounded from a shadowy area nearby. How he had managed not to run towards Rose the moment she was released was beyond me. He continued, "By the time they wake up, the only person they'll remember seeing will be that unstable Russian guy. No offense."

He glanced at me and I acknowledged the slight. "None taken."

Her eyes flicked back and forth between us several times, her mouth opening as if she was about to say something. Eventually, she shook her head as if the words had escaped even her, and her focus shifted completely towards Adrian. The admiration was hard to miss. So was the affection.

"Lissa lied to your mom earlier," she grinned. "You're supposed to be passed out drunk somewhere."

He returned her smile. "Well, yes, that would probably be the smarter - and more enjoyable - thing to be doing right now. And hopefully, that's what everyone thinks I'm doing."

I glanced around the room, feeling another wave of anxiety burn through me. Not just anxiety. Agitation. "We need to go."

They all glanced towards me, and I noticed a familiar look in Rose's eyes. It wasn't the same look that she gave Adrian, not by a long shot. It was the one I had seen occasionally in training. One that came out when we fought side by side against enemies. We were about to go into battle, and in battle, we were a team. She took a step towards me, ready to join me in the fray, but Adrian's hand shot out to stop her. I tensed irrationally at him halting my combat partner.

"Wait!" Adrian pulled her back to him. "Before you go with us, you need to know something." I opened my mouth to protest but he shot back at me, "She does!"

She looked at us again, apparently torn, but he gently touched her cheek and silently sought her attention. "Rose, if you escape...you're more or less confirming your guilt. You'll be a fugitive. If the guardians find you, they aren't going to need a trial or a sentence to kill you on sight."

I didn't know if he was asking her to stay or asking her to go, but his words seemed to make her question everything. Everyone paused, waiting for her response. The clock was counting down on us, but for those few seconds, time stood still. I could see the slight shake in her body, despite the way he held her shoulders. I could see the way she bit the inside of her cheek and looked down. I could see all the signs of her wavering.

_Please, Rose. Please. We need you to go. I need you to go. I'll keep you safe. I promise._

And then she looked at me.

I nodded. She breathed in, squaring her shoulders and nodded back. The doubt seemed to drain away in those simple motions.

Quick as lightning, she reached back towards the cell, grasped the gate, and slammed it behind her. Above the clange and the click of the lock, I heard her resolute words, "Let's go."

I went ahead of everyone on the narrow stairs and passageways, unsure if anyone would meet us before we got to the main floor, but I could still hear Rose and Adrian behind us.

"You've got to be using a lot of spirit to pull off all those illusions on the guards."

"I am," he agreed. I could hear a bit of tiredness in his voice, but not enough to concern me yet. He could hold out a little longer. "I don't really have the power to do it very long. Lissa could probably make a dozen guardians think they'd seen ghosts. Me? I can barely make a few forget Eddie and Mikhail. That's why there had to be someone they remember to attract the attention, and Dimitri's the ideal scapegoat."

"Well, thank you." Once again, I could hear the sincere admiration she had for him, and I felt the pull to say something. After all, I was the one taking the fall. I remembered that it didn't matter. It was part of the plan, and we all had our part. In the grand scheme, Adrian was probably doing something much more difficult than I was. I just had to play the 'unstable Russian.'

"Yeah, well, I'm supposed to be crazy, right?" His words became softer, more gentle, when he spoke to her again. "And there isn't much I wouldn't do for you. The stupider, the better."

I heard her laugh softly in reply, even above our rushed movements.

We passed the main floor without any hesitation, well, except for a quick curse from Adrian when he saw the incapacitated guardian on the floor, and moved outside.

"Now what?" Rose glanced over the relatively vacant expanse.

"Now we take you to the getaway car," Eddie didn't sound quite as confident as he had down in the cells. In the light of day, or at least the fading glow of twilight, the plan seemed so much more intense. If we ran, we could make the garages in a minute or less. With Adrian with us, I was betting on the higher number. Still, rushing, rather than all out running, would be the better choice to blend in with the other people here.

"That's a lot of open ground to cover."

"I'm using spirit to keep us all vague and nondescript. People won't recognize us unless they stop and stare directly at us."

"Which they probably won't, if anyone notices us at all." Mikhail nodded, reassuring himself as much as anyone else. "Everyone's too worried about themselves to pay much attention to others in this chaos."

As we started moving, I quickly looked at Adrian again. He had mentioned yesterday that his use of magic had its limits, and I was worried we'd hit that limit at some point. We couldn't afford that now. Thankfully, adrenaline seemed to be helping. He looked nervous, but I could see the tension in him primed and ready to spring into action if needed. Right now, he looked the part of a warrior as much as the rest of us.

I bristled at the fact that I didn't have any way to tell the time. Not that it would have helped much. The five minutes Adams had promised me had obviously come and gone, but it would be a comfort to know just how much extra time I had now.

"People are freaked out enough to actually try to leave Court." Rose seemed astonished by their reaction, and we all quickened our pace. "The garages will be crowded."

People were still scattering, but I could already see some organization to the chaos forming. Guardians were already starting to control the situation. We were behind schedule, and that was something that could destroy us. I should have forced us out quicker. I lengthened my stride a bit, forcing the others to move faster to keep up. It wouldn't make up for lost time, but it could make the situation a little better, if we were lucky. "That could help us. More chaos."

She hummed in a non-committal response. "What's Lissa doing during all of this?"

"Lissa needs to stay innocent." I snapped at her. "She can't be linked to any part of the escape or explosion. She has to keep herself visible with the other royals." I could hear the harshness in my voice, and though I knew it was due to the stress of the situation, I still tried to calm myself. I recalled my words from yesterday and almost smiled. "So does Christian, for that matter. Those two would certainly be my first suspects if something exploded."

"But the guardians won't suspect them once they realize the blast wasn't caused by magic." I knew she was totally aware of our surroundings, but there was also a certain musing on the situation. "And hey, where did you guys get a hold of C-4? Military grade explosives are kind of extreme, even for you."

I'm sure someone would have been happy to offer her some sort of answer about her father's connections, but a more pressing matter took precedence. Three guardians took notice of us, and while they didn't seem to recognize the group immediately, I knew it wouldn't take long for them to focus. Rose was right next to me as I ran forward, both of us totally in sync, at least when it came to combat.

I recognized all three guardians. What was worse, I knew that Rose would recognize at least two. One was a young woman she had graduated with. Perhaps their familiarity, and the possible difficulty in their fight because of that, should have urged me to take the girl on as an opponent. I trusted Rose with the lesson that I had ingrained into her, though - don't hesitate.

Plus, I had a grudge against the other two. Phillips and Henderson. I could almost forgive Guardian Phillips. I think he might have actually cared about Rose. Not enough to keep from dragging her back to the cell if he could slap some cuffs on her, but enough to show worry at her hearing and enough to sympathize with my own concern. Henderson, on the other hand…

I didn't care what his first name was. I didn't care what his title was. He could have been a royal for all I cared. All I could hear at the moment were the vulgar comments he had made about Rose outside my cell the first day I had met them both. He had reduced Rose to nothing but a piece of meat in his eyes, and I was more than happy to reduce him to nothing but a mangled pile of blood, flesh, and bone.

I took Phillips first, using the heel of my hand to crack the bridge of his nose and then spinning him and pulling him close to shield one of Henderson's kicks. Henderson should have pushed forward, but the shock in hitting his ally made him pause. That was all I needed to give a sharp elbow to Phillip's kidney and drop him for the count. Not before snatching his tactical baton, though.

I whipped it to the side, listening with satisfaction to the succession of quick clicking as it unfolded and locked into place. The look of surprise in Henderson's eyes was pretty satisfying as well. He reached for his belt, and whether he was going for his stake or his gun I'll never know because his hand never made it that far. I snapped the rod across his face and relished in his grunt of pain. His eyes met mine, furious with both anger and dripping blood, and I smiled…right before I gave him the uppercut that left him unconscious on the grass.

The sound of a girl crying out and hitting the ground behind me snapped me out of the revelry of my victory. I turned quickly, only to see Rose staring down at her classmate. Unlike me, she didn't look pleased at all with her win. Her regret spurred my own, but while she regretted attacking a friend, I regretted enjoying the fight.

I grabbed her hand, breaking her focus as we caught up to the others who hadn't broken stride while we took down the guardians. Eddie offered the comfort I should have.

"You did what you had to. She'll be okay. Banged up, but okay."

"I hit her hard."

"The medics can deal with concussions. Hell, how many did we get in practice?"

It seemed to ease her, at least a little, since the conversation didn't continue further, and we managed to make it to the garage without further incident. Adrian's shield must have still been working because it was indeed crowded in some areas, so much so that several people brushed against me trying to move towards safety, but nobody recognized us.

The crowds continued to fade the further back we managed to get. Finally, in the furthest corner and just outside the actual garage itself, was the car that Abe had arranged. Unfortunately, it wasn't just the car that was there waiting.

"Abe!"

I let out a hissing 'shhh' trying to quiet Rose as she ran ahead, but thankfully, there seemed to be nobody to hear her. Seeing no immediate danger, I hastened after her and heard the others do the same.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded of our grand architect of this whole scheme. "You'll be on the list of suspects too! You were supposed to stay back with the others."

He shrugged, and I closed my eyes in an attempt to not personally strangle the man. He had been the one to insist that we be in our places for this whole plan and stay where we were supposed to stay, and now, here he was in the last place he should be. I looked towards Adrian to see how he was doing, but he looked visibly exhausted now. I wasn't sure he'd be able to shield another person, even if he did drop the facades over me and Rose.

"Vasilisa will make sure a few people at the palace swear they saw me there during suspicious times." He looked over at Rose with an expression that I could wholeheartedly say I'd never seen the man wear: fatherly love. "Besides, I couldn't leave without telling you goodbye, could I?"

He slipped an arm over her shoulder, and she laughed as she leaned into the embrace, shaking her head in exasperation the entire time. "Was this all part of your plan as my lawyer? I don't recall explosive escapes being part of legal training."

He grinned down at her. "Well, I'm sure it wasn't part of Damon Tarus's legal training. I told you Rose. You will never face execution - or even trial, if I can help it." He shrugged, arm still around her thus pulling her in a bit tighter. "Which, of course, I can."

I moved towards the driver's side door and looked down the garage, half expecting another fight to be around the corner and counting down the seconds until it came. My hands slipped under the front wheel well to find the keys right where they were supposed to be waiting for me. At least Mazur didn't  _totally_ deviate from the plan.

"If I run, it's just going to make me seem that much more guilty." She didn't sound hesitant this time. It was only a statement.

"They already think you're guilty," Mazur confirmed. "You wasting away in that cell won't change that. This just ensures we now have more time to do what we need to without your execution looming over us."

"And what are you going to do exactly?"

"Prove that you're innocent. Or, well, that you didn't kill my aunt." Adrian pulled her away from her father, but, in my opinion, not nearly far enough to add, "I've known for a while you aren't all that innocent."

I looked at Abe, half in shock and half in fear that I would have to break up a fight between Rose's father and Rose's boyfriend, but he just laughed and glanced at me before brushing the comment aside as if it was nothing.

I just...I didn't know what to do. With any of this.

"What, are you guys going to destroy the evidence?" Rose seemed totally unconcerned with Adrian's blatant flirting in front of Abe.

"No," said Eddie, jumping in for the first time since we'd arrived at the car. "We have to find out who really did kill her."

Rose looked around at the others. "You guys shouldn't be involved with that, now that I'm free. It's my problem. Isn't that why you got me out?"

"It's a problem you can't solve while you're at Court." Rose looked back at her father as he continued, "We need you gone and safe."

' _Gone and safe…'_  I needed to get her out of her. I had promises to uphold.

"Yeah, but I -"

"We're wasting time arguing." I looked around once more before focusing on her. Opening the driver's side back door, I grabbed one of the two stakes stashed in a duffle bag. I would have preferred four, two for each of us, but this would have to do. I hesitated over giving Mikhail's back for a split-second, but we had already learned how damning a missing stake could be. I couldn't put him at risk, so I gave him his and took one of the new ones. I handed Rose the other and nodded towards the car, urging her to get in. We needed to go, and soon. "I know everything looks disorganized, but you'll be amazed at how quickly the guardians will restore order. And when they do, they're going to lock this place down."

"They don't need to." Her fingers ran through her hair while her teeth worried at her lip. "We're going to have trouble going out of Court. We'll be stopped - if we can even get up to the gate. There's going to be cars lined up for miles!"

"Ah, well...I have it on good authority there's going to be a new 'gate' opening up soon over on the south side of the wall." Abe pointed over towards it, and her eyes went wide.

"Oh Lord!" I had the urge to hush her again, but I knew it wouldn't be of much use. "You're the one who's been doling out the C-4!"

Abe looked almost offended. "You make it sound easy. That stuff is hard to get a hold of."

"All of you! Rose needs to leave now!" Hushing Rose really was of no use, because now I was the one raising my voice. "She's in danger. I'll drag her out of here if I have to."

"You don't have to go with me." She faced me with fire in her eyes, and I slammed the car door in reply. When I took a step to make good on my threat, she marched up to me until we were less than a foot apart and used her hand to literally push me back into place. "I'll take care of myself. No one else needs to get in trouble. Give me the keys."

She held her hand out, expectantly, but I just stared at it, pushed it aside, and leveled a look at her. She was being ridiculous, and I was pretty sure she knew it.

"Rose, I can't really get in any more trouble. Someone has to be responsible for helping you, and I'm the best choice."

"Go," A voice broke us up, and Eddie pulled her away. "We'll be in touch through Lissa."

She moved to Mikhail, too, whispering something to him as well. I kept glancing over her shoulder and around the garage, still waiting for our clock to run out and all hell to break loose.

My gaze passed over Adrian as he held his arms open. Rose instantly rushed into them, her head tucked into his chest. He placed a kiss in her hair, and then looked at me over their embrace.

I heard his words through his eyes. ' _Don't hurt her. Keep her safe. I love her.'_

When they pulled apart, he didn't quite let her go, kissing her forehead and then her lips, gently. I had to turn away. It seemed...intrusive...for me to be here. This wasn't something for me to witness, and I couldn't bear to.

"Adrian, thank you -"

"It's not goodbye, little dhampir. I'll see you in your dreams."

"If you stay sober enough." I could hear a little choke in her laugh.

Her sarcasm. His feigned nonchalance. They were both hurting.

"For you, I just might." His reply wasn't totally even either.

Their moment was cut short with a loud bang, the second in the past hour. A blast of air and more screaming came from where Abe had been pointing earlier.

"There! You see?" Abe smiled to himself. "A new gate. Perfect timing."

I opened the car door again and she (finally) seemed to understand the urgency. She hesitated when Abe reached for her, pulling her tight. I could barely hear his words over the shouting of others, but the look he gave her made me pause.

"Ah, my daughter. Eighteen, and already you've been accused of murder, aided felons, and acquired a death count higher than most guardians will ever see." He chuckled. "I couldn't be prouder."

And with that, the clock counting down on us finally reached zero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY! They're together again! It's Romitri from here on out folk! I know many of you were really looking forward to this scene and I hope you enjoyed the nice, long, and hopefully engaging chapter. I had fun writing it!
> 
> This week's Question of the Week: What's your dream car? I'd always been a fan of the '66 Mustang Convertable. Unfortunately, I suck at driving stick.
> 
> Thank you so much for the faves, follows, and reviews! (especially the reviews! OMG over 100 in two chapters? You guys are amazing) Please continue to share your thoughts with me. I love hearing from you guys! And, if you'd like, I'd love to chat with you on my facebook page. Link is in my bio!


	4. Chapter 4

"Rose!" Several guardians were now in sight, emerging from the chaos on the other side of the garage and finally catching sight of the fugitives they had been looking for. "It's time to go. Now! Come on!"

Nobody, not even Rose, protested this time. I slipped inside the car, slamming the door and slipping the key into the ignition the moment I saw Rose sitting next to me.

I started to quickly pull out, thankful that the others had somehow made themselves scarce. It wasn't my job to worry about them at this point. My job was getting Rose through that 'gate' and getting as much distance between us and Court as quickly as possible.

The tires squealed, desperately trying to get traction as I turned and sped towards the hole in the wall. Rose's body slammed into her door as the car fishtailed and slid across the smooth surface of the garage floor. I vaguely caught her glare as she reached for her seatbelt, but I ignored her. Though hard to spot, I could see a few of the guardians were only about 75 yards away - well within shooting range. One was already pulling his gun out despite a couple of civilians around him. That meant they were getting desperate to bring us in, and desperate men were much more dangerous than logical ones.

The flat surface of the garage quickly gave way to the rough, grassy area surrounding Court. I swerved to miss a larger bump in our path, and Rose reached for the armrest and dashboard to brace herself. She let out a hiss that probably would have turned into some sort of curse if I hadn't immediately swerved again to miss another obstacle.

"Why is our getaway car a Civic?" She asked over the sound of small rocks hitting the underside of the car. "It's not really great for off-roading."

"Because Civics are one of the most common cars out there and don't attract attention." I scanned the area for the road we were supposed to meet right about now, hoping that our estimates weren't off. The car wouldn't last forever in these driving conditions. "And this should be the only off-roading we do. Once we hit a freeway, we're putting as much distance between us and Court as we can - before abandoning the car, of course."

"Abandon-" She let it go and then yelped as we hit a larger bump. Thankfully, it was the crude divider between the field and the dirt road that I had been looking for. Another blast of dust and dirt swirled up around us as I turned towards our freedom. I punched the gas, thankful that I'd finally be able to kick up the speed without worrying about damage to the car. We needed to move fast, and a wrecked car less than a mile from Court wouldn't get us anywhere but an early grave.

I looked behind me, watching for another car to pick up on our trail. If they knew where to look, we wouldn't be hard to spot. With our speed, we were sending up a large cloud of dust to signal our every movement. I considered slowing down for half a second, but the debate was interrupted when Rose spoke.

"Look," She started, "Now that we're out of there, I want you to know that I mean it: you don't have to come with me. I appreciate your help in the escape. Really. But hanging out with me won't do you any favors. They'll be hunting for me more than you. If you take off, you can live somewhere around humans and not be treated like a lab animal." She barked out a short laugh. "You might even be able to slink back to Court. Tasha would put up a fight for you."

' _Not likely,'_  I thought. Tasha probably hated me about as much as Rose did. With good reason, too. Nearly killing someone's nephew wasn't something easily forgotten.

"I'm not leaving you," I assured her. "None of your Rose-logic arguments are going to work. And if you try to get away from me, I'll just find you."

"But why?" She hit her palm against the divider between us, grabbing my attention for just a moment before I turned back towards the road. "I don't want you with me!"

I gritted my teeth. It would be easier if this was some sort of simple, angry outburst, but I knew she was serious. She  _didn't_ want me with her. And why would she? Adrian was right. I had hurt her. He had made that clear. Even Vasilisa had made it painfully clear after that day in the Church. I had screwed up with her time and time again, and her seemingly eternal patience had run out.

"It doesn't matter what you want. Or what I want. Vasilisa asked me to protect you." It wasn't a complete lie. Vasilisa was one of many to ask me, despite the fact that I had volunteered for the position.

"Hey! I don't need anyone to -"

"And," I interrupted her, "I meant what I said to her. I swore I'd serve her and help her for the rest of my life. Anything she asks. If she wants me to be your bodyguard, then that's what I'll be." It was a low blow, using Vasilisa against her. Like me, she would do anything for the princess. Unlike me, she did it out of love, not debt. If using her love for Vasilisa was what it took to keep her safe, though, I'd do what I needed to do. It was vastly easier than trying to tell her the truth anyway: that I cared about keeping her safe just as much as anyone else. "There's no way you're getting rid of me anytime soon."

I glared at her, and she glared at me, each of us hoping the other would break. Unfortunately, I was supposed to be controlling a car, and when I skidded slightly and had to correct myself, I had unintentionally submitted. I glanced back towards her, but she had already turned away, with her arms crossed to close herself off from me.

"Keep your eyes on the road, Dimitri."

* * *

"I know what you're thinking."

She hadn't said anything in almost an hour. The radio was playing some song that I was completely unfamiliar with. I could hear Rose's fingers tapping along to the beat, but beyond that, she was quiet. It was all fairly unsettling. No matter how well our plan had gone (and it was almost miraculous how smoothly it had gone), watching her stare out the window, not speaking a word, put me a bit on edge. I was used to sarcasm, not silence. I could only imagine that she was either incredibly angry or devising some sort of plan. It was probably a bit of both, honestly, but I was banking on the idea that she was doing more plotting than seething at the moment. If she was some angry, ticking time bomb ready to blow at the smallest spark, I had just lit a match.

"Huh?"

I let out a long, grateful breath of relief. I had played my cards right. If she didn't start yelling immediately, then she probably wasn't going to do so.

"It won't work," I continued, poking the bear. Just hearing her voice had made the mood in the car seem a little less stifling, and I needed to keep her talking for my own sanity. "You're planning how to get away from me, probably when we eventually stop for gas. You're thinking maybe you'll have a chance to run off then."

She glared at me, confirming that I was spot on. She didn't tell me that, though. Instead, she threw her hands up and gestured around the car. "This is a waste of time!"

"Oh?" I scoffed. "You have better things to do than flee the people who want to lock you up and execute you?" When I saw her mouth open, an argument forming on her tongue, I added, "Please don't tell me again that this is too dangerous for me."

"It's about more than just you. Running away shouldn't be my only concern. I should be helping clear my name, not hiding in whatever remote place you're undoubtedly taking me to. The answers are at Court."

"And you have lots of friends at Court who will be working on that. It'll be easier on them if they know you're safe." Using actual logic against Rose-logic sometimes worked, but only on occasion. I didn't think the explanation fully satisfied her, but it at least pacified her...on that matter.

"What I want to know is why no one told me about this - or, I mean, why Lissa didn't. Why'd she hide it? Don't you think I'd have been more helpful if I'd been ready?"

"We did the fighting, not you." She wouldn't have been able to be a part of the plotting anyway, not actively at least, so it was up to us to plan and execute. "We were afraid if you knew, you might give away that something was up."

She whipped around in her seat. "I would have never told!"

"Not intentionally, no." I thought about how stressful it had been to act normally in the hours before the first blast. It had been practically impossible to keep Adams from suspecting anything, even with distractions around me. A few magazines in an isolated cell would have offered nothing to buffer her anticipation. "If you were tense or anxious...well, your guards can pick up on those kinds of things."

"Well, now that we're out, can you tell me where we're going? Was I right? Is it some crazy, remote place?"

I didn't answer. And not because I didn't want to. I just couldn't. She wasn't the only one who was missing some crucial information. Abe had decided some things were better hidden until we arrived at our next destination, 'just in case.' He didn't want to put one of our allies at risk if we were captured before we met up with them. I wouldn't tell her that, though.

"I hate not being in the loop."

I smirked at her pouted lip, keeping my eyes on the road to keep from laughing outright at her. "Well, I have my own personal theory that the more you don't know, the more your curiosity is likely to make sure you stick around with me."

"That's ridiculous." It was pretty darn close to reality if the way she crossed her arms and rolled her eyes was any indication. A second later, she covered her face with her hands and gave a frustrated growl. "When the hell did things get so out of control? When did you guys start being the masterminds? I'm the one who comes up with the wacky, impossible plans. I'm supposed to be the general here. Now I'm barely a lieutenant."

I was about to tell her to not sell herself short. I was about to tease her about who she thought we learned all this from. I was about to keep up this unusually familiar and refreshingly comfortable banter when something stopped me cold: a black Dodge Charger.

On its own, it wasn't incredibly suspicious. Plenty of people like Chargers, though many who own them prefer bright colors like red. Unfortunately, police (and guardians) like Chargers, too. They're great as unmarked vehicles, and they can go fast. Much faster than our little Honda.

And even worse, I had seen one the past three times I had looked back in the rearview mirror. It might have been a few cars back, but that was still more than enough to make me nervous.

"Дерьмо."

I had whispered it under my breath, but Rose's head still snapped up, and I realized she probably understood my curse. I was sure she had picked up a few words of Russian during her travels earlier this year, of course, but she no doubt gained a decent grasp on vulgarities because of me alone. I often chided her language, but I wasn't much better.

"What's wrong?" She had immediately taken on the same serious demeanor as me.

I changed lanes, watching the car behind us. Almost on cue, it moved over as well. Keeping some distance, but keeping a visual on us. There was no doubt in my mind now. "We have a tail. I didn't think it would happen this soon."

"Are you sure?" She turned to look back before I could tell her to hold tight. I cut sharply across the final lane, cutting off a minivan and nearly hitting the guardrail to make it to the nearby exit ramp. Without any warning beforehand, Rose had barely managed to stabilize herself against the dashboard without getting hurt, but the desperate maneuver hadn't worked. The Charger had also made the exit somehow. She noticed it too. She started repeating the same curse I had been using a moment ago, this time in English.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" She glanced back as if she hoped it would somehow disappear. I ran a yellow-nearly-red light in hopes of them getting caught up in cross traffic. No luck.

"Court must have gotten the word out pretty fast," I said, looking all around for a way to shake him. "They had someone watching the interstates."

"Maybe we should have taken the back roads."

I shook my head, though she hardly seemed convinced of her own suggestion. "Too slow. None of it would have been an issue once we switched cars, but they found us too soon. We'll have to get a new one here. This is the biggest city we'll hit before the Maryland border."

"What exactly is your plan to get a new car?" She gripped the overhead handle as she checked the mirrors behind us, watching the tail.

Finally, I spotted it. It would be a gamble, but a gamble was better than the certainty of death we were currently facing.

"Listen carefully." I chanced a glance towards her and made sure I had her full attention. "It's very, very important that you do exactly as I say. No improvising. No arguing. There are guardians in that car, and by now, they've alerted every other guardian around here - possibly even the human police."

"Wouldn't the police catching us create a few problems?"

"The Alchemists would sort it out and make sure we ended up back with the Moroi." That was hardly a pressing issue right now. We didn't need to worry about what happened if the police caught us. We needed to not be caught in the first place.

I hit another sharp turn, getting us that much closer to the neon that I was using as a beacon. "No matter what you think of the choices everyone's been making for you, no matter how unhappy you are with this situation, you know - I know you do - that I've never failed you when our lives were at stake. You trusted me in the past. Trust me now."

I had expected an answer quickly, but I didn't get one. That terrified me. Even with a car tailing us - perhaps more so with a car tailing us - the fact that she was hesitant to trust me was terrifying.

"Okay," she said, so quietly that I could hardly hear her over the traffic around us. "I'll do whatever you say. Just remember not to talk down to me. I'm not your student anymore. I'm your equal now."

I nearly hit the brakes when her words registered. Instead, I dodged another car and slowed just enough to look at her and realized that she was serious. I was stunned.

"You've always been my equal, Roza."

I wanted her to look at me. I wanted her to know that I was telling her the truth just as desperately as I wanted her to trust me and come out of this alive. She was my equal, and how she could ever think otherwise was unfathomable to me.

Unfortunately, she didn't look at me. She probably didn't believe me either. I didn't have the luxury of time to convince her, though, because it was time to take the leap from dangerous to deadly.

I pointed down the road a little towards a sign. "There. Do you see that movie theater sign?"

She leaned towards me to follow my finger. "Yes."

"That's where we're going to meet."

Her eyes went wide at the realization that we'd be separating, but true to her promise, she didn't argue.

"If I'm not there in a half hour, you call this number and go without me." I pulled a small white piece of paper, no bigger than a gum wrapper, out of my pocket and handed it to her. She looked at it, and then back at me.

Her eyes were still wide, but now her breathing had picked up, as well. Even with a car chasing us through the city, she had been confident and battle-ready. Now I was throwing her out on her own. I understood the sentiment, though. There was a part of me that felt unsettled losing her, too. I always felt better having her by my side.

"What do you mean if you're not - ah!"

I ran another red, turning sharply into traffic and thankfully losing our tail, even for just a few minutes. Hopefully, it would be just long enough.

I pulled into the mall across from the movie theater, passing several of the more prominent entrances and finding a quiet one next to a department store. I took the closest parking spot I could find, a handicap spot, and cut the engine. She was right behind me as I stepped out of the car and towards the store, and I managed to catch a glimpse of her stake as she slipped it into her jacket. I'd be much happier if she had a proper holster, but as long as she kept it close, I'd be happy.

"Here is where we split up." I looked for any cars searching the parking lot and felt some relief that I didn't see the black Charger. That relief sank like a stone when a voice in the back of my mind reminded me that just because it  _looked_ like nobody had seen us, that didn't necessarily  _mean_ that nobody was watching us. It might just mean that I didn't see  _them_.

"Move fast, but don't run when we're inside." I opened the door for her, letting her slip under my arm as the sound of shoppers started to drown out our conversation. "Don't attract attention. Blend in. Wind through it for a little bit, then get out through any exit but this one. Walk out near a group of humans and then head for the theater."

She nodded as I spoke, but paused at the threshold of the store. I watched her look around the open space filled with bright lights, clothing, and people, and waver in indecision. The part of me that had pushed her hard as an instructor wanted to chastise her for standing still when she needed to move. The other part of me that was facing all this alongside her understood the fear of facing something that we were both completely unprepared for. The mentor in me won out as I pressed her forward towards the escalators to the second level. "Go!"

My hand burned as she moved away, as if it could feel the dreadful realization I did - she was out of my reach now. I stayed near that entrance long enough to watch her disappear from my view.

Then I disregarded absolutely everything I had just told her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If my editor, Kelly, is any indication, I might need to say a quick apology for the cliffhanger-ish ending. You know I don't tend to do them often, and I hope the rest of the chapter was worth it. I promise to make it up to you guys (*muah*).
> 
> I also want to give a big shout out to Coral97 who is now translating these stories into Portuguese. She, along with a few other amazing translators, have helped make this series available to so many more readers. If you are interested in translating these stories, please contact me. 
> 
> The question of the day: If you were watching the Super Bowl today, who were you rooting for and what was your favorite commercial. (Eagles and Tide commercials for me)
> 
> Thanks for reading and I really appreciate everyone who had read, shared, and reviewed. You guys are awesome. Make sure you join me and other readers on the facebook page and check out my tumblr page for a fun announcement later this week (especially if you are a writer!)


	5. Chapter 5

I glanced one more time towards the barely visible escalator where I had left Rose and fought the urge to run inside to find her. My job was securing the next getaway car, and I had to do it fast. Instead of going to a different mall entrance and possibly drawing one of our pursuers towards her by accident, I rushed towards another section of the parking lot. There was a small chain restaurant adjacent to the mall, and it had more than enough cars to choose from. Even better, it didn't seem to have any security cameras.

I was on the edge of the lot when I heard a car moving towards me. I slipped slowly behind one of the parked cars, head down and as casually as possible, pausing by the driver's side door. The car sped past me and cut down another aisle of the lot without slowing enough to notice me among the shadows. I was some distance away, thankfully, but I could see several other cars rushing towards our now abandoned vehicle, and I watched as a group of men, presumably guardians, stormed into the mall with several others taking off around the perimeter, most likely to shut off some of the other entrances. At least one or two started making their way amongst the cars surrounding our old Honda, signaling my time to move again.

Just like Rose had done only a few minutes ago, part of me wavered. I knew what I needed to do, but I also wanted to go rushing back to find her. I wanted to save her. I wanted to be absolutely sure she was okay.

' _I'm your equal, now.'_

Her words were just as shocking now as they had been when she had said them.

Was I really so controlling that I needed to manage every single action she made? Did I really not trust her to take care of herself? I knew better than anyone that she was more than capable of defending herself.

But with so much on the line, so much that I hadn't trained her for, I couldn't help but worry. This wasn't an enemy either of us were used to. One moment of hesitation and she would be back in that cell – or worse. She had hesitated before…

I couldn't though. I couldn't get anywhere close to that building without putting both of us in danger. I had to stick to the plan.

I walked through the cars, trying hard to look inconspicuous as I glanced into windows of some of the most common models. Many car owners were lazy in taking the simple safety precaution of locking their car, and all I needed was that 'lock' toggle to be off so I could open the door without the worry of an alarm.

Finally, I found one. A few rows from the back there was a small, older model Honda Accord. Dark navy blue. It was a pretty easy color to misidentify at night. I tested the handle and it clicked easily without a blaring alarm. I tried to slip into the front seat but had to step out to adjust it back. I couldn't imagine how short the woman was (or I assumed it was a woman, from the pink cup in the cupholder that had "maid of honor" printed across the front), but it was impossible for me to get in with how it was currently set. Once I was settled with the seat as far back as possible, I popped the cover off of the steering column.

Several sets of wires spilled out. It had been a long time since I had done this, and I kept replaying the memories over and over in my mind, doubting and reassuring myself in turn that I had the method right as I started unlocking wires from the harness connector. Battery, ignition, starter. It would be much easier with wire cutters and electrical tape, but I had to use what I could. A quick rifling through her center console revealed quite a bit of junk, but it also gave me a pair of nail clippers, a metal hair clip, and a rubber band. It wasn't much, but it was enough.

It hadn't been my proudest moment, learning how to hotwire a car from a friend back in Baia, but life had been coming fast at seventeen. The thought of handing my life over to someone else, even if it was my best friend Ivan, had left me trying to fit in as much of my own life into that short year as possible. Not all of it was completely legal. I had assumed my friend and I would be taking his parents' car when he suggested going to a party in the next town over. I didn't realize that we'd be taking a stolen one. It didn't stop me from going with him, though. It also didn't stop me from learning exactly how to connect wires just right if I ever found myself in a car without a key. The look Yeva gave me after we were arrested did keep me from ever doing it again, though. Until tonight.

Thankfully, it started. I took another deep breath, releasing just a bit of tension. Apparently, that was the theme of the night: a constant balance of just how tight we could stretch the string of fear and anxiety without breaking it, then letting it relax just to pull it tighter a moment later.

A car alarm blared to life nearby and my head shot up. I couldn't see anything around me, but I felt the hair on the back of my neck rise as the siren continued to shriek. Looking at the car's clock, I saw that there was only about five minutes until the moment Rose and I were supposed to be meeting up. The movie theater wasn't too far away and I prayed that Rose was already there.

Then the question came….

What if she's not there?

I didn't want to think about it, but it was a reality. There was a chance Rose might not be there. And if she wasn't, I didn't know what I'd do.

No. I did. I'd search the mall. I'd watch the guardians, follow them, and challenge them all by myself if it meant that she had a chance of escaping. That's what I had promised and that's what I'd do.

But she'd be there. She had to be.

Except, she wasn't.

I drove by, exactly one-half hour after I had left her at that doorway, and I didn't see her among the people moving in and out of the theater. I didn't see her between the cars in the parking lot. I didn't see her anywhere near the spot we had promised to meet up.

My foot hit the accelerator for a moment, immediately pulling off of it as a couple turned towards me and the sound of the car revving. I had told her to leave without me if I didn't show up, but I couldn't do the same. I couldn't leave her.

I turned back towards the mall, passing by a few of the entrances before putting my life in my own hands and moving toward the car we had just abandoned. The black Charger was pulled up next to it, along with two other cars. Several guardians were milling about, and I wouldn't have been surprised if there were people covering every single exit to watch for either Rose or me leaving. For all I knew, she was just out of my reach behind those glass doors. Thankfully, she didn't seem to be in their custody. Guardians were still scattered about, actively searching. One was probably within a stone's throw of me. If they had actually found her, they'd already be working on getting her to Court. Rose had been right when she said that they'd be hunting her more than me. I was sure someone would still come looking for her accomplice, but there wouldn't be nearly this much manpower searching for us unless she was still at large.

When I started heading towards the theater again, I spotted something unusual - a car with its alarm blaring intermittently. For all I knew, it was the same one from earlier. Perhaps that wasn't too strange since car alarms can occasionally go off on their own, but a man passed out next to a car with an active alarm certainly set off a few bells inside my mind. If a guardian spotted this (or any  _other_ guardian, because I was fairly certain that the man on the ground was a guardian himself) they would have a clear sign that one of us had been here.

And if it wasn't me….

The car lurched forward towards the theater again.

There! She looked disheveled from her fight, enough so that more than one person was giving her curious looks as she glanced around the lot.

"Rose!"

The moment she heard me, she ran towards the car, dodging two teenage boys who turned to stare at her as she passed. She didn't even see them though. Instead, she looked just as relieved to see me as I was to see her. Part of me wanted to pause time, get out of the car, check every inch of her to make sure she wasn't harmed, and then just touch her to make sure she was really real. We didn't have the luxury of time, though, so the moment she was in the car, it was time to go. I was hitting the gas before her car door was even closed.

We were on the highway again before our breathing returned to normal. I knew it had nothing to do with fitness and everything to do with fear and adrenaline. I could run a full marathon and not feel as exhausted as I did right at that moment. From the look of it, she felt about the same. Neither of us spoke, but I took small glances at her between watching the road in front of us and the cars behind us. Her hands were still shaking, even twenty minutes later, despite her attempts at stilling them.

"Is there anyone behind us?" She finally broke the silence.

"It doesn't look like it." I glanced back again, worried that I might have somehow jinxed us by simply saying that. "It'll take them a while to figure out what car we're in."

My words seemed to calm her a little, enough for her to actually relax into her seat and look around. I tensed when she suddenly sat up again.

"Did you hotwire this car? Did you  _steal_ this car?"

I stopped her hand as she began to reach out for the cables tucked under the steering wheel. While I had the starter cable stashed far enough out of reach that it wouldn't be a danger to either of us, accidentally disconnecting the battery and ignition would stall us out in the middle of the highway.

"You have an interesting set of morals. Breaking out of jail is okay, but steal a car and you sound totally outraged." Actually, for half a second she sounded impressed and even curious, which was far worse, in my opinion.

"I'm more surprised than outraged." Suddenly the outrage, curiosity, surprise, and everything else seemed to drain away. "I was afraid… well, for a moment there, I was afraid you weren't coming. That they'd caught you or something."

I knew the feeling. I didn't dare tell her that though, and if I looked at her, I knew it would be written all over my face. I didn't want her to know just how afraid I had been, too.

"No," I said, staring firmly out the window and passing another car as I tried to put those fears behind us. "Most of my time was spent sneaking out and finding a suitable car."

There was a few more minutes of silence.

"You didn't ask what happened to me." Her voice was quiet, but the annoyance was clear.

"Don't need to. You're here. That's what counts."

"I got in a fight."

"I can tell," I nodded towards her arm. "Your sleeve is ripped."

Her arm cupped the tear and she let out a small growl. At least the rip annoyed her more than I did. "You don't want to know anything about the fight?"

"I already know," I answered matter-of-factly. "You took down your enemy. You did it fast, and you did it well. You're just that good."

And she really was. I knew it. Without question, I knew she was 'just that good' and yet I had doubted her. But I had been worried, right? I had been afraid for her. That fear justified my worry, and that worry justified my desire to make sure she was okay. She had worried when I wasn't at the meeting point when she got there. That was the same thing, right?

I wanted to ask if she had been worried about me – before not finding me at the meeting point, that is. As hypocritical as it was, especially considering the way I had just brushed her off, I wanted to know if that worry had been as much of a distraction to her as my own worry had been to me.

I didn't get a chance to ask though because her expression threw me off. She looked...pleased with herself. It took me a moment to realize why, but when I did, it hit me in the gut. She was pleased because of what I had said. I had given a simple, honest compliment on her ability to fight, and she was beaming because she thought I was proud of her.

I  _was_  proud of her, of course, but I was also stunned. Did she think that I not only saw her as unequal, but somehow inferior? Like she needed my validation?

"Okay. So what now, General?" Her question pulled me out of my own thoughts. "Don't you think they'll scan reports of stolen cars and get our license plate number?"

I shrugged. "Likely. But by then, we'll have a new car - one they won't have any clue about."

"How are you pulling that off?"

"We're meeting someone in a few hours."

When I offered no other information, she crossed her arms with a huff. "Damn it. I really hate being the last one to know about everything."

* * *

"You shouldn't put your feet on the dashboard like that."

She rolled her eyes but took her feet down.

"Sorry, it's just…if we get in a crash you'll likely have your legs broken or worse."

I heard her laugh under her breath. "Are you planning on crashing?"

"Of course not. But still, you never know."

She sighed and leaned her head against the glass, looking away from me again.

Ever since my realization an hour or so earlier, I hadn't been able to think about much else. We engaged in little bits of small talk here and there, but it was all short lived and none of it came close to that strange almost-familiar banter we had been in before the disaster at the mall. Rose had even allowed me to change the radio to a station that favored older 80's to 90's music, rather than the newer stuff, without argument. That probably wasn't quite as strange as her actually singing along to some of them, albeit quietly, but none of it was enough to take my mind off the idea that she truly felt inferior to me. Or that she thought I felt that way. "Do you really think I don't see you as an equal?"

Her head popped up, and she looked at me like I had somehow sprouted wings. "Seriously? How is that even a question?"

"Yes! I'm serious." The highway was almost dead this time of night, with nothing but the moon in the sky to witness our conversation. Perhaps that feeling of privacy allowed me to ask her so openly and frank.

"Dimitri, I've always been your student." She didn't sound argumentive, or even upset really. She just said it as if it was a given fact. Resigned. As if it was the way the world was and it was no use trying to change things anymore. "If I wasn't your student then I was, I don't know, a child in your eyes or something."

"A child? Rose, I cared about you. You were my…" What? Girlfriend? Lover?

She looked at me expectantly, but when I didn't answer – couldn't answer – she laughed sharply. "Exactly. And even then, you were the one...experienced-"

"You can't hold that against me," I said, cutting her off quickly.

"I'm not! I'm not. I'm just saying that we were on uneven footing that night and it showed."

I hated to admit it, but in all honesty, she was right; in some ways, we had been. There was no denying that I had been a little more sure of myself because it wasn't my first time. I had been the one to reassure her and ease her a little when she seemed overwhelmed.

In some ways though, we had been  _very_  equal in that little cabin. It had been staggering to actually feel that much emotion for someone. It had left me off balance and even nervous. It had been terrifying to know that I had nearly lost her just minutes before, and even more terrifying to think how easy it might be to lose her again. And then I did… I did lose her. Or she lost me. Or we lost each other.

But before that, before everything fell apart, I honestly thought things were finally coming together for us. Maybe I had been too wrapped up in how I loved her and (how I) could finally accept and admit it fully, that I didn't realize how blind I was to everything else. Maybe it was egotistical, but I had truly believed, at that moment, all those little differences between us didn't mean anything because it was just her and me and that was all that mattered. Perhaps I had been wrong.

"Was it that bad? Did my...guidance...really feel so belittling?"

A few minutes of silence must have passed because she shifted in her seat and frowned. "Are we still talking about this?" Despite the heat blasting into the car, she wrapped the pink jacket she had pulled from the back seat tighter around her and bit her lip. When I didn't answer or let her out of the question, she sighed.

"Fine. No. Not really. I probably needed help." She turned away, but I caught the blush that crawled up her cheeks. I almost told her that she had been doing well on her own but she continued, "I don't need your help now, Dimitri. I don't always need you to hold my hand. I don't need you to protect me from everything."

"I don't -"

She put her feet back up on the dashboard and gave me that look, the one that dared me to argue with her.

Instead, I bit my tongue and let the silence linger, no matter how awkward, and no matter how much my thoughts continued to plague me for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we know how Dimitri learned how to hotwire a car! Also...now I know how to hotwire a car. I had fun coming up with theories as to why and how Dimitri might have learned this fun trick (especially since Mead gives us NOTHING on the matter) but I like the thought that Rose and Dimitri are alike in many ways. For me, it doesn't seem so strange to think that Dimitri might have faced some of the same issues that Rose had when it came to her last year in school and being able to "have fun" before growing up and taking on such an all-consuming and life-threatening job. Rose rebelled quite a bit, perhaps Dimitri did too on occasion.
> 
> Question for the week: Do you put your feet up on the dashboard like Rose? Or do you follow Dimitri's advice and stay safe?
> 
> I mentioned last week that I have a fun project coming up and because you guys are amazing readers, YOU get to learn about it a day before it's announced to everyone else. I, along with almost a dozen different authors, will be presenting a collection of Vampire Academy Fanfics inspired by DISNEY! Yep, Vampire Academy is doing Disney folks! VAfiction (my VA tumblr account, which is linked in my bio) is sponsoring the project and you can expect these stories to start popping up on that page around April 1st. While authors will be posting these stories on their individual fanfic pages, the VAfiction tumblr page is going to be the best place to read (AND SHARE!) them all. If you are an author who would like to join in on the project, just say so in your comment and I'll send you more information.
> 
> Just to get you excited, we already have people working on stories for Snow White, Robin Hood, Mulan, Cinderella, Alice in Wonderland, and more! What other Disney stories would you be interested in seeing get the VA treatment?
> 
> Thanks for reading and reviewing. I hope you have a great week!


	6. Chapter 6

The sun had risen fully over the mountains by the time I saw the exit I had been told to take: Roanoke, Virginia.

"Rose, wake up." I reached over to the passenger seat and nudged her shoulder.

Rose stirred from under her makeshift blanket and immediately gripped her stake, looking around until she saw me and relaxed. She yawned, squinted at the green sign ahead, and whispered the name of our exit like a question. When she caught me glancing back a few seconds later, she did as well. We hadn't picked up another tail. Up until a few hours ago, the highway had been practically deserted, but this was the last place we'd want someone to spot us. It would be better for us to drive by the little town than to lead someone to our contact here.

I could see her body come fully back to life the moment she saw the giant, golden 'M' in the sky. "I don't suppose that this is a food break?" The fast 'food' place was less than a mile away from the off-ramp, and I had a sneaking suspicion that if I told her 'no,' she would open the car, take a dive, and run the rest of the way herself.

"This," I said, pulling into the parking lot and looking for the car that Abe had described to me before we left, "is where we catch our next ride."

In the back corner, there was a black Honda CR-V with Louisiana plates. There was a blonde woman standing with it, but I didn't recognize her. Not that I thought I would. Apparently though, Rose did.

She had her the door open and feet on the asphalt before I could even slip the car into park. "Sydney?"

I paused, half in and half out of the car myself, and with my hand still on the handle, when the woman turned and I saw a quick flash of gold reflect off her cheek. I nearly ran to snatch Rose, throw her back in the car, and book it out of there. Surely Mr. Mazur wouldn't have contacted an Alchemist to be our accomplice. This had to be a set up somehow.

That protective urge only intensified when I saw her reach for something hidden from my view. I started rushing towards Rose, only to stop when I saw the woman lift up a brown paper bag. "Hey, Rose. Figured you'd be hungry."

Rose ran towards her and threw her arms around the poor girl, who looked at a loss with the enthusiastic greeting. I hardly knew the relationship between the two, or how Rose would have come to know an Alchemist in the first place, but honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised if half the greeting was because she now had someone other than me to deal with. It was a coin flip between that or the fact that she was currently brandishing some french fries. And while the Alchemist (or Sydney, apparently) seemed to accept her greeting after a moment of surprise, the way she watched me was a firm reminder that she still had a healthy fear of our species in general.

Rose made some introductions, and I allowed her to offer her hand first, not wanting to pressure her past whatever comfort level she had dealing with our kind. She did so with some hesitation but pulled away as quickly as she could while still maintaining a socially acceptable and professional reputation.

"We should go." Her words were decidedly more cool with me than they were with our little convict. She turned and opened the driver's door of our new car before either Rose or I could object — not that either of us would.

Without any other option, I opened the front passenger door for Rose and urged her inside.

"You're taller," she protested, giving a standard excuse that many people gave in this situation.

"I'm fine," I said, nudging her shoulder a little until she shrugged and slipped in, mumbling something about me under her breath.

When I slipped into the back seat, Sydney's shoulders relaxed.

"What the hell?" Rose laughed, leaning over to tap on the 'H' logo on the steering wheel before Sydney stepped in. "Is this daring escape being sponsored by Honda?" Nobody answered, so she offered another question as the car started. "Are we going to New Orleans?"

Sydney quickly turned to back out and ended up face to face with me. Her eyes went wide in alarm for a moment before I shifted a little so she could see around me and she answered, "No. We're going to West Virginia."

As soon Sydney pulled out of the parking spot and said those words, Rose's face replaced hers. Her eyes were wide in shock as well, but it certainly wasn't for the same reason. I shrugged. It was all news to me. I knew some general information, but Sydney was the one who knew where we were going next.

"I assume by 'West Virginia,' you actually mean 'Hawaii', or someplace equally exciting."

"Honestly, I think you're better off avoiding excitement right now." She smirked at Rose before frowning a moment when the GPS gave us a turn that she didn't seem to agree with. She followed it anyway. "And West Virginia's actually really pretty."

"Why are you helping us?"

I leaned in a little closer, eager to hear the answer to Rose's question.

When Sydney spoke to Rose, she was warm and friendly. When she had to speak to me, she was cool and wary. Her next words were frigid and bitter. "Why do you think?"

"Abe." Even without him present, and even from his daughter's lips, his name seemed to chill the car a little.

Her head fell back hard against the headrest. "I'm really starting to wonder if New Orleans was worth it."

I probably shouldn't have been so impressed, especially since it was obviously a touchy subject with our driver, but it was hard not to be a little amazed at just how much reach that man had. It went far beyond acquiring explosives. He apparently had enough reach to authorize a change of post for an Alchemist. That group hardly cooperated with Moroi royalty unless absolutely necessary, but somehow he still had connections and could twist things to bend them to his way whenever he needed to.

It wasn't as if I was a fool when it came to understanding just how powerful money, fear, and favors could be. I had based my own little empire on them not too long ago. However, I had been a sledgehammer when it came to welding those weapons. Zmey used a scalpel to make fine, barely noticeable, and still potentially lethal wounds in his victims. He'd cut a deal that managed to benefit him just a little more than you. He'd pay just enough to keep mouths quiet while keeping plenty to stay ahead of the game. And if all else failed, he'd slice into your very heart and find your deepest fear, just so he could exploit it and leave you bending to his will at the barest hint of what he could do to you. It didn't matter if he was actually able to carry out those threats, you were so terrified that he just might find a way to do so, that you willingly fell in line and obeyed.

"Okay," Rose pressed. "So why are we going to West Virginia?"

Sydney began to answer, but I jumped in, making her recoil a little. "Not yet."

"I am so sick of this!" Rose turned on me again, pointing her finger in accusation. "We have been on the run for hours now, and I still don't know all the details. I get that we're staying away from the guardians, but are we seriously going to West Virginia? Are we going to make some cabin our base of operation? Like, one on the side of a mountain that doesn't have plumbing?"

Sydney sighed and I held back my own. "Do you actually know anything about West Virginia?"

' _Probably about as much as she knows about Siberia,'_  I thought. Then my mind caught up with me. ' _Or thought she had known…before.'_

I closed my eyes, counting several breaths in and out. Every single train of thought somehow brought me back to those memories. There was no escaping them. I doubted that I could if I tried, and even if that was somehow possible, it was  _just_ as bad to do so and pretend that it never happened.

"You know we've been set up, right?" Rose spoke softly. "We didn't really do anything."

' _Besides blow up a statue, break you out of prison, attack guardians, and evade arrest.'_  I mentally added to Rose's insistence. It probably wasn't a good idea to mention everything we actually had done. ' _Oh! And I hotwired and stole someone's car.'_

It wasn't until Rose continued, almost pleading, that I realized how worried she was. "They say I killed the queen, but -"

"I know," Sydney interrupted. "I've heard all about it. All the Alchemists know about it. You two are at the top of our most wanted list." She glanced in the rearview mirror, looking directly at me for a moment. ' _I know all about you, too,'_  that stare seemed to say.

"I didn't do it," Rose insisted. I wished I could say the same.

"You should eat your food before it gets cold." Sydney nodded towards the bag, still keeping her hands firmly on the wheel.

The reminder triggered something in Rose, changing her priorities in an instant. After digging through the bag a little, she pulled out one of the burgers and bit into it with a satisfied hum, smiling at the greasy mess in front of her before setting it aside just long enough to pass me one of the others that had also been hidden inside. "You want one? Gotta keep up your strength."

I hesitated taking it. I was long past the days of binging on burgers and fries with my friends, but watching Rose enjoy such a simple pleasure in the midst of all this made the meal so much more appealing. She almost looked excited, and perhaps a little vindicated, when I finally reached for it. Still, she didn't take her eyes off me until I actually took a bite. Like a parent withholding dessert until a child finished dinner, she nodded with approval and offered some fries as a prize. I laughed under my breath when she finally seemed convinced that I would eat and eventually went back to her own meal. I wasn't surprised in the least, however, when she still managed to finish before me. I was well aware of her obsession with french fries and didn't think twice about offering the rest of mine as soon as I saw her eat the last one out of her own box. The smile she gave me for the 'sacrifice' was worth so much more anyways.

I bundled up the trash and slipped it by my feet. There were also two backpacks down there. I didn't bother asking before unzipping one, knowing that they were either for us, or absolutely nothing of consequence and I could simply ignore their contents. Or, if they were something I couldn't ignore (because, despite Rose's trust or Abe's hold over Sydney, I still had my apprehensions), I'd have a few more pieces to this puzzle and could make an escape plan.

Thankfully, it was just a bundle of clothing. Specifically, women's clothing. I lifted it over the seat and let it fall into Rose's lap. "I think this is for you."

She started rifling through the backpack as I began looking through my own bag. It was significantly larger, but perhaps I was holding on to a few items that could be shared between the two of us.

"Shorts, shirts, and a dress?" She looked up at Sydney aghast. "I can't fight in these. I need jeans."

I glanced up and silently agreed with her. They'd be terrible to fight in. Beggars couldn't be choosers though.

"That's gratitude for you," Sydney said with a shake of her head. "This happened kind of fast. There was only so much I could put together."

Besides, she shouldn't be fighting at all. We'd be lying low, and she could do that in shorts just fine. I pushed a few of the toiletries from my pack to the side and felt some thick leather. I had just started pulling it out, recognizing the feel of it immediately, when Rose blurted from the front seat.

"A duster!? You managed to get him a duster, but you couldn't find me a pair of jeans?"

The opposite was probably closer to the truth; she hadn't managed to find her a pair of jeans  _because_ she found me a duster. Either way, I couldn't help smiling. I always felt a little odd to be without my own, and mine had been left behind in the escape. While this one certainly wasn't broken it like my old one had been, but it did fit pretty well.

"Abe said it was essential," Sydney replied, apparently unfazed by Rose's outburst. "Besides, if all goes like it's supposed to, you won't be doing any fighting." I smirked, gratified, at the way she had mirrored my earlier thought.

BREAK

Rose slipped into Lissa's mind at least once during the next three hours of our trip. Part of me wanted to ask if she had learned anything about the happenings at Court, but I would rather do that when we both had a little privacy and rest. I knew that the past few hours had been a flurry of activity, and trying to discuss every detail now, while we were both tired and a bit shaken up, would only lead to misinformation and confusion.

Instinct urged me to try and sleep on the trip while I could, but I resisted. Part of it was because I didn't want to leave Sydney vulnerable while Rose wasn't fully aware of her surroundings, and there was certainly a bit of nervous energy that kept me checking for tails and other possible dangers even though I knew the threat was minuscule. Of course, there was also Sydney herself, and the power she had to turn us in when and if she decided to. It was another reason I wanted to wait to discuss things with Rose privately. I wanted the full story about their relationship.

However, the biggest reason I stayed awake, despite my fatigue, was stubbornness. I didn't need to rest. We'd be able to rest at the safe house. I'd have almost nothing to do  _but_ rest there. Sydney had managed to slip two books into my pack, but with nothing else to really occupy my time, I'd probably have them finished within a day. Maybe two if I was careful and paced myself.

Suddenly rest seemed like the last thing I needed. Or wanted.

I had missed the name of whatever town we finally stopped at. The entire place had seemed like nothing more than a proverbial speed bump as we moved through the interstate, so it had been inconsequential to me until we started to turn off the main road. We slowed to a measly twenty miles per hour before pulling into what seemed like two of the three biggest attractions in the place. We pulled up to a place simply named MOTEL, which shared a lot with DINER, and was just down the street from BAR. At least it was easy to remember the names of everything. Eventually, we'd need to find STORE, but we were okay for now.

I stretched my arms out fully the moment I was out of the car. While it wasn't the smallest car I had ever been in, being stuck in any car for hours on end tended to have a claustrophobic effect on me. Sydney was far ahead of us, nearly inside the lobby, by the time Rose and I started moving freely again. She seemed as tired and sore as I was, and I was grateful that she'd probably put up little fight in resting here - for tonight, at least.

I made a quick note of the three false names we had been checked-in under and followed Sydney down the hall. The motel, in addition to its very generic name, had a very generic style to it. If you tried to describe it, you'd probably be describing over half of the one or two-star hotels in the entire country. It was exactly what we needed: clean, fairly comfortable, and hidden.

We came to a stop outside one of the rooms when Sydney turned sharply around to face us. I jolted to a stop before I ended up running into her, but Rose stumbled a bit and had to catch herself on the wall. Apparently, the crazy day had ruined both of our typically quick reaction times.

Sydney dangled a single key in front of her, holding it out for one of us. I reached out, letting it fall into my palm with a little clink, but the implication of what it meant felt like the thud of a boulder falling on top of me. I desperately tried to will away what was about to happen, but I knew it was useless.

"We're not all staying together?" I nearly choked at Rose's question. She was  _almost_  right.

Sydney turned to walk away but looked back with a smile. "Hey, if you guys get caught, I don't want to be anywhere near you. I'll still be nearby, though. We'll talk in the morning."

My earlier realization finally hit Rose with full force, and she whipped her head around towards me. "We're sharing a room?"

I nodded as Sydney waved back at us and called over her shoulder. "All the better to defend yourselves!"

* * *

One key, one room, one bathroom, one television, one microwave, one small refrigerator, and one...bed. Thankfully there was also one chair, even if it was going to be hell on my body tonight.

For a moment, I considered asking the front office for a cot, but the less they saw my face, the better. I could stick it out. If it really was too much, then I'd acknowledge defeat in the morning and have Sydney request one for our room. If they even had one, that was.

I locked the door the moment we stepped in, tossing my backpack on the ground next to the dresser that also served as the television stand. I'd unpack tomorrow. Right now, despite all the sitting we had done today, and my internal protesting, I just wanted to rest. When I fell back into the chair, I was disappointed to find it was just as uncomfortable as I had thought it might be. It would be a rough night, but I'd find a way. Unfortunately, until Rose was asleep, I'd have to stay awake.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, bouncing a little and letting her palms rub over the busy looking red, blue, and tan bedspread. I was so ready to collapse headfirst into that, no matter how ugly it looked. But I couldn't. Stupid chair.

"What now?" She asked after a small silence.

"Now we wait." I glanced at the clock. It had only been twelve minutes since I had locked the door between us and the outside world. She was already getting antsy. I couldn't blame her honestly. It was going to be a long wait. "For Lissa and the others to clear your name and find out who killed the queen."

She stared at me. Just stared at me as if I was going to give something, anything, else. When all I had to offer was silence, her expression slowly morphed from expectant, to confused, to furious.

"What are we going to  _do_?" She demanded. The bedspread crumpled in her hands as her voice grew harsh. "How are we going to help them?"

I rubbed at the growing ache behind my forehead and sighed, though it may have been partially a yawn at that point. "We told you earlier: You can hardly go looking for clues at Court. You need to stay away. You need to stay safe."

"What, and this is it?" She twisted and threw her hands up wildly, gesturing around the room. "This is where you're stashing me? I thought...I thought there was something here. Something to help."

"It is helping. Sydney and Abe researched this place and decided it was out of the way enough to avoid detection."

"Okay, Comrade." She jumped up and paced the length of the bed before turning on me again. "There's one serious problem here with your logic. You guys keep acting like me staying out of the way is helping."

What did she want from me? "What's a serious problem is us repeating this conversation over and over. The answers to who murdered Tatiana are at Court, and that's where your friends are. They'll figure this out." I tugged at my hair, hard enough that the tie pulled out and fell into my hand. There was a small release of pressure as l rubbed at my scalp, but a second later, I was instinctively binding my hair up again.

"I didn't just get in a high-speed chase and jump state lines to hole up in some crappy motel! How long are you planning on 'staying out of the way' here?"

And I had? I didn't want to be here, either. I wanted her safe, of course, but being holed up in a little room with Rose for who knows how long wasn't exactly a vacation for me. Especially when she insisted on acting out - like we were the ones to blame for her arrest rather than the ones who had kept her from being executed.

"As long as it takes." I crossed my arms and rocked back in the chair, holding my ground against her tirade. I wasn't going to let her get to me. "We have the funds to stay here indefinitely."

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "I probably have enough spare change in my pocket to stay here indefinitely! But that's not happening. I have to do something. I won't just take the easy way out and sit around."

"Surviving isn't as easy as you think."

"Oh, God. You've been hanging out with Abe, haven't you? You know, when you were Strigoi, you told me to stay away from him. Maybe you should take your own advice…"

Her pacing stopped immediately and her words faded like the wind - or crappy A/C, rather - had stolen them away. Her eyes shut tight in a grimace and her head dipped low. She didn't turn to face me though. Maybe she couldn't. I still couldn't face those memories properly...why should she be forced to do so?

When she spoke, it was soft. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean…" Her pity was just slightly better than her accusations.

"We're done discussing this." I knew my words were sharp, but if that's what was needed, then so be it. I also dredged up the same argument that had silenced her earlier. If she wouldn't listen to me, perhaps she'd listen to Vasilisa and accept her wishes. I even attempted to appeal to her by using her nickname for the princess, in hopes of softening her just a little more. The informal name seemed wrong on my lips when I owed her so much more respect, but if it kept Rose here… "Lissa says we're staying here, so we're staying here."

Her jaw locked and her breathing went from a simmer to a boil inside of her. My attempt at placating her had backfired and triggered the total opposite effect. "That's why you're doing this? Because Lissa told you to?"

I was done. I was tired. I was honestly a little beaten down. And I was just on the edge of snapping at her in my frustration of it all. Perhaps that's why, instead of backtracking, I recklessly charged ahead. "Of course. I swore I'd serve and help her."

And that's when the rope that was barely holding both of us together snapped.

"Forget it." She rushed towards the door. "I am not staying here."

She had the chain off by the time I was out of the chair, but before she could reach for the bolt, I pulled her hand away, trapping her wrist in my palm and slamming her against the door. It thudded, not only with the force of her body, but also with the sound of her head hitting it. She grimaced a little but met my stare with fury a moment later.

"You are staying here," I growled, tightening my grip a little on her wrist to emphasize my point, "whether you like it or not."

I could hear it in my voice - that demon wanting to come out. Part of me wanted to let her go so she could escape me, but in a cruel twist of fate, she was in more danger if she left than she would be trapped in this damned room with me.

I waited for her to hear that same horror that had haunted her before. I waited for her to sense that fear that she should from a man — a monster — like myself. I waited for her to recoil in fear. And, as much as I hated myself for it, I waited, expected, and hoped for her submission and defeat.

She didn't give it though. She gave me a painful knee to the stomach instead. It was enough to shock me out of my grip and allow her a moment of escape. She was able to get the bolt open this time, but I had her arms again a second later.

Instead of making the same mistake twice and leaving her limbs open to hit me inside my wingspan where I was at a disadvantage (just like I had taught her when combating a larger opponent), I turned the tables and threw her onto the bed, stomach first, and used my own body to immobilize her. She bucked up against me, unwilling to give up the fight and I pulled one of her arms behind her back, pressing down on the shoulder so that she felt a little pain and would hopefully stop fighting me so hard. She retaliated by kicking me in the shin.

"Stop this," I hissed against her ear, ducking away just before she tried to head-butt me. "Be reasonable for once. You can't get past me."

"I'm not the one being unreasonable! You're the one caught up in some noble promise that makes no sense. And I know you don't like to sit out of the action any more than I do. Help me. Help me find the murder and do something useful." Somewhere in her rant, she had stopped struggling, but I wasn't stupid enough to let her go. I did let off her shoulder a little though.

"I don't like sitting around, but I also don't like rushing into an impossible situation!"

She laughed and looked over her shoulder with a smirk. "Impossible situations are our specialty." A moment later, as if testing her theory of overcoming the impossible, she thrashed out and attempted to force me off her. She didn't get far, but I did let go enough so that when she twisted she didn't break her arm. I was willing to pin her down if necessary, but I wasn't going to seriously injure her. All she managed with her sudden flailing was being flipped over and pinned in what was probably a more uncomfortable position. I jerked her up the bed a little so that she didn't have the edge digging into the small of her back, but reset my hip against hers so she didn't try to get away again.

"One day," I asked. "You can't even wait one day?"

"Maybe if we'd gone to a nicer hotel. With cable."

"This is no time for jokes, Rose."

"Then let me do something. Anything."

"I. CAN'T."

Her eyes softened a little. Perhaps it was the recognition that we were both in this together, even if neither of us wanted to be here at all.

I knew she wanted to leave. She had to know that I understood her desire to go and do and fight. But she couldn't. We couldn't. I wouldn't let her. Not when it meant that she could be apprehended or shot on sight trying to 'help.' I refused to let her die just because she tried to leave this room without me by her side.

And even if we never left this room, her safety wasn't truly a guarantee. We were always one mistake away from being caught and killed. This was just the safest place we could find. Who knew if it would be enough? Who knew if I'd be enough to keep her safe? I'd try, though. I'd try to keep her safe, even if it took everything I had, sanity included, to do so.

Her eyes didn't leave mine, and I couldn't stop looking at her. I needed her to understand. She gave a small nod and my grip relaxed a little. I wasn't ready to let her go yet, not until I -

And then her lips were on mine. I never saw her coming.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep Calm and Blame ObjectiveHeartMuscle.
> 
> Seriously. She's the one that encouraged this cut-off point. It's all her fault. Feel free to yell at her in the comments because I'm going to make sure she see's every single one. If you want to ALSO go yell at her, personally, will you please go find her story "To Quiet Nights" and tell her to update while you're at it? I love her though, so be nice. I don't want to put either of you in time out lol.
> 
> Otherwise, I'm sorry. I know, I apologized just a chapter or two ago about the whole 'cliff-hanger' issue and promised that I rarely do them and here we are again. I do have a reason, though. I wanted to give you the FULL impact of this kiss and that wasn't going to be possible if I tried to slip it in here. If you can last one more week and hear all of Dimitri's thought during and after this kiss, I promise it will be worth it. If you're still upset...blame ObjectiveHeartMuscle. Tell her in the comments. Like I said, though, be nice. 
> 
> This week's Question of the Week: When did you get your first kiss?
> 
> I was fourteen, and the guy barely kissed my lips. He kissed my cheek more than my lips. It was a bit sad, really. When I told a friend about it the next day, he shook his head and said, "You deserved to be kiss properly." He then proceeded to kiss me 'properly'. We went out a few times over the next couple of years and are still friends to this day. 
> 
> I also wanted to let you know that, due to a positive response on my facebook page, I will be starting an author's newsletter. It will have updates about my work (novel and fanfic), tips for fic writers that I've learned over the years, and more. I'll also have book free/discounted book deals and occasional book reviews. The newsletter will be sent once to twice a month. You can join us here [here](http://eepurl.com/dk-rNH)


	7. Chapter 7

I don't know how it happened. One moment I had her pinned while we argued, and then the next, her lips were somehow on mine.

I froze, pulling back a little in surprise, but her kiss chased me, refusing to let me go. And, God help me, I suddenly couldn't think of a reason why I should. I was pushing back a second later, rushing forward towards the pure energy that seemed to emanate from her in that moment. It was something both familiar and foreign at the same time, like some token I had lost and forgotten a long time ago. But here it was again. That jolt of life. I needed that electricity more than I needed my next breath.

I pressed against her lips, hungry for more and desperately searching for every bit of sensation I could find. My skin tingled as I ran my fingers through hers, feeling the sparks run through my body, before searching out more as I drug my hands up her arms. When I ran out of skin, I leaned into the heat of her chest, her stomach, her hips, her legs, and let that fire burn through me. God, she was so warm. I shivered a little as I basked in the heat. I never wanted to let go, not when I felt warm for the first time in so long.

Perhaps that's what made the sudden, sharp, biting pain to my jaw feel like a bucket of cold water. All the warmth and electricity I had been craving and grasping for moments before was now gone in a single flash, and when I was able to get my bearings, I realized Rose was gone with them.

The door slammed as I rubbed at my side of my face, soothing the bruise that was already forming under my cheek. I scrambled to my feet, but it was a little too late. I could hear the sound of her running footsteps fading down the hall already.

"О, ты бля боль в моей жопе!"

Pain in my ass hardly even began to cover it. I threw open the door and ran straight into the janitorial cart that we had passed earlier. Shoving it aside, I shouted down the corridor, "ROSE!"

Kicking the cart for good measure (or just out of frustration), I chased her down the hall. I could see one door start to open, but I reached over and slammed it shut before the person inside could catch sight of me. It didn't matter much though, I had already shouted her fucking name for everyone to hear.

"Damn it, Rose!"

I heard her voice at the bottom of the stairs. "There's a man chasing me!"

I cursed over and over again, and I rushed down the steps. My heel slipped on one of the risers, letting the edge of the step skid up my ankle and lower calf. My teeth ground together to fend off the small burst of pain, but that only sent another jolt through my aching jaw. By the time I hit the lobby, the young guy at the desk was already on the phone.

"Yeah, the girl said- oh!" His eyes caught mine, and he jumped backwards until his back hit the wall and knocked over one of the stands filled with local sightseeing brochures. "Crap! It's him!"

I didn't pause. He was already on the phone with the police, so there was no point in trying to stop him from making the call. I growled a little when he started giving my description though.

"Dark, longish hair and tall. Like, huge." The last thing I heard before the lobby door slammed behind me was the word, "terrifying."

Yeah, I bet I looked pretty damn terrifying right now.

I gave a quick glance around the parking lot, grateful as hell that I hadn't taught her how to hotwire a car, and then quickly made my way over towards the edge of the parking lot until I was facing the woods that lined the long road leading into this place. The police, as meager as they probably would be in this barren town, would be here within seconds. I had to make a snap decision. Left towards the BAR and the rest of whatever passed for civilization out here, or right towards the highway.

Rose was reckless, but she wasn't stupid. So, I turned right.

Of course, while Rose might have been sensible enough to not turn towards law enforcement officials who were more than willing to bring us both in for questioning, eventually landing both of us back into a cell, that didn't mean she wasn't still somewhat short-sighted on occasion.

Following the road out of here would have been the easy solution. It might have been the best solution too, had circumstances been a little different. She would have been able to hit the highway, eventually get picked up as a hitchhiker, and quickly make it far beyond my reach if she had a little more of a lead on me. Knocking me out would have given her more than enough time to do that.

But she had to know that her quick hit, while enough to take me to the floor for a few seconds, would only give her a quarter mile head start at most. In her place, I would have just hidden behind the treeline, watched for my purse to pass by, waited until they eventually abandoned their search in the area, and then moved towards the interstate. She wasn't me, though. We often thought alike, but I had a feeling that 'waiting' was the last thing she was going to do now. She certainly hadn't liked the idea in the hotel room. No. I'd bet everything I owned, and then some, that she was planning on losing me in those woods.

This wasn't the first time I had tracked her through woods, though.

Staring at the edge of the grove, I found there was no way I could avoid the thoughts of that night in Siberia. I shut my eyes for a moment when the terrain shifted between what was ahead of me and what I was desperately trying to leave behind. I needed to focus. I might not have the same skill set that I had last time, but that didn't mean that I was any less capable - or determined, for that matter. I needed to find Rose.

There were several sets of footprints lining the road out of town, making it nearly impossible to tell which were hers, until one of them showed that she had quickly skidded to a stop before making a sharp turn that cut into the treeline. I followed the path, weaving through the most open passages between the trunks and branches that she had most likely used to avoid getting scraped (I wasn't always so lucky), all the while constantly searching for more footprints in the damp mud.

It was dark out, though not quite pitch black. I had to be grateful for that at least. The clear sky and half moon gave just enough light to help me keep track of where I was going. After about ten minutes, I started to worry that I might have lost her, but then out of nowhere, I heard the crack of a branch. And then another. And then another.

The silence that had been surrounding the forest since I had started tracking her was now completely shattered into a thousand noisy shards.

The sounds grew louder as I moved closer. Eventually, I was able to see her through the underbrush. It only took me a moment to realize why she had suddenly disregarded all sense of stealth. Her eyes were glazed over as she walked, clearly indicating that she wasn't fully in her own mind.

I followed for a little while, even going so far as to shift a low-hanging branch out of the way when it would have otherwise hit her in the face. I restrained my temper for a while, concerned more about her safety while somewhat incapacitated, rather than immediately scolding her for her stupidity. As she made her way closer towards a small pile of boulders, I finally decided that her little stroll needed to come to an end.

I grabbed her shoulders, sweeping her legs out from underneath her and controlling her fall. She hit the ground with an 'oomph' and a groan as she landed on her back. Her eyes immediately snapped back into focus, and a second later, her look of surprise turned into a sharp glare.

"You should have just hidden in town," I told her. "It would have been the last place I looked. Instead, I knew exactly where you'd go."

I had her fully pinned again, but this time I was smart enough to keep focused on more than just her limbs. Still, she shifted underneath me, testing for any weakness.

"Whatever," she huffed. "Don't act so smart. You made a lucky guess, that's all."

"I don't need luck, Roza. I'll always find you." That was one thing I could promise her without hesitation. It never mattered where she was - from Portland to Russia and all the way down to this wooden grove - if she ran, I'd follow. It would always be just a matter of time until I caught her.

She rolled her eyes, clearly not believing me, despite our track record on the subject.

"We can do this over and over," I continued, "or you can do the reasonable thing and just stay put with Sydney and me."

"It's not reasonable!" She yelled, snapping at me with such force that she might have actually bitten me if I hadn't moved my head back in time. "It's wasteful."

"How many times do I have to explain the logic behind what we're doing?"

She gave me a conspiratorial grin. "Until you give up." She shifted again, and I pressed her shoulders down to keep her from slipping away. Unfortunately, it only it brought us both together. Almost as close as before. Practically face-to-face.

I felt that heat again. And those sparks. And an urge that I really shouldn't want and definitely didn't deserve. Yet, there it was. Before, I had been chasing the sensations, but now I was wondering if that was truly what I had been craving, or if it was the source of them - Rose, herself. There was a part of me that was almost tempted to test the theory. I paused for half a moment, stuck between shame and hope, but pulled away quickly before she could see either.

I jerked her up, twisting her arm around her back so that I could keep her from running. It also had the nice added benefit of keeping her turned away from me so I didn't have to look at her anymore. Looking at her seemed to confuse things. I shoved her forward, pushing her towards the route we had come from.

"I'm not letting you and Sydney risk getting in trouble with me. I'll take care of myself, so just let me go!" Her heels dug into the ground, so I knocked her ankle a little to get her moving again. A second later, her leg was hooked around a tree. The truth was, the longer she insisted on this little tantrum, the more likely she was to put Sydney and me at risk. She obviously didn't realize this though.

I groaned, shifting my weight and tearing her from the tree, probably scraping her leg a little too, considering the hiss she let out as I did so. "Rose, you can't win."

"How's your face feeling?" There was absolutely no concern in her question. Quite a bit of amusement perhaps, coupled with a good dose of satisfaction, but not a trace of actual concern.

I wasn't amused in the slightest, however. While my face still stung with the force of her well-placed sucker punch, my lips still felt the ghost of her kiss. I hated myself for that fact. Truthfully, I hated her a little for causing it, too. She had no right to kiss me, but I had even less of a right to enjoy it.

"I am seconds away from just tossing you over my shoulder," I warned her. In reality, it was the last thing I wanted to do. The less contact, the better. If I didn't know with absolute certainty that she was ready to run away from me the moment she had the chance, I'd let go of her entirely.

She outright laughed at me. "I'd like to see you try."

I tightened my grip, ready to make good on my threat just to show her I could. Right before I lifted her up though, something inside stopped me. There was so much more to this than just my anger towards her and her blatant anger towards me and this situation. Despite our argument, couldn't she - we - see that? I twisted her instead, forcing her to look at me face-to-face again, despite the obvious perils that seemed to involve.

"How do you think Lissa would feel if you were killed?" I demanded. "Can you imagine what it would do to her if she lost you?"

There was a message there that I didn't intend but meant nonetheless. ' _How do you think_ I  _would feel? Can you imagine what it would do to_ me _?'_

She seemed wary, though still stubborn, but that was better than all-out defiant. "Have a little faith, Comrade. I won't get killed. I'll stay alive."

I bit at the inside of my cheek in an attempt to stop myself from buying into another round of this argument. With a huff, I turned to drag her back, all while mumbling under my breath, "There are other ways to help her than whatever insanity you're thinking of."

She faltered a bit and I glanced behind me, suddenly worried. My concern was mixed because she certainly could have been hurt. Lord knows I had thrown her to the ground, pinned her against the wall, and chased her through these woods hard enough. With all that topping off an adrenaline-filled day, perhaps her body was about to give out on her. But there was also just as much of a chance (if not more so, perhaps) that she was using this as another ploy to run again. "What's wrong?"

"You're right."

"Right about…" Despite all my rational arguments and pleading for her to just listen, see reason, and go along with the plan, the fact that she might actually be agreeing to do so was incredibly suspicious.

"Rushing back to Court won't help Lissa." She said the statement like it was clearly  _her_  plan all along and was now trying to convince me. A slow, crooked smile crawled up her cheek, only making me brace for something I knew I would never be truly prepared for. When she actually looked at me, my stomach dropped. "I'll go back to the motel with you, and I won't go running off to Court."

I wanted to take a breath of relief, but I knew better…

"But I'm not going to sit around and do nothing," she promised. "I'm going to do something for Lissa - and you and Sydney are going to help.

Well, so much for laying low.

* * *

We never made it back to the hotel room. We never really made it out of the woods. I saw the lights flashing in the motel parking lot the same time Rose must have because she pulled me back and down into the bushes. She almost looked a bit impressed when she scanned the half dozen patrol cars and a slew of citizens. "The whole town turned out."

I rolled my eyes behind her and then led us toward the shadows of a rundown building so I could get a better look. "You just had to say something to the desk clerk, didn't you?"

"I thought it would slow you down," she said with a shrug.

"It's going to slow us down now," I countered. It was hard to make out much between the officers swarming about, but I could clearly see one thing. Or, more precisely, I  _couldn't_ see one thing. "Sydney's car is gone. That's something at least."

"It is? We just lost our ride!"

I waved my hand, practically swatting it in her direction in an attempt to quiet her. She seemed a little too outraged (and noisily so) for someone who seemed ready to walk to wherever she had been planning on going just a little while ago.

"She wouldn't leave us," I hissed, "but she was smart enough to get out before the police came knocking on her door." I checked the parking lot one more time to make sure she was actually gone and then urged Rose down the road leading out of town. "Come on. She has to be close, and there's a good chance the police might actually start searching around if they think some  _defenseless_ girl is being chased down."

She glared at the way I said defenseless. The growing mark on my jaw was a painful reminder that she was anything but.

We were barely a half mile out of town when I spotted the Honda with Louisiana plates. Sydney, bright as she was, had wisely shut off the engine and lights to wait for us. When Rose started to rush ahead, I pulled her back. We weren't quite in the clear yet and I didn't want to step out into the open until I was sure there were no officers patrolling the street. After a quick check, it seemed to be safe and Rose went up to tap on the window.

"What did you do?" Sydney said in a disapproving, low voice as she rolled down the window. It didn't escape my notice that the accusation was only focused on Rose. Apparently, Sydney knew Rose better than I thought, or at least knew enough of her reputation to make a guess as to who was responsible for this whole new mess. "Never mind. Don't bother. Just get in."

The car started while Rose and I slipped into the back seats. I wanted to stay next to her in case she changed her mind and attempted some daring car escape. If anyone would try it, it would be Rose. I really should have known when I volunteered for this job that most of it would be keeping Rose safe from herself rather than outside forces.

Once we got out of Dodge, or whatever that place was called, it didn't take long for Sydney to pull off at a nearly abandoned exit. There wasn't even a street light. It was just a tunnel under the main highway, which apparently only served the purpose of allowing confused drivers to turn around if needed. Otherwise, there was nothing else to see.

Sydney flipped on one of the overhead dome lights and turned her head around to glare at Rose. "You ran, didn't you!?"

"Yeah, but I got this -"

"No, don't. Not yet." Sydney cut Rose off and then pressed her hand between her eyes as if fending off a headache. I knew the gesture - and feeling - well. Rose occasionally had that effect on people. "I wish you could have pulled off your daring escape without attracting the authorities."

"Me too," I added.

Sydney quickly shot me a look to remind me that I wasn't completely innocent in the entire debacle.

"Hey! I came back, didn't I?"

I was a bit suspicious about that little 'fact,' and I'm sure my silent expression made that clear. Sure, Rose had eventually submitted to me dragging her back, but it obviously wasn't without her own motives in the matter.

"And," she continued as if reminding me exactly why I had every right to be hesitant, "now I know what we have to do to help Lissa."

Sydney let her head fall to the top of the steering wheel with a groan. "What we have to do is find a safe place to stay."

"Just go back to civilization and pick a hotel. One with room service. We can make that our base of operation while we work on the next plan."

Rose jumped at a loud smack that sounded in front of us as Sydney hit the dashboard with her hand and her earlier resignation morphed into resentment. "We researched that town specifically!" She grimaced and then began to soothe her palm as she continued, "We can't go to some random place - at least not nearby. I doubt they took down my plates, but they can put out a call to look for this kind of car. If they've got that and our descriptions, and it gets to the state police, it'll get to the Alchemists, and then it'll -"

I could see the anxiety taking over in her. Her eyes stopped seeing what was in front of her and began to see whatever horror was inside of her. I knew that look and the path of self-destruction it could lead to.

"Calm down," I urged quietly, reaching out to touch her arm. Perhaps it was a sign of just how far gone she was by that point when she actually allowed the touch at all without recoiling. Instead, the gentle action seemed to ground her back to reality. She took a small breath, plus two more, and finally came back to reality with us.

"We don't know that any of that's going to happen," I reminded her. She nodded her head and I continued, "Why don't you just call Abe?"

"Yeah," She chuckled. It sounded like she was still on the verge of a panic attack. "That's exactly what I want. To tell him I messed up the plan in less than twenty-four hours."

I wanted to remind her that she bore no responsibility for what had happened. Rose had been the one to take off, and I had been the one who failed to keep it from happening. She was the only one who had actually held up her part of the deal. Just as I was about to tell her that, though, Rose decided to chime in.

"Well, if it makes you feel better, the plan's about to change anyway-"

I kicked Rose's feet, sending her a disapproving glare to accompany it.

"Be quiet. Both of you. I need to think."

After a small shock at hearing the bite in her tone, I bit back a grin. I was quickly starting to recognize something about her. Sydney had a very maternal nature to her. While I was sure, given the right circumstances, she could be loving, compassionate, and protective, right now all I saw was something else very familiar. I saw a quick flash of my mother breaking up the bickering between me and my siblings, all while trying to somehow keep her own cool head. Sydney might have been a few years younger than me, but the fact that she reminded me so much of my own mother immediately endeared me to her. The fact that she didn't leave us behind at the motel when it would have been easy to do so helped a little as well.

Without warning, she reached over and popped open the glovebox. Pulling out a paper map, she let her finger trace over a few lines and then tapped on a spot that seemed to be in the middle of nowhere.

Rose leaned forward to get a better look. "What's in Altswood?"

"Nothing," she said sharply, before pulling back onto the highway. "But it's the closest place to where we're going that the GPS can find."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness. It feels like FOR-EV-ER since we've had a Romitri kiss. Does anyone else feel like they can breathe again? It's been so long.
> 
> A big thank you to everyone who sent in their first kiss stories last week. Considering all the very informative data, I think I can confidently say that most 13/14 year boys aren't great kissers. I heard the descriptions 'wet' and 'sloppy' more than once. The good news, things get better.
> 
> This week's question of the week is: Where did you go on your favorite vacation?
> 
> I've done quite a few amazing trips: France, Italy, Greece, and so on. However, I think my favorite was a trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. It was beautiful, I went ziplining, and all sorts of fun things. The best part in my mind, though, was my spa treatment. I had a chocolate body wrap. I was literally scrubbed down and wrapped up in chocolate. I think I smelled like a chocolate bar for a week and it was fantastic.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has favorites, followed, commented, and shared. You are amazing.


	8. Chapter 8

"So what's going on with Lissa? What's this great plan of yours?" I asked. I glanced at Sydney through the rearview mirror, but she was fully focused on the road ahead. "Rose says there's something important we have to do."

"So I gathered," Sydney replied through gritted teeth. She drove like a madwoman. Well, an angry woman, actually. She packed so much tension into a mere five miles over the speed limit, it felt like the car was about to spin out of control at any second. I wasn't happy with the change of plans, but she was outright pissed.

"So, it, um…" Rose wavered a little. For someone who had been so confident in her 'plan' a moment ago, she was looking a bit shaky now. All I could do was hope that she had some solid evidence that justified us abandoning our entire set-up, but I wasn't holding my breath. "It turns out Lissa has a brother or sister. And I think we should find them."

The car lurched slightly, forcing me to grasp the overhead handle. Apparently, Sydney hadn't been expecting that bit of news, either.

There was no way it was possible. It just...wasn't. If there was another Dragomir, then someone would have known about it and intense precautions would have been taken. There weren't even rumors of another Dragomir being out there. Vasilisa was it. The last of her line.

"Look, Ambrose gave this to me at the hearing." Rose must have seen my skepticism because she immediately reached into her pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper and began to read:

" _If you're reading this, then something terrible has happened. You probably hate me, and I don't blame you. I can only ask that you trust that what I did with the age decree was better for your people than what others had planned. There are some Moroi who want to force all dhampirs into service, whether they want it or not, by using compulsion. The age decree has slowed that faction down._

" _However, I write to you with a secret you must put right, and it is a secret you must share with as few as possible. Vasilisa needs her spot on the Council, and it can be done. She is not the last Dragomir. Another lives, the illegitimate child of Eric Dragomir. I know nothing else, but if you can find this son or daughter, you will give Vasilisa the power she deserves. No matter your faults and dangerous temperament, you are the only one I feel can take on this task. Waste no time in fulfilling it_."

The moment she finished, she handed it to me. I read it three times over, looking over the script as I did so. I desperately wished that I could recall Tatiana's signature from some official document so I could match it against this, but I couldn't remember what it looked like at all.

"You have no proof Tatiana wrote the note," I said, handing it back. It could easily be some scam. Why someone would give this sort of false information to a condemned woman was beyond me, but it didn't really matter. For all I knew, they just wanted to make her look insane as well as guilty by having her rave about some lost Dragomir until they executed her.

The information about the age decree did give me a little more pause, though. The idea that the age decree was just to fight off something worse - service by compulsion - was sickening. I hated to think that anyone would be so cruel as to force people to be guardians against their will, especially when it could easily cost those unwilling guardians their lives. But I also knew what people could, and would, do when they were desperate. Especially people in power who felt the lives of those beneath them meant little to nothing. Perhaps it was an honest apology and explanation. Or perhaps it was written to scare Rose into trusting whoever wrote this note simply because they seemed to be the lesser of two evils. If that was the case, then they  _shouldn't_ be trusted at all.

"The Alchemists have no records of another Dragomir," Sydney added, offering a little more proof to my belief that this was something to be ignored, not pursued.

"I don't really see why Tatiana's spirit would want to deceive me." Rose countered. She watched me carefully as if waiting for me to tell her that ghosts, spirits, and whatever else lay near the realm of the dead were just some figments of her imagination like I had before. I couldn't doubt that anymore, though. Not when I had seen Mason's ghost with my own eyes and had been personally attacked by the same entities that often attacked her outside the wards when she let her guard down.

When I didn't respond or disagree with her, she turned back to Sydney, "And the Alchemists aren't all-knowing. The note says this is a pretty heavily guarded secret from Moroi - It makes sense that it would be secret from the Alchemists, too."

Sydney scoffed, but I continued to stare at the note in Rose's hand. "You've said before that it's not always clear what the ghosts are trying to say. Maybe you misread her."

"I don't know, I think she did write this note. My gut says she did." She looked up at me and her eyes narrowed in a challenge. "You know it's been right before. Can you trust me on this?"

Could I trust her? Of course I could. I had no doubt that she fully believed this note was from Tatiana and she would do anything to fulfill what this note asked. It was the note itself that I didn't trust. I didn't know whether or not it was real or a trap, and I didn't do well jumping headfirst into the unknown. But the real question, the question that Rose was truly asking me, was if I trusted her despite my own hesitations. If I trusted her enough to follow her into this battle blindly, letting her take the lead even when I wasn't sure what her plan would entail or where it would eventually take us?

' _I'm your equal now._ '

She had followed me blindly, without question, when I had asked her to earlier. I had given her dozens of reasons to be skeptical of me, but she had done what I had asked anyways, trusting me to keep her safe and get us out of that mess.

Rose, on the other hand, had never given me a reason to question her loyalty. Everything she had ever done, whether or not I appreciated it, had always been what she believed to be in my best interest. Even when she had the chance to hurt me, even when it was probably easier or smarter to let me go, she had never done so. Through thick or thin, she had always been there to support and fight for me.

So, despite my own apprehensions about the note...I trusted her. I would follow her, maybe not without question (since I wasn't nearly as brave as she was to let someone else have total control), but at least with a promise of no more doubt in her or her abilities.

I nodded, still fighting back my insecurities and relying on my trust. She looked shocked, and it stung my pride for a second to see that simply trusting her seemed to surprise her.

"But," I reminded her, "if we decided to search for this alleged sibling, we'd be going against Lissa's instructions to stay put." She needed to know that Vasilisa was still worried about her and would want her to stay safe. I knew without a doubt that Rose meant more to her than a possible sibling or a seat on the Council. Vasilisa wouldn't care about any of that if it cost Rose her life.

The sudden flash of anger and disappointment at her best friend's name, however, surprised me. I didn't have a chance to question it, though, because a voice called out from the front seat.

"You believe that note? You're considering listening to it?!"

We both ignored Sydney since the choice was already made as far as the two of us were concerned. If Sydney decided that she couldn't follow us on whatever crazy path this led us down, I couldn't fault her for that. She had been incredibly helpful so far, and I was grateful for that, but I didn't expect her to dive into a crazy new plan with us. Rose deserved my loyalty and trust on the matter. As far as I knew, Rose and Sydney's unconventional (and still unexplained) relationship didn't extend into blind faith in the other.

"Technically, yes," Rose answered me, pushing aside whatever issue Vasilisa's name had brought up. "But if we could actually prove she wasn't the last in her family, it would help her a lot. We can't ignore the chance, and if you manage to keep me out of trouble -"

'Or deathly harm,' I mentally added,

"- while we do it, then there shouldn't be a problem."

I considered her words a little longer. Of course, I would stand beside her and protect her. We fought side-by-side; allies and partners. That had never, and would never, change. It would certainly be much harder out in a world where we were wanted and actively hunted than in a relatively safe hotel room, but neither of us had shied away from danger before.

"Okay," I said, fully and vocally committing myself to her plan. "But where do we start? You have no clues, aside from a mysterious note."

"Obviously, this is a secret. A big one." Rose scrunched her nose in concentration. "One that people have apparently wanted to cover up - enough that they'd try to steal records about it and keep the Dragomirs out of power. If someone was trying to erase the fact that Lissa's father was making regular payments to some mysterious woman, that woman was probably the mother of the child he fathered." She thought a moment longer then poked her head between the driver's and passenger's seats to speak to Sydney. "You could look into that case some more."

"Whoa, hey." She turned back to glance at Rose before quickly facing the road again. "How was I not even a part of this decision? Maybe breaking Lissa's orders is no big deal for you two, but I'd be going against Abe. He may not be so lenient."

"I'll pull in a daughterly favor." Rose brushed off the matter like it was nothing, and I had to wonder if she really understood what her father was capable of or what he was known for. Her lack of concern was a bit concerning in and of itself. "Besides, the old man loves secrets. He'd be into this, believe me. And you've already found the biggest clue of all. I mean, If Eric was giving money to some anonymous woman, then why wouldn't it be for his secret mistress and child?"

"Anonymous is the keyword. If your theory's right - and it's kind of a leap - we still have no idea who this mistress is. The stolen documents didn't say."

"Are there other records that tie into the stolen ones? Or could you investigate the bank he was sending money to?"

I had no idea what documents they were talking about, but apparently, it had been a topic of discussion before. All the ideas Rose had proposed seemed somewhat logical to me, but the way Sydney shook her head suggested otherwise.

"You really have no idea how 'researching records' works, do you? It's not that easy. It could take a while."

"Well...I guess that's why it's good we're going somewhere, um, secure, right?" Rose looked towards me for confirmation, but I had none to offer. I was still totally in the dark on the matter.

"'Secure…'" Sydney repeated the word in a way that did anything but make me feel secure. "Well, we'll see. I hope I'm not doing something stupid."

Rose seemed a little more anxious as Sydney gave her ominous reply, but it was pretty clear that our options were somewhat limited. We still had a ways to go, though, so perhaps we could come up with something before we reached Altswood, or wherever we were actually going. While Sydney flipped on the radio and started singing softly to herself, I started to work out a few possibilities.

"Hey." I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't initially recognize Rose's hand on my arm. She continued in a hush, peeking over towards Sydney to make sure she wasn't overheard. "I thought I should let you know something else."

I cocked my eyebrow, silently wondering what else she might know that she wouldn't want Sydney to know along with us.

"They know about us. I mean, they know what happened between us back at the Academy. Lissa told Hans and the rest of the panel questioning her."

It felt like I couldn't breathe for a moment. I was torn between cursing and laughing. Maybe both would have been the best choice. Not too long ago, I had been desperately denying and hiding my feelings - former feelings - for Rose because I didn't want to ruin either of our careers or reputations. Now it was out in the open for the entire world to know, but both of our careers, reputations, and lives were ruined for completely different reasons. The irony was terrible, but also somewhat poetic.

"I think she was trying to justify why you might have tried to save me, especially when they suggested...other things. She's still very protective of you," there seemed to be a little bit in her voice as she said so, "but I think she was trying to do the right thing. I know our, um, …"

"Relationship," I supplied.

"Yeah." She nodded, eyes averted. "That. I know all that's in the past and whatnot, and we're over it, but I thought you should know. That's what she told them. You helped me because...yeah." She nodded once more like it ended her statement and the entire conversation before turning towards the window and resting her head on it.

I watched her settle in, but my mind itched to complete what she had just said. " _You helped me because you love me."_

It was a good cover. Abe, Adrian, and the others had even suggested it as our actual cover for the escape plan because it fit so well. Most of that group (if not all) had probably been fully aware of the past between Rose and me. The rumors of a possible relationship between Rose and myself, and that being the cause of my actions, had probably started circulating around Court shortly after the breakout and long before the reality of the situation was revealed, so what did it really matter? It didn't change the overall issue.

So why was Rose's confession bothering me so much?

_Maybe because…_

_Maybe because…_

I couldn't finish the thought. I just couldn't. But when I tried to think of something else, anything else, all I could remember was that kiss back at the hotel. It had been a trick, of course, and I still had the bruise to remind me of that fact, but for a moment there had been something else in it.

Sensation. Spark.

It was purely physical, though, right? It hadn't actually been  _Rose,_ of course. Just the kiss. I simply hadn't felt that type of carnal passion in a long time and merely got caught up in it. It wouldn't have mattered who was on the other side. It hadn't actually meant anything.

Attraction isn't the same as affection. Lord knows I learned that in my younger years. Maybe this was something similar. Rose was beautiful. I couldn't deny it. Anyone with eyes had to admit it. So why wouldn't I have some reaction to her kiss? Especially when I could still remember what it felt like to kiss her. And hold her. And...no. I couldn't go there. It was all in the past where it belonged.

Besides, I could have a similar reaction with almost any attractive woman if I were in the same position.

I glanced at Sydney. While objectively she was very pretty, and I'm sure she was a great person, I knew I was lying to myself. Kissing her (or a woman like her, since neither Sydney nor I would ever be willing to cross that societal taboo) would never feel the same as kissing Rose. As much as I hated to admit it, there just wasn't any woman like Rose and a part of me knew it.

Rose was already gone, absorbed into Vasilisa's mind when I looked back at her. However, as I watched her breathe deeply, hand tucked under her cheek, I knew I had somehow swerved past feeling simple attraction towards her. Somewhere along the way, I had slipped firmly into the realm of affection.

While we drove, I watched her rest for a while. Rose's face tended to be fairly serene while visiting Vasilisa, but her expression grew gradually more and more concerned looking with each passing mile. Several times, I was tempted to wake her, but I knew she'd wake on her own and demand to return to Court if anything was truly wrong.

When we finally pulled into a gas station that had apparently seen better years, my curiosity and worry won out over my patience.

"Rose." She stirred at the sound of my voice, taking a moment to gauge her surroundings before eventually settling back on me. "Everything okay back there?"

She nodded, but there was a distracted air about her that suggested she wasn't telling the truth. Or at least not the whole truth.

'Trust her,' I told myself. 'She'll tell you if anything is truly wrong.'

"Where are we?" She asked, directing the question to nobody in particular.

I looked around again. There wasn't much to really put a name to, not even 'BAR,' 'MOTEL,' or 'DINER,' but this is where the GPS had led us so there could only be one answer. "Altswood."

She rubbed her eyes and stretched her arms out. "Makes our last town look like New York."

Sydney gripped the cross on her necklace for a moment (hardly reassuring) before shutting her laptop with a sigh and handing it back towards Rose. When she turned the car on again, I expected her to get back onto the highway and start looking for an unnamed exit that would eventually lead to some sort of safehouse. It probably wouldn't be much more than some cabin like the one Rose had described before, but as long as it provided shelter, it would work. Instead, Sydney drove behind the boarded-up building and toward something that only revealed itself to be a road if you looked at just the right angle. Otherwise, it was completely hidden.

The road of sorts was devoid of any light, and the car's headlights only offered so much light amidst the thick brush, but somehow she managed to spot a small turn where the gravel road turned to dirt, and eventually the thin dirt road (which looked more like a game trail than an actual road) turned into...a parking lot? It was a rudimentary lot, for certain, but there was no doubt as to what it was it was meant for. A few of the cars, all older and parked in rows alongside the dirt and trees, had been used recently if the mud caked over the rusted wheel wells was any indication.

Once she'd pulled up next to an old blue Chevy truck, Sydney cut the engine.

Rose hesitantly unhooked her seatbelt. "Are we at a campground?"

Sydney didn't answer. Instead, she turned and faced me. "Are you as good as they say you are?"

"What?" Her question caught me off guard, but not as much her expression. She was nervous. Perhaps even afraid. But for once it wasn't because of me. There was something else that scared her more.

"Fighting," she pressed. "Everyone keeps talking about how dangerous you are. Is it true? Are you that good?"

I hated being described as 'dangerous.' Even before being turned, that term wouldn't have made me feel proud of my abilities, but something told me that she needed 'dangerous' right now. She needed something on her side that was more dangerous than whatever was out there. She needed something that was stronger than whatever she was terrified of.

"Pretty good," I assured her, worried that I might not be good enough for whatever she needed.

Rose scoffed, apparently not concerned at all. "Very good."

Sydney looked between us and reached up to touch her cross again. "I hope it's enough."

Rose followed her out of the car. "Aren't you going to ask about me?"

"I already know you're dangerous," Sydney replied, pulling a flashlight out from a small box in the back of the trunk then slamming the door closed. "I've seen it."

I was still itching to figure out exactly how these two had met but now was obviously not the time.

"Why'd we stop?" The confidence that Rose had been projecting earlier faded as Sydney led the way to the center of the lot and let the beam of the flashlight graze the area surrounding us. She focused intently, scanning then stopping abruptly. She backtracked a little and I saw what caught her attention.

"Because we have to go on foot now." Sydney pointed to a small opening between a couple of trees. "There."

It initially looked like just a few broken branches, but as we made our way closer, I could see a few footprints and then a full path leading through the clearing.

"Wait." I tugged on Sydney's shoulder and pulled her behind me. One glance towards Rose and she took up the rear position. Neither of us knew what we'd be coming up against, but we stood a better chance taking it on together.

I heard Rose whisper above the sound of our careful footsteps. "Where are we going?"

Sydney's voice shook as she replied, "To people I guarantee won't turn you in."

I wanted to ask more when I heard a branch crack. But it didn't come from behind me. Half a second later, a bright light stopped me in my tracks, blinding me completely before I even had the chance to raise my stake.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everyone waiting patiently while I recovered last night. For those who rea wondering why my typical Sunday update was late, blame a crazy fever. I'm feeling better now, though still getting back on my feel.
> 
> My grammar and linguistic minded friends might have noticed my incorrect use of 'ironic' in this chapter. Yes, I know. I'm going for common terminology rather than proper definition. In my defense, we really need a good word to replace the incorrect use of ironic. Coincidence doesn't quite have the same punch. If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.
> 
> The question of the week is: favorite breakfast. I know it's kind of a cop-out, but hey, I'm still feeling off. 
> 
> Thanks again for being patient, reading, reviewing, fav, and following. I really appreciate it. Now I'm off to take a name.


	9. Chapter 9

My eyes adjusted to the light slowly, but my reaction was still quick. I stepped backwards, reaching back until I could feel Sydney's arm, and pulled her closer behind me. If they decided to attack, I wanted them to hit me, not her. I kept my stake low, but held it at the ready, braced to strike as soon as someone made any sort of threat towards us. I knew Rose was mirroring my actions behind me.

When I could finally focus past the blinding dots that clouded my vision, I started to see faces that made me question whether or not I was still seeing things. Dhampir – no, dhampir and Moroi – surrounded us. Rather than the Dhampir protecting the Moroi, however, they seemed to be ready to battle side-by-side. Some of the Moroi were wielding balls of flame, which accounted for some of the flashes of light, while others had large stones hovering beside them, ready to be hurled at us as soon as someone gave the command.

That man, the leader who kept our small battle from ensuing, stepped forward. He was a middle-aged Moroi, and while his stake seemed much more primitive than my own, it still seemed sharp enough to inflict sufficient damage. More worrisome than that, however, was his demeanor. He seemed completely unafraid of us. Something told me that it didn't have anything to do with the 10-to-3 ratio of them versus us. No, he was very confident in his own ability, despite his companions behind him, to take me on single-handedly.

I remembered Sydney's question from before.  _'Are you as good as they say?'_

He regarded me closely, letting his gaze pass over me slowly and letting it linger a little longer on my stake. It seemed to offend him a little and he sneered at it, and then me. When he stepped to the side, I pushed Sydney over a little to keep myself between her and the man as a shield, but I offered him a clear view of Rose so that he could evaluate her as a threat. If he needed to look at us to judge us as peaceful, then I'd be happy to allow the intrusive staring. It also offered me a chance to check him again for more possible weaknesses, if needed.

The standoff ended when he became curious about our guide. He reached out towards Sydney within seconds of spotting her, and Rose and I both sprang into action. The air became tense as heat flared on either side of us and the ground underneath us shifted slightly. There was even a soft metallic ring from a stake being drawn, though it echoed off the trees and made it impossible to tell where the sound had come from.

The desperate cry from behind us, though, that was identifiable.

"Wait!"

Everyone froze, still poised to strike out, but hovering on Sydney's words. She stepped forward slightly, breaking the protective barrier that Rose and I provided, and the moment she was clear, the leader of the pack grabbed her by the chin. Rose flinched slightly as his grip jolted Sydney forward. He turned her cheek to the side, and a flicker from one of the fire-user's flames lit up her golden tattoo.

"Lily-girl," he announced gruffly, releasing her.

The others in his pack relaxed a bit, though it was obvious that they were still somewhat wary of our presence here. A quick glance towards Rose confirmed that neither of us were quite ready to sheath our stakes, either.

"You're here to join us?" asked the leader, who honestly resembled a large bear more than a man with his dark, thick, unruly hair and beard. His question was directed towards me and Rose, but I doubted either of us had an answer for that – or any other question he had for us. I didn't have many answers for what was happening here at all.

Thankfully, Sydney seemed to have a better handle on things. "We need shelter. They're being chased by..." her voice wavered, "...the Tainted."

"More like spies for the Tainted." A black-haired woman to my left hissed out. She wielded a small inferno in her palm that would have made Tasha proud. I wasn't quite sure what 'the Tainted' meant, but the fact that this primitive-looking group of people appeared to have achieved what Tasha had dreamed of for our society – Moroi and dhampir fighting side-by-side – well, it would have intrigued her greatly. It certainly intrigued me.

"The Tainted Queen is dead," Sydney replied matter-of-factly before nodding towards Rose. "They think she did it."

I watched as everyone's focus turned to Rose. My hand tensed slightly over my stake as the definition of 'Tainted' started to materialize for me, and I waited for their reaction. I wanted to trust that Sydney wouldn't have taken us to a place where Rose would be placed at risk, but this welcome party meeting us with intimidation hadn't been the best greeting. Offering the information that Rose was a suspect in Tatiana's murder, despite her less than honorary-sounding title of 'the Tainted Queen,' didn't sound like the best follow up.

"And so, another usurper passes on." The leader's yellowed-tooth smile relaxed my grip a little. "Is there a new one yet?"

"No," replied Sydney. Her voice seemed to steady a little more, allowing the professionalism I had seen earlier push through. "They'll have elections soon and choose."

Several people huffed at the news, with one or two actually spitting onto the ground in front of them in disgust. I eyed a mark in the dirt made by one man close to me and wondered why the news would upset them so much. It was obviously a touchy subject for them, as apparently the entire Moroi society was, but the elections had pulled a much stronger reaction than I would have expected.

Apparently, Rose was thinking the same thing. "How else would they choose a new king or queen?

"In the true way," the man beside me said with the same anger he had shown a second ago. "The way it used to be, long ago. In a battle to the death."

While I didn't have much experience in the matter, I couldn't imagine that a group who applauded a battle to the death was a group that I should get too comfortable in. So, when they turned and allowed us to follow them deeper into the woods towards wherever they called home (despite, or more likely  _because_  of Rose's murder accusation), I was hardly relieved. She didn't seem too thrilled about the situation, either.

I traced the path that they led us down. While their footprints made the way fairly clear, I could see several offshoots towards different areas of the woods, some used more than others. After a while though, I started to notice a pattern. Small stacks of rocks flanked either side of each offshoot. Most only had two or three flat rocks stacked on top of one another, but others had more. If there were any trails that split off behind us, our trail was marked by five stones. I filed the information away for later: five stones led the way out of here.

When we approached a final set of rocks ahead of us – not a pair of stacks, but two piles – the trees opened up to reveal a large community. It seemed like something out of one of my novels. Perhaps one of the small mining camps brought to life before my eyes. A cliff face jutted up on one side, somehow hidden from view earlier because of the thick trees, and on the other side was a mess of small buildings scattered around the clearing below. A chicken wandered between two of the shacks, and I wondered for a moment if they were some sort of animal shelters. That is, until I saw a woman carrying a child on her hip walk out of another and realized that these were, indeed, homes. The buildings stretched back as far as I could see into the darkness, all built with varying degrees of skill and durability, but all fairly rudimentary in general.

A large bonfire was built in front of us, and it was clear that this was the gathering place for the community. A few well-placed logs acted as benches, and quite a few people were enjoying the heat and company of one another. An older man dramatically waved his hands as he told a story, but stopped suddenly as he caught sight of us. On cue, the rest of the crowd turned to face us, and I was met with yet another surprise.

This wasn't just a town of Moroi and dhampirs. There were more than a few humans here as well. Almost in an equal number as the others. The three races seemed completely integrated together as one. It was almost...unnerving.

I heard Rose's quiet whisper near me. "What in God's name is all this?"

I was fairly interested in Sydney's answer as well.

"The Keepers," she replied, low but not low enough.

"Keepers? What does that mean?"

"It means," the burly leader answered Rose, "that unlike your people, we still keep the old ways, the way we truly should."

'The old ways.' Traditions. Traditions that included races fighting side-by-side, as well as battles to the death. Traditions that included all three races living together, and not just in superficial passing interactions that happened in the outside world. No, these 'Keepers' created bonds with one another. I watched as a human man, probably only a year or two older than me, wrapped his arm protectively around a blonde, heavily pregnant, dhampir woman. As much as the idea of those two together confused me, the fact that they could be together captivated me as well.

A kind looking human woman stood up near the fire and wiped her hands on her skirt. "Why are they here, Raymond?" As she walked over towards us and the man, Raymond, who had brought us here, I saw in her eyes that while her tone and general demeanor seemed fairly meek, she was fierce and had an air of authority around her. "Are they joining us?"

Raymond shook his head. "No. The Tainted are after them for killing their queen."

Like those that had initially met us, she looked pleased. Behind her, others smiled, and a child waved before bending down to pick up a small fabric bundle that she then cradled like a baby doll.

"We're giving them refuge," continued Raymond. He turned towards us, focusing on me and then Rose. "Although, you are welcome to join us and live here. We have room in the caves." He gestured to the cliffs rising up above us, and I noticed small black holes dotting the rock face. A young man walked along a thin ledge, apparently unfazed by the fact that he was roughly thirty to forty feet above us.

Sydney quickly stepped in. "We only need to stay here...a couple days, probably." Her statement ended in a slight question, and considering how we were playing things by ear, I didn't think any of us could really give a firm answer except to say that we wouldn't be staying long.

"You can stay with my family." Raymond offered with a little pride, glancing towards Rose. Apparently, her reputation as a possible murderess was earning her top honors around here. When his eyes shifted towards Sydney, that graciousness dimmed a little. "Even you."

"Thank you," Sydney answered politely. "We'd be grateful to spend the night at your house." Sydney placed a little emphasis on the last word, and I sighed in relief. I wouldn't have called it a phobia, per say, but I wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of heights. I chanced one more peek towards the cliffs, saw the boy from earlier lowering himself down a rope ladder, and winced, grateful that I wouldn't be joining him anytime soon.

Instead of moving directly towards the home, Raymond led us towards the fire, apparently eager to show off his new acquaintances plucked straight from the woods. Since I wasn't as much of a draw as Rose, I wasn't bombarded with nearly the same amount of questions as she was. After a few cursory questions about my name, my age, and where I was from based on my accent (oddly enough, from someone I could barely understand due to their own thick Appalachian accent), I was basically forgotten. Sydney didn't even get that much. By and large, she was pushed to the edge of the group and ignored.

"So, I've been meaning to ask." I leaned against the rock next to Sydney. The heat of the fire wasn't quite as strong over here, and when a gust of wind blew past, she burrowed her chin into the collar of her coat. I stepped closer to her a little, just close enough so that I could provide a bit of a shield against any more chill. "How did you and Rose meet?"

She looked up at me sharply and with surprise. "She didn't tell you?"

I watched as a child (the one who had been cradling her ragdoll before) attempted to climb into Rose's lap and bit back a smile as Rose jumped a little and threw her hands back in surrender until the mother pulled the little girl off of her. "We haven't really had time to chat."

Sydney shrugged and then answered. "We met in Russia. Rose was causing a huge issue in my district. She was leaving Strigoi bodies everywhere on the streets, and I finally had to track her down. Apparently, she had no idea Alchemists even existed, so she was just killing them and not calling them in. She'd actually pull them out into the open in hopes the sun would catch them in the morning!"

I felt the pull to apologize, since it was technically my fault for not telling Rose about the role Alchemists played in our society; but beyond the obvious issues of exposing our entire world to the wider public, it was a fairly logical way to dispose of the bodies. But, of course, that was hardly the only reason I was responsible for their meeting.

"Anyway. I let her know about the Alchemists and helped her find her way to Baia. When she first asked me directions I assumed," she glanced at me, leaving the unsaid term 'blood whore' lingering between us, then quickly continued, "well, you know...since she said she didn't graduate and all, but she said she was looking for someone."

_Me. She was looking for me._

"We were just a few hours out, staying at a safe house for the night, and we were attacked. She took out two Strigoi by herself, somehow, but she was hurt in the process. I don't know what happened exactly, because she didn't have too many physical injuries. She just collapsed.

"I didn't know what to do. I called Abe, who was probably the only man crazy enough to drive out in the middle of the night and pick us up, and he insisted we take her to your mother. She mumbled 'Belikov,' so we assumed she knew Olena. Of course, we didn't know she was your mother at the time. She didn't actually tell me your name, initially. We were just looking for someone who could help her, and your mother was the obvious choice."

With no proper doctor in Baia for Moroi and dhampir, my mother was the closest it came to a healer for many in the community. She was able to deal with small ailments or the occasional unexpected early birth, but she'd urged those with more difficult issues to see proper doctors in one of the larger cities.

"It wasn't until later that Rose eventually told your family what had happened. Apparently, nobody even notified your family."

My stomach twisted a bit. Typically, families aren't told when a guardian is turned against their will. They are just told they had passed. The idea that my family wasn't even told that much was somewhat concerning, though. I wondered how long they would have waited for some note from me, or a phone call. Would it have been years before they realized I was never coming home again? It might not have been pleasant news, but telling them of my death had been a mercy. She had done me and my family a great favor.

"She told them I was dead?"

"No."

My heart stopped. "She told them...She told them I was…"

Sydney was silent, and when I couldn't take it any longer, I looked down at her. She met my eyes a moment and then nodded.

My family knew. They knew I had done horrible things. Unforgivable things. My mother. My sisters. I had protected them and I promised to protect others like them and now they knew I was a killer. A monster. The churning in my stomach now felt like an all out raging ocean.

 _It would have been better if I had actually died._  That thought had passed through my mind so many times since my restoration. Each time it felt like a stake to the heart...the one that Rose had just barely missed. Just barely.

I hadn't gathered the strength to speak to my family since I had returned and now I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to. Not when they believed me to be…

"They had a funeral for you, you know." Sydney interrupted my thoughts. "Everyone in the whole town came, I think. They started telling stories, but I guess it had been a while since most of them had seen you, so they started asking Rose. Viktoria translated for the most part, but I think most people were able to understand what she meant, even if they didn't know exactly what she was saying. She loved you."

 _Loved. Not loves. Loved._  She shared my stories, our stories, at my funeral. I didn't know if she had told them everything, for all I knew she might have told them nothing about our relationship at all, but they all saw through it anyways. I wonder if they knew how much I loved her, too.

"Also, for future reference, she  _cannot_  hold her vodka very well," Sydney chuckled. "Granted, I lost count of how many glasses they gave her, but by the end of the night, I basically had to carry her to your old room."

I laughed a little, knowing just how difficult a drunk Rose could be. I also remembered just how vulnerable a drunk Rose could be.

_'Please don't leave me.'_

She had seemed so open, so exposed, that night at the ski lodge. She had pleaded with me to stay with her at the Academy rather than taking Tasha's offer. I was the one who had been too guarded to tell her what I really wanted. I had been confused, yes, but a part of me knew that I needed her, even back then. I would never have been able to leave her. Even back then, I had loved her. I needed her in my life, just as much as she needed me. But...she didn't need me anymore.

Still, I imagined her sitting with my family and friends, sharing stories of us. How we met and how we trained. Maybe she had told them how she eventually managed to beat me after weeks of training. I hoped she mentioned just how proud I had been. I wondered what stories she kept just for us. I wasn't just talking about that first kiss, or our time in the cabin, but the little things that stick with you for some reason and remind you that everything is – was – real and not just some dream.

"Enough." The woman from before, the one who had spoken with Raymond when we arrived, stood suddenly and spoke with authority. "It's getting late, and I'm sure our guests are hungry."

Considering we had been sustaining ourselves on drive-through fast food for the most part, a decent meal actually sounded pretty good. And a reason to think about something other than my past, both the good and bad, sounded even better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now Dimitri knows how Rose and Sydney met! I really wanted to give Dimitri a glance at his own funeral, and I loved being able to do so through Sydney's eyes rather Rose's. How did you like the introduction into the Keepers? We'll be seeing out first glance at both Angeline and Josh in the next chapter. I know some of you have been eager for that.
> 
> This week's Question of the Week is: what's your new fave VA fanfic! I'm hunting for some new ones to read! Don't forget that we have just about a month until the 'VA does Disney' stories dropping! Make sure to follow VAfiction on tumblr to catch them all!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has been reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following. You guys are amazing!


	10. Chapter 10

The announcement that we were turning in for the night seemed to spark something in the others, and while there were a few murmurs about us leaving the campfire when many felt that the excitement was just starting, quite a few families started making their way towards their own homes.

As we followed the woman, who had introduced herself to me as Sarah, she turned to Sydney and asked, "Did you bring us anything?"

I was somewhat confused by the odd question and what it could mean. Between that, and the recognition of her as a 'Lily-girl," it was starting to seem like this group had at least some sort of relationship with the Alchemists.

"No," Sydney responded, perhaps a bit evasively. "I'm just here to escort them."

The older woman hummed, looking a tad disappointed at the news but nodding anyway. "An important task."

Hesitantly, Sydney asked, "How long has it been since my people brought you anything?"

"A few months," Sarah replied after a few moments, and for some reason, Sydney didn't look thrilled at the news.

Eventually, we made our way towards one of the larger homes. While it still looked fairly rough, it didn't look nearly as unstable as some of the others I had seen as we wandered through the village.  _At least it isn't a cave,_  I reminded myself.

The hinges squealed as the door opened a bit unevenly, but inside it actually looked somewhat homey. It certainly wasn't a modern home – there didn't seem to be any form of electricity – but it was fairly clean and well kept, all things considered. There was an old-fashioned iron stove near the center of the room with a kettle on top. A table with several chairs, all which seemed to be hand-crafted, sat in one corner, while a few rocking chairs were settled near the other end of the room. The ceiling was a bit lower there, and it took me a second to recognize that some sort of loft had been built above the sitting area, perhaps for storage. The large room, despite being lit with only a few kerosene lamps, wasn't as dark and dreary as you would think. There were patterned quilts everywhere, along with floral curtains, herbs hanging from the ceiling, and even a few bouquets of wildflowers in little vases scattered about. It was quaint, but you could tell there was warmth here.

"You can sleep in the girls' room," Sarah offered, gesturing with a small log towards one of the three doors along the back wall. The log was then unceremoniously tossed into the stove. I adjusted the two backpacks over my shoulder and started towards the room.

"Thanks," Rose offered, albeit with some reluctance. She paused for a moment, carefully glancing around the house again before looking at Sarah curiously. "Are you Raymond's housekeeper?"

The wood beneath us creaked as both Sydney and I paused. The answer didn't matter. The question in and of itself was way too invasive to be acceptable. I half expected her to throw us out, but instead, Sarah seemed almost amused.

"I'm his wife," she chuckled.

I think I was just as stunned as Rose. Sydney didn't quite look stunned, but she certainly looked uncomfortable. The glare she shot Rose sent a clear meaning: 'Let it go.'

I could practically see more questions brewing in Rose's mind, the words silently ghosting on her lips and being swallowed just as quickly. I was more than a bit confused myself, but Sydney was right: there was no way to politely continue this conversation. Some questions would have to be left unanswered, and some things (as odd as they seemed to us) would just need to be accepted for the time being.

The tension that had been crackling in the room, growing as steady as the fire in the stove, was broken by the door opening again. Raymond arrived with several others, including a Moroi woman around my age and two children: a Dhampir boy and a Moroi girl, both around eight or so. I tried to figure out some sort of family dynamic, but beyond everyone living under the same roof, I had no answers. Apparently, it was just another thing I'd have to accept here.

Right before the door closed, someone else slipped in. It took me a second to realize that it was the same person I had seen high up on the cliffs before. I tried to focus on the introductions Raymond was making for the newcomers, but the only name that really stuck was that of that young blond man, Joshua, who didn't bother to give me more than a passing glance while shaking my hand. He was too focused on Rose.

Rose gave him a small, stiff wave and an uncomfortable smile, and I smirked at the minor shutdown. Unfortunately, he didn't take the hint and seemed to perk up under the attention.

"I'm putting them in your room," Sarah told the other woman, who I was pretty sure was named Paulette. "The rest of you can share the loft."

"We don't want to inconvenience you," I cut in. That loft I had seen earlier surely wasn't large enough to sleep four people. "We'll be fine out here."

"Don't worry about it." Joshua, once again, didn't bother looking at me when he answered. He did offer a small smile to Sydney, but he was obviously fixated on Rose, smiling unabashedly as he assured her, "We don't mind. Angeline won't either."

Rose's head tilted. We hadn't been introduced to an Angeline yet. "Who?"

"My sister," he replied.

She nodded and glanced up towards the loft. I knew we were sharing a similar thought. Five people up there wouldn't be comfortable at all. Before we could protest the issue any further, Sydney accepted the offer.

"We appreciate it. And we really won't be staying long."

"Too bad."

I grit my teeth at Josh's forwardness, but his mother was the one to step in.

"Stop flirting, Josh." She smacked his shoulder and then turned her attention back towards us. "Do you three want something to eat before bed? I could warm up some of the stew. We had some earlier with some of Paulette's bread."

"No need." Rose's reply came out quickly, almost before Sarah could finish her offer. "I'd just be fine with bread."

"Me too," I agreed. I didn't want to put our hosts out, especially this late at night for them.

A few minutes later, we were sitting in the room we had been given with a full loaf of bread and a small bowl of butter. The bread tasted a bit sharp, and there was something that was vaguely recognizable about it. After a few bites, I realized that it was a sourdough of some sort. My mother used to make a similar bread, though hers was usually darker than this one. I wouldn't have been surprised if the butter was homemade as well, and I couldn't deny that it was much better than anything store-bought. Rose seemed to agree; she had inhaled her bread and was now on her last bite.

"It reminds me of some of the designs I saw in Russia," Rose mused as her hand ran across an intricately patterned quilt beside her. It was draped on one of the two mattresses laying directly on the floor. Besides those mattresses and a lone dresser, the room was pretty much empty. The quilts were the only color in here, but they were more than enough to make the little room feel comfortable.

I studied it for a moment, remembering some of the quilts that were in my own home. This one had several brightly colored fabric triangles sewn into a beautiful pattern of geometric stars. The quilt on the other mattress had small squares set in a tile motif, alternating white and colored pieces. They both seemed too laid out, though. Too planned. The same fabric was used in the same places, here and there, to make the image. It made the design stark. The ones I grew up always seemed to flow somehow. Even if the patterns were somewhat similar – stars, diamonds, squares – there was a clear difference when you looked for it. The ones back home were like a painting. Each paint stroke (or tiny scrap of fabric, in this case) was different, but when you stepped back, they created an image that was full of life. Occasionally the designs were actual images, too. Buildings, nature scenes, or just flowing colors. Those quilts were works of art, passed down through generations.

Don't get me wrong, the quilts I was looking at now were beautiful. They weren't the ones I remembered from my childhood home, though. Nothing could be as beautiful as my memories.

I looked up at Rose and smiled. "Similar. But not quite the same."

"It's the evolution of the culture," Sydney yawned and laid her head back against the wall. "Traditional Russian patterns brought over and eventually fused with typical Americana patchwork quilt form." She seemed exhausted.

"Um, good to know." A few beats, and a wary glance towards the door later, Rose continued, "Are you ready to explain who the hell these people are?"

Part of me wanted to let Sydney sleep, but the other part of me itched to get as much information as possible about our current arrangements. If that meant another five minutes of keeping her awake, so be it.

"The Keepers," Sydney replied, eyes closing momentarily.

"Yeah, I got that." Rose let out a little huff. "And we're the Tainted. Sounds like a better name for the Strigoi."

"No, the Strigoi are the Lost," Sydney clarified. "You're the Tainted because you joined the modern world and left behind their backwards ways for your own messed up customs."

"Hey! We're not the ones with overalls and banjos."

"Rose," I scolded, nodding towards the door as a quick reminder of where we were. "Be careful. And besides, we only saw one person in overalls."

I was almost rewarded with a laugh before Sydney started to speak again. "If it makes you feel better, I think your ways are better. Seeing humans mixing with all this…" she shivered a little. "It's disgusting. No offense."

"None taken." Rose grimaced, almost mimicking Sydney exactly. "Trust me, I feel the same way. I can't believe...I can't believe they live like that."

"I like you guys sticking with your own kind better."

The way Sydney kept speaking of us, 'our kind,' was starting to sting a bit. Certainly we didn't share the same views as Alchemists, and we were different than humans in general, but sometimes she spoke as if we were animals rather than...well, not human, exactly. But we were still people who deserved to be treated with the same respect. We weren't something lesser just because we weren't the same.

"Except…" Sydney's nose crinkled a little as her words drifted off.

"Except what?" Rose urged.

She looked a bit timid, but sat up and faced us head on when she eventually answered. "Even if the people you come from don't marry humans, you do still interact with them and live in their cities. These guys don't."

"Which Alchemists prefer," I stated flatly, trying hard not to bristle at the idea that every city outside of Court was apparently 'theirs', despite the presence and contributions of Dhampirs and Moroi. "You don't approve of this group's customs, but you do like having them conveniently stashed out of mainstream society."

She nodded, thankfully not picking up the annoyance on my end. I was tired as well, and I knew my emotions on the matter were probably making a minor issue much more than it should be. She was taught to be wary of us. Why wouldn't she want us to keep our distance? It was hardly her fault for feeling that way.

"The more vampires who stay off on their own in the woods, the better – even if their lifestyle is crazy," she maintained. "These guys keep to themselves – and keep others out."

"Through hostile means?" Rose looked at her incredulously.

"Hopefully not too hostile," Sydney amended.

"They let you through," I pointed out. "They know the Alchemists. Why did Sarah ask about you bringing them things?"

"Because that's what we do. Every so often for groups like these, we drop off supplies – food for everyone, medicine for the humans. The thing is, if Sarah's right, they could be due for an Alchemist visit. That would be just our luck to be here when that happens."

Rose looked like she was about to say something when she stopped short. "Wait. You said 'groups like these.' How many of these commune things are out there?" She shot me a slightly accusing look. "This isn't like the Alchemists, is it? Something only some of you know about that you're keeping from the rest of us?"

I shook my head and caught a slight eye roll from Sydney. Apparently, they both were still a little bitter that I had neglected to mention the Alchemists and their essential role in our society. "I'm as astonished by all of this as you are," I assured Rose.

"Some of your leaders probably know about the Keepers in a vague way," Sydney stepped in, providing some answers for us both. "But no details. No locations. These guys hide themselves pretty well and can move on a moment's notice. They stay away from your people. They don't like your people."

"Which is why they won't turn us in." Rose gave a quiet little laugh. "And why they're so excited that I might have killed Tatiana. Thanks for that, by the way."

"It gets us protection," Sydney replied, her words slowly falling into another yawn. "But for now? I'm exhausted. I'm not going to be able to follow anyone's crazy plans – your's or Abe's – If I don't get some sleep."

Sydney was already beginning to slip underneath one of the patterned quilts as Rose looked my way. "Shifts?" she asked, mirroring my thoughts. Even if this place was supposed to be a safe haven for us, she was the only one I truly trusted.

"You go first," I insisted. "And then I'll–"

My words were cut off by a 'whoosh' and a 'bang' as the door was flung open. I instantly went for my stake, and I could see Rose's hand wrap around hers, too, just before we realized our aggressor was a young girl of about fifteen and not an army of guardians ready to drag Rose back to Court, dead or alive. That didn't mean she wasn't angry and on a mission, however.

"So, you're the big heroes taking my room." She practically spat the words out at us and looked significantly less impressed by our presence than anyone else we had met here.

"Angeline?" Rose asked, and I remembered the final person that Josh had mentioned would be sleeping in the loft while we were visiting.

"Yes," She hissed, dragging out the 's.' She glanced between me and Rose before sneering at us with disdain. "I don't believe it. You're too soft. Too prim."

Rose's eyes quickly flicked towards mine, and I understood the hidden, disbelieving message. I doubted either of us had ever been described as 'soft' or 'prim.'

"Looks are deceiving," Rose said in warning.

"Yes," the girl replied, matching her tone exactly. "They are."

Angeline stomped towards a dresser and ripped open one of the drawers, never taking her eyes off of us while she pulled out a long piece of light blue fabric. Some sort of sleeping clothes, most likely. "You better not mess up my bed," she said, pointing the item towards Rose. A second later she gave a passing glance towards Sydney. "I don't care what you do to Paulette's."

As Angeline started making her way towards the door, Rose asked, "Is Paulette your sister?"

The girl somehow looked even angrier than before. "Of course not!" She snapped. The door slammed a second later, making the walls rattle along with everything else.

Sydney turned over in the bed as if the whole scene hadn't even happened. "Paulette is probably Raymond's...eh, I don't know. Mistress. Concubine."

"What?" Rose's shock echoed mine. "Living with his family?"

"Don't ask me to explain it. I don't want to know any more about your twisted ways than I have to."

"It's not my way," Rose retorted, looking appalled.

It certainly wasn't my way either. I couldn't imagine a man, a married man at that, sleeping with another woman.

Sarah apologized for Angeline a little while later, and we all insisted that it wasn't any issue. We were the ones that had kicked her out of her bed, after all. She had a right to be a little upset over the matter.

Rose offered to take first watch, and I reassured her again that I was fine before we set up a time to switch. Perhaps it was a testament to just how much rest she actually needed that she was out within minutes. Once I was certain she was fast asleep, and the rest of the house had fallen quiet as well, I was finally ready to settle down myself. I reached for my book, letting my stake lay next to me just in case, but I found it hard to read the words on the pages. Something else (or rather, someone else) kept distracting me, pulling my focus until I was content to just watch her instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, a really important note: there will be no chapter update next week. Just one week, guys. I need a quick break to catch up on some things and my betas have a few things that need to be taken care of as well. We'll be back April 1st.
> 
> A BIG thank you to everyone who made a fic recommendation last week. I'm already starting to devour them. If you happen to be looking for new fics, check the comments because there are some awesome suggestions in there. This week's Question of the Week is: are you an introvert, or an extrovert?
> 
> Thanks again for reading! I always appreciate your thoughts and kind words in the reviews each week. I reply to everyone, or at least everyone who is signed in and have the PM function turned on, so feel free to ask questions about the chapter or anything else about the story. Or just share your thoughts! I love hearing your opinions about different scenes.


	11. Chapter 11

While Rose had fallen asleep quickly, that peaceful slumber didn't last long. The sun had cast a small beam of light through the curtains, and I was watching it bend and dance across her quilt when she suddenly kicked out. I sat up straighter when she continued tossing, automatically bracing myself as if she was going to be attacked, even as I told myself that she was only dreaming. Her face contorted a bit, and while she didn't make any noise, it was obvious that she was upset about something.

Instinct pushed me to wake her from the nightmare. There were moments where she looked like she might have been in pain. I wanted to take it away, but when I reached out to shake her awake, a thought stayed my hand.

_What if she was dreaming of me?_

She could be stuck in that glorious prison, trying to escape me and my torture. She could be running from me right now while I hunted her and taunted her with death threats. Perhaps I had Lissa and Christian in my clutches, ready to end them just to have a chance at killing her too. There were a million scenes she could be seeing at that moment; who knew which one she happened to be reliving? There was no doubt in my mind, though, that I had to be one of the monsters that hid in the dark recesses of her memories, ready to torment her the moment her guard was down.

My hand pulled back automatically. I was the last person who should be waking her. Not only did she have a stake laying inches from her hand that she was liable to use if she felt threatened, but waking up to the face of your attempted murderer had to be the only thing worse than actually dreaming of him.

I crawled backwards, careful to move around her body and pausing when her leg twitched again and nearly knocked into me. When I was clear, I leaned against the wall and just watched her. It was the least I could do. If I couldn't wake her from whatever terror she was feeling, then I could sit with her and silently bear it with her.

She seemed to relax for a few moments, and I took a breath of relief. Maybe she had defeated the monster of her nightmares. As if to test the theory, I let my hand drift into the beam of sunlight, now much closer than it had been an hour or so ago. It felt warm, but didn't burn. It felt good. Warm. Full of life. Alive.

The heroine had vanquished the beast and rescued the man inside. Her own little fairytale – the things of myths, legends, dreams, and bedtime stories. At least for tonight.

I had never been one for fairytales, myself. I lived in a world that contained magic and royalty, but I wasn't foolish enough to believe in 'happily ever after.' At least not for everyone. Maybe you got close, so close you thought it was within your grasp, and then a twist of fate ripped it from you.

I picked up my book again, flipping through the pages as if it might offer some comfort. Life wasn't like a story. It wasn't wrapped up in a nice little package that left the characters and readers satisfied. Books were an escape, letting you hide from just how much your own life was falling apart. I had become well versed in running away into the pages of a story, and right now, I was happy to disappear for a little while.

Rose jerked again, this time with a small gasp. I quickly glanced towards her but turned away before she could see my gaze. She was awake. I didn't want to spook her, so I kept my eyes pinned on the door, listening carefully to the rustling of her blankets. I only hazarded a look after the sounds stopped and she was still for several minutes.

This time, as I watched over her, she looked truly at ease. She was even smiling. She almost looked like was about to laugh at times.

I missed that look: her smiling and laughing. I couldn't remember the last time I had actually heard her laugh. I couldn't even remember the last time I had seen her smile like that. Actually, I could. Adrian made her smile.  _She's with him_ , I realized.

Rose had told me about his spirit dreams more than once. I was fairly certain he had visited me one time shortly after he and I had met. It had been such an unusual experience, it had been hard to tell. However, if that was really what had happened, he had done it with the sole purpose of taunting me.

Tonight, he was probably checking in on Rose. Maybe comforting her. I was sure he missed her. Perhaps she missed him, too. I looked away after I was sure she was okay.

_I wish she would smile rather than toss and turn in terror when she dreamt of me._  It was an unexpected thought, and one that I probably shouldn't have been thinking at all. I shouldn't want her to dream of me...but if she did, I wished I could make her smile.

I used to make her smile. She had such an easy smile before, so sometimes it would just happen naturally and it would light up the entire room. Occasionally, it felt like it would light up the entire sky. But there were times when I did anything I could to make her smile, or laugh, just to feel that little bit of sun in my life. Now I mostly made her sad or angry, unintentionally or not. It seemed like I managed to do nothing but upset her somehow.

I shifted, letting my legs stretch for a moment before bringing my knees up and resting my arms on them. Everything felt tight, and nothing seemed to loosen the muscles. I rolled my shoulders and twisted my neck, almost praying for something to crack and release the pressure built up there, but it only served to make the issue worse. I knew my watch was almost over, but Rose was still smiling, and I was hesitant to wake her if she was still with Adrian and having a moment of happiness in all of this. I only gave up when I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

I woke her as gently as I could manage, but she still glared at me for a half a moment before nodding, recognizing why I was waking her, and then trading places with me. While I was sure she wasn't pleased with leaving what small comfort this thin mattress provided, I was more than happy to finally give into my body's need to sleep. It didn't hurt that the blankets were still warm from her own short rest.

It didn't seem to take very long to fall into some sort of slumber, but the black abyss I was hoping for was quickly broken. Instead, I was in a room that I was all too familiar with. Cream walls, gilded mirrors, crown molding, ornate furniture, and a locked steel door with a keypad – all that was missing was Rose in a revealing dress and wearing stolen jewelry lying half-drugged on the bed.

My heart started racing and I glanced down at my hands, praying that I'd see some color in them rather than the sickly paleness that I had worn last time I was here. Even though my skin seemed normal, it didn't quite put me ease. My tongue ran across my teeth, feeling for the fangs I had once wielded as a weapon. I didn't feel anything, but I still felt frantic.

"It's a dream," I whispered quietly to myself, trying desperately to calm myself. "You were thinking about Rose and this place before you fell asleep. It's just a dream. It's all just a dream. She's not here. You're not a -"

"Nice room." I turned sharply at the sound, reaching for a stake that wasn't at my hip like it should have been. Adrian was looking up at some of the intricate detailing on the ceiling. "Not going to lie, I didn't think you'd really go for the whole 'old world glamour' thing, but you've got good taste. Where are we?"

"It doesn't matter," I hissed, still uneasy. Perhaps picking up on my hesitancy, Adrian let the matter drop. This was one of his spirit dreams, I realized, but since he hadn't known this place or the significance of it, he must have created it out of my own memories. I wasn't keen on letting him know any of the horrors this room held unless I had to. I eyed him carefully, but not before quickly glancing at the entry door, just to make sure it wouldn't open unexpectedly. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to you."

"You didn't talk to Rose?"

He smiled. It wasn't some smirk that hinted at an impending sarcastic quip, but a true smile that was brought on just by hearing his girlfriend's name. "Of course I did. I missed her and needed to make sure she was alright. It's so hard not being there with her."

I nodded, caught up in his smile that almost mirrored the one she had been wearing a little while ago.

"But," he continued, "I wanted  _you_ to tell me that she's okay. I trust her, but I think she's not telling me everything. Did something happen? Did you make it to the hotel okay? Rose said you're in some small town off the map. Abe didn't tell any of us where, of course, but I need to know she's safe."

Apparently, Rose  _was_ keeping some things from him. He obviously thought we were still at the safehouse. I briefly considered telling him the truth, but I knew it would put Sydney in danger of Abe's wrath, and I would probably get a good dose of it myself. Plus, what mattered most was that Rose was safe, and she was.

"Don't worry," I reassured him, "Rose is fine." He looked a little skeptical so I gave him a bit more: some truth that might pacify his worry that Rose and I might be hiding something from him. "Did she tell you that we had a tail for a little while when we left Court? There was a small incident but we made it through. She's okay, I promise."

His eyes went wide at the news that something hadn't gone completely to plan. I was glad I hadn't gone into detail because I could see the anxiety building, despite the fact that he had just spoken her. He began to pace in front of the bed. "I need to be there with her," he said in distress. "I should be the one there!"

"Adrian!" He snapped out of his trance and turned his focus my way again. "Listen to me. You know why I'm here. I promised I would take care of her. I will. I'm not going to let anything happen. I'll protect her until she can come home. You're needed there to make it so she  _can_ come home."

He nodded along with my words, gaining a little confidence with every passing second. "Yeah. You're right. And we're getting closer. We'll get there. No matter how long it takes, we'll get there. Then she can come home." He fell back into one of the overstuffed chairs with a huff, chuckling absentmindedly with his face in his palms. "And of course, she's finding any way she can to help from wherever you guys are."

I stiffened, wondering if she had actually told him about our search for the last Dragomir.

He looked at me incredulously. "She actually came up this crazy plan to have Liss run for Queen!"

"What?" She hadn't told me about any of this.

"Yeah! She told me to nominate her and put her in the running! She didn't get to tell me much else, but I'm going to take a look at the rules and see if she's on to anything. It would certainly cause a stir and that might be just what we need."

"It would…" My words drifted, lost as they mingled with the dozens of questions floating in my mind. Yes, it no doubt would cause a small uproar and take the focus off Rose for a few days, whether or not they actually allowed Vasilisa to run. But where had Rose gotten the idea? Did she really think it was an actual possibility, or was she just expecting it to cause a few days worth of chaos in hopes of drawing the attention off of their investigation? But still...where had she even gotten the idea?

"I should let you know something, Dimitri." Unlike the earlier amusement, his voice now sounded grave. "They're upping the search for you two. 'Deadly force' is a word that's being thrown around quite a bit. Be careful, okay?"

I had already known they would be happy to shoot Rose or I if they had no other options to apprehend us, but it sounded like they might not be concerned with 'apprehension' anymore. We were already playing a life or death game, but the stakes had just been raised a little higher.

A silent acknowledgment of that fact was made, and he stood and clapped a palm on my arm. "I'll let you get your rest. Goodnight, Belikov, and take care of our girl."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter, Passover, April fool's day, or springtime chocolate bunny time! I enjoyed my little break this past week and was able to finish a few projects. Thank you all for that. I hope you enjoyed our little check in with Adrian. We're going to see a bit more of jealous Dimitri next week, so get ready.
> 
> You should also get ready for...A NEW STORY! Yep! I know I told you all that I would NEVER do another story while I was still taking on DPOV because I couldn't handle them both. That's still probably true, but I'm going to do it anyway because I have no self-control. I'm participating in the "Vampire Academy does Disney" project and my Mulan inspired fic was too much fun to keep to a simple one shot so keep an eye out Wednesday or Thursday for the first chapter to go live. We also have MANY other amazing authors participating, some who already have their fics posted, so check the VAfiction tumblr page to get links to them all over the next two weeks or so (look for the 'VA does Disney').
> 
> The question of the Week: What's your favorite Disney movie?
> 
> Thanks again for reading, favoriting, following, and sharing! You guys are amazing!


	12. Chapter 12

It seemed like I had just fallen asleep when something pulled me out of the inky blackness of the abyss. My hand shot out to grip the one on my shoulder, but my eyes met Rose's smile.

"Easy," she chimed, laughing a little at my overreaction. "Just a wake-up call. Sounds like our redneck friends are getting up."

The rustle of sheets next to us drew our attention. Sydney's head popped out from underneath her blanket, and she squinted at the light pouring through the window. For someone who had just been sleeping several hours, she managed to look fairly put together. Stretching her hands high, she looked over at us and asked, "What time is it?"

Rose shrugged. "Not sure. Probably past midday. Three? Four?" She looked towards me for some sort of confirmation, but I didn't have much to offer. She was probably right.

"In the afternoon!?" Sydney now seemed totally awake. "Damn you guys and your unholy schedule."

I heard Rose laugh a little under her breath. "Did you just say 'damn'? Isn't that against the Alchemist rules?"

Sydney returned the teasing with a glare. "Sometimes it's necessary." A few heavy footsteps passed our door and she tensed. "I guess we need a plan."

Rose ran her fingers through her hair, pulling out some of the tangles. "We have one: Find Lissa's sibling."

_And apparently have Lissa run for royal office,_  I mentally finished. I still had yet to get the full story about that particular part of the plan, but something told me that I shouldn't spring the new information on Sydney quite yet. Especially since I was fairly certain that Sydney still wasn't quite on board with the first half of the plan.

"I never agreed to that," Sydney pointed out, confirming my suspicion. "And you guys keep thinking I can magically type away like some movie hacker to find all your answers."

"Well, at least it's a place to…" Rose paused and her face went blank at a sudden realization. "Crap. Your laptop won't even work out here."

"It's got a satellite modem, but it's the battery we have to worry about." Sydney groaned as she stood up and rubbed at her temple. "I need a coffee shop or something." It seemed like she was a little more interested in the coffee than the shop, but truthfully, I wouldn't have minded a cup myself. Even with some sleep, I was still feeling fairly tired.

Rose smirked. "I think I saw one in a cave down the road."

Sydney sent another glare her way, but this one had a hint of a smile in it. "There's got to be somewhere close by where I could use my laptop."

"But it's probably not a good idea to take the car out anywhere in this state," I pointed out. "just in case someone at the motel got your license plate number." I hated being the bearer of bad news, but if someone had that information, it was better for us to stay hidden here for the time being. Even if it meant putting off our search for Lissa's sibling for a while, I'd rather that than rushing into the search and getting caught. Adrian's warning was still blaring fresh in my mind, and I wasn't willing to put Rose at risk. I'd prefer a cave to a cell, and I'd prefer either of those to a coffin.

Sydney jumped at a knock at the door and rushed a few steps towards us when it opened a second later. Sarah stuck her head in with a broad smile. "Oh, good. You're all awake. We're getting breakfast ready if you want to join us."

The smell of breakfast had slipped in a little when Sarah had checked in on us, but the moment we stepped out into the main room, we were overwhelmed with it. Rose's stomach practically announced our arrival to the others as the scent of eggs, toasted bread, and bacon surrounded us.

Sarah was mixing something in a pitcher. Paulette was putting the last plate down, looking completely distracted in the task of setting the table. Raymond walked past us to slide some freshly cooked bacon from a pan onto a platter on the table, right next to one loaded with golden scrambled eggs. "Good morning," he said with a grin. It seemed strange to see him so bright and cheerful after we had been sizing one another up with nonverbal threats less than a day before. Even now, I could hear the hint of a deep growl his voice naturally carried, despite the fact that he was in high spirits. "I hope you're all hungry."

I felt Rose's elbow knock into me a little as she quietly sought my attention. "Do you think that's, like, real bacon? And not squirrel or something?"

I rose up on my toes a little, getting an even clearer picture of the breakfast table before leaning back towards her. "Looks real to me."

"I'd say so, too," Sydney chimed in. "Though, I guarantee it's from their own pig and not a grocery store."

Rose's nose scrunched up a little at the thought, and I chuckled. Where did she think grocery store bacon came from? "I always love seeing what worries you. Strigoi? No. Questionable food? Yes."

Whatever retort she was about to spit back at me was quickly cut off when the front door opened.

"What about Strigoi?"

Angeline's question came amidst the laughter of the young children she and Joshua were shepherding inside. Their resistance quickly turned to eagerness the moment they saw their father. The littlest girl ran and crashed into him with a big hug as if she hadn't seen him in days. He gave a small huff at the sudden affection, but grinned and picked her up to give her a little kiss on the nose, making her laugh before setting her down again.

I pulled my eyes away from the scene playing in front of me and answered, "Just talking about some of Rose's Strigoi kills."

Joshua, who had already been eyeing Rose over the bowl of blackberries he and the others must have picked, suddenly paused and stared at her with a renewed captivation that now went much further than her body. "You've killed the Lost? Er – Strigoi? How many?"

Rose shrugged, looking uncomfortable and turning slightly away from me. "I don't really know anymore."

Raymond shook his head. "Don't you used the marks? I didn't think the Tainted had abandoned those." He patted his small daughter gently on her head, even while scolding us.

"The marks – oh. Yeah. Our tattoos? We do." She turned, twisting her hair up and showing them her neck. I was still staring at the gentleness Raymond was showing his child, so I didn't initially see Joshua's hand reach out. The moment I did, my own hand shot out to stop him. I was too late, but she whipped back around the moment he touched her. Even between those who were close, touching something as meaningful as our tattoos – the ones that served as the last memorial of someone you killed – was something you only did if you were invited to. Not only had Joshua tried to touch Rose without her permission, he tried to do so in a fairly intimate manner, and in a way that I could only assume he hadn't understood the significance of.

"Sorry," he said, offering me a quick glance before focusing on her again. "I've just never seen some of these. Only the molnija marks. That's how we count our strigoi kills. You've got...a lot."

"The S-shaped mark is unique to them," Raymond explained to Joshua, apparently less than impressed by the promise mark we all typically wore with honor. His praise was back a moment later. "The other's the zvesda."

Joshua and Angeline's eyes went wide, and Joshua even took a step back as if suddenly a bit wary of Rose.

"What?" Rose looked at Raymond, but I cleared my throat.

"It's the battle mark," I explained, using the more common name. "Not many people call it zvezda anymore. It means 'star'."

"Huh." Rose's hand slipped under hair. While I couldn't see it myself, I knew she had found the star shape mark on her neck and was tracing it with her fingertips. "Makes sense."

Joshua smiled flirtatiously at her again. "Now I can understand how you killed the Tainted queen."

His sister, however, scoffed. "It's probably fake."

"It is not! I earned it when Strigoi attacked our school!" Rose took a step forward, but I pulled her back hearing the tone of her voice. It wasn't just laced with some annoyance about being called a liar, but filled with pure outrage at something like that being belittled. She fell beside me again and tugged her arm away from my grip, all while pointedly not meeting my gaze. "And then there were plenty more I took down after that."

She wasn't lying. She had only graduated a few weeks ago and she now carried the weight of six molnija. I had that many when I had first met her, and I had been a sanctioned guardian for several years. Plus, I knew there were many more kills that had gone unrecorded by the council from her time in Russia. Then, of course, there was the actual zvezda mark – the one she bore and I didn't.

She had survived...and I had succumbed.

"The mark can't be that uncommon," I said quickly, trying to turn the tone of the conversation around – and cutting off the darker thoughts that were currently attempting to root themselves in my mind. "Your people must have big Strigoi fights every once in a while." Even if they warded the camp here, I hadn't noticed any strict security protocol among the residents last night. That had to leave them open to attack.

"Not really," Joshua replied, somewhat distracted as he still admired Rose and the new information he had just gleaned. "Most of us have never fought or even seen the Lost. They don't really bother us."

"Why not?" Rose asked, mirroring my own question.

"Because..." Raymond picked up his little daughter and tossed her up in the air a little, letting her squeal as he caught her to place her in one of the chairs at the table. "...we fight back." He looked at his family with a bit of pride, and then winked at us.

Breakfast passed without too much incident. In fact, it was fairly comforting how familial it was. Cups were passed, children were chastised for leaning too far across the table, compliments were given on the food (which was actually quite delicious, but then again, hunger is the best cook), and, of course, plans were shared about the day ahead. What continued to shock me was Raymond and his attitude through it all.

I had never really seen a father who actually seemed so...fatherly. All the little things that he would do, like ruffling a child's hair or showing excitement at something his child was excited about, seemed to catch my attention. My own father, of course, had been a huge contrast; if he wasn't ignoring us, he was yelling. Or worse. Once or twice he had attempted to look parental and treat us with little gifts, but that quickly became a precursor to even more pain because it would give you just enough hope to make you wonder if things might be different. Then the drinking, yelling, hitting, and abuse would start up in earnest again, shattering everything to pieces.

Ivan's father, who I had the pleasure of meeting a few times, wasn't abusive, but he was distant. Perhaps it had been different when Ivan had been younger, but his father certainly wasn't as interested in Ivan as Raymond seemed to be in Joshua. Raymond was currently chatting with him about some project Joshua needed help with that day, and I could see the happiness in his eyes. Raymond wasn't putting on a show for us. He simply loved his children.

He treated his wife and Paulette with the same kindness, and even though I hardly understood the type of relationship between the three of them, the respect that he offered them both was enough for me to accept whatever arrangement they had. They appeared happy, and it wasn't my place to judge. He stood to grab something from the counter and let his hand brush Paulette's shoulder before leaning over to kiss Sarah on the forehead. I'd much rather see a man treat two women with love and gentleness, than watch a man abuse one woman that he claimed to adore. So despite my bewilderment, I smiled.

Sydney eventually broke through the conversation, laying down our own plans for the day. "We need some supplies. Where's the nearest town that would have a coffee shop...or any restaurant?"

"Well, Rubysville is a little over an hour north," Paulette said after a moment. "But we have plenty of food here for you."

"It's not about the food. Yours has been great," assured Rose quickly, grabbing another piece of bacon from the center platter as a testament to that fact. Raymond laughed at her antics as if she was another one of his children, making me remember the way Abe had looked at Rose before we left. He was another imposing man who seemed to melt around his family. It also reminded me how protective both men could be. Rose looked at Sydney and continued, "An hour's not so bad, right?"

With some hesitation, Sydney agreed. It quickly became apparent that the hesitation wasn't about the drive, but the actual ride. "Is there any way...is there any way we could borrow a car? I'll…" She closed her eyes in almost a wince. "I'll leave the keys to mine until we get back."

"You've got a nice car." Raymond looked almost amused, and perhaps a bit interested in the idea of trading those cars permanently.

Sydney didn't look quite as amused but tried to brush it off. "The less we drive it around here, the better."

He tossed her the keys to his truck, giving her a teasing promise that he 'probably' wouldn't even need to use her rental, but I could still see how even the thought of someone else driving her car set her on edge.

* * *

Joshua offered to escort us back to the cars, and while I wanted to insist that I knew the way because of their trail markings, he was able to act as a buffer for the rest of the community as we left. He brushed off their questions, allowing us to move much quicker than we would have been able to move on our own. Once we were out of the main town, he became less of an aid and more of an annoyance.

"I hope you won't be gone long." He had run up towards Rose as soon as he could. "I'd wanted us to talk more."

"Sure," she said a bit absentmindedly as she glanced at the woods around us. "That'd be fun."

He moved a branch out of her way, and she offered him a passing smile as she slipped underneath it. When she accepted the chivalrous gesture, he beamed, but I had to quickly dodge the same branch when he released it and unknowingly let it snap back towards my face. Totally unaware of my glare, he continued, "Maybe I can show you my cave."

"Your – wait." Rose paused and gave him a sidelong glance. "Don't you live with your dad?"

"For now," he admitted before puffing out his chest. "But I'm getting my own place. It's not as big as his, of course, but it's a good start. It's almost cleaned out."

Joshua's blatant parroting in front of Rose was somewhat amusing, but not quite as amusing as watching Rose stumble for a way to try to let him down gently. After a moment, she finally found her somewhat hesitant words. "That's really, um, great." I nodded in satisfaction as I saw Joshua deflate a little and hoped that he would finally get the point that Rose was off limits, but he was quickly bolstered up again when Rose finished with, "Definitely show me when we're back."

* * *

Joshua kept his eyes on Rose until I essentially threw her into his father's old red truck, walking around towards the driver's seat and slamming the door behind us. He offered a wave as we passed, but all I gave was a sharp raise of the hand. Rose hadn't been paying attention at all, already seeing if she could pick up anything on the radio but only coming up with static.

We slipped out onto the main road heading up to Rubysville before my own thoughts got the better of me. "You shouldn't lead him on like that."

"Huh?" Rose looked at me like I had suddenly sprouted two heads.

"Joshua," I clarified. "You were flirting with him."

"I was not! We were just talking."

"Aren't you with Adrian?" I accused, not looking at her. She had just been with him last night. He had been concerned enough about her to come to  _me_ and make sure she was okay! And now she was just flirting with some random boy in the middle of nowhere? Was she even thinking about the decent man who was worried sick about her?

"Yes!" she defended. "And that's why I wasn't flirting. How can you read so much into that? Joshua doesn't even like me that way."

"Actually, he does." Sydney watched as we passed one of the signs leading us towards Rubysville.

"How do you know?" Rose rolled her eyes. "Did he pass you a note or something?"

"No. But you and Dimitri are like gods back at the camp."

"We're outsiders. Tainted." I agreed with Rose, at least initially, but then gradually remembered the way they had all looked at her. I had even had a few looks thrown my way, though I was obviously a sideshow to her main attraction.

"No. You're renegade Strigoi and Queen-killers. It might have been all southern charm and hospitality back there, but those people can be savage. They put a big premium on being able to beat people up. And, considering how scruffy most of them are, you guys are…" She glanced at me, looking me up and down before doing the same to Roes. "Well...let's just say you two are the hottest things to walk through there in a while."

Rose smirked. "You're not hot?"

Sydney shifted and blushed. "It's irrelevant. Alchemists aren't even on their radar. We don't fight. They think we're weak."

There were a few moments of silence before Rose chimed in again. "Raymond's family is pretty good-looking."

I scoffed, somewhat proud of myself for not all out condemning her for that comment after her insistence she hadn't been flirting with Joshua earlier.

"Yeah," Sydney agreed. Rather than Rose's musing though, her comment sounded more clinical. "Because they're probably the most important family in town. They eat better, probably don't have to work in the sun as much. That kind of stuff makes a difference."

I was beginning to find the charm in Sydney's often analytical view of life. Some might have considered her words cold and detached, but really, she was just logical. It seemed like she found comfort in breaking the world down into pieces that she could examine, and then building everything around her again once she understood it all.

Rose, on the other hand, was her complete opposite. Emotional. Volatile. Like fire. It made her unpredictable, but it also drew many to her. It drew  _me_ to her. She burned brightly. She exuded warmth. She was almost the incarnation of life itself.

If anyone was cold and detached, it was me. I saw another sign for Rubysville, and watched the miles slowly counting down. Sometimes, that felt like all I was doing: watching the signs of life pass by. When I was younger, it was just a matter of taking each day one at a time. Wake up, do what needed to be done, and repeat. There were moments of happiness, of course, but for the most part, it was just the necessary day-to-day.

Now, I was actively avoiding life as much as possible. I hazarded a small glance towards Rose. The only time I felt like I had been truly living life was when I had been with her. Part of me was still drawn to the fire she radiated, but I also was terrified of touching the flames. She made me feel things that shouldn't feel anymore – things that I didn't deserve to feel. But every day, I seemed to be a little closer to her glow, and every day I felt a little more of her warmth, and every day I was a little more concerned about what that would mean for me.

So I watched the signs, the number steadily counting down, and hoped that somehow it would all just pass me by.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week, we get Jealous Dimitri. Next week...well, we have a whole new treat. Hint: It involves books :) 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who went over and checked out my new Mulan-inspired story, "The Knight of Swords." I'm glad so many of you have enjoyed it thus far, and I hope to have the next chapter up very soon. As in, maybe this week soon. I just need to do a little editing. 
> 
> This week's Question of the Week is: What is your favorite sick day activity?   
> Guys...I'm sick. Again. Well, the truth is I'm actually just sick STILL. I'm on these stupid meds that have a mild immunosuppressive side effect so...yeah. They're necessary medications, but that means when I get sick, I can stay sick for a while. The good news is that I like to write when I'm sick. The bad news is that I apparently write a whole lot of angsty stuff when I'm sick. So far, this story is still safe, but oh man...If I ever release what I've been writing today...well, I'm sorry in advance. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who had been reading, and a big big thank you to everyone who has been reviewing. Have I told you recently how much I love you guys? Because I do. And now I'm going to go lay down.


	13. Chapter 13

The cafe in Rubysville was more like a small diner, complete with a stereotypical sassy waitress. Sydney had ordered her coffee the moment we stepped through the doors, practically flagging down someone before she had even found a table. Rose and I got a nasty scowl when we didn't order anything ourselves. I might have been craving a morning jolt earlier, but now I was worried that it wouldn't quite sit well, considering everything I had been thinking about on the drive over. The rest of the menu wasn't much of a temptation, either.

After three passes and three progressively dirtier looks from Sydney's waitress, I gave into the temptation to leave. It was a pretty nice day outside, and I was fairly certain that Sydney would be safe without us by her side. Actually, she would probably be safer without us at this point. If guardians found us in this little town, she could still make a quick getaway.

"Rose." Her head snapped up from idly reading through the dessert portion of the menu when I called her name. "Do you want to go for a walk?"

She eyed me skeptically, perhaps looking for some ulterior motive, but eventually shrugged her acceptance. After quickly confirming with Sydney that she'd be okay – and honestly, Sydney looked ecstatic to be rid of us if it meant a few minutes of peace and quiet – we stepped out. We even earned a smile from the waitress as we passed. She seemed happy to have us out of her hair, too.

We were silent as we walked. It was sweltering outside, and part of me wanted to rush back into the comfort of the diner, but Rose looked somewhat relaxed out here, so I let her lead our wandering. I kept pace with her, slowing my steps as she meandered and took in everything around us. At first, I thought she was only interested in the passing stores – an ice cream parlor, a fishing shop of some sort, a small drug store, and something that was probably a local vendor once, but had gone out of business a while ago.

However, it quickly became clear that she wasn't looking around us, but beyond us. Her eyes were on the horizon, looking at the trees and mountains. Perhaps the sky. Maybe even further. Despite being obscured by everything else and thus impossible to see, she still was looking for more. I squinted, trying to see it for myself, but came up with nothing. My useless endeavor was broken when I heard her murmur something under her breath.

I looked down, blinking away the blinding light of the sun until I could see her clearly again. "Hmm?"

She waved away my question for a moment before answering it anyway. "I was just thinking about if the guardians find us. I never realized how much there was that I wanted to do and see. Suddenly, that's all at stake, you know?"

I nodded, understanding completely. We watched a bunch of carefree teenagers pass, and I envied them for a moment. They didn't have to worry about things like this. The fact that they were only a few years younger than Rose, and less than a decade younger than myself, made me somewhat bitter. We were once those kids, and even though we had known that heavy responsibilities would be waiting for us come graduation, we still hadn't enjoyed what life had to offer while we were students. We were too naive to. Now, life had handed us more than we had ever expected – more than we had been promised, and much more than we had trained for – and we were left wishing for those simple times when we felt like we had all the time in the world to live.

"Okay, suppose my name isn't cleared and we never find the real murderer," she continued as we sat down on one of the benches that lined the sidewalk. "What's the next-best-case scenario? Me: always running, always hiding. That'll be my life. For all I know, I  _will_ have to go live with the Keepers." Her head fell, and she let out a whimpering laugh at the mere thought.

My hand hesitated at her back, ready to soothe her a little, but I nervously pulled away before I could actually touch her. "I don't think it'll come to that. Abe and Sydney would help you find some place safe."

"Is there a safe place? For real? Adrian said the guardians are increasing their efforts to find us. They've got the Alchemists and probably human authorities looking for us, too. No matter where we go, we'll run the risk of being spotted. Then we'll have to move on. It'll be like that forever."

"You'll be alive," I insisted. "That's what matters. Enjoy what you have, every little detail of wherever you are. Don't focus on where you aren't."

She sighed. "Yeah. I suppose I shouldn't whine over the dream places I won't get to see. I should be grateful I get to see anything at all. And that I'm not living in a cave."

I knew she was taking in what I said, but when you were facing the constant threat of death, 'enjoying what you have' still seemed like trite reassurance. What we had were targets painted on our backs, and with that in the back of my mind, my own words seemed hollow even to me. We both needed an escape – not from the authorities hunting us, but from the reality of our situation.

I glanced around, barely catching a plain-looking sign on an even more plain-looking building. And like that, the answer hit me.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked.

"Wait, right now?" She glanced around at the shops, lingering a little on the ice cream parlor.

I laughed at the predictability of her sweet tooth and then amended my question. "No, in the world."

Now she looked at me like I was flat out crazy. And perhaps I was a little. "Sydney's going to be pissed if we take off for Istanbul or something."

I laughed. Sydney would be the least of our worries. Abe would find us long before she would, and he would make a guardian's quick bullet look like a mercy in comparison to the long and painful torture he'd no doubt have prepared for me. "Not what I had in mind," I told her, reaching for her hand and pulling her off the bench. "Come on."

She followed me, albeit somewhat hesitantly, towards the stripmall. I knew the exact moment she saw the library, though, because she suddenly stopped and dug her heels into the ground. "Whoa! Hey, one of the few perks of graduating was avoiding places like this."

"It's probably air conditioned." I enticed, looking back at her and watching as she brushed back a bit of hair that was stuck to her sweat soaked forehead. Illogically, the temperature seemed to have slowly risen as the afternoon had passed into the evening. I was sure I was also showing several signs of the sun's constant glare, especially since Rose's skin, which happened to be a little darker than my own, was tinted slightly pink. I smirked as she pulled at her tank top a little, newly aware of her discomfort now that I had pointed it out.

Defeated, she rolled her eyes and waved us ahead. "Lead on."

We both inhaled deeply as we stepped into the library. It was nice to be able to fully breathe again, but, for me at least, it was also nice to be surrounded by so many books. There was a certain smell to well-worn books, especially all gathered together in a library, that couldn't be imitated or captured. Somehow, it always felt like it had been too long since I'd last been in a library, even if it had only been a week. I glanced at Rose, who was cautiously watching the books as if they might somehow attack her, and had to suppress another small laugh. We tended to be similar in many regards, but where we didn't see eye-to-eye on something, we were often on completely opposite sides of the spectrum. Reading for the pure enjoyment of it was one of those things.

This particular library wasn't very large, so it wasn't too hard to find what we needed. Assuming this place was like most of the other libraries and bookstores I had visited in the past, I immediately started towards the back, reading the labels as we passed each of the rows until I found the section I was looking for. What I eventually found there, however, was less than I had hoped for.

The meager shelf held less than a dozen travel books, with a good portion of them being about the very state we were standing in. While I was sure they had plenty to offer, we were looking for a new adventure, not a history lesson.

"Not quite what I expected," I admitted. Thankfully, there was one option, and one was all we needed. I pulled a thick, hard backed book with '100 Best Places to Visit in the World' printed boldly on the spine. I sat down, leaning back against the hard concrete wall as she moved to sit beside me. Once settled, I placed the book on her lap. Almost immediately, she shoved it back.

"No way, Comrade! I know books are a journey of the imagination, but I don't think I'm up for that today."

"Just take it," I insisted, urging it into her hands once more. "Close your eyes, and flip it randomly to a page."

For a moment, she just stared at me, challenging me in a silent battle of wills in hopes that I'd break and call off the whole thing. I was more stubborn, though, and beat her little test. With a groan, just to let me know that she wasn't doing this willingly, she closed her eyes and flipped the book open to a page.

I saw the picture just a moment before she did, and her bewilderment mirrored my own initial reaction. "Mitchell, South Dakota?" She quickly hushed herself, although I was fairly certain we were the only two here. Except for the actual librarian of course. "Out of all the places in the world, that makes the top hundred?"

"Read it." She smiled at my encouragement, which only made me feel more confident in this whole idea. That smile was worth the fight it took to get her here, and I'd happily do it again if it meant making her smile just a little more.

"Located ninety minutes outside of Sioux Falls, Mitchell is home to the Corn Palace." She paused and looked at me in disbelief. "Corn Palace?"

I shifted closer to her, trying to get a better look at the pictures. It seemed to be made of actual corn cobs of various colors. Some areas, like the murals, were so detailed that I had to wonder if they took individual kernels and used those to create the images. "I figured it'd be made of corn husks," I mused. Either way, it was actually quite impressive, especially when I read that it was redone every year to fit a different theme.

"Me too." She shrugged and then tapped on the page. "I'd visit it. I bet they have great T-shirts."

"And," I retorted, bumping her shoulder a little, "I bet no guardians would look for us there."

Her head fell back in unabashed laughter and, in what was most likely a totally unintended act, she rested it slightly on my arm as she tried to gather herself together again. The warmth of her laughter was only intensified by her touch, and it took me a second to catch my breath as that awareness flushed through my body. A second later, when the librarian poked her head in to see what we were up to, Rose tucked her face into my shoulder. That little action – incredibly small in the grand scheme of things – made everything so much better and worse at the same time. I shouldn't have felt so whole because of something so insignificant.

"Here, your turn." She handed the book to me, and I was all too aware of every time her hand touched mine, or when her hair brushed over my arm, or even if she was just looking at me. I could feel everything...and I was starting to crave it.

I got São Paulo, Brazil. She flipped to Honolulu, Hawaii. We both confessed that we had never actually seen the beach (Rose had never actually seen the ocean except from the window of a plane), but we were both eager to one day change that. I made a silent note to myself, just in case we needed to change location again. Something sunny and sandy wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Eventually, we ended up laying side-by-side on the floor of that little library. She had shifted position, and I couldn't stand not being next to her in our little escape from reality, so I had lain right next to her. She had been the one to move closer though, so that we were barely touching, and as much as I tried to not react, I knew that something inside me was changing in a way that I couldn't describe or stop. And perhaps it made me a horrible man, but there was a part of me that wasn't sure I wanted to stop it either.

"Florence, Italy," She read, pointing to a beautiful green and pink marble cathedral. "Sydney wants to go there. She wanted to study there, actually. If Abe could have managed that, I think she would have served him for life."

"She's still pretty obedient." I brushed my finger over an image of the giant dome topping the cathedral, quickly examining the caption underneath that said it was an 'architectural feat,' and that there were some still questions as to how it was actually possible at that time.

"He got her out of Russia, and back to the US." Rose's statement held some truth, but it didn't fully satisfy me.

"It's got to be more than that. Alchemists are loyal to their order. They don't like us. She hides it – they're trained to – but every minute with the Keepers is agony. For her to help us betray her superiors, she owes him for some serious reason." Abe dealt in favors and bribery. He had something on her, I was sure of it. If she didn't pay up, there would be consequences. I owed Abe, too, and I would have my own consequences if I didn't keep up my end of the deal. Unfortunately, that deal didn't include traveling the world via a library book with his daughter. So, I reached for the book, ready to close our little vacation as I continued, "It's irrelevant, though. She's helping us, which is what matters...and we should probably get back to her."

Her hand closed over mine, stopping me from shutting the book entirely. "One more?"

I couldn't deny her one last little trip, so I offered her a small smile as I flipped the pages, letting them stop and fall open randomly. The moment I saw where they had landed, I desperately wished I could take it back. I wished I could take it all back.

"Saint Petersburg." The name sounded cursed. Perhaps it was. Perhaps my entire homeland – the place where I had grown up, where my family still lived, and where my identity was inherently tied to – maybe it was all cursed. Or maybe it was just me now.  _I_  was the one who was cursed.

I felt Rose nudge a little closer as her hand came to rest on my forearm, gently rubbing my skin until I left the darkness and came back to the light. "Hey, enjoy where you're at, remember? Not where you can't go."

I nodded, recalling the same words I had told her a few hours ago. I shut the book, letting the pages close along with my worries as I turned to her. "How'd you get so wise?" I brushed her hand on top of my arm as a silent confirmation that I was okay now, but she didn't move it, and I didn't mind.

"I had a good teacher," she teased. A moment later, she quirked her head and asked. "Is that why you escaped with me? To see what parts of the world you could?"

My eyes went wide, but only for a second. I shouldn't have been surprised, honestly. Rose always had, and probably always would, understand me more than anyone else in my life. "You don't need me to be wise, Rose. You're doing fine on your own. Yes, that was part of it. Maybe I would have been welcomed back, eventually, but there was a risk I wouldn't. After...after being Strigoi…" the words still tasted heavy and bitter, but her hand caressed my arm again, urging me forward. "I gained a new appreciation for life. It took a while. I'm still not there. We're talking about focusing on the present, not the future – but it's my past that haunts me. Faces. Nightmares." A bloody wedding dress. An orange tent and blue sleeping bag. Taking a deep breath, I continued, "But the farther I get from that world of death, the more I want to embrace life. The smell of these books and the perfume you wear. The way the light bends through that window. Even the taste of breakfast with the Keepers."

She smiled wistfully. "You're a poet now."

"No, just starting to realize the truth. I respect the law and the way our society runs, but there was no way I could risk losing life in some cell after only just finding it again. I wanted to run, too. That's why I helped you. That and..." My words faded as my heart cut off the air to my lungs. The sensation left me dizzy and stunned at the same time. I swallowed its thumping beat and the words that had almost escaped with it. I knew what I had been about to say. I also knew that the thought had come naturally – too naturally – without me actively making any decision about the matter. What I didn't know was if I had any right to that thought, or those feelings, or anything like that at all.

I looked at Rose, terrified of what I knew was happening. Maybe a little more terrified because it might have already happened when I hadn't been looking.

"What?" She watched me with concern, completely unaware of the rising panic inside me.

"It doesn't matter." I sat up, quickly shirking off her hand that had still been resting on my forearm. It was only making things confusing right now. "Let's go back to Sydney and see if she found out anything...although, as much as I hate to say it, I think it's unlikely."

"I know," she sighed. I nearly offered her a hand to help her stand, but thought better of it. I needed to get away from her touch. So instead, I turned away from her and listened as she brushed the wrinkles out of her clothing. "She probably gave up and started playing Minesweeper."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been SO excited/terrified to post this chapter! It's a big one and it had to be perfect (or as perfect as I could possibly get it) for you guys. I want to give a massive thank you to my support team (K, R, and M) for keeping me sane and dealing with the stressed monstrosity I had become during the beta phase of this. If you enjoyed this chapter, give them a shout out because they made it possible.
> 
> The question of the Week is: What place would make your "100 Best Places to Visit" if you could write the book?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I can't wait to hear your thoughts on the chapter so please share them in the reviews!


	14. Chapter 14

Ice cream certainly seemed to cool things down between us, and if Rose had noticed anything amiss with me earlier, a bit of chocolate was more than enough to distract her. She did turn her nose up a bit at my choice of mint chocolate chip, however.

"You know, there's at least six different types of chocolate here. Not only is the mint-and-chocolate combo an abomination….your ice cream is green. Even I'm not that weird."

"I could have gotten pistachio," I countered. She didn't make any more comments after that.

Sydney was still on her laptop when we returned, but her fingers were no longer typing away madly as they had been when we had left.

"How's it – Hey!" Rose was halfway into her seat when she jumped up again and reached for Sydney's laptop, trying to get a better look before Sydney could pull it away. "You are playing Minesweeper! You're supposed to be finding a connection to Eric's mistress."

"I already did." She didn't say it boastfully, but she probably should have. Based on how difficult Sydney had made it sound earlier, the fact that she had found what we were looking for within a few hours was astonishing. Perhaps her modesty was brought on by her self-doubt, because a moment later she admitted, "But I don't know how useful it'll be."

"Anything will be useful," Rose insisted. "What did you find?"

"After trying to track down all those bank records and transactions – and let me tell you, that is no fun at all – I finally found a small piece of info. The bank account we have now is a newer one. It was moved from another bank account five years ago. The old bank account was still a Jane Doe, but it did have a next-of-kin reference in the event something happened to the account holder."

Rose shifted and leaned onto the table as if she was reaching for the info about to be revealed. "A real name?"

Sydney nodded, checking her computer one last time. "Sonya Karp."

The air around us turned to ice, shattering as Rose and I exchanged a look and tried to process the shocking information. Noticing our reactions, Sydney hesitantly asked, "I take it you know who that is?"

"Of course. She was my teacher." Rose paused a moment, still stunned, before continuing, "She went crazy and turned Strigoi."

"I know." Of course, Sydney and the other Alchemists knew. They most likely had records of anyone who willing turned. They might not have had accounts of everyone who had made the change, especially if it had been done against their will, or if it was uncertain if they had been killed or turned. But notable situations such as Sonya's – yeah, they had detailed information on her.

As for me, I might have been forcibly turned against my will, but the devastation I had left in my undead wake and my unbelievable restoration that had followed afterwards certainly made my situation 'notable.' I probably had a whole file cabinet with my name on it by now.

A sudden and horrified look came over Rose's face. "She's not...She's not the one who had an affair with Lissa's dad, is she?"

"Not likely," Sydney said, reassuring Rose a little. "The account was opened several years before she was added as a beneficiary – which was right when she turned eighteen. So, if we're assuming the account was created around the time the baby was born, then she would have been way too young. Sonya's probably a relative."

I leant back against the red vinyl of the chair, trying hard to take it all in. Somehow, this long shot seemed within striking distance. Rose's insane plan was becoming a possibility – with this outstanding help from Sydney, of course, but still. I was left stunned by these two women, trying to figure out how something so impossible was unfolding.

"You must have some records about her family," I said, still a little in awe. "Or if not, some Moroi probably does. Who's close to Sonya? Does she have a sister?"

"No," Sydney pursed her lips a little and tapped a key a few times, probably searching through some list. "That'd be an obvious choice, though. Unfortunately, she has other family – tons of it. Her parents both come from giant families, so she has lots of cousins. Even some of her aunts are the right age."

"We can look them up, right?" Rose's eagerness was infectious, but I was already seeing the holes appearing in the fabric of this plan again. Too many people meant too many points of contact.

"There's a lot of them," Sydney didn't shoot the idea down but shrugged non-committedly. "I mean, yeah, we could. It'd take a long time to find everyone's life history, and even then – especially if this was covered up enough – we'd have a hard time finding out if any of them is the woman we're looking for. Or if any of them know who she is."

And one wrong move...one wrong question to one wrong person could risk this whole plan. Worse, it would risk us. We couldn't afford to be exposed.

There was another way, though. A way that didn't include questioning person after person, hoping that one would have the information we needed, all while we trusted them to keep our own secret.

Hesitantly, painfully, I conceded, "One person knows who Jane Doe is."

Sydney looked curious. Worse, Rose looked almost excited to hear what I had to offer.

"Sonya Karp."

There was a moment of quiet before Rose threw her hands up. "Yeah, but we can't talk to her. She's a lost cause. Mikhail Tanner spent over a year hunting her and couldn't find her. If he can't, then we're not going to be able to."

I turned away, watching the final bit of sun fall behind the mountains and leave a few precious moments of twilight to remind the world of its warm glow before the darkness (and the bitter cold that always came with it) took over. I bit down too hard on my cheek in defeat, and the taste of blood in my mouth made me wince. Even though it was my own blood, the copper taste sent a wave of memories that stung more than the wound that I had created. I closed my eyes, unwilling to see the light completely disappear on the day that had almost…

_It doesn't matter now_ , I thought mournfully, because when I opened my eyes, I was forced into the night once more.

"That's because Mikhail didn't have the right connections," I sighed.

I could hear the confusion in her voice as Rose pointed out, "Mikhail was her boyfriend. He had more connections than anyone."

I didn't acknowledge her words. I barely acknowledged her at all. Knowing what I was about to do, I was unwilling to look at either of them. "Does your phone have reception out here?"

Sydney searched her bag for a moment or two before handing the cell phone to me, and I weighed it in my hands while turning over the options once more in my mind. I couldn't see any other way to get the information we needed, and it was time for me to perform my part in all this. Rose and Sydney both had, now it was my turn to step up, no matter how painful.

I silently gestured Rose out of the way so I could get by, and while she complied quickly, I offered no thanks or explanation. I simply walked outside to do what had to be done. It wasn't until I had typed in the phone number I remembered only too well that I realized the door had opened and closed a second time. They had followed me, but there was no time to tell them to go back inside – the line had already connected.

I had expected my former second-in-command, Stephen, but found myself talking to another man named Boris instead. He was a sick man who had been horrible in life but far worse in death. He had a propensity for feeding off of young women. Too young, in many cases. And if murdering them wasn't bad enough, what he was rumored to do to them before their death was enough to enrage me now. That anger couldn't solely be directed at him, however. He had been living under my rule, and it was my indifference that had cost those girls their dignity and lives.

"Belikov? We thought you were dead." His shock was evident, as was the note of fear that laced it. Word of my restoration apparently hadn't made it to the Estate, or if it had, I was quelling those rumors now.

Steeling myself, I dropped my voice low and threw every ounce of malice I could muster into my words. "You think I'd be killed so easily? Have I not proven my superiority over incompetent mongrels like yourself? And you have the gall to assume me dead? Let me guess, you've been using my absence to get your dick wet at the club and neglect keeping my contracts. How many contracts have defaulted since I've been gone? How many have been added?"

"No! We've...I mean...Stephen's with a client right now." His voice shook, and while it would have amused me once, it made me sick now. "Do you want me to get him?"

"No," I growled. "I'm sure someone of even your meager competence can locate a contact for me. I warn you, though, if you can't even manage something this simple, then you have absolutely no use to me. I'll have you pushed into the sunlight, inch by excruciating inch, while I watch every single molecule of your body turn to dust as you scream and beg for death."

I focused on the ground, desperately trying to stay in the here and now, but out of the corner of my eye I caught a bit of movement that distracted me. I didn't dare look up, but I could see two pairs of shoes. One, a pair of neat and dark flats, moved away in healthy caution. The other though, a worn pair of tennis shoes, jumped back so quickly that she nearly tripped on the edge of the sidewalk. Rose was terrified of me, and rightly so. I was a literal nightmare for us both.

"I'm looking for a Sonya Karp," I continued, sharply turning away from the women who were witnessing my descent into hell. "She was awakened a few years ago. Her last known confirmed location was Montana."

"What do want with her?"

"That is none of your business!" I winced, both at my own words and my tone. Too easy...it was too easy. "You have no right to question my actions. You are there to do as I ask and do it quickly. Can you manage that or not?"

"Y-Yes," he stumbled.

"We won't have any record of her, but Marshall Kent in Missoula might." He was one of the men I had near St. Vladimir's watching for any movement of Rose and reporting back to me if she left the wards. I stepped further away from where she stood as if it would somehow protect her from all that I had once done to hunt her down and kill her. "Get ahold of him and get me some answers. If I don't have them by tomorrow, then the sun will be too merciful for you. I'll personally cut off your fingers, toes, tongue, and ears before flaying your skin from your flesh and tossing it into my fire. Don't worry. I'll leave your eyes so you can personally watch yourself burn in the flames until I decide to kill you properly."

A gasp sounded behind me, and my throat constricted. Rose's Russian was rudimentary, but I had forgotten that Sydney had been stationed there for a while. She had understood my every word. She had probably told Rose everything, too.

"I understand, Sir," Boris stuttered. "I'll get your answers."

I clicked the phone off without another word and set it down on the rusted hood of Raymond's truck. The stress didn't shut off as easily as the call, however. I could still feel that monster in me – the one that apparently had never fully left.

Never looking at them, I walked past the girls and rested against the last few feet of the cafe's brick wall. It was as far away as I could get without abandoning them entirely. My breaths came in heavy, shaky pants, but they seemed to lack any oxygen, and the spots behind my eyes grew bigger and bigger as gruesome images started to flash in my mind. I felt trapped in that...thing...and it was killing me as much as I was killing them. And I killed so many of them. So many.

My heart raced, and while I could feel the blood pounding through my veins so hard that it echoed in my head, I still felt weak. I started shaking so violently that I began to doubt my ability to stand and slid down to the ground, trying to steady myself. Sitting didn't stop the shaking, though. If anything, I felt it even more as I shuddered against the solid earth. I closed my eyes, concentrating on my body and forcing every part of myself to relax and release. Jaw, shoulders, fists, and so on. I had to repeat the process three times, realizing that I'd tense again the moment I thought it was safe enough to focus somewhere else. Once I was able to control my body, I tried to settle my mind.

_Count to ten. Breathe in and out,_  I urged myself.  _In and out. Breath in and release._

The sudden image of Rose's hand on my arm at the library appeared in my desperate and darting thoughts, pausing it all for just a moment. It had been a simple, gentle action to let me know that I wasn't alone. She had comforted me and suggested that things could get better. I tried to remember the warmth of her. The feel of her palm. The way her thumb had just barely swept against my skin in a way that made me feel alive. And her smile. That smile.

She wasn't here anymore, though. Not that I could blame her. I had just reminded her exactly why things would never be okay. It was a reminder to us both as to why I should be alone and far away from her.

Eventually, I looked up and forced myself to speak. "I've sent someone to ask about her. It might not work out. Strigoi are hardly the type to keep a database. But they do occasionally keep an eye on one another, if only for their own self-preservation. We'll find out soon if there are any hits."

"I…wow." I glanced at Rose for a moment, but I couldn't bear to see her eyes – her eyes that regarded me apprehensively – for more than half a second as she continued, "Thank you."

I nodded, unable to find my voice with her. I directed my words to Sydney instead. "We should get back to the Keepers...unless you think this is a safe place to stay?"

"I'd rather stay off civilized radar," she said, avoiding my gaze. "Besides, I want my car keys back."

I slipped back into the truck, not paying much attention to the girls as they slipped in beside me. Sydney must have pushed Rose ahead of her, forcing her between Sydney and me, but it seemed like Rose was trying to keep her distance as well. Selfishly, I wanted some of her comfort. A touch, or some words. Maybe some reassurance, or perhaps for her to just lie and tell me it was all a horrible nightmare, and I'd wake up sitting next to her on that library floor.

Instead, I got exactly what I deserved. Rose pressed closer to Sydney as I drove, refusing me the comfort of anything – even something as small as her shoulder brushing mine. And I heard nothing but her silence. I did see her look at me once or twice, though, but only in uneasy concern. Every look sliced into me a little deeper. It might have been of my own doing, but the pain was still there. Rose was the woman who once trusted me as much as I still trusted her. She was the woman who once cared for me as much as I…it didn't matter. I had broken us. Everything about us. It had been me and that thing within me.

* * *

Rose was quick to jump out of the car, almost before I could pull the keys from the ignition. She was talking to the couple who had come to meet us and didn't turn around once as we made our way back to the camp. Another bonfire had been lit, with many already gathered around it to socialize. We passed by them, though, and headed back to Raymond and Sarah's house to rest a bit.

Unfortunately, it seemed that I would have to postpone that plan. Joshua popped up the moment we were through the door, bouncing up to Rose as soon as he saw her.

"Rose! You're back. We were starting to worry." I looked over his shoulder towards his parents who looked anything but worried. I trudged towards our room to drop off our things, forcing him out of my way while he continued, prattling on as if everyone had been fretting over us all day. "I mean, not that anything had happened to you – not with your skills – but that maybe you'd just left us."

"Not without our car." Sydney quickly dropped the keys to the borrowed truck and grabbed her own. She clutched them a moment as if they were precious jewels and then slipped them into her bag to hide them away from all of us.

Ever the gracious host, Sarah offered us some more food – this time it was some type of fried meat and gravy. We declined, so she offered us entertainment instead. "Well, if you're not going to eat, you might as well join the others out at the fire. Jess McHale might sing tonight if they can get her to drink enough, and, drunk or sober, that woman has the finest voice I've ever heard."

I was exhausted. Even though I was typically capable of staying awake for much longer than I had so far today, I was simply tired from all that had happened, and I was ready to be done with everything. Rose seemed somewhat curious about the bonfire, however, and I was inclined to encourage her. Not only would she probably enjoy herself, I'd have a chance to spend a few moments away to think. Plus, I had absolutely no doubt that this group would help defend her if guardians attempted to apprehend her.

On the other hand, being alone with my thoughts wasn't always the best therapy.

Sydney ended up being the deciding factor, and when she said she wanted to go, I offered to accompany her. I probably wouldn't have to be around Rose out there anyways. She'd most likely have a ton of admirers, just like yesterday, and Sydney and I would again be relegated to the sidelines. Perhaps this way, Sydney wouldn't be quite so uncomfortable by herself around the Keepers. While she seemed somewhat wary of me again (and after my earlier performance, who wouldn't be), she somehow didn't seem completely terrified to be in my presence. Well, she had yet to take the car and leave us behind after my horror show. The least I could do was offer some buffer from the others that wholeheartedly repulsed her.

Rose had yet to actually say anything about the gathering outside, and before she could, Joshua cut in. "Do you still want to see my cave? There's a little light left outside. You'll get a better view that way than if we have to use a torch."

I held back a groan, which was a feat considering how drained and irritated I was. It was a bad idea. I wanted to tell her so, but she already knew my opinion on the matter. She seemed to waver a little, but when she caught my eye, something changed.

"Sure," She said, looking at me rather than Joshua. "I'd love to."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The return of Strigoi Dimitri! Well...kind of. Fun fact: I actually had a bit of difficulty jumping back into him! I had to do some reading to get into the mindset again.
> 
> Question of the Week: What is your favorite ice cream flavor? (also, I've lost track of some of these questions, so sorry if there are repeats!)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, fave, followed, and shared. Remember that you can chat with me on facebook. URL is in my bio.


	15. Chapter 15

I silently watched Joshua lead Rose between several of the rickety buildings. His hand swung between them, reaching out a few times as if to grasp hers, only for her to pull away as if she could sense his advances. It was of little comfort though, since she had still decided to go off with him. Just the two of them. Alone. I shook my head, crossing my arms to fight off the chill that seemed to radiate from inside of me more than from the wind blowing around me.

Suddenly, a hand clamped down on my shoulder, jolting me slightly when it was followed by a booming laugh. "Don't worry, young man. I'm fairly certain my boy is gonna come back with a broken heart. I don't think you have to worry about him stealing your girl away."

"She's not mine." My accent seemed thick, even to my own ears. Perhaps it was due to how much I had been biting my tongue in an effort to hold back some choice words towards the pair that was now disappearing from view.

"You sure?"

"I'm certain. She was, once. Then I made too many mistakes." Mistakes didn't even begin to cover it. "It's not even a possibility now."

He gave a lingering hum, apparently considering my words. "I think somebody forgot to tell her that."

His reply took a moment to register, but by the time I turned to let him know that Rose was actually already with someone else, someone who deserved her, he was gone. And when I looked back at the horizon, so were Joshua and Rose.

* * *

The bonfire was just as lively as it was yesterday. More people tried to engage with me this time since Rose was still gone (it had been over an hour...where was she?), but I insisted on staying near Sydney, no matter how much the others tried to pull me away. I noticed some silent gratitude from her, but everyone else seemed put out by the 'Lily-girl' they were being forced to entertain.

And there was certainly entertainment. Without electronic distractions, these people had made an art form of mingling together for stories and songs. One of the older men recounted a few tales about his younger days and the adventures he had gone on, with plenty of embellishment, I was sure. I was asked to give a story or two, and when I offered to tell them how I had met Rose – because anything that ended up involving her seemed to rouse the group – I managed to elevate her more in their eyes. Apparently, a fifteen-year-old girl running away from a 'Tainted' academy and managing to evade authorities for two full years was hilarious to them.

"Of course she was able to stay one step ahead!" one laughed as if anyone could have questioned her abilities, even back then.

Sarah piped up, still recovering from her own fit of laughter. "And they think they can find her now? The only one who managed to track her down is now her partner in crime."

Even I had to admit humor in the random coincidence life had thrown us into.

The alcohol was indeed flowing through the night, and I waved away the offer several times, despite my slight curiosity in the homemade liquor. Jess McHale apparently didn't have the same hesitations, however, and it wasn't too long before she was standing on a small makeshift stage, singing her heart out. Just as Sarah had promised, she did have a beautiful voice.

Another drink or two in, and with the appearance of a fiddle, the concert became something of a dance for the group. I watched while Raymond spun with his little girl, both of them wearing matching smiles. A few other children (including Raymond's younger son) bounced and laughed together in complete disregard of any beat, though their party soon turned into a game of chase, weaving in and around the other couples who danced about the dirt.

"This place weirds me out." Sydney's disgust suddenly dashed my amusement at the whole scene. I looked down to see her hands shoved into her pockets while she scowled at the group. "They just seem so...primitive. So backwards."

I focused on the rowdy but jovial crowd again, honestly wondering how she could find fault with people dancing and enjoying themselves. While Sydney seemed intensely academic, I knew that didn't necessarily mean that she wouldn't appreciate revelry like this. And even if she didn't, certainly she wouldn't condemn people who were having fun just because she didn't care for it.

Then I started to see what I had begun to overlook. One of the pairs spinning together was a teenage human boy with a dhampir girl. Not too far from us was another pair – a Moroi man and human woman – so totally engrossed in one another that it made the scene practically scandalicious. Any desire for privacy between those two had been abandoned in their adoration, and it only became more uncomfortable when I noticed that he wasn't only kissing her but biting her as well.

The coupling here with the Keepers had initially shocked me, but now it was more shocking for me to see how immune I was becoming to it. It was still strange if I actually thought about it, but the problem was that I  _wasn't_ really thinking about it anymore. I wasn't really even noticing it.

Maybe it was because I had grown up in a town that was full of Moroi, dhampirs, and humans. While humans weren't an active part of the Moroi/dhampir community in Baia, they were always still there. Sydney had actively been taught to avoid mingling of any sort. Rose's life was generally segregated from humans just by her upbringing at the Academy. The only real time she had lived among them was when she had been on the run with Lissa, and they had adapted to hide, rather than truly assimilating with them as a community.

"It's strange," I agreed, trying to meet Sydney halfway, "but they seem happy, and it isn't really hurting anyone."

All that earned me was an incredulous look as if I had suddenly vowed to live my life as they did. I shrugged and went back to watching the others.

Some time later, two figures emerged from the cluster of buildings, silhouetted by a torch. I didn't have to ask who they were – I was familiar enough with Rose to recognize her a mile away.

As others started to realize that Joshua and Rose were finally joining us, the crowd started to buzz, voices building upon one another until it became a dull roar, but one of the young men within earshot openly groaned in frustration. For once, someone in this little group seemed less than happy to see her.

Rose turned quickly to say something to Joshua, breaking off to head our way, but within a few steps, someone charged her. The girl's fist came flying, and Rose turned just in time to have the punch glance off her cheek rather than hit her directly head on.

I immediately rushed forward, ready to jump into the fray and fight off a group that had apparently decided to turn on us, but the only attack that came my way was Raymond and another large man who quickly stepped in front of me, but with open-handed surrender.

"Hold on." Raymond pressed gently against my arm, stopping me with his words and not his brawn. "She needs to fight Angeline off herself."

"What are you talking about?" I shouted in indignation, gesturing towards the shocking fight happening before my eyes. "Your daughter just attacked her!"

"It's tradition. If she wants to marry Joshua, she has to defeat his sibling. She has to prove her worth and get Angeline's blessing."

"Marry?" I stuttered.

"Don't worry," the other man assured me, as if I had any understanding as to what was happening. "You'll be representing Rose. Joshua will have to prove himself against you."

I paused, my outrage and confusion suddenly melting away at the thought. It was ridiculous, yes, but also fairly appealing. If that boy needed my blessing to pursue something with Rose, especially something as insane as marriage, then he'd be waiting for a long time. And if he wanted to fight for his chance, then I'd happily oblige.

"Are you insane?" Rose's shout came loud and clear over the crowd's cheering. She dodged another wild attack from the girl, choosing to evade rather than counter Angeline's attacks.

Stepping back, I decided to let things continue. It was obvious that Rose was just as clueless as I had been, and it was almost entertaining to see karma play out before me. I had told her not to flirt with that poor boy, and now she was paying dearly for it.

I caught her quick look towards me, an obvious request for some sort of help, but I just smiled, shrugged, and watched as she shifted again to stay out of Angeline's reach.

It looked like the young girl was shouting insults at Rose, trying to rile her up enough to fight back, but Rose wasn't taking the bait.

"Get on with it!" one of the women near me cried out, inciting more applause from those around me. God help me, I clapped along with them.

"I can't believe you!" I peeked behind me when I heard Sydney's disapproving hiss. She was hiding behind me as if the fight would suddenly come to her as well. "Don't encourage these animals! This is barbaric!"

I managed to hide my grin, and was about to promise her that I'd make sure she'd be okay, but a roar rang out, pulling my attention back. Apparently Rose had decided to take the offensive.

Rose's first strike was obviously pulled back, meant to shock the other girl rather than truly hurt her. Surprisingly, Angeline didn't balk at the hit, but instead chose to continue attacking. She got a few decent (if somewhat sloppy) strikes on Rose, who was still holding back her full power, but I knew it wouldn't be long before Rose would end things. Walking away civilly wasn't an option, and it looked like Rose was starting to realize that the only way to get out of this battle was to earn her victory.

Rose swept her to the ground, trying to get her into a lock that the younger girl managed to shake. I realized with a start that Rose and I had focused so much on subduing attackers who were larger than her, we had never really delved into how to take down those who were somehow smaller than her. There was a decent chance that this would be the only real fight where that would ever be an issue for Rose (unless she decided to take on her mother again), but it was very funny to see her actually struggling to do so while also not hurting the poor girl.

When Angeline took a bit of a low-handed move – yanking out some of Rose's hair that was hanging loose – Rose decided to disregard any pretense of playing nice and pinned her hard to the ground. Angeline ended up pressed face first into the dirt.

A standing ovation rang out for the girls, but I waited...I waited for the moment that Rose jumped up and looked at me in horror. I waited for the moment that Rose realized just what she had been fighting for.

Joshua sauntered over to her proudly while Rose still stood frozen in shock. I could see her seeking me out, even as she seemed to be searching for something to say to her new fiancé. Well, almost fiancé.

"Are you ready for your turn?" Raymond asked with a knowing glint in his eye. He gently urged me towards his son and with every step I made, the spectators became more lively. My own anticipation grew with theirs. I cracked the knuckles of one hand against the palm of the other, enjoying the fear in Joshua's eyes as he saw me slowly approach.

I had hardly made it to the front of the crowd when Joshua started to quickly explain the confusion, much to the disappointment of everyone. I couldn't tell if the crowd was more upset that an engagement wasn't actually being announced, or that they simply weren't going to get a second brawl, but either way, they were certainly annoyed that the highlight of the night's entertainment was over.

One person, however, looked significantly less put out than the others. As the group began drinking and dancing in earnest once more, Joshua watched me warily. For the rest of the evening, I relished in the way he'd freeze under my glare and relax only when I'd eventually look away. While he might have been a bit heartbroken over the non-engagement, he certainly looked relieved that he wouldn't have to fight me for Roza's hand.

I didn't blame him. I didn't plan to let her go easily.

* * *

"It's not funny!" Rose yelled at us.

We were back at Raymond and Sarah's, finally relaxing in the privacy of our little room. I knew just outside these walls, both Angeline and Joshua were licking their wounds, one physical and one emotional. The poor boy hadn't been able to look at Rose after she'd pressed a handmade bracelet, apparently the gift that had started the whole debacle, into his hand and frankly told him that she had absolutely no interest in him whatsoever.

Sydney giggled. "You're right. It's not funny. It's hilarious."

I pressed my lips tightly together to keep my own laugh from escaping, but Rose caught me.

"Stop that!" she chastised, pointing between me and Sydney. Rose shifted to look in the mirror, rubbing at her cheek and the bruise that likely wouldn't show up until tomorrow.

"I told you not to encourage him," I reminded her smugly. I had told her several times, in fact.

"Whatever," She spat back. "You didn't see this coming. You just didn't want me to –" She paused, but her unsaid words were heavy. I didn't want her to what? Flirt with other guys while she was with Adrian? Of course, I didn't want her flirting with another guy when I knew a good man was already in love with her. But there seemed to be more than that in her accusation that made me wonder if there was more than that in my motivation.

Did I not want her to flirt with guys because of her relationship with Adrian? Sure. But there was a certain venom in her eyes that reminded me that it wasn't my place to make that decision for her.

' _I'm your equal now.'_

I looked away, shamefully realizing that I had been trying to make that choice for her. It would have been one thing to simply point out that Joshua was getting attached to her and to let her make her decision from there, but I had actually accused her of intentionally baiting his attention. I had berated her for the way he had acted around her. I had blamed her for everything that had happened between them, vocally disapproving and forcing my opinion on her as if I had any say in her life. In the end, I had tried to control her so much that she had purposefully rebelled against me just to prove her point.

Then the harder thought came: perhaps I wasn't so upset that she had been showing Joshua attention, but because she wasn't showing me that attention. Honestly, I couldn't decide what was worse. At least discouraging Rose's flirtation with Joshua could be seen as advocating for Adrian. Seeking her affections for myself...that was an outright betrayal to the man who was putting his trust in me.

I was stuck in my internal battle when Rose turned to question Sydney. "Did you know about this custom?"

"No," Sydney admitted with a little sneer. "But I'm not surprised. I told you they're savage. A lot of ordinary problems are settled by fights like that."

"It's stupid." Rose mussed her hair a little before focusing her attention on her cheek again. I'd have offered to go get her some ice if I thought they'd actually had some here. As far I had been able to tell, there was no refrigeration available. "Although...she wasn't bad. Unpolished, but not bad. Are they all that tough? The humans and Moroi too?"

Sydney looked through her bag, searching for some unnamed item while she spoke. "That's my understanding."

Rose fell silent, a look of obvious contemplation falling across her face. I considered the idea, too. While Angeline's training had been almost as rough as the structures that made up this little village, both had certainly proved themselves to be sufficient. She had certainly put up a fight against Rose and had even gotten a few hits in, and while she hadn't been able to fend off a trained guardian on her own, it would admittedly be a difficult task for either Rose or me to take on several of the Keepers.

'And that's why Strigoi don't bother them," Rose said, almost picking up where my thoughts had unknowingly been heading. The mention of those monsters served as a reminder of other difficult tasks at hand, however.

"I should check in with Boris again and see what he's found." My words seemed less like a statement to them and more like a way to coax myself into action. I turned towards Sydney. "It won't take long. We don't all need to go. Should I just take your car since I only have to go a little ways?"

Rose had had the brilliant foresight to encourage Sydney to check her phone for some sort of signal as we drove back earlier, and we realized that we could make a call from ten minutes or so outside of the camp.

Sydney reached for her purse again, pulling out both the keys and phone to hand over to me. When Sydney didn't reply to my question, turning towards Rose instead, I mirrored the action. It might have been Sydney's car, but apparently, we were both deferring to Rose.

I watched Rose carefully, feeling a small spark light and grow as she met my eyes without flinching. That fire was quickly doused when she suddenly looked away from me.

"You should still go," she said to Sydney, who stiffened and looked at me a bit nervously but nonetheless agreed. Rose gave her a half-hearted smile, "I need to check in on Lissa. I can usually keep track of what's going on around me at the same time, but it might be better if you're away – especially in case Alchemists do show up."

It was a flimsy excuse at best, but it spoke volumes. Rose didn't want to be near me for the exchange, and so I wouldn't ask her to be. I tried to reassure myself that she shouldn't be there anyway. She shouldn't have to relive those horrors that were triggered simply by being near me when I was like that. But I didn't want to admit the other small truth that was interwoven between that armor: I selfishly wanted her there afterward. Yes, it had been horrifically painful to see her distress last time. It had been anguish to watch her shy away from me. Still, the thought of not having her near at all – even if it was just to keep me grounded in the world of the living and make sure she was safe in it as well – was already making my body tense.

She wasn't there for me to use as a sense of security, though. I couldn't ask her to come with me just because I was worried and ashamed. I knew if I did, she wouldn't hesitate, but that was Rose. She was loyal, even to those who didn't deserve it. I would be taking advantage of her and manipulating that dependability. I had manipulated her enough in the past, and I wasn't about to do so again simply because I was dreading this call.

"I doubt they'd come while it's dark," Sydney pointed out, standing regardless, "but I don't really want to hang out if you're just going to stare into space."

"That really isn't necessary, Sydney," I protested. Considering her knowledge of the Russian language, perhaps it was better for her not to listen in on the death threats and brutality that served as a source of power among my former colleagues.

She looked back one more time at Rose, perhaps second-guessing her choice, but with a sharp nod she pushed past me. Rose watched her leave with a soft smile, but when she met my eyes, her head dipped. No soft smile, no encouragement, just a mutual inability to acknowledge the reality of our past and how it would forever define our future.

The walk to the car was quiet. The only real exchange between us was when Sydney asked for her keys back, purposefully quickening and lengthening her strides in her haste to reach the driver's side before me. I didn't challenge her, choosing to relax as much as I could before making the call. We had only been on the bumpy road a few seconds before I realized that driving probably would have been more soothing to me, but Sydney seemed to feel the same way, and I wasn't going to deny her that when she had been gracious enough to accompany me.

Sydney slowed and threw the car in park alongside the road, just a short ways behind the dilapidated gas station that served as the entry point to our hideout. I remembered to tell Sydney to wait in the car this time (though the look she gave me in reply suggested that she had never considered leaving in the first place) and stepped outside. I barely had time to breathe in the cool air when the phone rang in my hand. The number came up as 'unknown,' but I wasn't fooled in the slightest.

With a deep breath, I hit the green button on the screen. " _Вам лучше иметь мою информацию."_

"I don't know where she is-"

Another threat was already on my tongue, ready to lash out against him, when he quickly blurted his next words in a single breath,

"-but we have a contact in Kentucky who does!"

"Give me a name and a place to find him."

I repeated the name and location under my breath three times as he said them, solidifying everything in my mind so that I wouldn't ever have to speak to this man again. I hoped his death would come soon and be full of every ounce of pain that I had promised him earlier. I'd never forget his brutality or the brutality of anyone who had served under me. Their sins might as well have been my own. It would take me a lifetime and beyond to wash them away – and I'd still never be fully clean. The blood of the innocent would always stain my hands.

Eventually, I was able to end the call, but not before telling Boris to relay a message to Stephen notifying him that I'd be returning to Russia soon and that I expected everything to be in perfect order when I did so. My murderous warnings and savage intimidation would surely set the Estate and everyone in it on edge as they waited for my fabricated arrival, but it was better for us all if I kept up the facade of my former self, even if it killed me a little inside.

I said nothing to Sydney as I returned to the car and handed her the phone. She watched me warily for a moment, but my silent nod let her know that we had the information we needed and was enough to encourage her to start the somber drive back. My mind flipped between realities; I was strategizing our next move one moment and violently shaking memories away the next.

After another minute of silence between us, Sydney spoke again in a much quieter voice, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I was far from 'fine.' As much as I was trying to take comfort in the fact that I wasn't having a total breakdown like I had outside the diner, the detached numbness that made me feel like I was floating away from anything that life had to offer was almost as bad. I could sense myself slipping away, and for a moment it seemed like it was only the promises and obligations I had made to others that was keeping me there. I could feel it, though. I could feel that quiet invitation to simply drift away into the welcomed relief that the abyss promised.

"Rose was concerned." Neither of us looked at one another as Sydney spoke, preferring to stare at the road ahead of us.

"She should be," I replied with a bit of bitterness. "I'm a danger to her. I'm a danger to you too, honestly, but it's different with Rose. I've already hurt her. I've tried to kill her multiple times. She has every right to be terrified of me."

The radio that had been buzzing softly from the speakers ever since Rose had fiddled with it earlier picked up a random station for a moment, letting a tune crackle in and out. It was gentle and filled with words of longing. The song felt familiar even though I knew I had never heard it before.

"For you," Sydney whispered.

I glanced at her, wondering if her words were actually just an echo of the lyrics I was trying to decipher. "Excuse me?"

She sighed. "Rose was concerned  _for_ you. I'm fairly certain you're scaring her, just not in the way you seem to believe. I don't think she's frightened of you, Dimitri. She's worried about you."

* * *

I considered Sydney's words the rest of the car ride. I considered them through our walk along the forest path and as we made our way back to Raymond's home. I considered them as I opened the bedroom door and found Rose sitting on the floor, eyes closed with her head resting against the wall behind her.

I waited for her to come back to reality as we started to move around her, creating noise where there had been none before. As Rose had said before, she typically had some awareness of the world around her, even while in Lissa's mind. However, she remained still.

"We're back," Sydney said in her direction, even though we had been there for several minutes already. Rose still didn't stir. Sydney quickly threw a glance my way, mirroring my own growing fear at the unusual behavior. She tried again. "We're back, Rose."

I knelt beside her when she still didn't move. Perhaps it was just exhaustion. Maybe she had fallen asleep – though I could plainly see that her breathing pattern and body tension suggested otherwise. I touched her arm, trying to rouse her just the same. "Rose?"

Slowly, she blinked and looked up at me. I felt the tightness in my chest release immediately.

"Hey," she said, looking around as if she was still getting her bearings in the room. "You're back. You called the Strigoi?"

I bit my tongue. Hearing the word from her lips seemed to sting more than it did from anyone else, but there was something odd about how casually she could say it – as if it really was just a word to her. For me, it seemed to create a heavy load that seemed almost too much to bear. For her, it seemed like she had somehow shed everything that had happened and treated the word with the same professional regard that all guardians offered it.

I couldn't fathom how she could do that so easily, though. Not when so much had happened to her. It had to be some show for my benefit somehow – this small facade of normalcy – so I let the word pass without comment and answered her.

"Yes. I got ahold of Boris's contact." Or, more precisely, Boris had gotten ahold of the contact and had relayed the information to me.

"Crazy conversation," Sydney commented. "Some of it was in English. It was even scarier than before."

I shot her a look. I wasn't surprised that she had heard me, especially since I had specifically pushed myself to speak loudly and ruthlessly, but I didn't appreciate her mentioning that fact to Rose.

Sydney met my glare, apparently deciding to ignore my irritation and instead nodding me back towards the woman in front of me. I saw Rose shiver, as if just imaging the conversation was enough to frighten her, but then...I saw her glance up at me.

I saw it, so quick that I wondered if it was just a trick of the mind brought on by Sydney's earlier comments on the car ride over, but I swear I saw that concern. The concern  _for_ me. Not fear...concern.

Rose's hand moved to her shoulder, settling on top of where mine still laid after I had pulled her from Lissa's head. I hadn't even realized that it was still resting there. Slowly, she moved it away, but I felt the pad of her thumb brush over my knuckles as she did so. "But did you find out anything?" she asked.

I stared at my hand for a moment before answering, "Boris gave me the name of a Strigoi who knows Sonya and probably knows where she is. It's actually someone I've met. But phone calls only go so far with Strigoi. There's no way to contact him – except to go in person. Boris only has his address."

"Where is it?" she asked.

I repeated the address in my mind, reassuring myself that I still had it tucked away. "Lexington, Kentucky."

Her head fell back against the wall with a thump. "Oh for God's sake," she moaned. "Why not the Bahamas? Or the Corn Palace?"

I bit back a small grin, both at her antics and at the memory of that happy moment in the library. It didn't escape her notice, though, and her eyes glinted playfully as we both smiled at the private joke.

"If we leave right now, we can reach him before morning," I announced.

Rose signed heavily and glanced around at the almost barren room. "Tough choice. Leave all this for electricity and plumbing?"

"And no more marriage proposals," Sydney smirked.

"And we'll probably have to fight Strigoi," I added, remarkably calm considering everything. Perhaps it was her infectious amusement. Or, perhaps I knew that the promise of action would excite her more than anything else...including proper plumbing.

I had hardly said the words before she was on her feet, bouncing like a puppy ready to be unleashed. "How soon can we go?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Another big one down. Hope you enjoyed it. I was really surprised by the response to last week's chapter and how you all really loved the return of Strigoi Dimitri! We didn't get to see too much of him in this chapter, but we did get a little more jealous Dimitri which is always a treat.
> 
> Quick forewarning: there is a small chance that next week's chapter might be late. Hubby was sent on another business trip, and while I'm doing what I can to adjust my schedule to allow the time needed for writing/editing/all that jazz, I don't want to offer anything less than the best. Hang tight and I'll make it worthwhile, I promise. (Apologies fo the late posting on THIS chapter too. Ao3 was down last night!)
> 
> The question of the Week: Have you ever gone on a camping trip?  
> I keep forgetting to answer these things myself, but yes, I have. We always went on a few each year while I was growing up in Alaska. It's more difficult now with my own family since I can't (medically) take too much heat or sun, but I still try to get out with my family in the early season or with an RV.
> 
> Thanks again for reading and reviewing! You guys are amazing and I adore you all.


	16. Chapter 16

Rose might have been eager to go, but not everyone seemed eager for us to leave. Raymond and his family offered us (and by us, I mean Rose and myself; Sydney was another matter entirely) their continued hospitality, and even suggested that we stay permanently rather than worry about fleeing the 'Tainted.' Rose had quickly and politely declined, but Raymond was insistent enough to actually pull me aside while the girls finished packing so that he could press the issue further.

"I wanted to let you know my offer stands, even after you leave. If you and Rose need sanctuary, you are welcome back here anytime. You two will be fully accepted." Raymond grinned. "You already are."

I tried not to chuckle as I imagined how Rose would react to that piece of news. "Thank you. Truly." I honestly meant it, too. With the uncertainty of all this, it was a blessing to know that there was a safe haven waiting for us, and even if it wasn't ideal, it would certainly be better than a death sentence. Thinking that was the end of it, I turned away in hopes that our supplies were ready for us to move out. I didn't make it far before he stopped me again.

"Oh, and Dimitri, Jeremiah and his wife, Annabell, need more space and will be moving out of their old place when their baby is born next month." He gestured to a very small, decently well-kept, but still fairly rickety looking place just a little ways away. "I'll make sure it's set aside for you and Rose...just in case."

My stunned reaction must have had the desired effect because he broke out in a bellowing laugh a moment later. It sounded similar to the one that he gave when conversing and joking with his children, but I knew from the way he smiled at me...he wasn't joking. I continued to stare at the little 'home' as he roughly patted my shoulder, enough to jostle me, but not enough to shake me out of my daze, and went back into his own house. I followed him a few minutes later, once I finally found the ability to think straight again.

I couldn't quite meet Rose's eyes as we finally made our way out of the camp. Things felt awkward enough when Raymond caught my glance toward that tiny building and gave me a smirk, but it was significantly more difficult as we walked through the farewell party that had somehow heard of our plans and began to crowd us. Rose stepped closer to me when a few young men started eyeing her, and while I initially felt the urge to shield her from their gaze, I started to fall into that endless mind-trap of wondering  _why_ I was feeling that urge. One thing was certain, however: the sooner we got out of here, the better.

Rose seemed to agree on that front. "I'd really like to leave before I'm called up to fight your future wife."

I had been so focused on all the men staring at Rose, I hadn't bothered to notice the few flirtatious eyes that were watching me. It was a bit entertaining to hear the annoyance in Rose's voice, though. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She rolled her eyes and glared at me. "I'm sure."

Right before we reached the tree line and the path leading away out of there, someone jerked Rose back. I reached for her, ready to defend her from another attack, be it another suitor's family member or something more nefarious, but instead found Angeline tugging on her arm.

"Take me with you," the girl said, looking between me and Rose. I relaxed a little, realizing that she wasn't going to attack Rose again, but there was still some edge in her voice.

"Sorry. We have to do this alone." The caution in Rose's voice told me that she had sensed the same thing I did.

"I can help! You beat me, but you saw what I could do! I'm good. I could take a Strigoi."

A sudden sense of déjà vu came over me: a memory of another young woman who was once desperate and overconfident in her ability to protect herself and others. A memory of a young woman with raw talent and passion that could be shaped into something quite impressive with the proper training. A memory of a young woman who was also bold, brash, and head-strong, but also loyal and dedicated to those she cared about.

I glanced at Rose, unsure if she saw her younger self in this poor girl. Even if she didn't, she did show her compassion and pity. Both of us knew that she was nowhere near ready to face the threats we were about to be up against, and while Angeline's passion was admirable, she was more of a liability than an asset to us.

Rose carefully chose her next words. "You might be able to, but it's just not possible for you to come with us." I nodded over Rose's shoulder, trying to give my strength to what she had said.

"Please. It's not just the Strigoi! I want to see the world." Instantly, things became clear. This wasn't a simple offer or request to help us – it was a plea for freedom. "I need to see something else outside of this place! I've only been to Rubysville twice and they say that's nothing compared to other cities."

"It's not," Rose sighed.

"Please. Take me with you." Angeline looked like she was on the brink of tears, and while her voice was low enough to not be overheard by the others, one look towards her father confirmed to me that he knew exactly what she was asking of us. I could see some remorse there, but only inasmuch as he knew his daughter wasn't happy. It was clear that he still felt he was doing what was best for her, and I had no right to challenge him on the subject.

Rose held her ground. "I can't, Angeline. We have to go on our own. I'm sorry. I really am." Both of us were. When Raymond stepped forward to gather his daughter, she shrugged him off bitterly. She threw that same bitterness into the sad glare she sent our way. It was her final farewell to us as we left the camp and made our way to the vehicle.

I offered to drive. Rose did too, but Sydney won out with the argument that we would probably benefit with some rest. With a mostly daylight drive, we'd be safe from Strigoi, but I was still wary of guardians. Sleeping in shifts might have been the smarter choice, but knowing that neither Rose nor I had gotten a full night's sleep last night and that we would be going up against Strigoi later, I gave into her suggestion. As long as Sydney was aware and gave us at least a few minutes of warning, Rose and I would have time to prepare for an attack.

I gave Sydney the address for Donovan, my contact for Sonya, reminding her that we'd only find him there at night. I wasn't aware of where he haunted during the day, so if we didn't make it to Lexington, Kentucky before morning, we would lose another day in our search for the lost Dragomir. It was a six-hour drive, but it was doable.

Rose settled into the back seat while I leaned back in the passenger seat, reclining it so that it was far enough to be comfortable, but not so far that Rose would feel crowded. I realized I had a clear view of her just by turning my head and watched as she laid down on the back bench and pulled her feet up under her. She quickly gestured for me to move back a bit more and I did so gladly, grateful for the extra luxury. Anticipation set us both on edge, but sleeping on demand was a necessary skill in our world. Apparently, it was also one she had yet to master. I could hear the occasional huffs of annoyance as sleep eluded her. At one point, I opened my eyes to see her staring at me in something between frustration and pleading, perhaps hoping that I would have some answers to make it all easier for her, but all I could offer was a soft smile of solidarity and a vague hope that she'd eventually find the peace she needed. Eventually, after an hour or so, she finally seemed to fall asleep, or at least stilled enough to get some sort of rest, and I was able to drift off as well.

The car stopped less than a half hour later, and when I startled awake, Sydney gave me an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. I need to use the restroom." I was about to nudge Rose awake since I wasn't sure when we'd find another roadside stop, but after having such difficulty falling asleep before, I decided to prioritize rest over restrooms. Plus, she looked fairly peaceful. Well, mostly peaceful. After a minute, I noticed she was shivering slightly. It was no wonder, really. The air conditioning had been running fairly high and she was stuck in those impractical shorts.

Without a second thought, I stepped out of the car and opened the back door before slipping my jacket off my shoulders. Tucking it around her while she laid across the backseat was somewhat difficult, but the effort was worthwhile when she sighed and stopped shaking. Satisfied that she would be able to rest just a little easier, I slipped back into my seat and lowered the air conditioning. I smiled as I laid back to rest a little more myself, letting the image of her tucking her face a little deeper into the leather collar soothe my mind as I drifted back to sleep.

* * *

A sudden jolt and a blaring horn ended up being Rose's and my ultimate wake up call.

"Sorry," Sydney apologized, though it sounded like a growl meant for the driver of the car ahead of us. "That jerk cut me off."

I waved the issue off, but Rose didn't seem to take the rude awakening quite so well. After a few minutes, she finally seemed to come back into her own. "Where are we?" She asked, glancing out the window.

"Outskirts of Lexington," Sydney replied, pulling over into a gas station. We weren't quite empty, but Sydney knew well enough not to dip below a quarter of a tank. If we had to run and were too low on gas, our options would be severely limited.

We were only a few minutes away from our destination, so it was time to start making a plan of action.

"It's not a great part of town, from what I hear," I told them. Granted, the places my men had operated hardly were. "Donovan runs a tattoo parlor that's only open at night. A couple of other Strigoi work with him. They get partiers, drunk kids...the kind of people that can easily disappear. The kind Strigoi love."

"Seems like the police would eventually notice that every time someone went for a tattoo, they would disappear," Rose pointed out.

"Well, the 'funny' thing is that they don't kill everyone who comes in," I said with a biting laugh. "They actually give tattoos to some of them and let them go. They smuggle drugs through the place, too." Addicts were another group that often disappeared without a trace in society, so they were good fodder in places like this. If I remembered correctly, opioids were the typical fare here. Heroin was probably the most popular, but Fentanyl and other illegally obtained prescription drugs were pretty high on the list as well. They had marijuana, too, but mostly to bring some of the younger kids in.

I shook my head, driving away the facts on this particular 'partner' and just how much I could remember about his 'business.' It was a bit shameful that I had all that locked away somewhere.

The car door slammed as Sydney slipped back into the car and unwittingly found herself in the middle of our disturbing conversation. When I looked at Rose, she was watching me cautiously. "You sure know a lot."

"I made it my business to know a lot." I had never talked to Rose in detail about what my so-called job entailed where the Estate was concerned, but she had been smart enough to gather that it included lots of connections to others in power. "Strigoi have to keep a roof over their heads, too. I actually met Donovan once and got most of this straight from the source. I just didn't know where exactly he worked out of until now."

She nodded, trusting me despite the history surrounding my knowledge. "Okay, so, we've got the info on him. What do we do with it?"

"Lure him out. Send in a 'customer' with a message from me needing to meet with him. I'm not the kind of person he can ignore." I hesitated. "Well, that he used to not...never mind. Once he's out, we can get him to a place we choose."

Rose nodded. "I can do that."

"No. You can't." I said automatically.

"Why not?" She looked insulted, and quickly I realized she assumed I thought her incapable. She couldn't be more wrong. I had no doubts about her abilities, but that wasn't the primary concern or reason she was unable to perform the task.

"Because they'll know you're a dhampir the instant they see you," I explained. "They'll probably smell it first. No Strigoi would have a dhampir working for him – only humans."

My statement laid heavy in the air until they both realized what I was insinuating.

"No!" Shouted Sydney, going so far as attempting to get out of the car until the handle jammed and halted her. "I'm not doing that!"

"I don't like it either," I told her, sympathetically, "but we don't have a lot of options. If he thinks you work for me, he won't hurt you."

"Yeah? And what happens if he doesn't believe me?" Sydney had every right to be upset, but I couldn't think of another way for us to get the information we were looking for. I needed to find a way to get her on board.

"I don't think he can take the chance. He'll probably go with you to check things out with the idea that if you're lying, they'll just kill you then." Her eyes went wide and her skin paled slightly, letting me know that I hadn't calmed her fears at all.

"You can't send her in," Rose protested. "They'll know she's an Alchemist. One of those wouldn't work for Strigoi, either."

I paused, realizing that I had totally overlooked that particular issue. An Alchemist was even less likely to work for Strigoi than a Dhampir. I was desperately searching for a 'Plan B' when Sydney's voice cautiously sounded from the quiet.

"When I was inside the gas station, they had, like, one rack of makeup." Her words were slow, but they held the shy promise of possibility. "We could probably cover most of my tattoo up with powder."

I silently acknowledged her willingness, and she returned it with a troubled expression as if to remind me that she was anything but willing. Still, her sacrifice meant everything in this operation, and it was up to Rose and me to make sure that she was safe in the face of her fears and dangerous odds.

We weren't able to cover her tattoo perfectly, but we were able to mask it fairly well. Our best hope was that Donovan wouldn't be bothered enough to look. I didn't want to worry them, but if he happened to notice her cheek, the minor color shift would tip him off. If my eyes could see the small difference, the contrast would be glaring to him. It was the best we could do, though.

We drove past the tattoo shop once, getting a general layout of the area. There were only two open businesses at this time of night (one of them being Donovan's place, of course), but other than that, it was a dark area. There weren't many street lights to take cover under, either. Dark and deserted had its benefits, however. It was good for clandestine meetings with villains of the darkest order.

Our best option ended up being a short alleyway less than half a block away from the tattoo parlor. It was large enough to maneuver in without being too large to control the fight. One side was open to the street and there was a possible escape option over a wire fence if things got too out of hand. I could stall things long enough for Rose to get away if worse came to worst.

I couldn't think about that at the moment, though. I needed to focus on 'best chances,' not 'worst possibilities.' Right now, that included giving Sydney as much information as I could to help her get in and out alive. "You want to look awed," I told her as she nodded, showing more fear than astonishment. "Humans who serve Strigoi worship them – they're eager to please. Since they're around Strigoi so much, they aren't so startled or terrified. Still a little afraid, of course, but not as much as you look now."

She took a deep, shuddering breath that did nothing to help the look of terror in her eyes. "I can't really help it."

She needed to, somehow. If she froze in there, it would draw the wrong sort of attention to herself. Her best chance of survival was to go practically unnoticed, and at the moment she was sounding off all sorts of warning bells.

Suddenly, Rose pulled her tightly to her. "You can do this," she said to Sydney through her embrace. "You're strong – and they're too afraid of Dimitri. Okay?"

"Rose is right," I confirmed, even though it wasn't the most satisfying compliment to receive. Sydney nodded, trying to steel herself for her mission as I continued, "Remember the man on the phone? Remember my threats? They are terrified of that man. They won't hurt you if they believe you're under my care, especially when they know my reputation. All you need to do is act as if I'm right behind you to protect you –"

"– because we are." Rose finished, building the last of Sydney's confidence. "Dimitri and I are right here. All you have to do is get him outside of that building and we'll do the rest."

I nodded and Sydney took a deep breath. Soon, she was stepping into the shop and out of our sight.

"We might have just sent her to her death," Rose said. There was a bleak sense of foreboding in her words.

I watched the closed door, wishing I could know what was happening just beyond it. "I know – but we can't do anything now. You'd better get into position."

I hoisted Rose up on top of a low portion of a brick building, giving her a decent vantage point and an even better place in which to make her initial attack. Rather than trying to find some spot in the actual alley, I slipped into a dark doorway just outside of it. Hopefully, when Donovan stepped into the alley, I could block his way out. If Rose and I could trap him, it would make our work much easier.

With each minute that passed, I felt my muscles tighten. I resisted the impulse to peek around the corner and check for Sydney or for any activity in the shop. I had to trust her ability to draw them out. If I gave up my position, I'd be blowing her cover as well.

Not too long after, I heard footsteps. But I also heard voices. My stomach twisted. Donovan wouldn't converse with a lowly human any more than he absolutely had to, and passing conversation about the state of his shop certainly didn't qualify as 'necessary.' That meant we were dealing with more than one Strigoi.

"Belikov?" He called. His voice was rough and demanding, the annoyance echoing off of the brick around him. "Where are you?"

"I'm here," I said, stepping around the corner. I stayed in the shadows, but I knew it would still only be a momentary disguise. It allowed me to see how many foes I'd be facing, though, so it was a disguise well served.

Donovan relaxed, and even made a step towards me, before abruptly stopping. I could see his eyes take me in and try to make sense of what he was seeing, but in the end, it didn't matter. "Dhampirs!" He shouted in alarm, hackles raised.

Rose jumped from the roof, landing on one of the Strigoi that had unexpectedly come with Donovan. I raced in after her, knowing that our moment of surprise was long gone and all we had now was our skill versus their biology. Hopefully, training would win out.

A small body rushed past me as I moved forward, and I shielded her escape as soon as she was clear. Sydney had been given explicit instructions to get out and get to the car. If anyone other than us came out of this alley, she was to drive out of the area as quickly as possible.

Donovan still stared at me, unbelieving, as I stalked towards him. I could hear the desperate muttering of ' _can't be, can't be,_ ' under his breath. His eyes flicked towards the stake, trying to find some confirmation that it was all just some hallucination. I happily broke that hope.

Shifting my grip, I raised my stake and went on the offensive. He barely had time to block my first strike before my fist hit low in his gut. My arm locked around his, holding him in place as I continued my assault. I could see my opening, but we needed him alive. Rose had insisted we needed him alive.

Another hand ripped me backwards, sending me a painful reminder that there was more than one person who wanted me dead. The second man's grip shocked me and forced me to release Donovan. I managed a strong kick to our main target's center, winding him and knocking him back into the corner before facing off with my new opponent.

He swung high, attempting a blow to my face. This second assailant was large and muscular, but he wasn't fast or accurate, and his hit was easy to dodge. I countered, hardly making a dent with my first hit, but knocking him off center a little with my second. I saw him look over my shoulder at the chaos still behind me, and I jumped into his line of vision, blocking him from Rose and her own battle.

I could see those red eyes searching for blood, but if he wanted any, he would have to go through me to get it. I wasn't going to let him harm Rose, or any other soul, ever again. A surge of venom ran through me just at the thought of him at someone's neck, his ghostly white hands yanking dark locks away, and his deadly fangs biting so hard into her neck that she screamed in pain.

I wasn't going to let him anywhere near her. My sight targeted in on him, dimming everything else around me, and with renewed energy, I lashed forward. My barrage came fast and hard. I didn't bother anticipating his movements because I didn't allow him time to make any. The harder I pressed, the quicker he tried to move away in an attempt to evade me as much as possible.

He looked like he was ready to be done with a battle that wasn't meant to be his in the first place. It was obvious that he hadn't come expecting a fight, and if he had been, he hadn't been expecting  _this_  fight. The moment he turned and tried to rush towards the street, I kicked him low in the back and violently forced him into the wall. He didn't have time to recover from the unexpected jolt before I was on him again, roughly twisting him to face me. I held him there with my arm against his throat, slowly choking him. It wouldn't kill him, of course, but the terrifying sensation of suffocation would torture him for a little while longer before I finally decided to personally end him. Every time he tried to reach for me, I cut at him with my stake. Arms, body, face — it didn't matter where I sliced him because each time he grimaced I felt a bit of triumph. Eventually, when his eyes were wide and pleading, I shoved my stake deep into his heart. I pressed it in until I physically couldn't press it forward any farther. When I finally pulled the bloody thing from him, I shoved his limp body into the wall again, hard enough to hear the skull crack behind him. My pulse pounded in my ears as he fell to the ground at my feet.

"Dimitri!" Rose's cry was the only thing that broke me out of my fixation. I turned around and instantly felt that fury grow in me again as I saw the reason for her desperate plea. "Come help me! I need you!"

Donovan was tracking Rose, matching her move for move as she tried to evade him. I was there before he could try a foolish step towards her, shifting her protectively behind me before launching myself toward the creature that had threatened her. My shoulder rammed into his chest and my stake slashed along his face, creating a gaping wound that sent blood rushing down his cheek. He was on the floor within seconds and I had my stake at his heart even quicker.

Before it came down, I felt someone stop my arm. "No! We need him! Don't kill him!"

I shoved Rose away slightly, but she was relentless. Donovan made a grab for her and I dug my knee into his side, still trying to keep my stake in position. A sharp crack against my face caught my attention and I glared at Rose — my ally — who was inexplicably holding me back from vindication.

Her breath was ragged, but her voice was clear. "Don't kill him!"

It took me a second to process her words, but I listened. That moment when I lost my focus on him, though, was when Donovan tried to struggle and maneuver out of my grip again. I pressed my weight against him as Rose did the same, allowing me to cover a majority of his body while she focused her weight on one shoulder and arm, all the while pressing his face into the cold asphalt.

Her voice was steady as she said, "When we were interrogating –"

That's right. This son of a bitch had answers. I gripped his shoulders, forcing him up so wildly that Rose lost her hold, and then slammed him back down just as hard. "Where is Sonya Karp?" I roared.

"I don't –" I cut off his excuse by using the butt of my stake to hit him across the head.

"Where is she? I know you know her!"

"I –"

I caught his chin in my hand, working my thumb into the gash I had left in his cheek, and forced him to look at me. His elusiveness was barely extending his life, but with each moment he lived, he was guaranteeing himself a more painful death. With a growl, I seethed, "Where is she?"

I could practically feel his blood run colder as fear lit his eyes. Good. He had every reason to be terrified. He shouldn't have been afraid of the man I once was. He needed to be afraid of the man I was now. I was the man who was going do more than threaten pain and suffering. I was going to put an end to his lifeless existence and make him pay for every single soul he had ever stolen, for every single person that he had hurt, and for the misery that people still felt because of men like us.

"Paris!" he gasped, struggling to speak with my hand digging into him. "She's in Paris."

Rose muttered a few words, and Donovan tried to say something in reply. He didn't deserve to talk to her, so I slammed his head back into the ground, turning his attention back towards me once more.

"It's a small town – an hour away." He winced as I forced more information from him. "There's this tiny lake. Hardly anyone on it. Blue house."

Rose said something else about an address, but when he tried to speak to her again, he lost his right to breathe. My stake came down hard. I didn't quite press it deep enough to kill him at first – just far enough that I could enjoy his screams born from the searing pain I knew he'd undoubtedly be feeling – and then jammed it through. I waited until his heart stopped beating around the silver before pulling it out. But he was still there. And so was all that he had done.

So I stabbed him again.

And again.

And again and again and again.

Something eventually gave resistance, but it wasn't  _him_. It was  _her_.

"He's dead! Let it go! Please. He's dead." Her plea seemed just as desperate as my rage, and that alone broke something in me.

I could suddenly see what now lay in front of me: a body in shambles — bloody, and broken, and torn apart until it was practically shredded. It was almost unidentifiable as a man. My hands were covered in red. I had done this. I had not only killed, I had obliterated. So why didn't I feel better? Why didn't I feel any closer to redemption?

Worse, why did seeing this destruction underneath me make me feel even more like a monster?

My shoulders slumped at the realization that it was hopeless. I was what I was...and that was nothing but a cruel being that only caused pain and destruction wherever he went. It was useless to delude myself into thinking I could ever rise above that beast and somehow fix what I had so thoroughly destroyed.

"It's over," came a whisper. "You've done enough."

"It's never enough, Roza. It'll never be enough." I felt empty at the admission.

"It is for now." I felt her pull me away from the carnage, and I went without resistance, falling into her open arms. My stake clanged and rolled away, but it was well enough. I wasn't worthy of it anyways. Her arm came around me, holding me even tighter and I buried my face into her neck, drowning myself in her hair.

"You're the only one," I choked. My fingers dug into her as I tried to find solace and stability. Her hands wove into my hair, gently tugging and smoothing as my shaking came and went in rapid succession. "The only one who understands. The only one who saw how I was. I could never explain it to anyone...you're the only one. The only one I can tell this to…"

She offered quiet hushes, not to silence me, but to silence my fears and the demons trying to overtake me. I wasn't strong enough to fight them on my own, but they faded a little as she pushed them back with quiet comfort and protected me from them in her strong embrace.

"It's okay," she promised. I looked up at her, pleading for her words to somehow be true. "It's okay now. I'm here. I'll always be here for you."

"I dream about them, you know. All the innocents I killed." I looked at Donovan's body but instead saw my first kill...Yuri. My friend. I had torn him apart in a bloodlust too. The memory made me wince. "I keep thinking...maybe if I destroy enough Strigoi, the nightmares will go away. That I'll be certain I'm not one of them."

_Hopeless_ , my mind kept repeating.  _Hopeless_.

"No." Rose's words broke through those echoes. "You have to destroy Strigoi because they're evil. Because that's what we do. If you want the nightmares to go away, you have to live." She smiled weakly, bidding me to try, despite my hesitations. "That's the only way. We could have died just now. We didn't. Maybe we'll die tomorrow. I don't know. What matters is that we're alive now."

With every word she spoke, I felt some light return to the dark hollows of my mind. I stopped shivering as her hand ran down my arm, beckoning me closer to that candle she held out to me.

"Remember what you said earlier? Back in Rubysville?" Those few hours seemed like a lifetime ago, but I gave her a small nod before she continued, "Living is in the details. You've got to appreciate the details. That's one way to defeat what the Strigoi did to you. The way to bring back who you really are. You said it yourself: you escaped with me to feel the world again. Its beauty."

I felt some blood pooling under my knees and even more of it drying on my hands; the hands that were unworthily wrapped around her. "There's nothing beautiful here. Only death."

"That's only true if you let them make it true," She gripped me tighter, her voice desperately pulling me back from the edge. "Find one thing. One thing beautiful. Anything. Anything that shows you're not one of them."

I shut my eyes, torn between refusing the beauty I felt undeserving of, and searching for what she insisted was already there...the beauty just waiting for me to acknowledge it.

And when I opened my eyes, the answer was right in front of me. She was there — holding me, speaking to me, comforting me, and a piece of me came back at the same time.

The answer was Rose.

She was my beauty in life. She was my reason to hope. Rose was the sun that gave me warmth and the light that gave me clarity.

I loved her.

I was completely, irrevocably, and unregrettably in love with Rose Hathaway. My Roza. I was in love with my Roza.

The fact that I had to fall so low to realize something so vital to my existence was humbling, but when you were left with nothing but the essential truths to keep you going, there could be no more doubt. I needed her like I needed air in my lungs.

She was my beauty...but I couldn't tell her that.

She was beautiful, so beautiful it hurt me. It physically hurt not to admit that out loud. It hurt me not to admit how much I loved her.

Still, I could hardly voice something so shocking that I had yet to fully comprehend myself, so instead I whispered, "Your hair."

"What?" Rose pulled back, touching her hair as if she was uncertain.

"Your hair," I insisted. I had always loved her hair, even when it was in a tangled mess from training or battle. I loved those little tinges of red that shone out of the darkness when she bathed in the rays of sunlight. I loved the way she constantly pulled at that one stubborn lock that curled at her temple. And, no matter how hard I sometimes wanted to fight the bittersweet memory, I loved the way it had laid fanned across the pillow the night I had truly given her my all and was blessed by her in return. It was a small bit of truth, then, but still a far cry from the truth I was too shocked to actually voice. "Your hair is beautiful."

She smiled, obviously disbelieving me, but accepting what little I had to offer her. "You see? You're not one of them. Strigoi don't see beauty. Only death. You found something beautiful. One thing that's beautiful."

My fingers followed hers, tracing the strands of hair that she had doubted earlier. I didn't want her to doubt her beauty. I didn't want her to doubt anything I told her – or anything I felt for her.

I might not have been able to admit those feelings out loud, but they were there. "But is it enough?" I quietly wondered to myself.

"It is for now." She touched her lips to my forehead and the sensation burned through me, warming my entire being in one simple motion. As she helped me up, she promised, "It is for now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed our time in the Alley. It's going to be a very different story from here on out!
> 
> In honor of Mother's Day, this week's question of the week is: What is your favorite memory of your mother or another significant female role model in your life? 
> 
> Thank you all for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts so please leave a review and a happy Mother's day to all you momma's out there!


	17. Chapter 17

_I love her._

Every other thought seemed blotted from my mind at that moment, except for those three words. Over and over again.

_I love her. I love her. I love her._

Rose had offered to go get Sydney, and while I probably should have gone with her, especially considering that we weren't far from a known Strigoi business whose owner was now missing and most likely had associates who would soon come looking for him, I was grateful for the small reprieve. I was still processing everything. I doubted that the few minutes it would take to gather our Alchemist would be nearly enough time to get myself in order, but perhaps it would be a start.

"I love her." The words sounded strange on my lips. I tried to distinguish if they felt odd because it had been so long since I had said them, or if it was because I had no business saying them, or...because they were true and I just didn't know how I had missed it along the way. All three maybe? My head hit the wall as I tried to knock the confusion away. It didn't help.

_Fuck, I love her._

The moment I heard footsteps, I was on my feet. Instinct made me go for my stake, but I was relieved to see Rose. Or, somewhat relieved. There was still some tension in my body that wouldn't quite go away when faced with her. Sydney paused as she took in the state of the alleyway, but didn't comment on it. I was fairly certain that this wasn't her first clean up, but her eyes still went wide at the state of the bodies, and she refused to look at me altogether. I forced myself to hold my head high, but I tucked my hands behind my back so she wouldn't have to see them.

While Sydney worked her particular brand of magic, destroying the evidence of my madness, Rose appeared beside me. I stilled instantly, frantically trying to slow my racing thoughts as if they might somehow manage to take over and escape so she could hear them. My heart was already a lost cause; it was beating so wildly with her this close that I was sure she could feel my pulse, even without actually touching me.

A small crinkling sound caught my attention, but before I gathered the courage to see what she was doing, I felt something slip into my hand. The cool sensation made jump a little, and it took me a moment to realize that it was a moist towelette of some sort. I didn't know where she had gotten them, perhaps Sydney had some in the car, but it was obvious what they were for. I started to gently wipe away the dried and flaking bits of blood off my hands, and the moment I put the first worn towelette into my pocket, there was another one waiting. I glanced down at her, but she stared firmly ahead, quietly offering her help without any expectations from me.

We continued this quiet little dance for a minute or two until, as if she could feel the moment I finally relaxed a bit, she smiled. Still not looking towards me, she slipped the now much thinner packet of wipes into my pocket and called out to Sydney, suggesting we leave.

_I love her...I love her..._

"I hope you guys don't stain the car," Sydney said, driving aimlessly through the town. She eyed my clothing, which certainly bore the signs of battle, and passed the comment off with a nervous laugh. It was a valid concern. Rose looked like she was in better shape than me, at least on the outside, but both of us were wearing clothing that was torn and splattered with dirt, blood, grime, and more. I had considered tossing my shirt entirely because of the mess, but I felt an unusual need to stand in solidarity with Rose, who was currently picking at one of the muddy tears in her own top. It wasn't like she could discard any of her uncomfortably messed up clothing at the moment.

"Are we going to Paris?" Rose asked idly.

"Paris?" Sydney seemed shocked, and rightly so considering what little information she had.

"Not yet." I didn't bother to correct her assumption, especially when Rose clarified a moment later that she meant Paris, Kentucky rather than Paris, France. "We should wait until daytime. We had to go for Donovan now, but if Sonya's got a house, she's probably there all the time." I leaned my head back against the headrest of the seat and let my eyes fall for a moment. Exhaustion was coming for me fast. "Safer for us in the daylight."

After a pause, Sydney asked, "How do you know he wasn't lying?"

"I don't think he was lying." There was some sort of finality in Rose's statement. I could detect a little caution, most likely at the reminder of my actions with Donovan, but her overall message was clear:  _We are not going to discuss what happened in that alley_.

I eventually told Sydney to take us to a hotel, and we were able to find a quick chain place on the other side of town. Even with Sydney's potion, there was still a chance that someone had called the police about a fight, and if police did investigate, they might find more than a few traces of evidence here and there. Getting as far away as possible was the best course of action.

Sydney slipped into the hotel, leaving Rose and me in the car. The silence was palpable, to the point where I could feel that both of us were eager to say  _something_ to break the tension but somehow unsure of what exactly to say.

_I love her._

_No. Not that. Don't say that._

"Are you –"

"Thank y–"

We both paused, trying to let the other go first, but I eventually waved her on.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I insisted, though I knew she could see right through the lie. "Really. I'm fine now. I...I know something broke back there, but I'm okay."

She looked at me curiously for a moment and then said in a hushed tone, "You know it's okay to  _not_ be okay, right? You don't always have to be okay. Especially around me. I mean, I don't want you to beat yourself up over everything, obviously, but pretending to be okay just for other people's sake isn't necessary either. You can talk to me. I'd never abandon you."

I was struck by that beauty again. Not a physical beauty, but the beauty that always laid in truth: she really had never abandoned me. Lord knows I had pushed her away enough times, but she had never forsaken me when I needed her. It was heartbreaking to realize how I had spurned such a gift, but here she was, yet again, offering me that same selflessness.

I opened my mouth to say something, though I didn't know what, when the sound of one of the hotel's side doors stopped me. Sydney waved over at us, urging us to move quickly so we wouldn't be spotted in such a state of disarray.

As I reached for both of our bags, I looked at Rose. "Thank you."

She smiled, snatched her bag from me, and said nothing. I understood exactly what she was telling me. She didn't need my thanks. She didn't want it. She just wanted me to know she was there.

_I love her._

We quietly made our way down a short hallway, constantly checking the tiny alcoves – not for threats, but for other guests who would probably have a few questions if they saw us – and stopped at a single door. Instead of Sydney passing off a keycard to Rose and me like she had done before, she opened the door and walked in with us. It was a surprise that Sydney had only booked one room, but I passed it off as perhaps some sort of financial need. Because we had deviated from the initial plan, we didn't have a ton of cash to work with. It wasn't until I noticed just how close Sydney was standing next to Rose that I realized that the poor girl was perhaps a little traumatized after the events of the evening. While she hadn't physically fought any Strigoi, she had been sent into their lair, alone, and I couldn't blame her for feeling the need to have a sense of protection close by.

I understood. I had been leaning on Rose for strength only a couple of hours ago, as well. There was a part of me that still selfishly wanted to have her to myself, just so that I could find that comfort and relief that had come so easily earlier, but there was also another part of me that was grateful for Sydney's additional company because I was somewhat wary of Rose's effect on me and what that meant.

Rose didn't give me a chance to offer her the shower first, urging me that way the moment we stepped through the door to our room. She sat down on the floor a second later, and watched me, daring me to object, until I dropped my bag, grabbed some clothing, and made my way into the bathroom.

Most of what I had been wearing was destroyed – except for the duster which seemed salvageable (a small blessing) – so my clothing went directly into the trash. Once Rose had tossed hers, I'd take it all to the dumpster so we wouldn't cause any issues with housekeeping tomorrow. I turned the water on hot, as hot as I could stand it without physically burning myself, and stepped in. The scalding water was almost a relief as I let it soak my hair and drip down my back.

Even though my clothing and hands had born the brunt of the bloodstains, there were still lingering traces here and there around my body. With morbid fascination, I watched as the water washed the red-tinged streams away from my body. It should have felt cleansing to be rid of those final remains of battle, but of course, those things weren't always just skin deep. I tried not to focus on where that blood had come from, but he was there anyway: Donovan's face flashed through my mind, red eyes filled with unnatural terror. My hand slipping on the tile was enough to startle me back into reality, and I caught myself on the wall before my knees could waver and give out. I shook off the distressing thoughts and added another layer of soap, hoping to scrub it all away. The mud, the blood, the memories...everything.

Eventually, hopefully, it would be enough.

Rose was apparently eager to get herself clean, too, and practically ran into the bathroom the moment I was out. I couldn't blame her one bit. I did a quick double take towards the door after the shower started running, though. I wasn't quite certain, but it sounded like there was a faint humming of a tune behind the water, and occasionally, I was pretty sure there were some off-key lyrics as well. The thought made me grin.

_I love her._

Sydney fussed with one of the bags, zipping and unzipping different compartments (and occasionally the same compartment, as if she couldn't remember what she had found in there a moment before) in search of something. Eventually, she gave up and growled in frustration. I could practically feel her pent up nerves trying to find some escape, and I felt a little bad that I had no way to help her relieve that lingering anxiety. I felt even worse that I had been the one to cause it in the first place.

"Thank you," I said quietly, trying not to startle her and interrupt her near frantic but determined scavenger hunt. I considered starting up the coffee maker. Neither of us should really have a cup, not when we needed sleep so badly, but it seemed like a good peace offering. I had realized fairly quickly that her love of coffee far surpassed my own. The woman seemed to practically live off of the stuff. "I know it wasn't wasn't easy for you to go into that place, especially alone."

She huffed and shot me a wry smile. "Are you going to call me 'brave,' too?"

I was sure Rose had already told her how brave she had been, and I certainly agreed with Rose, but Sydney didn't seem to think so. "Do you not want me to call you brave? If not brave, then what would you call yourself?"

"I was terrified." She stiffened, and her eyes went a bit glassy before she shook away whatever image had invaded her mind, and then cooly continued. "I almost turned back a dozen times, and then I honestly considered just walking past the place. Or maybe just leaving you two and your idiotic death wish of a plan altogether. Somehow, I found myself opening the door, though, and when I did I just…I nearly froze. You warned me not to, but I almost did when I saw them. I don't know how I made it out of there and got those things back to you, but I was so relieved the moment I was able to run away." She gave a small, biting laugh. "I also considered leaving you guys again as soon as I reached the car, just so you know. So no, I was terrified the entire time, and I nearly panicked, and I almost ran away when you guys needed me. I wouldn't call any of that 'brave.'"

I paused, seeing the tinges of shame that hid underneath the facade, as if she felt she should apologize for any of those things. "You know, bravery isn't about doing something without fear; it's about being afraid and facing those fears anyway. It's okay to be afraid, especially with something so truly terrifying, but you still went in there. You still helped us get the information we needed. We wouldn't have been able to do that without you and, to me, that makes you extraordinarily brave."

She nodded, still not looking entirely convinced. "Rose wouldn't have frozen."

"Rose has years of training behind her and some significant experience on top of that. Comparing yourself to a seasoned guardian is hardly fair. Plus, guardians make mistakes." I had been caught unaware in a god-forsaken cave and had lost my life. Rose had hesitated when faced with the creature I had become. I blinked back those memories and continued. "Rose and I have both been afraid, too.  _Terrified_." I emphasized the word she had used to describe herself earlier. "Despite all that, Rose is still the bravest person I know. After tonight, though, you might be a close second."

She laughed just as the bathroom door opened and Rose walked out. She looked between the two of us a moment before narrowing her eyes a little in mock suspicion. "I feel like I'm missing something. Are you two talking about me behind my back?"

I left Sydney to answer, not wanting to offer up anything more than what she was comfortable sharing. I had to bite back a smile, however, when she shrugged and said, "Only about how I'm braver than the both of you combined."

Rose looked completely nonchalant at the answer and started to dry her hair a little with one of the hotel's white towels. "Well, I don't know about that, but after going into a den of Strigoi on your own..I'd say you're at least braver than Dimitri." Rose threw me a quick wink. "Wouldn't you agree, Comrade?"

_I love her_...and considering I was too terrified to even process what that truly meant…

"Yeah, Sydney. Rose is right. You are much braver than me."

Sydney was quick to jump in with first aid, despite my insistence that it wasn't necessary, but it seemed to soothe her a little, so I relented. Most of my injuries consisted of various degrees of bruising with a few minor cuts here and there. However, I was a little more understanding of where Sydney was coming from when I realized that Rose was sporting a fairly large scrape across her leg where she must have fallen at some point. It hadn't been noticeable before, but newly clean and in fresh clothing, it was obvious.

Rose gave me a look and rolled her eyes over Sydney's shoulder when Sydney decided to apply 'a little extra disinfectant' over the area, and I had to conceal a bit of laughter. The chances of Rose getting an infection were slim to none, but I did have to admit to myself that if Sydney wasn't attending to Rose, I would have been. I might have added the extra disinfectant, too. I probably would have been a bit more subtle about my worry, though.

_I love her._

Eventually, we found ourselves all huddled around the screen of Sydney's laptop, zooming in on the small town of Paris, Kentucky.

"Lots of creeks and rivers. Not much in the way of lakes." Sydney scrolled a bit around the map until Rose suddenly pointed at something marked 'Applewood Pond.'

"Do you think that's it?"

"Maybe." Sydney clicked on the image for a closer look, shook her head, and then zoomed out a little to start searching some more. "Ah, there's another pond. That could be a suspect to or – oh! Right here?"

The screen suddenly seemed too bright, and I shut my eyes against its light, triggering a yawn in the process. My body seemed to be shutting down on me, whether I wanted it to or not. "That looks like the most likely option. If not, I don't think it'll take long to drive around the other ones."

"That's your plan?" Sydney looked appalled. "Just drive around and look for a blue house?"

Rose glanced at me, and all I could think about was how I had jumped the gun by killing Donovan before we had the address. Rose had even asked for it, but I had been so worked up that I had staked him simply for trying to tell it to her. It was my fault that our plan was so weak.

"It's more solid than most of our plans," Rose said, somehow sensing my thoughts and covering for me in the same breath.

_I love her._

As Sydney shut off the computer and stowed it back in the bag, Rose sat down next to me on one of the beds. I was sure that she was going to ask about my avoidance after the shower, but instead, she asked if I was certain I didn't want to leave at first light. Considering dawn was within an hour or two, I said no. While she might not have been accepting the fact at the moment, we were both in need of some rest after our fight with Donovan and the others, and I wasn't prepared to send either of us into Sonya's until we had gotten at least a few hours.

When I couldn't hold in another long yawn, she relented. Sydney had already tucked herself into one of the beds, and there was a moment of awkwardness as to who was going to get the other one. The polite thing would have been to offer it to her and take the chair, but I was practically desperate for a decent night's sleep and would have been perfectly fine taking the bed  _with_ her since we'd both most likely be out within seconds anyways. Sydney, once again, was our savior by calling Rose over to her own bed and pulling the covers down on the opposite side, offering her a clear invitation.

I fell asleep quickly, but rest eluded me. Especially when my thoughts began to take hold.

' _Dimitri! I need you!'_

I was right there again, in that moment when I turned and saw Donovan prowling towards Rose and slowly trapping her in a corner despite her best efforts. I raced towards them, ready to put myself between them and take him on myself, but I didn't make it time. He reached her first, and there was nothing I could do. I was paralyzed and had to watch her die, gruesomely, all while she cried out towards me and begged me for help.

Then it all started again, but this time, I was closer...too close. I was the one prowling, and she held herself at the ready, just looking for her moment to attack. I didn't get to see if she struck first or if I did, but I prayed to the heavens above that she was the one who survived that battle.

Next, I watched as I savagely destroyed Donovan. I heard his horrifying screams as I drew as much blood and inflicted as much pain as possible. And then I turned, only to see the terror in Rose's eyes just before she left me in the alley where I belonged - alongside the other monsters.

On and on it went, nightmare after nightmare, until I couldn't take it anymore. Finally, mercifully, my mind released me. I took several deep and stuttered breaths as I tried to shake away the terrible dreams, but the memory of Donovan's face lingered in my mind. I could still see the way he stared up at me, in cold-blooded fear, while my stake jabbed into him over and over again, splattering his face with the same dark crimson paint that matched his rimmed eyes.

"Dimitri? Are you okay?" Rose's sleepy voice carried over the short divide between our beds. She pulled back her tangled hair, watching me in careful concern.

I nodded, not quite able to answer her yet.

Without prompting, she threw her blankets back and padded over, gently slipping underneath the sheet next to me. She propped her head up on a crooked elbow and studied my face for a moment before asking, "What happened?"

"Just a nightmare. It's nothing." I knew I should just urge her back to her bed. I knew I should urge her back to sleep. Still, having her next to me was soothing.

"It was enough to wake you up," she said gently, though with a biting look. "Talk to me."

With a deep breath, I let my head rest against the headboard and started telling her everything that I had seen, and everything I had felt. I told her how it had all worried me and how I was even more worried about what would have happened if she hadn't been there.

"You pulled me back, Rose. I'm not sure where I was going, but you pulled me back." Boldly, I reached for her hand. "You're always the one there. Ever since I've known you, you have been the one person in my life that I could talk to and rely on. You're the one I can count on to pull me back and keep me grounded."

She stared down at where our hands were clasped, and I gently grazed my thumb over one of the new cuts she had earned on her knuckles from tonight's fight. "I wish I could say the same."

I winced, knowing that her words weren't completely undeserved. It still hurt to hear them out loud, though. I tried to pull her closer but she resisted. "I'm so sorry, Rose. I've made so many mistakes. I've...I've hurt you in so many ways, and I don't know if I can ever apologize for how I've treated you but…" I could feel my throat tightening, as if debating whether or not to actually say the words. Still, I had to try. I had to tell her the truth. "I love you, Roza."

I was unable to breathe, unable to think, unable to do anything but watch and wait for her to say something. But her face stayed completely indifferent. With every passing moment, I felt my heart sink a little deeper, and when she got up and stepped away from the bed, I felt the floor drop out from underneath me.

"Rose?"

She didn't say anything as she started walking backwards towards the door. Her eyes stayed on me, but she offered me nothing. Even her stare didn't betray a single emotion.

When her hand landed on the doorknob, I started to feel my panic rise. "Where are you going?"

She opened the door, and a wave of cool air rushed in, carrying the smell of the hotel pool's chlorine and a faint hint of clove cigarettes.

Finally, she offered me a sad and pitying smile before saying, "I'm sorry, Dimitri. Love fades. Mine has."

And then...she walked away. I didn't say anything because I couldn't say anything. I didn't have any air left in my lungs to call out to her. The blood in my veins had frozen completely solid so I couldn't move or run after her. All I could do was stare as she disappeared, and the moment she was gone, I watched a hand, a man's hand, reach back and slam the door between us.

That slam reverberated through me, even when I suddenly woke, jolting up from the bed as if I had been electrocuted. It echoed in my ears as I tried to gasp for breath. I clutched at the sheets and found them nearly as drenched in sweat as I was. I tried to fling them off, but they were tangled around my body. I thrashed in a vain attempt to escape, and the moment I was free, I rushed to the door. It jarred once as I tried to open it while the door was still locked, and then I threw it open to check the long hallway.

A woman a few doors down turned at my minor outburst and looked at me with wide eyes as I stood there panting in nothing but rumpled clothing and a crazed expression. After a moment, I calmed down enough to give her a small, apologetic wave and stepped back inside the room.

As my eyes readjusted, I saw Rose still asleep and murmuring softly in her bed. Right there. She was right there.

I fell into one of the chairs, dropping my face into my hands as my body tried to shake off the last dregs of adrenaline rushing through me. I laughed quietly, bitterly, remembering the words that she had told me in the dream – the same words that I had said to her in that church.

My palms brushed against my cheeks, and I was surprised to find them wet, not with the cold sweat from earlier, but with fresh tears. The sensation only made my dark laughter a bit more frantic. I was coming undone.

I wanted to tell myself that I had meant those words in the church, and in a way, perhaps I had. I had been broken. I had been empty. At times, I had felt completely numb. Loving someone seemed completely out of my reach.

But it was more than that. I was afraid to  _be_ loved. And I was especially afraid to be loved by her.

Rose could love so deeply and so unconditionally, but I had hurt her so badly, and the fact that she could still love me despite that was terrifying. It defied logic and I thrived on logic. So, to make things fit in my mind, I had pushed her away.

Perhaps I should have just recognized the miracle of it all. I was alive, despite all logic. Rose had still loved me, despite all logic.

But, despite all logic...I had thrown that all away.

Now, she loved someone else. She was with Adrian, and Adrian loved her. He had said as much and I had promised to keep her safe, even from myself. I couldn't drag her through my confusion simply because I was now realizing my own stupidity.

' _Love fades. Mine has.'_

She deserved to love someone who loved her. Who wasn't afraid to love her. She deserved to be loved by someone who recognized just what a miracle it was to be loved by her.

I watched Rose sleep for a while, perhaps waiting for her to wake up and walk away as she had in my dream. Maybe hoping that she would wake up and stay with me, instead. No. I was the one that had pushed her away. I couldn't ask her to stay. I couldn't even hope for her to stay.

So, I walked away. I grabbed my jacket and a bit of cash and left. There was a little cafe on the corner, and I knew the girls would be waking up soon. I was sure they would appreciate some coffee and maybe some doughnuts, and I could certainly use the walk. Before I closed the door, though, I turned and took one last look, just to make sure Rose was still there...even if she wasn't still with me.

_...I love her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to say that this week's chapter tormented me. Almost as much as Dimitri's realization and subsequent dreams tormented him. Almost. I like to torture that poor man. Big thanks to ObjectiveHeartMuscle for her inspiring moment of non-inspiration that made this chapter possible.
> 
> This week's 'question of the week' is: What is the one thing about you that surprises people? For me, it's that I'm a black belt in karate and used to compete on a nation circuit in the USA. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and I'd love to hear your thoughts in the reviews. You are all lovely people! Facebook link is in my bio if you want to join in on discussions and fun there!


	18. Chapter 18

"So…Victor Dashkov might be joining us soon."

The car swerved so abruptly that the heavy steel chains in the trunk clanged against one another as they shifted from one end to the other. I had purchased them this morning to bind Sonya for questioning, but I was seriously considering pulling Rose over and chaining her up at the moment. I was sure Sydney wouldn't be opposed to the idea either.

"What? That guy who escaped?" Sydney's eyes drifted between the road and the rearview mirror as she tried to gauge whether or not Rose was joking.

I had a clear view of Rose. She wasn't joking.

"Why," I started, trying to stay calm, "is Victor Dashkov joining us?"

She winced, knowing just how troubled I was at her sudden proclamation. Something told me that it was just the beginning of her surprises, however.

"Well, it's kind of a funny story," she began, "Victor has a brother who is a spirit user, Robert. I guess he's a half-brother, actually. That's why he knows so much about spirit – he's had a chance to study it his entire life. He knew what signs to look for."

It would explain why he seemed to have so much knowledge about the mysterious element, but it also created more questions. "If he has a brother who's a spirit user, why did he go after Vasilisa last year to heal him?"

"The dude is crazy. Robert, I mean. Victor's not exactly sane, but his brother is something else. Robert is what Lissa could become if she uses her magic unchecked and I'm not around to pull the darkness away. He's just...not there. He's usually gazing out into the distance, but when he does notice you, he talks in these weird riddles." Rose furrowed her brow, as if she was trying to figure out one of his riddles, but focused again when I repeated my question.

"Oh! Yeah. Robert is too far gone to heal Victor regularly. It would probably kill him. He needed Lissa to heal him, and keep healing him, because she's younger and stronger. He even admitted to Lissa the night he took her that the use of magic would eventually drain and kill her, even with me helping her out." She said everything very matter-of-factly, but it was a strong reminder of the lengths that Victor would go to protect himself. He was a psychopath who didn't care about others, and his willingness to sacrifice Lissa, Rose, and even his daughter, Natalie, for his own health, freedom, and plans for political power only proved that.

"That doesn't mean Robert can't use spirit though," Rose continued. "He's still fairly strong. Apparently, he was one of the first to…" She paused and stared at me for a moment.

When she didn't say anything more, I asked, "First to what?"

"Robert was the first to bring someone back."

"From the dead?" I asked. We had records of Anna, Saint Vladimir's guardian, being shadow-kissed. Robert couldn't have been the first. Even if he had a shadow kissed companion, Rose and Lissa showed that he wasn't unique in that aspect.

"No," Rose said flatly. It wasn't until her eyes dropped to my heart and the scar that resided right above it, that I understood exactly what she was saying.

"Oh."

"Yeah," she said solemnly. "Victor knew about the restoration process because of his brother. That's why he was okay with Natalie turning Strigoi. He knew that Robert could restore her."

As she spoke, my hand went to the back of my neck, rubbing the seventh and final mark I had received for killing his daughter. I had always felt a sense of remorse for ending a life, even an undead life, but knowing that I had killed Natalie when Victor had planned on restoring her brought a new wave of shame that I had never quite imagined as a guardian. Before, I had always comforted myself with the fact that a Strigoi's death was a way to free them, or who they once were, and save others in the process. Perhaps that was still true, especially knowing how much regret I carried after my own restoration, but Natalie had been so young, and if I had known that I could have brought her back rather than killing her once and for all...I wouldn't have hesitated to save her.

I closed my eyes and saw the hate-filled glare Victor had given me while he testified in court. I had killed his daughter when he could have saved her. Everyone else thought he was a monster for allowing his daughter to turn for him, but to him, I was the monster. To him, I was a murderer.

"He was the one that told me exactly how to restore a Strigoi," she admitted. Even without her saying anything more, I could see the guilt in her countenance that hinted at some sort of bargain for that information. It didn't take a genius to guess what she had promised him in return.

' _What happened...with us being able to save you? Well, a lot of it was because of her.'_

' _She has given up everything to be with you…'_

' _Do you have any idea what we – what I – had to go through to get that information? You think me going to Siberia was crazy? Believe me, you haven't even come close to seeing crazy. You know me. You know what I'm capable of. And I broke my own records this time.'_

She had broken Victor out of jail, just for the chance to save me. I had seen them together with my own eyes in Vegas. I'd have bet anything that the mysterious man that I had seen Rose and the others with was Victor's brother, the spirit user. It hadn't mattered at the time, and with everything else that had happened over the past few weeks, the fact that I had seen her with Victor honestly hadn't crossed my mind until this very moment, but the implication was suddenly very clear and very humbling. She had freed the man who had tortured Lissa, and tortured her via Lissa, just for the very slim possibility of restoring me.

"And he just told you something like that?" I could hear both the skepticism and the probing in Sydney's question. She might be helping us, but there was still a part of her that would always be an Alchemist. Rose was innocent of murdering the queen, but if she was colluding with a known felon, that could change things significantly. "According to Alchemist records, he was supposed to be in isolation in Tarasov. Unless you were guarding in the compound, you shouldn't have had the opportunity to speak with him."

Rose gnawed at her lip for a moment, fully understanding what Sydney was hinting at. "Guardian secrets," she said, echoing the vague answer that I had given her more than once. "I have some contacts there."

"And now? How is he managing to contact you now?" I asked, trying to quickly divert the conversation in another direction.

"His brother can dream walk, like Adrian." She seemed extremely frustrated by the fact, letting out a big huff as she said the words. "They've been invading my dreams and demanding information. Thankfully, they've given some decent advice too. They suggested having Liss nominated for Queen."

"I was wondering where you got the idea."

Rose's eyes went wide. "How did you find out?"

"Guardian secrets," I mocked.

She sneered. "You aren't a guardian anymore."

"Neither are you," I countered.

"Okay, you two might not be guardians, but I am an Alchemist and even I know that there's no way Vasilisa can be queen. She doesn't have any other family. Isn't that the whole point of this wild goose chase? We're trying to find some lost sibling so she can have a political voice, right? How could she even be nominated without the sibling?"

"I guess the law is written in some strange way that allows her to run for the title, even if she can't actually be elected. It's archaic, but it's been doing a decent job of slowing down the whole process, especially since she's actually doing pretty well." Rose looked immensely proud of that fact, though her pride shifted into a slight smugness as she continued, "She wasn't exactly happy since they sprung it on her during the nomination proceedings, but hey, we can call it payback for surprising me with the whole 'break out' thing. Either way, the longer the election runs, the more time they have to search for some evidence to prove I was set up."

Sydney sighed. "Let me get this straight: you have been in contact with a dangerous man – who somehow escaped one of the most secure prisons on the face of the earth – and his brother, who you admit isn't fully sane. Now, they're going to just show up and meet us? You realize I'll be aiding and abetting a felon, right?"

"Technically, you'll be aiding and abetting  _another_ felon, who just so happens to be another escaped prisoner, too." Rose laughed under her breath and looked towards me. "Man, they really should upgrade their security systems."

"Rose, this is serious," I chided. "When were you going to tell us?"

"I'm telling you now!" Rose's hands came up in both defense and placation. "He contacted me a few days ago. He knows we're looking for the lost Dragomir and he wants to help."

I swore I felt my blood pressure spike. "You can't seriously believe that his intentions are pure."

"No. Not at all, but what's that saying? 'Keep your enemies close?' At least we'll know where he is rather than him continually taunting me every night. Or how about that other one, 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend?' Maybe he can help us figure out who tried to set me up!"

"I seriously doubt that," Sydney said, shifting lanes to pass a motorhome. "He's been impossible for anyone to track down, guardians or Alchemists alike. Sure, the death of Tatiana has made headlines in your world, so perhaps he knows that, but there's no way he could actually know who framed you for it."

Rose and I shared a look. Honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised if he knew who framed her. That man had some fairly impressive connections. Somehow, he had been privy to Rose and the other students being present at his trial less than a few hours after they had received permission to attend, and on top of that, he had been able to send a private note to Rose. The problem was, I also wouldn't put it past him to  _be_ the one who had set her up. I couldn't find a reason why he would do so, but then again, Dashkov's reasons weren't always logical to others.

"Look, whether he can help or not, this is our chance to catch him! That's a good thing, right?" Rose's frustrated plea begged me to understand, but there was no way I was going to approve of this insanity.

"It's an issue we'll deal with...later," I said, firmly, not wanting to discuss the matter anymore with Sydney present. I needed to ask her about a few other details concerning Victor, specifically about her involvement in his escape, but I wanted to do so privately.

Rose silently challenged my tone, giving me the same look that she had given me more than once when I had scolded her at the Academy, but eventually lowered her gaze and backed down.

* * *

 

We reached Paris a few hours later. Sydney rolled her eyes when I told her to just drive the perimeter of Martin Lake, but otherwise didn't protest. There were only a few houses in the area, mostly in shades of white (though I noted one with blue shutters), and a majority of them seemed to be vacant, as if they were vacation homes or something similar. What has looked like a small lake on the computer was actually much larger than we had anticipated, and I think we were all starting to feel a bit dejected when Rose suddenly thrust herself between the two front seats.

"There! A blue house!"

A light blue house with white trim, navy shutters, and a bright red door sat tucked back in a small thicket of trees. The lawn wasn't one of those neatly trimmed squares of grass that you found in suburban neighborhoods. Rather, it looked like a wildflower meadow, filled with yellow, white, and pink blossoms that grew wild and free. Behind them, almost to contrast the beautiful mess, perfectly trimmed rose bushes in various colors grew around the house. Pots and baskets of flowers bloomed along the walkway, and there were even vines of some stunning blue flowers drooping down from the roof to create a sort of shade over the porch. Overall, it looked like something out of a fairytale book. It was hard to imagine anything sinister hiding inside all that beauty.

"Well, it's a blue house," Sydney declared, looking just as flabbergasted as I was. "But is it hers? I don't see a mailbox or anything."

"Yeah." Rose nodded confidently, picking up on something that obviously erased every doubt from her mind. "This is her house."

When Rose and I went to get a better look, leaving Sydney behind for her own safety, I caught another detail that made me feel a similar confidence. I quietly moved forward, walking along the gravel pathway leading towards the door rather than directly on it to mask my footsteps. I could feel Rose's presence behind me, but after a few steps, she stopped.

"What are you doing?" She hissed lowly. "She might see you."

Satisfied with my observation, I made my way back. "Those are blackout curtains. They aren't letting in any light, so she isn't going to see anything. It also means she likely spends her time on the house's main floor, rather than a basement."

"That's good news for us." Rose glanced around me to look at the windows and then nodded, understanding the significance of my words. She was well aware of the dangers of being trapped in a basement or any other similar place with limited escape options. She and some of her friends had been held captive in such a situation, and one of them didn't make it out alive.

"I'll scout the other side." There were a few windows and doors here, but the front door was more likely to be locked than the back door, and even if the rear door was locked, there still might be a better point of entry back there.

Rose caught my arm, making me pause. "Let me. I'll sense any Strigoi – not that she's going outside, but, well, just in case."

I glanced towards the fence and the unknown behind it. I hated the idea of her being over there without some sort of backup, but Rose did have a point. She would be able to sense Sonya if she was close. If Sonya was on the main floor, there was a better chance of her hearing us, so the fewer people moving around the yard, the better. Rose could always call for me if needed, but during the day, it was highly unlikely that there would be an issue. She was right; she was the better choice.

My hesitation cost me, however. When I turned back towards her, she was glaring at me. Her eyes said everything.

' _I'm your equal now.'_

She thought I didn't trust her with this small task. In reality, I just didn't trust myself with getting to her in time if something went wrong. I couldn't let something happen to her...especially now that I'd realized…

I tensed, unsure what to tell her. In the end, all I said was, "Okay. Be careful," and hoped that she could understand what was hidden in my thoughts:  _I trust you, but I care about you, too. Please be safe._

With nothing more than a nod in reply, she rushed around the side of the house, disappearing behind a length of wood fencing. I listened for any sounds, ready to run if I heard her call out or any other signs of a struggle, but otherwise stayed within sight of both Sydney and the house. I tried not to count the minutes, but the silence – while a good indicator that she was just fine – made it hard to concentrate on anything other than just how long she had been gone.

Finally, after what was probably less than five minutes but felt more like thirty, Rose was quickly making her way back. When she was within a few feet, she gave me the report. "A patio door and two windows. All curtained. There's also a wooden deck chair, a shovel, and a wheelbarrow."

"Any pitchforks?" It was a halfhearted joke, but a pitchfork through the heart wouldn't have been a bad way to immobilize a Strigoi while we tied her up. It wouldn't kill her, but it would stop the heart for at least a few minutes, putting her in a coma-like state.

She smirked. "Unfortunately, no, but there's a big-ass rock sitting outside the fence. It'd be hard to get into the yard, though." I smiled at the thought, and then smiled a bit brighter when I realized her current playfulness meant that our earlier misunderstanding was forgiven. "We're better off using it to help us climb over. No gate in the fence. She's made a fortress."

I could tell that the plan, the same plan, was forming in both of our minds. We quickly returned to the car where Sydney waited, somewhat impatient in her anxiety. As I recoiled the heavy chain and set it on the top of the trunk, Rose relayed our instructions.

"Stay here, and wait for our signal. We'll need you to bring the chain as soon as we have her subdued."

Part of me wanted to bring the chain with us, but there was no way we could carry it quietly. Between that and the way it would inhibit out movement and speed, it was better for her to bring it to us after Rose and I had Sonya under control.

"And," Rose continued, giving me the smallest of glances. "If we aren't back in thirty minutes, leave. Don't worry about us."

We had given a similar instruction to her when we had prepared to meet Donovan, and just like last time, Sydney didn't seem happy to hear it. Still, all three of us knew the reality that Rose and I could go in there and not come out. If that happened, it was better for Sydney to be gone well before nightfall. Waiting for us was pointless. We'd either be dead or…

We'd be dead. I wasn't going to allow anything else.

Rose led the way towards the rock she had found earlier. I stepped up, taking a look around the yard. Sonya had created a fairly impressive paradise, and it was almost difficult to look at the area strategically without getting distracted by the beauty of it all.

"The door's the easiest entry," I said, focusing on the task at hand. "It may be unlocked, but it's probably safer to assume that it isn't. I think if you can get an initial break on the glass with the shovel, I could probably ram it with the wheelbarrow and finish the job. What do you think?"

"Sounds good, but you should use the shovel to break the glass, instead. You're stronger and more likely to break it on the first try. I'll put my full weight into the wheelbarrow, and hopefully, that should be enough to do the rest."

I nodded, accepting her adjustments without argument. As soon as we had our plan of attack, I boosted her over the fence, following as quickly as possible. She had been practically silent in her landing, but I landed a bit heavier, and the resulting thud completely destroyed any hope of sneaking up on Sonya.

I grabbed the shovel laying against one of the posts of the covered patio and swung it hard against the glass. The glass cracked a little but didn't break as we had hoped. Even a second hit, a little lower this time, didn't fully break the glass, though it did splinter it more. Rose grunted as she shoved the wheelbarrow into the door, and finally, the glass fell into pieces.

I pressed through the glass first and Sonya was right there. She lunged for me first. I was prepared, though. Since we didn't want to kill Sonya, we would be keeping stakes holstered – at least until we had no other options. My shovel would be the only weapon for the time being, and I preferred to keep it between Rose, myself, and our target.

Sonya had been so focused on me, it seemed like she hadn't even noticed Rose yet. I slowly moved to the side, trying not to look back towards the broken patio door and betray Rose's position. That resolve ended up backfiring on me. I didn't catch Rose's attempt to rush Sonya from behind until it was too late for me to assist in any effective manner. Sonya saw Rose's movement, however, and with her quick reflexes, she managed to both throw Rose to the ground and fend off my delayed blow in a single, swift motion. Thankfully, even if I wasn't able to help Rose initially, I was successful in bringing Sonya's full attention back towards me again.

Sonya shifted, ready to charge my right side, and I gripped the shovel tighter, bracing myself to swing again. It was unwieldy though, and the moment she saw the action, she changed direction and lept towards my other side, throwing me off balance. I was able to steady myself enough to keep myself on my feet, but my swing went wide and ended up being completely useless. Worse than useless, actually. It gave her an advantage as she ripped the tool from my hand and sent a blast of pain up my shoulder. The minor distraction was enough for her to catch me by the throat and pin me against the wall.

She pressed hard, not wasting any time in toying with me. Within moments, my vision was darkening at the edges as I struggled against her. I tore at her hands, logically knowing that it was useless with her superhuman strength, but still giving into the instincts that every mortal has when it came to breathing.

I barely saw the glint of silver behind her before she screamed in pain. Instantly, the pressure against my throat lessened, and I gasped for air. A crash brought me past the pain at my neck and back to the present. As Sonya forgot about me and started towards Rose, the one who had the gall to stake her, I made my move.

I rushed forward, kicking at the back of her knee and pushing her to the ground. As soon as I tore the stake out of the back of her shoulder, I flipped and pinned her with the charmed silver at her neck. She hissed at the contact, probably feeling something close to the same pain I had felt moments before as she tried to choke the life out of me. She tried to throw me off, and I saw Rose move to help me. I shook my head, nodding towards the door instead.

"Get Sydney.." I grunted, pushing the stake down harder when Sonya scratched at my forearm and left a trail of blood. "The chain…"

I heard the door burst open, sending a flash of light through the room that caused Sonya to hiss. It didn't make direct contact with her, thankfully, but it was close enough that if she became too much of hassle, I could roll her into the sunlight and let her burn...slowly.

"We need her…" Rose's voice snapped me back into the here and now. I looked up at her, relaxing my thoughts, though not my grip, as she repeated, "remember we need her."

I nodded, and before anything else could be said, Sydney showed up at the door. Rose took the chain from her hand, dragging it over towards us, and shooed Sydney into the safety of the bright light again.

"Rose…the chair…" I nodded towards a heavy, reclining armchair in a nearby corner. She dropped the chain and helped me lift the wildly thrashing Sonya into the chair, letting me pin her in place while Rose wrapped the chain around her as many times as possible.

It was hardly enough, at least long term, but it would have to do. At least with a stake pressed against her throat, she was less likely to fight back. Not completely unable to fight back, but less likely.

Rose glanced my way, shifting slightly on her feet as she shot me a nervous look. Ominously, she said, "Time for questioning."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big props to both my beta's for a quick turnaround time on editing today! You guys are amazing. And to the rest of you, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I was VERY surprised at everyone's reactions to the last chapter. I had hoped you guys would enjoy it (as I hope you enjoy ALL these chapters) but I didn't anticipate how many of you would count it among your favorites. I really appreciate your thoughts, so thank you for reaching out. Your kind words make my day.


	19. Chapter 19

"Do you know about the other Dragomir?"

"Are you related to the mother?"

"Do you know where the mother and child are?"

Round and round we went. We'd ask a question and Sonya would snarl, laugh, or threaten us. Occasionally, she'd do all three. She had thankfully stopped her maddening struggle a while ago, but that didn't mean she was any less dangerous. Rose and I stayed within an arm's reach of the chair, stakes at the ready, just in case she tried to make a break for it. Our stakes were for much more than simple protection at this point, though.

"Where's the Dragomir child?" I growled as I let the silver tip rake down her exposed arm, eliciting a shrill cry and a thin stream of blood from her.

"You -" What I assumed would have been a curse was swallowed in a groan as my stake burrowed a little into her white flesh. She lunged for me, rattling the chains that were supposed to be keeping her secure, and managed to shake one enough to actually give herself a bit of room to jerk one arm away from the binds.

Rose dove and caught Sonya's arm seconds before she could break free. When I shot Rose a look that demanded she pay attention, she apologized with a sheepish glance and then pressed on where I had left off.

"Where's the Dragomir child?" she repeated, "We know you have information. Just let us know what we need to know and we can be done with all this."

'Done with all this' meant killing her. If I'd had my way, she would've probably been dead already. Logically, I knew we needed the information, but every fiber of my being was telling me to kill her. It wasn't just the training that was built into my bones, but something that spoke to my very soul. It was the same thing that had cried out in the alley – one more death meant one more victory and one step closer to vindication.

"I'm not going to tell you anything," she hissed, and I swore I saw a forked tongue flick out from between her lips. "You need me, which means you won't kill me. I just need to outlast your mortal weaknesses and you're dead." She narrowed her eyes into slits. "And I won't make your deaths quick and painless."

With a quick thrust, I jabbed my stake deep into her chest.

"Dimitri!" Rose jumped to pull my hand back, but it was too late. My stake was buried almost to the hilt inside of the foul woman before she slumped forward, dead still, against the chains holding her in the chair. "We needed her!" Rose screamed, "How are we supposed to -"

"Don't worry," I cut her off. I pulled the stake out just as quickly as I had stabbed it in and wiped the blood off on Sonya's clothing. "She'll be up and threatening our lives in a little bit. I just needed a few moments."

Rose stared at me like I was insane until I gestured to the gaping, though slowly healing, wound in Sonya's chest. Her eyes widened as she realized that I had staked Sonya on the right side rather than the left, leaving her heart totally untouched. Sonya would be in a huge amount of pain when she woke up, but she'd still be alive and well in no time.

"Why didn't she react like that when I staked her earlier?"

"Because if she was mortal, it wouldn't have actually killed her. A stake to the shoulder would have hurt and probably hospitalized her if she was like you or me, but for her...it was nothing." I shrugged, moving to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. The fact that Sonya had glasses and other dishes when eating and drinking weren't actual necessities for her was unusual, but I wasn't about to question those particular quirks right now. I raised my glass to Rose, silently asking if she wanted something to drink as well. She nodded, though it seemed like a subconscious reaction more than an actual answer to my question. Filling her glass, I continued, "Now, things that would actually kill you and me, or at least things that would immediately kill us, they'll knock her out for a while. A broken neck takes about ten minutes. I don't know about this particular injury."

Sonya started twitching a few minutes later, well after the visible signs of her injury had healed over, and the moment her eyes opened, she started spitting out curses. Nearly all of them were yelled in my direction. None of them riled me up until she seethed, "Just for that, I'll kill her first so you can watch as I torture her nice and slow. I'll let you listen to her screams until I drain even those from her."

I saw red, but Rose simply rolled her eyes. "Yeah, we get it. 'You'll kill us, and make it hurt, and blah blah blah.' You've been saying that for nearly an hour now. How about this: you give us some answers to our questions, and I'll give you another chance at the whole 'kill us' thing."

Rose's lack of concern at her threats seemed to enrage Sonya even more, but it actually allowed me to relax and remember that we truly had the upper hand here. Sure, Sonya might have been withholding the information from us, but when all was said and done, we could still kill her in an instant if necessary. I just had to keep myself from killing her until it was absolutely necessary.

I watched Rose for a moment longer, focusing on her hair, or the memory of her kindness in the aftermath of Donovan, or the way the sun spilling from the open doorway made her skin glow a little, or how she had sung in the shower because she probably thought we couldn't hear her.

_Find the beauty_ , I reminded myself.  _Focus on her and hold on to the beautiful in your life_.

As long as I kept telling myself that, I was able to keep the dark shadow of whatever was lingering behind the wall in my mind at bay. We'd have to kill Sonya eventually, but right now, we needed the information.

* * *

Our interrogation was going slowly. After more than an hour, all we were able to glean was that she probably knew something pertaining to our questions. And we only assumed that because she wasn't outright denying anything. We also knew that she was very eager to kill us.

Rose rested her head against the wall behind her, and a second later, her eyes closed. As she brushed back a bit of her hair, I saw a dark red stain near her temple. "What happened to your head, Rose?"

"Huh?" It took her a moment to actually acknowledge me, as if she didn't quite realize I was speaking to her, despite the fact that I had said her name. Between that and her slow reaction time earlier, my initial worry at the blood she was wearing doubled...tripled.

Slowly, she pulled a bit of the hair away from the drying cut, prodded at the wound, and stared at the blood on her fingers with confusion. After a moment, she shrugged, shook her head (immediately wincing from the action), and declared that she was 'fine.'

Metal clanked against metal again as Sonya tried to take advantage of our distracted conversation, and I pounced to keep her from breaking away from the chains. Rose was right behind me, but her delay was a very noticeable half a second. A half of a second that meant Sonya could have escaped if I hadn't been there to hold her down immediately.

I glanced at Sydney who was still by the door, waiting in the bright light of the afternoon sun. It was obvious that she was seeing the same signs that I was, and it was obvious that her concern was just as serious as mine.

"Go lay her down and clean it up," I ordered. "Don't let her sleep until we can figure out if it's a concussion."

"No, I can't," Rose's grip loosened as her concentration seemed to fade for a second, but she was back a moment later. "I can't leave you alone with her…"

"I'm fine." I glared at her. "Rest up so that you can help me later. You're no good to me if you're just going to fall over."

"But…"

My harsh tone earned me a disapproving frown from Sydney before she took Rose's arm and gently pulled her away, but even that small action made Rose stumble. That seemed to be the last bit of evidence she needed to finally relent to the fact that she wasn't up to this task right now.

While leading her away, Sydney gave me one last chastising look. I tried not to let it affect me, but I knew her silent reprimand was completely warranted. I hadn't been very sympathetic to Rose's injury. Considering my final words, perhaps it even looked like I blamed her for getting hurt during the scuffle. The truth was, I wasn't mad at her.

I was frustrated with myself.

I was frustrated that this interrogation had already lasted so long and been so difficult, and I was frustrated knowing that it would probably continue for a while longer since Sonya wasn't anywhere close to breaking. I was frustrated that part of my mind was shouting at me to kill her, especially now that I was alone without anyone to really hold me accountable. I could just lie and say it was a matter of my life versus Sonya's. I was frustrated about how completely powerless I felt in controlling the situations around me right now. It wasn't just the fact that Rose and I were wanted criminals, or that we were now rogue from those who had broken us free, but also the sudden realization that I still loved Rose.

Perhaps the realization that I still loved Rose made me feel more powerless than everything else. Loving her and not being able to do anything about it was crushing. Worse, it was humiliating, because anytime I remembered that I had been offered her love, I was forced to remember that I turned it away because of my own blind stupidity.

But at the moment – that specific moment – I was frustrated because I should have noticed Rose's injury earlier. Sure, it would have been nice if she'd said 'hey, I fell and hit my head and now I'm not feeling great,' but I doubted there was a guardian on the planet that would utter those words when they were still actively fighting or questioning an unwilling Strigoi prisoner.

That meant that, as her partner, I should have been the one to realize that Rose was bleeding from a head wound an hour earlier. I knew the signs and should have picked up on them. The way she had trouble focusing and asked the same question twice in a row. Or the way her reaction time had suffered, so much so that she had faltered when Sonya had tried to get out of her restraints. Everything down to the way she had occasionally rested against the wall as if it was the only thing supporting her. I should have seen the obvious.

But I hadn't, so logically, I got upset and took my misplaced frustrations out on her.

I let out a huff, glaring at Sonya, who deserved to be a much better target for my misplaced anger.

"Her blood smelled sweet, you know. I bet she'll be pleasant to kill." Sonya's lilting words cut me like the knife she intended them to be. I turned towards her but offered nothing in reply. When she realized I wasn't going to take the bait, she grinned. "I wonder what you'll taste like?"

"Shut it." I smashed the butt of my stake across her face, enjoying the momentary satisfaction of hearing her nose crack. It would be fixed within seconds, but the minor distruction was cathartic. "Now," I said, continuing our interrogation, "Where is the Dragomir child and the mother?"

* * *

Footsteps sounded down the hall – a handful of quick thumps that stopped shy of the living room. I stayed focused on Sonya, even as she looked behind me and sneered.

"Dimitri?" The voice stumbled slightly.

"What's wrong?" I tried to stay calm but a part of me already knew that Sydney wouldn't be down here, speaking with that sense of worry in her tone, if something wasn't wrong.

"It's Rose. She..." her hesitation made the blood in my veins freeze, and it was pure luck that Sonya didn't choose that moment to try to break free.

"Sydney! What's happening?" There were no internal apologies for my worry and irritation right now. I needed to know what was happening with Rose. Desperately.

"I don't think she's asleep. She said she was going to Lissa, but her eyes are closed and she isn't moving. She didn't wake up when I tried to snap her out of it a moment ago."

I cursed and glared at Sonya who seemed pleased with the news.

"You know," she said, sounding sickly sweet, "I could always help her out if she's feeling too ill. You know how those concussions go: one day it's just a bump on the head, and the next your pretty girl never wakes up again. I promise, I'll make sure she's totally healed by the time I'm done with her."

The cool silver of my weapon twisted in my palm before my hand tightened around it.

"You know he has a stake, right?" Sydney's voice was aghast, almost as if she couldn't believe that someone would have the audacity to say something like that, and more so, that someone would say those things when they were under the proverbial knife of a man who was more than happy to kill them.

I bit down on my tongue, glancing between Sonya and the hallway. My feet itched to rush to Rose's side and check every vital sign myself, but I knew that I couldn't leave Sonya alone or with Sydney. The moment Sonya had even the smallest chance of escaping, she'd take it.

"Stay with Rose," I said, shifting a bit towards where I knew the bedroom was, as if those few feet would somehow bring me that much closer to helping her myself. "Keep an eye on her breathing and make sure her pulse stays steady. Give me an update every half hour and let me know if anything changes."

If something changed, though, I wasn't sure what I'd do. Kill Sonya so I could check on her myself? Take Rose to a hospital where she'd likely be turned in to the authorities, prosecuted, and eventually killed for a crime she didn't commit? I couldn't think of many 'changes' that would help our current situation. So, as I watched Sydney return to wherever Rose was hopefully recovering, I silently prayed that the only change we'd see would be her waking up soon.

* * *

My interrogation with Sonya had petered out quickly as my mind became more and more occupied with Rose and the constant questions of why she hadn't woken up yet. It had been hours, and every update from Sydney showed no improvement. Thankfully, there seemed to be no further issues either.

Sonya seemed perfectly fine with our ceasefire. She had apparently tired of constantly threatening me, and was now quietly staring at the floral pattern in the rug at her feet. When her head suddenly snapped up and towards the open front door, I jumped to my feet. The reaction felt ridiculous, as if there was anything more dangerous than the monster a few yards from me, but I tuned into the sound she had heard moments before me: the sound of a car slowing to a stop just beyond her yard.

With one eye on my captive, I moved towards the yard. I could see a taupe sedan near the driveway, but any information about the people inside was still a mystery. However, the car hardly looked like a guardian's vehicle, and that alone eased my fears a bit. Until I remembered another small detail…

"Sydney!" Her head poked out of the hallway a moment later. "I need you to take a closer look at that car out front." Once again, I hated sending her to do what could be a dangerous job, but with Rose currently out of commision and Sonya needing constant supervision, my options were limited. Plus, I was far beyond doubting the bravery and skill of our Alchemist. While she might not have been a fighter, Sydney could still hold her own as well as any guardian when it came to strategy and other similar skills.

She nodded, only sparing a quick glance towards Sonya before darting outside to inspect our new arrival. Within a few seconds, she was back, nervousness now lacing her features. "It's him," she said, cryptically, and then continued. "Victor's here and so is his brother."

I groaned. That certainly wasn't the change I had been praying for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with me while I took a short break last week. We had an unfortunate surprise concerning my husband's employment that involved lawyers and a few other fun details, but we're pushing through. Writing this series has gotten me through many a hard time, including things as small as moving to things as large as emergency surgeries and worse. It'll get me through this uncertainty, too. However, please bear with me if my anxiety knocks my posting schedule around a little. I'll try to stay as consistent as possible, but life is currently up in the air for my family, which means this series may shift slightly to accommodate reality.
> 
> With that said, my 'question of the week' segment is going to shift slightly. Most of you know that I'm trying to break into the mainstream (you can hop onto my bio to find my facebook page and newsletter to learn more) and I want to start polling you a bit to get a better feel for my favorite readers...YOU!
> 
> First question -- Which romantic trope do you prefer? Friends-to-lovers, or enemies-to-lovers?
> 
> Thanks for reading! I really do appreciate all of your love and support.


	20. Chapter 20

"Dimitri," Victor greeted me from the doorway with apparent cordiality. The hint of malice hiding just under the surface revealed his true colors, though.

He entered the room slowly, cautiously eyeing Sonya before stepping fully out of the sunlight. Once he seemed absolutely positive that I had her under control, he turned to lead another man in. I could only assume the stranger was Robert, Victor's brother. No formal introduction was made to prove otherwise.

If I studied the two of them closely, I could find some shared features, but where Victor held himself like a prince, entitled to everything around him, Robert was like a shadow. He slipped into the background. He was nondescript. You could forget Robert was even there if you weren't watching. The only identifying trait that made you look at him a little closer, assuming you saw him at all, was the fact that something seemed just a bit...off.

Even now, as his gaze passed over me, I felt a certain chill run up my spine. He squinted and tilted his head as if trying to get a read on me as much as I was trying to get a read on him. Despite his somewhat glassy eyes, there seemed to be something lurking there. It felt like looking into murky waters and wondering what was underneath the surface looking back at you.

With a hum, Victor looked around the room. His illness had begun to take hold again, but he still looked vastly better than when I had first met him back at the Academy. The effects of Lissa's healing had done their job well, but I couldn't help but feel a tinge of bitterness about what he had stolen from her, and a spark of anger about how he had forcibly stolen it from her.

"Where's that little cub of yours?" When I didn't respond, he sighed in frustration. "Rose. Where's Rose?"

Footsteps from the hallway seemed to be enough of an answer for him. As horrifying and absurd as our situation was, the tension in the room seemed to ease a little as our mediator rushed downstairs. My stake stayed firm at Sonya's neck, and my eyes were still focused on the two brothers, but I relaxed a little knowing that a) Rose was okay after her possible concussion and b) I was no longer alone in all this madness.

The moment Rose was in view, she took in the room, immediately examining the same threats and weighing the same options I had been since the moment our situation had shifted. When her eyes eventually landed me, we exchanged silent questions. ' _What's the plan now?'_ she seemed to say.

I glanced at our newcomers and raised my brow. ' _I don't know. Your call.'_

"So," Rose started, placing a hand on her hip with bravado. "You managed to find us."

"There's one lake in this town. One blue house." Victor chuckled. "Maybe you had trouble with those directions, but for the rest of us, it wasn't that difficult."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, if you're so smart, what's your plan?"

I knew she wasn't actually asking them to direct our next move – or at least, I hoped she wasn't asking them to do so – but trying to get a feel for their intentions. Victor might have offered a decent idea with putting Princess Vasilisa in the running to become queen, but making a simple suggestion to buy us time was vastly different than having him here and leading our little team. However, with Sonya here, and the brothers now present, Rose and I were officially outnumbered, and any future moves would need to be considered carefully.

He threw her words back at her. "Since you're so smart, I assumed you'd have already obtained the needed information."

It was an obvious baiting, but Rose narrowed her eyes at him before brushing off the slight and gesturing towards Sonya. "She's not exactly forthcoming."

"Sonya Karp," Victor said as if noticing an old friend for the first time. "You've changed since I last saw you."

Sonya twisted, and I pressed the stake tighter against her throat as she snarled, "I'm going to kill you all and consume you one by one. Normally, I'd start with the human and work up to the Moroi, but I think I'll save you two for last and drag out your suffering." She glared at me and Rose in turn. "You've annoyed me the most."

"Do all Strigoi go through the same boot camp and learn the same threats? It's a wonder you don't cackle too." Rose rubbed some imaginary (or maybe not-so-imaginary) headache away before turning back to Victor. "See? Not that easy. We've tried everything. Beating it out, torturing it out. Sydney went through the names of all her relatives. No reaction."

Victor turned his sights on Sydney and she stood a bit taller underneath his gaze. "So. Your pet Alchemist. Young, but of course she would be. I imagine it's the only way you could manipulate her into this little escapade."

"I'm here by choice." I was impressed that Sydney's words sounded more like a statement rather than some sort of defense. "No one manipulated me."

"Look," Rose said suddenly, drawing Victor's attention away from Sydney. "If you wanted to keep torturing me with your not-funny comments, you could have just kept invading my dreams. If you don't have anything useful to offer, then get out of here and let us wait until hunger weakens Sonya."

It was obvious that Victor and Robert had no plans on leaving, and even if they did, Rose and I had no plans of actually letting them leave.

"We can help," Victor said, his voice becoming gentle rather than mocking for the first time since he had entered the house. Robert jumped a little, as if that softer tone itself was a personal call to him. "Your methods were destined to fail. If you want answers, there's only one way to –"

The chain around Sonya snapped, one weak link breaking the bonds that had held her. I had been so focused on everyone else, my hold on her had also slipped, and she was able to push me back enough to start wriggling out of a few more loops of chain. I managed to trap one half of her before she pulled free. Suddenly - thankfully - I felt Rose next to me, holding Sonya down on the other side.

There was no way we'd be able to secure her again, not without releasing her to unwind the chain and rewrap her. By now, it was twisted in spots as well, which would only make the job harder and slower. If she managed to break free from us, things would get even worse. Trying to take her down again would be almost impossible. Rose was still somewhat shaky on her feet. Plus, there were too many people around, and while I didn't care much for Victor or Robert, I wasn't willing to have more blood on my hands. I met Rose's eyes.

We were now left with only one true option. Rose had to know it as well.

I began to move my stake from Sonya's throat, accidentally scraping over her skin in the process, and had it positioned over her heart when I heard Rose's quiet exclamation.

"What the…?"

I turned just in time to see a flash of silver heading towards us as Rose screamed, "No! Don't kill her!"

She wasn't talking to me, though. Robert was running our way with a stake of his own, poised for a kill shot. Rose looked almost ready to let go and stop him, but I held firm. There was no other choice. I turned slightly, opening Sonya's chest a little wider and making the shot a bit more clear for him.

Sonya shrieked when the stake hit its mark, and I was suddenly thrown back as a blinding white light overwhelmed the room.

The light seemed almost physical, immediately pushing me back against the wall with a force that seemed to radiate from Sonya herself. I tried to shield my eyes against the flash, but I couldn't seem to look away entirely. There was something strange about it. Familiar.

One second I was pressed hard against the wall, light stinging my eyes and ears ringing from what felt like an explosion, and a second later, my fear was replaced by something almost intimate.

For a moment, time seemed to stop. The glare faded, becoming almost a glow rather than the blinding flare from earlier. It seemed warm, like the sun, rather than harsh and terrifying like before. While the light was obviously bursting outwards, in various colors, all tinged with this shimmering golden hue, it seemed to pull into the source. I watched it, completely transfixed.

Behind it all, however, was this almost hidden voice that seemed to whisper my name. I could barely hear it, but it called to me. It spoke soft words of comfort that I couldn't quite comprehend, but I didn't need to understand them to know that they were true. Something deep inside of me knew it already. My heart seemed to understand what my mind couldn't.

Peace. I felt...peace.

I felt a familiar warmth come over me and my heart tugged towards the glow. I wanted to run towards it, but just as my feet began to move, it disappeared.

My breath heaved as everything came back to life again. Rose was scrambling to her feet in the corner. Robert was lying prone on the floor and Victor rushed over to his side. Sydney seemed completely stunned, gripping a small table near the hall covered in upturned knick-knacks as she tried to make sense of it all.

I could only see Sonya, though.

Her face was pale, not with death, but with pure and utter shock. She shook a hand free from her binds and hesitantly touched the stake in her lap. Her fingertips pulled back initially, as if anticipating the automatic sting she had been conditioned to expect, but when she found none, she laid her palm on it fully.

Slowly, she looked up from the stake and towards all of us surrounding her. When her eyes finally fell on me, they filled with a desperate plea. It was as if she instinctively knew there was something that uniquely and unequivocally connected us in a way that nobody else could ever understand.

Death. Rebirth. A miracle.

And pain.

Her cry started small but caused me to immediately spring into action. By the time I dropped my stake, she was wailing, and before I reached her, she was trembling and gasping for breath. I tore the chains from her, ignoring the way she flinched at my touch. I knew the thoughts that were running through her mind all too well, and I knew just how much they could kill you from the inside out, so when she tried to push me away, I pulled her back towards me. As quickly as I possibly could, I had her cradled in my arms.

"Shhh," I whispered, tucking her tighter against me when she resisted a little. "I have you. It's okay. It's okay. You're okay now."

Her struggling gradually subsided as her shaking and sobbing began to take the fight out of her. "So many," she choked. "So many faces."

"I know," I replied, closing my own eyes against the faces that haunted my own memories. "I see them, too. I know. You're not alone. I have you."

I ignored the hushed whispers of the others around us, focusing only on Sonya. Rose could handle the rest of them. Sonya needed me. The others didn't understand. They couldn't. The guilt, the faces, the pain. There was no way to describe it.

The light from before still left stars dancing behind my eyes everytime I closed them, serving as a reminder of the phenomenon just moments ago. My efforts fell flat everytime I tried to make sense of it all. Words seemed insufficient. I had spent the past few hours with a stake at the ready, poised to drive into Sonya's chest. Moments before that blinding flash, I had made the decision to kill her. Now...she was here. Restored. Despite the pain I knew she was feeling, pain as sharp and bitter as the pain I once felt rip through me, she was alive.

Victor's voice faded into my thoughts. "...what you wanted. You need answers from Sonya Karp? Go get them. They've certainly come at a high price."

"No!" Sonya jumped a little at my voice and I tucked her face into me a bit more. She turned away from my neck and I let her shift towards my shoulder, hiding her with my hand instead. "Are you crazy? Didn't you see what just happened?"

Victor scoffed. "Yes. I noticed."

"She's in no condition to answer anything! She's in shock. Leave her alone."

"Don't act like she's the one who's suffering here," Victor barked back before turning to Robert and whispering something to him. I had to admit that his brother appeared to be in bad shape, but his wounds all appeared physical. He was only tired. It was nothing compared to the mental anguish that I knew Sonya was experiencing.

They couldn't understand. They'd never understand.

Rose looked skeptical though, eyeing Robert with worry. "He...he did it before and recovered, right? And Lissa's fine."

"Robert was much younger – as is Vasilisa." Victor sighed and rubbed his brother's shoulder. "And this is hardly a simple spell. Doing it even once is monumental. Twice? Well, you and I both know how spirit works, and this feat takes a toll on both body and mind. Robert has made a great sacrifice for you."

Sonya shook her head a little and I smoothed her hair, hushing the worries that I knew were playing in her head. I heard some sort of thanks from Rose, but soft murmurings from Sonya, broken between her tears, caught my attention.

"...don't deserve it...kill me...death…I deserve..."

I heard the echoes of my own fears on her lips, and stood, hiking her up a little higher in my arms. "She needs to rest. Believe me, you have no idea what's going on inside her head."

"Oh, I believe you." Rose looked at Sonya sympathetically, a small hint of compassion tugging at her lips that seemed to be offered to us both. Her eyes met mine, and some small message passed between us. ' _I remember.'_

"You're idiots," snapped Victor. "Both of you."

Something feral rumbled through me as I stared him down. "No interrogation yet," I growled.

Rose gave a sharp nod in agreement, stepping between me and Victor, ready to stop him if he tried to get in my way. I was grateful for her intervention, and even though she couldn't see it, I mouthed a silent 'thank you' behind her before leaving.

* * *

When Sonya and I made it to her room, I placed her down on the bed, in the same place Rose must have been laying based on the rumpled bedding. She whimpered and dug her fingers into my back as I tried to pry her away for a moment.

"Don't leave me!" she cried, rough and desperate.

"Shhh. It's okay." I ran my palms down her arms and held her hand, never breaking that physical touch for even one moment while I moved to sit beside her. "I'm right here. I don't plan on going anywhere. I'm right here for you."

The moment I was settled, her face was in my shoulder and I had my arms wrapped around her again. "I'm so sorry. I know it hurts, Sonya. I know."

"Did it hurt you, too?" Neither of us had to clarify the type of pain that was pulsing through her very being. Even a stake couldn't match the mental torture she was experiencing.

"So badly. Only you can imagine how bad it hurt. I –"

I paused, thrust into the memory of my own transformation. I had been surrounded by the bloody and broken bodies of guardians I had killed or sent others to kill. Rose, the woman I loved, but who I had stalked with the sole purpose of personally killing with my own two hands, had been calling out to me above the crowd and begging for mercy on my behalf. It had been overwhelming. It had been agonizing. Part of me wanted to tell her how bad it had been to see all that death and destruction around me the moment I was brought back into this world, but I stopped. Now wasn't the time to share my story. Right now, it was about calming her down and helping her rest after such a traumatic experience of her own.

" – I hurt," I finished simply. "I hurt, and sometimes I still hurt, but I hurt less now. You will, too."

"It won't ever stop," she insisted, shaking her head violently against me. "There's too much pain. It can't stop."

I brushed her hair back, repeating the gentle action over and over again until she calmed a little. Maybe she was right. Maybe the pain wouldn't ever truly stop, not entirely, but perhaps… "The pain won't hurt so much one day. I promise. One day...one day we'll feel peace."

She went rigid in my arms. "How do you know?"

"I just do," I told her, feeling the smallest hint of that warmth the faint voice from the light had filled me with before. "I just do."

* * *

Eventually, her sobs faded into occasional hiccups and even that eventually faded into the deep, heavy, even breathing of sleep. Carefully, I laid her back, adjusting one of the pillows behind her and grabbing a small blanket off the bench at the foot of her bed to cover her.

I knew Sonya was suffering right now due to her restoration, but there was a part of me that was in total awe of what I had witnessed because of it. Part of me was even grateful for the experience, despite her pain. It was selfish to admit it, especially fully understanding her agony, but seeing that light, and those colors, feeling that warmth and hearing that voice speak to me – I wondered if it was worth that pain. If it was worth  _her_ pain.

Was her life worth the pain?

Was my life worth the pain that came with it? No matter how horrible that pain could be?

Better yet, was I making my life worth  _more_ than that pain?

I quietly shook my head, not actually answering myself, but in a silent and somewhat disappointing acknowledgment of my inability to answer myself.

After a few more minutes standing guard in her doorway, just to watch and make sure nothing happened, I left her and went to find the others down the hall. Robert was fast asleep on the couch.

"She's sleeping, too," I told Rose, gesturing over my shoulder. My worries over Sonya, despite my attempts to comfort her, were still weighing heavily on my mind. Part of me wanted to run right back into that room, just to make sure she was still alright. "The transformation...it's difficult."

Rose nodded, biting at the corner of her lip. "I don't think we should leave Sonya alone. Someone should stay with her in case she wakes up. She won't know what's going on."

I could see something else hidden underneath her concern, and that suspicion was only amplified when I saw Victor's smirk from the corner of my eye. Rose was right though, Sonya really shouldn't be alone when she woke up.

"You're right," I turned towards Sydney. "Do you mind sitting with her?"

Rose stiffened, and I eyed her with concern. She was definitely hiding something from me, but I couldn't imagine what. Perhaps she thought Victor would attempt to interrogate her on his own, but if that was the case, why wasn't she volunteering to watch Sonya?

"She doesn't know me. It might make things worse when she wakes up." Sydney said, shifting on her feet a little before glancing towards the back room. Then she grimaced. "Besides, I don't really feel that comfortable with someone who was a monster five minutes ago."

"She's not Strigoi!" I roared, making her shy back. "She's absolutely, completely Moroi again!"

Rose pushed Sydney back a little, not to protect her from me, per say, but just to separate the brewing fight. I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly until I felt myself relax a little. I gave a barely perceptible nod to Rose to let her know I was okay, and she stepped back.

"I know it's hard to believe," I said softer. "But she really has changed."

"I'll stay with her then," Rose finally offered.

"No," I shook my head, stopping Rose with the palm of my hand on her shoulder as she tried to move past me. "No. Sydney's right about one thing. Sonya might be confused. It's better if someone's there who understands what's happened."

Rose glanced down, shame and regret filling her features for just a moment before she agreed. When she looked at the two brothers, she huffed. I stepped closer, leaning down until I was able to whisper into her ear.

"Keep an eye on them," I told her. "Robert's down right now, but he might recover sooner than we think."

She nodded, taking a quick peek at the sleeping man. "I know."

I began to turn but paused and reached out, catching her hand and pulling her back towards me. The question that had been burning in my mind suddenly burst out. "Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"That…was that what it was like when Lissa changed me?"

She smiled softly. "More or less."

"I didn't realize...it was…" I stuttered, trying to find some combination of words that could somehow encapsulate what I had seen and felt. I had focused so much on the pain of it all when I had been restored, I had never truly seen the miracle of it all. "The way that light filled the room, the way she changed. Seeing that life emerge from death… it was…"

"Beautiful?"

I nodded. It was beautiful.

_Find the beauty in the world. Recognize it_ , a voice whispered in my mind. A voice that sounded amazingly similar to the one that had called to me while the light had burned so brightly.  _Cling to that beauty. Don't let it go._

"Life like that," I whispered, "you don't – no, you can't waste it."

"No," she agreed, squeezing my hand. "You can't."

And I wouldn't. Not anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the wonderful words of support last week. Truly. You are all amazing. You have no idea how much your kindness has touched me.
> 
> This week's "Question of the Week" is about a story's point of view: do you enjoy a story with mainly a female point of view, male point of view, or dual point of view? Please don't this amazing DPOV series sway you lol. Also just as general info for you all about last week's question, the battle between friends-to-lover and enemies-to-lovers was close, but enemies-to-lovers won out by just a hair.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and I'll see you all again soon.


	21. Chapter 21

I flipped through one of the little mystery novels that Sonya had on a shelf in her bedroom. I would have prefered my own book, especially knowing that I'd never make it to the end of this particular story and learn who had actually committed the grand heist, but my western was back in the car and I wasn't going to leave Sonya alone. Rose was right, somebody should be here when Sonya woke up.

Almost as if my thoughts had cued her actions, Sonya stirred. I shut the book with a quick snap as her eyes popped open and she shot up. She frantically searched the room, practically hyperventilating, until she recognized me at her side.

"Sonya, you're okay. You were just sleeping. You're okay."

Her face twisted in disbelief. "Sleeping?"

"Yes, sleeping." I wanted to laugh a little, because the idea of sleeping shouldn't have been so surprising, but when it had been weeks, months, or years since you had last slept, then the idea that you could rest like that for even an hour or two seemed both remarkable and baffling at the same time. It had been a fairly strange sensation for me too, and I had been Strigoi for a lot less time than she had.

"I'm...I'm alive," she stated, and I nodded in confirmation before she continued. "How?"

I explained the process as best as I could – telling her about how a silver stake could be charmed with spirit along with the four other elements, and how that stake could be used to bring Strigoi back. "We don't really understand much, though. You and I are one of the few who have ever experienced it. As far as I know, there's only been one other, but I've never met the person."

Her hand drifted to the space just over her heart where her shirt was torn. My hand automatically moved to the twin spot on my own body. All of Sonya's cuts, bruises, and scars had been healed when she was returned back to the living, as had my own when I was restored, but the mark left by the stake – physical and psychological – remained with us both.

'"I'm Dimitri, by the way. Dimitri Belikov." It was practically absurd to introduce myself now, especially since we had something in common that was so personal and intense that it had almost created an instant kinship.

"Dimitri Belikov?" She pulled back a little as my name triggered some recognition inside of her. Unfortunately, I doubted that it had anything to do with my guardian record. "You mean..."

I nodded. "Yes. Him. I was brought back just less than two weeks ago. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime and other days it feels like it was just yesterday."

"How long?"

"How long was I Strigoi? Only a few months, but I was ambitious, unfortunately."

She didn't vocally agree, but her expression seemed to say what she politely didn't: I had certainly made enough waves that even she, holed up in her little blue house, knew of me. It wasn't a pleasant thought, but I tried to remind myself, again, that I wasn't that person anymore.

"Did you turn willingly?"

It felt a little awkward to be speaking so plainly about these sort of things, but there was a certain sort of freedom in being able to talk about that time with someone who was practically incapable of judging you on your actions because they had been there too. "No. I was turned when St. Vladimir's Academy was attacked."

"I turned willingly," she sighed, almost sounding disappointed in my answer. "That makes us different."

"Does it though? We both killed people. We both did terrible things. I ran an entire empire that thrived on the pain and misery of others. People are still hurting and dying because of things I did while I was in power. I don't even know how long the ramifications of my actions will last and how long people will suffer because of me." I took a shuddering breath, trying to get back on course rather than slipping into thoughts that would only lead me down a dark path. "Yes, you turned willingly, but if I understand correctly, you only turned because spirit was causing you so much anguish that you felt like you had no other options."

She looked away and her lip shuddered. I placed my hand on hers, trying to draw her attention again, but she only clenched her eyes shut and a tear ran down her cheek.

"Sonya, I've seen people turn for selfish reason. I've seen them turn because they wanted money, or power, or immortality. I've even seen people turn because they wanted to bring others pain and torture." For an agreed upon price, I hadn't cared one bit about their motivations. I just made sure I got paid. "You turned because you were hurting and scared. You wanted your pain to end. Yes, you hurt others in the process, and that is something that can't be taken back now, but the fact that you turned to find some sort of peace in your madness is hardly the worst crime I have ever witnessed in my lifetime."

"It's still horrible," she whispered. "It's still unforgivable."

I paused for a moment, unwilling to lie and contradict her completely. "Yes. It's still horrible, but you weren't you, Sonya. That's what everyone keeps telling me, at least. The things you did, they weren't really you. Do you still want to hurt others?"

She shook her head.

"See? You're better already." She didn't smile, but traced one of the printed flowers on her quilt, so I continued trying to offer some comfort. "It's a process, I think. I feel better than I did yesterday, and I feel vastly better than I did the day I was restored. Honestly, seeing you restored, it was miraculous and made me realize just what I had been given. Maybe you can't see it now, not with everything so fresh, but you have a second chance, Sonya. Don't shut yourself down. Don't shut everything out. I know you're having all these horrible thoughts and you're feeling all of these terrible things – I felt them too – but if you close yourself completely because of that...you close yourself to everything good, too. Don't shut out the good."

She remained silent for a while, and when she spoke again, I almost didn't hear her. "How do you deal with everything? How do you deal with the memories? The faces? The guilt? How do you get past something like that?"

I shifted uncomfortably. The truth was that I wasn't dealing with everything, despite the advice I had just given her. Those memories and faces still haunted me on a regular basis. I still saw them when I closed my eyes, and I still dreamt of them. While I might have been more stable than I was my first few day in the cell, my episode in the alley was proof enough that I was hardly recovered from my ordeal. Guilt weighed down on me, and if I took longer than a few moments to recognize it, I'd start to feel like I was collapsing under its pressure. Without some hopeful, well-penned answer to give her, all I had left was the truth.

"It's all still there, Sonya. In the back of my mind, I still see them. I can see the faces of almost every person I killed, and their eyes haunt me. It almost haunts me more to know that there are some people that I can't remember because I didn't care enough to even glance at their faces before I murdered them. I did more than just kill to survive, though. Maybe it would hurt a little less if I just hunted and fed. But I did more than that. That business, and everything it entailed, is enough to make me sick now." Just talking about it made me nauseous. "I allowed horrible things to happen. I enabled horrible people, people far worse than either of us, to do unspeakable things. And I personally hurt people that I cared about. I hurt people that I should have protected."

I wasn't ready to talk to her about Rose. Even if Sonya understood what it was like to take a life and to feel the guilt of that blood on your hands, I doubted she would understand what it felt like to do the things that I had done to Rose. In that, I was still completely alone. Only Rose knew of what had truly happened between us, and while she insisted she had forgiven me completely, there had to be a part of her that looked at me and still saw her abuser – the thing inside of me that had kidnapped her, held her hostage, fed from her, beaten her, and more. Even if she didn't see me that way day-to-day, those memories had to be lurking in the recesses of her mind, just like they were in mine. That wasn't something you could just get over and forget so easily. Even if she could miraculously forgive me somehow, I could never forgive myself for hurting her the way that I had. I loved her too much to forgive myself for something so horrible.

"I can't really tell you how to live with the guilt." I finally admitted, answering Sonya's earlier question. "Not yet. I can tell you what I'm trying to do, though. I'm trying to see the beauty. I'm trying to notice the things I took for granted before. I'm trying to earn the life that I have been given again. Not just earn it, live it. Find something or someone that inspires you to be a little better every day. That guilt is going to haunt our thoughts. We did things that we can't take back but there's no changing the past. All we can really do is try to move forward, I guess."

She rubbed at her temple a little, trying to take it all in. "Easier said than done."

"I know," I smiled sympathetically. "But we shouldn't give in and live in the world that our guilt is trying to create for us. If we do, we'll miss everything else that life and the people in it have offered us. Trust me, some of those things won't be around forever, and if we are too busy focusing on our own pain, we'll miss the beauty we desperately need."

A soft knock sounded from the doorway and I turned quickly to see Rose leaning against the door jam. Before I could say something to her, Sonya perked up and shifted on the bed.

"Rose?" She sounded unsure of herself, like she was in some sort of disbelief. She had seen and spoken to Rose for several hours before, but it seemed like she was only just now recognizing her.

Rose didn't seem to mind, though. "It's good to see you again."

Sonya didn't answer, instead fidgeting with her hands to avoid looking at her. I placed my palm over hers to steady her a little as Rose informed me that Sydney had left to pick up some groceries. "She also stayed up so that I could sleep last night."

"I know," I said, remembering the way she had been tucked under a small blanket earlier, with her hair shifting back and forth with every breath. "I got up to check on you."

Rose shifted a little, crossing her arms in front of her and looking away. Resting wasn't a weakness by any means, especially after being injured like she had been, and her apparent embarrassment over being caught sleeping concerned me a little. I knew I had been hard on her during training, but I hoped I wasn't so hard that she felt like basic needs, like food and rest, were something she should be ashamed of.

"You can rest too," she offered, and while I knew it was genuine, I think a small part of it was also motivated by the need to absolve some of her unfounded guilt. "Get some breakfast, and then I'll keep an eye on everything. I have it on good authority that Victor's going to have car trouble. Also, Robert really likes Cheerios, so if you want some, you're out of luck. He doesn't seem like the sharing type."

No, he really didn't, and I didn't want to try stealing a few bites. My Mama had warned me about swiping food from a pup, and how it could earn you a nasty bite, and while Robert still seemed fairly benign, I didn't want a bowl full of cereal to be what set him off.

I stood up from where I was sitting on the bed, offering my hand to Sonya, but she shook her head frantically. She looked vastly different from the woman I had just been speaking to as fear and worry took over her features and she fell into a wild frenzy.

"There's another sprint user here. I can feel it. I remember him. It's not safe. We're not safe. You shouldn't have us around."

"Everything's fine." I knelt next to her and spoke softly, holding her hand and letting my fingers drag down the back of it, again and again, until her breathing started to slow a little. "Don't worry."

She didn't calm down though. "No. You don't understand. We're capable of terrible things. To ourselves, to others. It's why I changed, to stop the madness. And it did, except...it was worse. In its way. The things I did…"

"It wasn't you," I tried to remind her. I squeezed her hand a little more roughly than was probably necessary in an attempt to bring her back to reality with us. "You were controlled by something else."

She tore away from me. "But I chose it. Me. I made it happen."

I looked towards, Rose, searching for some sort of assistance. I felt like I was back at square one with Sonya. I wasn't annoyed about the setback, especially when all this was still so fresh, but I felt totally helpless in how to help her move past her torment.

Rose stepped forward a little as she tried to soothe Sonya. "That was spirit. It's hard to fight. Like you said, it can make you do some terrible things. You weren't thinking clearly. Lissa battles with the same thing all the time."

"Vasilisa?" Like my name, Lissa's seemed to trigger some sort of recognition in Sonya and her brows furrowed a little as she filtered through some memories, finally focusing on Rose again once she had found the source. "Yes, of course. Vasilisa had it too." Her earlier panic started to rise again a little. "Did you help her? Did you get her out of there?"

"I did." Rose's hand rested on my shoulder as she knelt next to me and gave me a slightly wary look. "We left and then came back and, um, were able to stop what was hunting her."

Rose was being purposefully vague about who had dragged her and Lissa back from hiding (me) and who had been hunting Lissa (Victor, who was still downstairs) and it was probably for the best. Sonya still seemed worried about the princess, and now was not the time to let her know that Lissa had been captured, tortured, and used for her magic, despite Rose heeding Sonya's warnings. Rose had done everything she could have to protect Lissa. "And you can help Lissa too," she said to Sonya. "We need to know if –"

"No." I gave her a warning look, making it clear that she shouldn't push right now. Rose wasn't blind. She could see for herself that Sonya was on the edge. "Not yet."

"But –"

"Not yet."

She narrowed her eyes in a glare, but forced her lips shut in what resembled a sneer. I knew she wanted the information, we all did, but the information shouldn't come at the cost of Sonya herself. I needed Rose to trust me to pursue this gently and get Sonya to open up when she was ready. Sonya wasn't a tool. She wasn't a means to an end. I didn't want to force Sonya into something new when she hadn't yet processed what had already happened to her.

"Can I see my flowers? Can I go outside and see my flowers?"

Sonya's question seemed to throw both Rose and me off guard. After a quick moment, I answered. "Of course."

I began to lead the women towards the backyard when I was thrown off guard again, this time by Rose's question to Sonya.

"Why did you grow flowers when you were...like you were?"

Sonya glanced at her. "I've always grown flowers."

"I know. I remember. They were gorgeous." Rose pointed out the window. "The ones here are gorgeous too. Is that why...I mean, did you just want a pretty garden, even as a Strigoi?"

I shot Rose a scolding look for bringing up the word 'Strigoi' so casually when it was likely still painful for Sonya to hear, but Sonya seemed to focus on the question so much that she seemed to not even hear the callous word itself.

"No, I never thought about pretty. They were...I don't know. Something to do. I'd always grown flowers. I had to see if I still could. It was like, a test of my skills, I guess."

Rose smiled at Sonya for a moment before looking past her to meet my eyes. I gave her a small acknowledging nod, before reaching back to direct Sonya towards the back door and towards her beloved flowers.

The moment he was in view, Robert paused and sized Sonya up, cautiously keeping his distance from her. Sonya froze as well, and pressed her back into me. Perhaps noticing the behavior between the two spirit users, Rose slipped between them as Victor spoke.

"Up and around. Have we found out what we needed yet?"

"Not yet." I gave Victor a quick glare and he scoffed, clearly still annoyed at the delay. If it took a day or two, we would survive. If Victor was too impatient to wait, then he was welcome to try searching the child out on his own.

I gave Sonya a gentle push in the direction of the patio door and towards the bits of sun that peeked through the broken back door. Hesitantly, she stepped into the first beam and looked back at me, almost in awe at the lack of instant pain that should have accompanied the light. I nodded her forward and she paused, apparently seeing the very rudimentary patch job Rose and the others had been working on while Sonya and I had been in the other room.

"You broke my door."

"Collateral damage," Rose said. I rolled my eyes.

Sonya turned the knob, tugging hard when the door stuck in the jam and gasping as it released and let the light flood the room. One step, and then two, and then she was outside, eyes closed and face towards the sun. She had been Strigoi for nearly two years. Even with the few months I had gone without the sun's rays on my skin, it had been a relief to feel its warmth again. I could barely imagine just how amazing it must have felt for her to be outside in the daylight once more.

I stepped outside with her, taking a second to close my eyes and feel, really feel, the same sensation I knew she was enjoying. Everything from the prickle of heat to the cool breeze that washed it away. The brightness that shown even through my closed eyelids down to the humidity that stole my breath for a moment as I moved past the air conditioned house. I took a moment to feel everything that I had once taken for granted, and gave my gratitude to the heavens that I could still enjoy them.

"It's so beautiful." Sonya raised her hands up in the air and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, she glanced towards Rose. "Isn't it? Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?"

"Beautiful," Rose agreed. She looked proud of Sonya, but there was something that seemed a little grey underneath it. Something that seemed to grow bit by bit, until she covertly glanced my way. It was less than half a second, but I saw some sort of sadness overtake the joy of the moment before she focused on Sonya again.

Sonya touched a small blue flower, trailing her fingers from the petals down towards the leaves and stems. "So different...so different in the sun." She moved quickly to another and looked at us over her shoulder. "These don't open at night! Do you see it? Do you see the colors? Can you smell that?" She cupped another flower in her palms and breathed it in deeply, jumping towards the next little pot of flowers, this time pink, a second later.

Eventually, she fell back into a patio chair and just enjoyed her garden, watching it as if she could see it growing bit-by-bit before her eyes. She spun the stem of a daisy between her fingers, occasionally bringing it to her nose or gently counting its petals before starting the routine over again.

"Hey." Rose nudged my arm. "You should really go rest. I can watch them for a while. Especially with Sydney as backup. I don't know if you've realized it yet, but the girl's pretty badass." She laughed and I couldn't help but laugh with her. After a moment, Rose continued, "Sydney pointed out that things are probably going to get rough again here soon, and with all our new friends, we can't really afford to slip up. Not that I'm worried about you slipping up, but hey, we don't want any more nasty hits, you know?"

"Yeah, about that," I raised a brow and she shrunk back a little. "Rose, you really need to let me know if you get hurt."

"It was nothing." She waved her hand dismissively, but I caught it with my own.

"It was a concussion. You had all the signs," I dropped her hand and sighed. "And I guess I really need to apologize, too. I should have seen those signs earlier. You're my partner, and yes, you should have told me, but I really should have noticed. And I'm sorry for snapping at you, also."

"Dimitri, you don't have to apologize."

"Yes, Rose, I do. I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to take my frustration out on you. I was out of line. I was annoyed with how long the interrogation was taking, I was upset that you hadn't told me you were injured, I was mad at myself for not noticing all the signs of your concussion until hours later, and I was worried about...well I was mostly worried about you. None of those things excuse what I did, mind you, but I was just so worried. There wasn't exactly a clinic or hospital I could rush you off to."

She smiled a little, probably remembering just how many times I had needed to drag her to the school's clinic during our time at the Academy. "What? No 'knight in shining armor' routine this time?"

"You've never exactly been the 'damsel in distress' type," I pointed out.

"Maybe not, but I appreciate you caring about me."

If only she knew. "I...I don't want to lose you."

She scoffed. "Lose me? You can't seem to get rid of me. Face it, Comrade, we're apparently stuck together for the long haul...or at least until we figure this Dragomir kid thing out. Anyways, go, get some rest before Sydney sends you to bed herself."

"That's smart. Once Sonya's able to talk, we'll need to move. Sydney's turning into a battle mastermind."

Rose looked mildly offended that I had even suggested such a thing. "Hey, she's not in charge here, she's just a soldier."

Her little teasing brought us both to quiet laughter, but when she settled, she grinned at me with a particular easiness that I recognized from those little moments in the library and so many more little moments that I had taken for granted while fighting what I felt for her. Her eyes lit up with unreserved happiness as she bit her lip, trying to fend off another little string of laughter for our private joke, but that small action pulled me up short.

I wanted to do something I hadn't wanted to do in a long time. I wanted to kiss her.

I wanted to pull her against me and feel her smile against my lips. I didn't want something desperate or passionate, though I'd certainly take that as well. All I wanted to feel was her happiness. I wanted to be the source of that happiness. I wanted to make her smile, and make her laugh, and then kiss her because I loved the way she smiled when she laughed.

I couldn't, though. It wasn't my place. So I took what I selfishly could, reaching up to brush my fingers against her cheek. "Right. Sorry, Captain."

She stiffened a little, looking almost surprised by my boldness, but not so much that she smacked my hand away. "General," she corrected.

I'd take my victories where I could.

I bid Sonya goodbye, telling her that I'd be in the next room if she needed me, and then left with one last glance towards Rose. She didn't say anything, or even look back at me, but her fingers traced the spot on her cheek where I had touched her just a few minutes before.

I took my victories where I could, and right then, I felt victorious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so good to be back :) Thank you to everyone who has been kind and patient while my family is adjusting. Things are looking up, but there's still quite a bit in limbo. Your good thoughts are appreciated.
> 
> This week's Question of the Week is: Which do you prefer? Accidental Marriage ('oops, we got drunk in Vegas, and wait where did this ring come from?') or Marriage of Convenience ('I need a wife to impress the boss and get a promotion, you in?'). For the curious, Dual POV won by a LANDSLIDE from last week's question. 
> 
> This series passed a huge milestone this past week. On June 29th, Vampire Academy DPOV reached its fourth anniversary. I can honestly say that I never thought this series would become as popular as it has. I also never thought it would take four years, but hey, it has all be worth it. This has been an amazing experience and I'm so happy to share it with you. Thank you for reading and being a part of this journey with me.


	22. Chapter 22

_I'm a hypocrite._

I raised my head a little and let it fall back against the lace-edged pillow, wishing that I had something harder to bang it against.

_Such a hypocrite._

Everything I had told Sonya, everything I had said to comfort and support her, had been said to me at one point or another after my restoration. And a majority of it had been said by Rose. For all I knew, some could have been direct quotes from her.

_Hypocrite_.

I hit my head against the pillow again, though I wasn't sure if I was trying to drive the annoying voice out or drive its wholly accurate words in.

The thing was, they no longer felt like little bits of platitudes meant to make me feel better about the horrible thing I once was and all the things I had done. Saying them to someone else made the words make sense. At least a little. I didn't even have the excuse 'they don't understand' behind me because I understood exactly what Sonya was going through, and yet, I told her the same things everyone had told me.

I believed those words when I said them to Sonya, so why was I still hesitant to accept them myself?

Maybe because they were easier said than done. Maybe because I could almost understand (not excuse per say, but at least understand) her reason for turning, even if she had done so willingly. Or maybe because with all the horrible things she had done, she still hadn't done what I did to Rose.

I pressed the heel of my palm into my eyes with a groan. I didn't want to think about all that right now. Which, of course, meant that I couldn't think of anything but that. Closing my eyes only made matters worse and led to visions and memories of those times.

I stared at the bright white popcorn ceiling, trying to find anything else to fixate on. Every time I blinked, I struggled to cast out the images of Rose cowering from me in fear, or the look of her addiction-fueled desperation, or that hazy, endorphin-filled smile she wore while she held a cloth to a fresh wound on her neck. Bruises. Black eyes. Torn clothing. One by one, I pushed them out.

And then I stopped.

This was a new image. A new vision. A new memory.

Rose, touching her cheek.

Not because I struck her, but because I had caressed her, even in some small and almost insignificant way. Perhaps it stung me a little to see that she had been so surprised by such a gentle thing from me, but the way that she had let it linger and held on to it after I left…

It was wishful thinking, but maybe there was a part of her that was still affected by me, despite everything I had done. As Strigoi...and after. Maybe there was a piece of us still there.

I shouldn't be thinking like that, though. Rose was happy with –

A loud crash sounded below me, and before I could even reach the window, I heard Rose call out to me.

I didn't even bother looking outside at that point. If Rose was screaming for me, then I didn't need to see whatever was happening to know that I needed to help her immediately. I tore down the hall, most likely leaving indented fingerprints on the corner of the wall where I used it to pivot around the kitchen and towards the patio doors.

Perhaps a little visual warning would have actually been good, because what I saw stunned me for a moment as I tried to make sense of it all. Overgrown vines littered the patio, some of them knotted into what looked like snares. Victor seemed to be trying to wake his brother from some sort of fit that left Robert screaming and scratching at his skin. And for some reason, Rose was wrestling with Sonya across the lawn, trying to maneuver and pin her.

The plant situation hardly mattered, however, when one of the topped adirondack chairs lifted off the ground in front of me and flew towards the women. Rose managed to cover Sonya's head just in time, but that left Rose to suffer the brunt of the attack herself.

I tackled Robert to the ground, knowing that somehow the flying chair had been his doing. I felt Victor's hands scratching at my arms, but I held strong. It wasn't until I started to see the vines from before – and more vines now growing from the small patches of greenery lining the yard – start inching towards us that I started to fret. I could fend off an attack from a man, but magically manipulated vines? While trying to restrain someone who was also an obvious threat?

"Get him inside!" Rose yelled. She was still desperately trying to keep Sonya on the ground while using one hand to try and cover Sonya's eyes. "Get him away from her!"

I pulled Robert with me into the house, one arm wrapped around his chest while my other clasped his hands behind him. A small vine managed to catch his leg and started to spiral around his ankle, and I could feel its force try to pull him away. I stomped on it as hard as I possibly could, and was very grateful when the thing shriveled and died under my foot. Even with Victor's protests and fighting, I was able to get both brothers into the house and shoved into the small room where I had been resting before.

That room had probably been used more today than it had in the past year and a half.

"I don't know what happened, but until everything is settled, you two are staying in here." I glared at them both.

Victor helped his brother onto the bed, gently easing his head down on the pillow and covering him with a blanket. Robert fell asleep, or at least fell quiet enough to be mistaken for asleep, almost instantly. A second later, Victor sneered at me. "That woman is vicious. She may not have the red eyes anymore, but don't let that fool you –"

I grabbed Victor by the collar and shoved him against the wall. "I'd be careful what you say next, Dashkov, because if you believe that some Strigoi lingers in Sonya, then that means some Strigoi lingers in me too. And trust me, while Sonya might not like you, I have a damn good reason to hate you."

Victor glanced towards his brother, but only a vague bit of muttering came from the man. No aid would be found there, despite his earlier show. When Victor looked back, he wore the sophisticated mask that was befitting a man of his former rank. It told me that he thought I was beneath him, but he would humor me for now because I was useful. He could hate me – and I was sure he did – but letting me know such a thing would relinquish some of his power in his eyes. He was above idle threats.

And I was, too. I didn't make them lightly. And I never made them without the intention of carrying them out if need be.

"Stay in here. I'll come to get you two when things are sorted out a little more." I released him with a small jolt.

Dashkov brushed off his shirt and huffed, and as I shut the door behind me, I heard him mumbling something that contained the words 'brute' and 'animal.'

I didn't care one bit.

Sonya and Rose were still together when I found them, but rather than trying to wrestle her to the ground, Rose sat with her on the couch and was desperately trying to soothe the woman. Sonya seemed a bit stronger than Robert had been a moment ago, but she still seemed pretty fragile.

"Sonya," I said, trying to speak softly above her stuttering breaths.

Her head popped up for a moment and she reached out to me. Rose quickly slipped from her grasp, allowing me to take her place. Instead of being able to comfort her more though, I seemed to spark a whole new round of hysterics from her.

"I did it again," she whispered into my shirt. "I hurt someone."

I combed her hair back with my fingers and spoke low so the others wouldn't overhear us. "He's okay. Just tired. You didn't do any lasting damage. You were just protecting yourself. It's okay. You're okay." I sincerely hoped that I was speaking the truth in all this. I didn't truly know how Robert was faring, and I didn't care for the most part, but I hoped he was alright just to ease her guilt a little. I also didn't know the situation that had started everything, but I felt like I knew Sonya at least enough to know that she wouldn't attack someone without reason.

"It's okay," she whimpered. "It's okay, It's okay,..."

"Yes, Sonya. It's okay."

Eventually, when she calmed enough to let me go and be content with Sydney's presence and gentle words, I moved towards Rose, grabbing her arm roughly and dragging her towards the back patio.

"What happened?" I demanded.

"Things got out of hand…"

I pointed towards the lingering vines and broken adirondack chair. "I see that, but what happened, Rose?"

She took a deep breath and shook her head slowly. "I tried to gently bring up the missing kid. Just to start the conversation."

"I told you it wasn't time! What were you thinking? She's too weak!"

"You call that weak?" She nodded towards the living room where Sonya was resting. "And hey, I was doing fine. It wasn't until Victor and Robert got involved that things went to hell."

"They never should have gotten involved. This was you, acting irrational again, jumping in foolishly with no thought of the consequences." Her flippancy about this whole thing was enraging. Every time I thought she was past these sorts of childish impulses and reckless behavior, she'd show me exactly why I was brought in to mentor her in the first place. Equals, my ass. She was going to get herself killed one of these days.

Her arm shot out and pushed against my shoulder, nudging me only slightly. "Hey, I was trying to make progress here. If being rational is sitting around and doing therapy, then I'm happy to jump over the edge. I'm not afraid to get in the game."

"You have no idea what you're saying," I growled. "This may have set us back."

"This set us forward. We found out she knows about Eric Dragomir. The problem is she promised not to tell anyone about this baby."

"Yes, I promised," a small voice said from behind us.

Rose and I turned, and I sighed. I really hadn't meant for Sonya to hear everything.

"I promised." It almost sounded like a plea.

Sydney stepped in, squeezing her hand and gently telling her, "We know. It's okay. It's okay to keep promises. I understand."

"Thank you. Thank you." Sonya seemed grateful, perhaps even relieved.

Honestly, I was fairly relieved and grateful too. At least someone understood the gravity of the situation here and knew not to push Sonya into this whole mess. I wasn't quite expecting Sydney to be Sonya's advocate in this whole scenario, but I was happy to have any ally I could get. I was just about to tell Sonya that she didn't have to tell us anything she didn't want to tell us when Sydney started to speak again.

"But, I heard that you care about Lissa Dragomir."

Sonya started to shake a little. "I can't."

"I know. I know. But what if there was a way to help her without breaking your promise?"

I didn't think any of us quite knew what to make of Sydney's suggestion. Sonya just stared at her in confusion, while Rose and I exchanged somewhat curious glances. Only Sydney seemed to have a grasp on whatever was happening at the moment.

"W-what do you mean?" Sonya pulled her hand out of Sydney's grasp but didn't shy away any more than that. She seemed understandably hesitant but also...intrigued.

"Well...what did you promise exactly? Not to tell anyone that Eric Dragomir had a mistress and baby?"

Sonya nodded.

Well, we already knew that, so we didn't exactly need her to break any vow on that front.

"And not to tell who they were?" Sydney asked, pushing a little further.

Sonya nodded again, this time more vigorously.

Sydney smiled, looking pleased despite being told that we wouldn't find a bit of the essential news that we were looking for. "Did you promise not to tell anyone  _where_ they are?"

Sonya nodded once more.

This time Sydney looked frustrated for the first time since this whole thing had started. Then, she smiled a conspiratorial grin – one that was almost recognizable and would have been terrifying if it had graced the face of someone else in the room.

"Did you promise not to lead anyone to where they are?" Sydney asked.

Sonya began to nod, and then stopped, tilting her head a little as she reviewed the question in her mind. Finally, she shook her head. "No."

Slowly, Sydney reached out to her again. "So...you could lead us to them. But not tell us where they actually are. You wouldn't be breaking the promise that way."

"Maybe…" Sonya replied hesitantly.

The reality of the situation hit me hard. I didn't have an ally in all this...Rose did. This sort of twisted, convoluted logic was something I'd expect from Rose, and just like it probably would have with her, everything sort of made sense in the end. I'd never willingly admit it though.

"You wouldn't break the promise," Sydney assured. "And it would really, really help Lissa."

Rose stepped forward a bit. "It would help Mikhail, too."

I almost grabbed Rose, ready to scold her again for such a low tactic as bringing up Sonya's former lover, but Sonya quickly turned towards her. Her eyes were bright and clear. It was one of the most lively reactions I had seen from her since her restoration, and it stunned me a little.

"Mikhail?" Her voice wavered a little. "You know him?"

"He's my friend." Rose smiled softly. "He's Lissa's friend too. And he wants to help Lissa, but he can't. None of us can. We don't have enough information."

Sonya stared at her hands, bringing them close and slowly weaving her fingers together. There seemed to be something she could see in the small action, a memory of some sort. I could practically hear the hopeless longing when she said his name again. "Mikhail…"

"You won't break your promise." Sydney gently placed her hand over Sonya's interlocked fingers and caught her attention. "Just lead us. It's what Mikhail and Lissa would want. It's the right thing to do."

After only a moment's pause, Sonya looked up at Rose. "I'll lead you there."

Perhaps some would question why Sonya eventually agreed. Maybe they'd think that she did it because she owed it to Mikhail. Maybe they'd think she did it simply because it was the 'right thing to do.' I knew better. It was neither of those things and both of them, all at once. Sonya agreed because it was what Mikhail would do in her place, and for that reason alone, that made it the right thing for her to do.

Mikhail was Sonya's barometer of right and wrong, just like Rose was mine.

Rose might have been impulsive or misguided at times, but she wasn't selfish or malicious. She wasn't spiteful. She was confident. She was caring, though perhaps not coddling.

I shut my eyes at the reality of who I was in comparison to her. Yes, I might be steady, but I was also wary in many ways. Caution was somewhat admirable, but not when it started to venture into timidness. I was hesitant to new situations and experiences. My recent struggles had only made these issues worse. I had been guarded before, but now I was almost sealed shut to everything and everyone.

Rose was open to new adventures and challenges, even if they were terrifying or seemed impossible. She brought out the best in others, including me. Despite my reluctance at times, I was always better because of her and what she had pushed me to do. She was also able to see past the shortcomings of people. She was able to see past the shortcomings of people like me.

I was the one who belittled her. I was the one who pushed her away when she tried to pull me up from the pits of hell and then chastised her when she tried to help others.

Rose and I weren't equals. She was better.

"We're going on another road trip. Get ready." Sydney clapped her hands, rubbing them excitedly. It seemed like she was no longer fazed by being trapped in a small metal box with 'undead creatures of the night' as Rose had said she once referred to us as. Or, perhaps more likely, she was just a little high, fresh off a successful negotiation.

I looked down towards Rose, eager to hear her thoughts on the whole scene, but was surprised to see just how close we actually were. I wasn't sure when it had happened, but if I moved half a centimeter to the left, I'd be brushing Rose's shoulder. She seemed aware of that fact as well, but simply stared at me, face blank. I moved to the right. Away from her.

Gesturing to Sydney, I commented, "You weren't wrong. She really is the new general in town."

"Maybe." She shrugged. "But it's okay. You can still be colonel."

"Oh? Did you demote yourself? Colonel's right below general. What's that make you?"

She smiled that conspiratorial grin, the one that I had recognized on Sydney, but was now back home on Rose's beautiful, mischievous face. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a set of keys. "The driver."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter down! Thank you again to everyone who has been so patient as mine and my family's life has been flipped upside down and readjusted. I'm hoping to re-establish a steady schedule soon (fingers crossed!) but I will be getting a little busier because I am going back to school. I'm excited, but also a bit nervous too. All of this is part of a three-year plan to get my husband through his master's degree and into a slightly less specialized field. His current field only has about 200 or so positions in the country – not currently hiring positions...TOTAL positions. The next three years will be incredibly tough, but it should be better for us in the end.
> 
> This week's Question of the Week is: What's your preferred 'forbidden romance' troupe between these two? Roommates or Brother's Best Friend.
> 
> Thanks for reading. Don't forget that I have a Tumblr (gigi256), Facebook (AndreaAndersonWrites), and Instagram (AndreaAndersonWrites) if you want to keep up with all my random shenanigans. PS, the Facebook page is the best way to get updates on the posting schedule.


	23. Chapter 23

Rose was still upset that I hadn't let her drive.

Initially, I tried to remind her that she didn't actually have a license to drive, but that meant little to her when we were wanted criminals. She was steadfast that breaking another law hardly mattered in the grand scheme of things. I couldn't quite refute that logic, but I eventually won the debate when I pointed out that she could possibly kill us all if she unintentionally slipped into Lissa's mind while on the road. Still, that didn't keep her from shooting a couple of glares my way while we hauled our supplies into the trunk and onto Sydney's lap.

As I handed Sydney yet another bag of groceries, I fully acknowledged that I at least deserved her silent treatment and looks of annoyance. Not only had I taken her keys, I was the one who had suggested she sit in the trunk of her own car.

It really was the only logical setup in a car that wasn't designed to fit six, unfortunately. Plus, even without a padded seat or seat belt, Sydney might actually be a tad bit more comfortable and safer back there than in any other seat. Victor, Robert, and Sonya were bound to need blood soon. Rose and I would never allow a Moroi to feed from someone unwilling, but I wouldn't put it past Victor to try to charm Sydney into it...or enlist his brother to use compulsion. Keeping her in the back and out of sight of the others was better for everyone, though I'd never tell her why.

I made a mental note to pick her up a large coffee the next opportunity we had. She certainly deserved it.

"We have to get rid of Victor and Robert now," Rose said in a quick, hushed whisper, glancing towards the passenger seat where Victor was helping Robert into the car. "They've done what we needed. Keeping them is dangerous. It's time to turn them over to the guardians."

I handed the last bag to Sydney and mouthed a quick 'sorry' to her as the final few inches of her leg room disappeared. She sighed and nodded, accepting the apology goodnaturedly before settling in. Lowering my voice a little so Sydney wouldn't overhear us, I told Rose, "Agreed, but there's no good way to do it. Not yet. We can't leave them tied up beside the road; I wouldn't put it past them to escape and hitchhike. We also can't turn them in, for obvious reason."

With all the bags in, I slammed the hatch door down. Rose sat back on the bumper and shrugged. "Sydney could turn them in."

"That's probably our best bet – but I don't want to part with her until we get to...well, wherever we're going." For reasons beyond me, Sydney and Sonya had connected, and she had managed to get answers out of Sonya when neither Rose nor I could. "We might need her help."

Rose's head fell against the glass with a groan. "And so, we drag them along."

"Afraid so." I glanced down at her with some seriousness. "You know, when they're in custody, there's a very good chance they'll have quite a story to tell the authorities about us."

She nodded. "Yeah. I guess that's a problem for later. Gotta deal with the immediate problems first."

That was my Roza. One foot in front of the other. Worry about today and let tomorrow work itself out. While I fretted over the details, she took things as they came and then did what it took to get things done. And somehow, together, we always managed to get things done.

I smiled. "Well that's always been our strategy, hasn't it?"

A small laugh broke through her body at our absurd reality, but she didn't disagree with me. In fact, she seemed wholeheartedly amused by the craziness. And why not? Sometimes all you could do was laugh in the face of impossible madness. So I laughed right along with her because the only thing easier than laughing at it all was knowing that you were laughing along with someone who would see it all through with you.

"Come on," she said, gesturing back towards the others. "Let's do this."

* * *

Sonya didn't offer me the most useful or direct answers for our trip. Where should we go? North. How long is the trip? A few hours. She even opted to use a paper map rather than the GPS to avoid giving me a specific address.

I could tell the vagueness was off-putting to some of the others. Victor, in particular, openly scoffed every time she gave one of her less than helpful answers. Still, I tried to be patient with the situation at hand. She was trying to both help us and keep her promise at the same time, and that had to be a difficult situation.

An hour or so into the trip, I glanced back and saw that Rose, who was seated between Sonya and Victor in the back seat, had shut her eyes. She sat straight, though, with her fingers fidgeting in her lap. Not asleep then. I had hoped that she might get a little rest while we were driving, but I couldn't hold it against it her to check in on Lissa. In fact, I felt a bit guilty that I hadn't asked her to do so a while ago.

I still felt indebted to Lissa. She had been key in restoring my mortality, after all. Her use of Spirit had made that final miracle possible. That was no small thing, and witnessing Sonya's restoration had only solidified that in my mind.

However, the more that I stepped away from the tunnel vision of my vow and really saw the whole picture, the more I realized that it really was just the final step. Robert had restored Sonya, and I was sure that once the initial shock of everything wore off, she'd be grateful for that gift, but I doubted she'd ever dedicate her life to his service.

The truth was, Robert would never have been there if someone hadn't felt she was worth tracking down. We had found her, but it hadn't been under the noble pretense of saving her soul. We just needed information and she had it. For her, her restoration had been a happy accident.

There was someone, however, who had spent months trying to find her. Someone who had truly cared about Sonya. Mikhail had sacrificed nearly a year of his life, his reputation, and his career in his attempt to save her. Even if saving Sonya meant killing her and releasing her from being that immortal monster, he loved her enough to do it.

Mikhail might not have found Sonya in the end...but Rose found me.

I looked back at her and felt the twist in my gut.

Rose had done so much. She had left school to find me. She had done so knowing that it could cost her her graduation. She had traveled to Russia. She had been the one to tell and comfort my family. She had been willing to kill me – save me – when nobody else would. She had done all this knowing that I could very well kill her. I nearly did. She had been prepared to die at my hands if it meant a chance at saving me.

That wasn't all, though. When she heard of a fairy tale, she searched for a miracle. She didn't just search old books, she committed treason. Somehow, she had broken a man out of a maximum security prison. A man who had not only tortured her but Lissa as well, all just to get answers. Her reputation as a guardian and career as Lissa's guardian were both lost in trying to find a way to save me. She didn't give up, though. She never gave up.

My hands tightened on the wheel in an attempt to keep them from shaking. A thought kept playing over and over in my mind, and with every pass, I felt more sick.

Once, she had loved me enough to sacrifice her life, just to save mine. In more ways than one.

And I had belittled that sacrifice by pushing her away.

"You're awfully happy." Sonya's sudden declaration grabbed my attention, and I turned my focus away from the road and my thoughts to see Rose blinking her way back towards us again.

Rose did, in fact, look pleased. She also looked proud. With an unabashed smile, she announced, "Lissa passed her second monarch test."

"Of course she did." Victor didn't seem shocked by the news at all. I wasn't sure if he was familiar with the process of selecting a new monarch. I certainly wasn't, but I knew it involved several trials that weren't supposed to be easy by any means. I'd heard rumors that some could even be dangerous. Either way, the fact that Lissa had passed not one, but two was impressive.

However, it also meant that the distraction and uproar that Lissa's nomination was initially intended to create was most likely getting stronger with every passing moment. Supporters would become more and more vocal in their support, but protesters would also become more vocal. I was sure the others had made arrangements for her safety, but I did feel a small jolt of concern.

"Is she okay? Injured?" I asked.

"She's fine," Rose assured me. She closed her eyes a moment, perhaps to double check, but opened them again a second later to reaffirm her words.

The hours dragged on, and one by one the others began to fall asleep. Eventually, it was only me, Rose, and Sonya still awake. Not too long after that, It was just me and Sonya. Rose's head had tipped back against the seat and she was fast asleep with the others. Sonya, meanwhile, was carefully watching her.

"You can sleep too if you want," I told her, taking a chance. She didn't react to my words and continued to stare at Rose, looking almost dazed. I almost wondered if she heard me at all. "You don't even have to give me the address. Maybe just the city. I can wake you up when we get there."

She shook her head.

"Are you okay, Sonya?"

She hummed. "I can see the colors. They were a bit muted before, but I can see them much better now."

Auras. She was reading auras. "What do you see?"

She stared at Rose a little longer and then tilted her head. "She's happy. Excited."

Knowing that whatever dream Rose was living was a happy one set me at ease a little, but the fact that Sonya could so easily read her emotions wasn't totally reassuring. If she could see inside of Rose, she could see inside of me. I tried to shut down any emotions so she couldn't read me, but a quick glance showed that I was unsuccessful.

"That particular shade of orange is nervousness, I think." She pointed at me. "Are you hiding something? You know I can't read minds, right?"

"Honestly, I've never fully understood the concept of auras," I admitted. "I'm not sure I like the idea of someone being able to see my feelings. And, since I know some spirit users who can invade my dreams, is it so hard to believe that someone could invade my thoughts?"

After considering the idea for a moment, she shrugged. "You're right. The shadow-kissed like Rose are connected to their bondmate and it's through that spiritual bond that she is able to read Lissa's thoughts and emotions, so it certainly wouldn't be inconceivable for a typical spirit user to do the same." Her eyes focused a little more as she came out of her own personal musings and smiled. "Don't worry, though; I can't read your thoughts. But I am a little interested."

A long beat of silence passed as I debated whether I should actually tell her some kernel of truth, outright lie, or just say nothing at all. My mind was still caught up in all that Rose had sacrificed for me and how I hadn't truly seen it before. I had known it, I had been told it, but I hadn't really understood it or acknowledged it. And I certainly hadn't thanked her for it.

I caught Sonya focusing on the space around me. "Please don't read me," I asked. Perhaps 'asked' was too gentle of a word. The bite in my voice made it just shy of a command.

"I'm sorry," she said, actually sounding apologetic. "It's hard not to sometimes."

I decided to give her a compromise, mostly to keep her from asking too much about Rose. "I'll tell you what; You give me a little information about where we're going, and I'll answer one question."

Her eyes narrowed, and for a moment I couldn't tell if it was in suspicion, speculation, or frustration. Just as I expected, she didn't offer any information, so I didn't offer any answers.

Which is why it was a surprise to us both when I asked her a question a little while later.

"What do you see?" Her face twisted in confusion, so I clarified. "When you look at me. My aura. What do you see? Can it really tell you who I am?" Despite my objections earlier, curiosity had overcome me. Giving her permission didn't make it seem so invasive, either.

She looked surprised but humored me. "I can't see who you are. At least, not exactly. I can make a few judgment calls based on your emotions and what stands out above the rest, but that can only really tell me what you feel. Who you are is different. That's up to you. And even if I do make a guess about who you are based on what I see, you could always change. People can always change."

"Still, you can make a pretty good guess based on what people feel?"

She tilted her head side to side, neither agreeing not disagreeing. "I guess I can, but not as much as I can from their actions. For instance, I can be pretty sure that Rose is protective, devoted, and a bit of a handful on occasion."

Impressed, I raised a brow. "And what exactly tells you that?"

"In her aura, I can see determination, caring, and concern when she looks at others, plus some excitement and mischievousness on occasion. However, I can only make a guess by those things. I know them by seeing her try to comfort me, or watching her try to find answers here to help Vasilisa. Knowing that she broke Vasilisa out of St. Vladimir's until those who were trying to hurt the princess could be found...that's protectiveness. That's devotion."

"And the mischief? Her being a handful?"

"I taught her in my class, Dimitri. It didn't take me long to learn that."

I managed to suppress my laugh behind a cough. It hadn't taken me very long to learn about Rose's mischievous and sarcastic nature either. And I would gladly attest to her being a handful sometimes.

"You, though, you're hard." She looked at me a little closer. "You don't match up. What you say and what you do don't always align with what you feel. I don't see the conniving ambition or hostility that I see in Victor, so I don't think you're deceptive. At least not purposefully. Honestly, I think you're lying to yourself more than anything."

A bit of shame flowed like a wave through me, and I knew without a doubt that she saw it. She was just too kind to say anything.

"There's still some nervousness, or maybe worry is the better word, but I also see drive," she continued, ignoring my reaction. "Dedication. Patience. Interest, of course. I see hope sometimes. There was amusement just a moment ago, too, but it's gone now. Most emotions will fluctuate, but I see this overriding guilt in your aura. It eats at everything. A bright color will flare, some sort happiness or joy, and then that guilt will consume it. That darkness takes over other emotions."

"Darkness? You mean like…"

"Rose?" She finished, then nodded. "Yes. You both have darkness in you. Rose is marked by her shadows, however. Those shadows will always follow her. They're drawn to her." She glanced down at Rose and furrowed her brow in concentration. "Even now I can see them grow."

I anxiously looked at Rose as well. I had seen just how much darkness could affect her. I had seen it change her into something that she hated – something terrifying and unrecognizable. It had almost destroyed her. Watching her descent into madness and almost losing her to that darkness had nearly destroyed me as well. The thought that those shadows might be taking over her again sent a chill of fear through me.

"You're different," Sonya continued. "Your shadows are self-made. I'm sure that some of the darkness comes with what you've seen, but I think most of it stays because you cling to it. Why? Wouldn't it be easier to let go of that darkness?"

Why was I clinging to it? Why was I letting that darkness drag me down? It certainly didn't do me any good. In fact, clinging to the darkness of my past had just made things worse for me. Clinging to that darkness wasn't doing anyone else any good either. The people I killed...they were gone. As callous as it sounded, I couldn't do anything more to help them now. And letting that darkness control me? Well, it was keeping me from helping those I actually could help. It was keeping me from doing the things I should be doing. It was keeping me from living the life I should be living – the life that had been gifted to me.

That didn't mean I had to forget the past. It was impossible. Even more impossible than 'earning' my redemption by trying to stake a Strigoi for every life I had personally ended. I couldn't earn forgiveness. With what I had done, I couldn't even hope for forgiveness. But I could move on. I could let go of what I had done to keep it from hurting anyone else...including myself.

I had to let go of the guilt and the darkness. I had to take back my life.

I checked in the mirror to make sure Rose and the others were still asleep. "When I was first restored, I let guilt consume me. It controlled me. Don't make the same mistakes I made. Embrace life, its beauty, and the people you love before it's too late. It'll be difficult, but if you don't do it now, you may not have the chance to later. We've been given a second chance at life Sonya, and we can't waste that. I'm not going to let my life be pointless. Not anymore. It took me far too long to realize just how much that guilt was costing me. I've lost things that were incredibly precious to me. Things that I may never get back. I refuse to let go of what little I have left."

Sonya didn't ask any more questions after that. She didn't speak at all. She didn't even look my way. She simply stared out the window at the landscape passing by as we drove.

* * *

Rose woke with a jolt.

"You were having a spirit dream," Sonya said casually as if she was simply pointing out the color of Rose's shirt.

Rose's yawn stretched into words. "How'd you know?"

"Your aura."

I heard Rose's soft growl. "Auras used to be cool, but now they're just starting to get annoying."

"They're very informative if you know how to read them," Sonya pointed out with a soft laugh. "Were you with Vasilisa?"

"No. My boyfriend." The vinyl squeaked a little as Rose shifted. "He's a spirit user too."

"That's who you were with?" There was a tone of unmistakable shock in Sonya's voice, and I quickly looked between her and the road several times, trying to make sure she was okay while simultaneously not driving us off the upcoming bridge.

Rose seemed to show some of my same concern. "Yeah. Why? What's wrong?"

Sonya tilted her head a little, studying Rose for a moment before meeting my eyes in the rearview mirror. I could see it then. To Sonya, I was a puzzle made of colors and when she quickly glanced at Rose once more, I knew another piece had fallen into place for her.

"Nothing," Sonya said, keeping my secret. "Nothing's wrong."

Rose scoffed, "Come on, it sure seemed like –"

"There! Take that exit!" Sonya yelled and popped between the seats to point at an exit that was nearly behind us already.

I cut through a lane of traffic and a couple of angry horns but managed to make the off-ramp. I heard Sydney cry out as the car jerked, and I even felt a little bad when Robert's sleeping head smacked the glass of the passenger door window, giving him the rudest of wake up calls.

"A little warning next time would be helpful," I grumbled under my breath.

The cheerful sign reading 'Welcome to Ann Arbor, Michigan' seemed to spark a bit of hope in all of us...except Sonya. She quickly reverted back to the silent, nervous, closed off woman who we had started the trip with. At least she was giving me directions now, with proper notice, rather than leaving everything to mystery.

"Are we here?" Rose asked, but when Sonya didn't answer she turned towards me. "And how long were we on the road?"

"Six hours." I started looking for the grocery store Sonya promised would serve as a marker along the street.

"Go left at the second light," Sonya instructed, pointing past the large box store with red lettering. After another minute or two, she pointed towards another street. "Now right at the corner."

We delved deeper and deeper past the streets lined with markets, fast food places, and other businesses until all we were left with were schools, parks, and rows upon rows of manicured lawns in front of almost identical looking homes.

"There," Sonya finally said, gesturing somewhat vaguely towards a house that was only really distinguishable by the fact that it had a larger garden of flowers in comparison to the others.

I pulled into the driveway and let the car idle a moment.

"Do you know if your relatives still live here?"

Sonya was silent in response to Rose's question, only staring at the painted door while worrying her hands beside her mouth.

"I guess there's only one way to find out." A seatbelt clicked open. "Same plan?"

I looked back at Rose, nodding to our previous agreement. We didn't want to overwhelm whoever was on the other side of the door, and a group of six arriving unexpectedly would certainly do that. Especially if one of the six included a large, 6'7 man. I had been known to intimidate people, even unintentionally. Three surprise visitors would still be a shock, but at least would be somewhat easier to swallow. Hopefully. All things considered.

"Same plan," I affirmed. "You go to the house. You look less threatening."

"Hey!" Rose's eyes lit up in some not-quite-mock indignation.

I smiled. "I said 'look.'"

She bit her lip, holding back her own smile and shaking her head in amusement.

My banter dropped for a moment as I reached out for her, not quite grabbing her hand but grabbing her attention nonetheless. "Be careful."

She smirked. "You too."

I wanted to make some joke about being the one who had trained her. However, the way she said it, and the way I had asked it of her, reminded me that the words weren't about our doubt in the other's abilities – it was about our concern for the other.

I was her partner and she cared about me.

She was my partner and I was in love with her.

She shut the door between us with a 'wish me luck' grin and ushered Sonya forward. I watched as the three of them made their way slowly up the sidewalk, and when Sonya hesitated at the porch, Sydney gently placed her hand on Sonya's arm in comfort.

Rose knocked. I craned my head as far as I could to see who answered.

The Moroi man who opened the door looked justifiably surprised. He looked at Rose in confusion, but the moment he saw Sonya, he seemed to go into shock.

It was the very same look Rose had on her face a moment later when a familiar young girl stepped out from behind her father. Or the man who perhaps wasn't her father after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew *wipes head in exhaustion* This was a difficult chapter. Dimitri and Sonya were not playing nice with this author. Thankfully, they eventually did decide to have a conversation.
> 
> Typically I have a question of the week here, but instead, I want to share some BIG news. I'll be submitting my very first manuscript for publication on September first! Technically, it's for a non-traditional publication opportunity and if my story is chosen, it will be made into a professional audiobook with Audible. Did I mention that this is all sponsored by Cosmopolitan Magazine? Yeah, Cosmo. No big deal, right? 
> 
> I wanted to say thank you for your support by giving a few of you the opportunity to read the full story before it's submitted! I'll be choosing three random readers FROM MY NEWSLETTER to get the exclusive so if you aren't on there yet, be sure to sign up. Here's the link: bit.ly/2OsYFA7 However, if you don't win, don't fret. I will be giving everyone a free book from another author friend. Also, everyone can get a little sneak peek of the story on my Facebook page (link on my bio page).
> 
> I'll be sure to keep you updated on the status of the story as things progress, but I truly do want to thank you for all the love and support you all have given me. You guys and your kind words have pushed me to take a leap that I never thought was possible. Thank you, thank you, thank you.


	24. Chapter 24

Besides her vague familiarity, I couldn't place the girl. I was sure I had met her on campus at some point, but she was obviously younger than Rose by at least a year and more likely two. It was clear that Rose was very familiar with the girl, however. The girl greeted Rose like a friend, practically reaching out to hug her as Rose stood stunned. It seemed the girl was fairly perceptive as well and pulled back as she realized that whatever this visit was, it wasn't traditional, and perhaps not pleasant either.

Before Rose could really gather herself, a new woman appeared from behind her daughter. Unlike her husband, the moment she saw Sonya, she didn't just go into a shock, she fell into a protective fear. She pulled her daughter behind her and tried to force the door closed.

I couldn't hear a single thing, but I could certainly put some simple pieces together. Whoever this woman was, she recognized Sonya. She also knew what Sonya had become, she just didn't know who Sonya was now. Her fear was justified, but my instincts called for me to jump in and smooth over the situation. It wasn't needed though; Sonya reached out and, with a few words, calmed the woman herself.

The next moment, Sonya, Sydney, and Rose were all hustled into the home, and all I was offered was a quick backwards glance before Rose disappeared behind the door.

I watched that doorway like a hawk. Unable to hear, see, or know what was happening on the other side was torture. I could only assume that the woman who had been so shocked by Sonya's presence was Eric Dragomir's mistress who we had been looking for, and that would make her daughter the child – the lost Dragomir child – we had been searching for.

"I wonder how long it will take?" Victor mused vaguely from the back seat. I did my best to ignore him, but his dragging 'hmmmm' demanded my attention. He was making it painfully clear that he wasn't going to let up until I answered him. It was the more conniving version of a toddler kicking the back of your chair – just as annoying, but somewhat more distressing because his temper had the ability to completely ruin lives if he wished.

I gave into his prodding. "I'm not sure, but hopefully not long. Rose will be back as soon as she has some information for us."

His voice perked up a little, happy that he had managed to actually pull me from my silence. "Oh, I'm not talking about our dear little Rose. I'm wondering how long it will take for the guardians to get here."

I took a deep breath, purposefully trying to keep from reacting to his words. The truth? Probably not long at all.

I wasn't ignorant to the risks of exposing ourselves. If Rose didn't wholeheartedly believe that the risk was worth the reward, then we wouldn't be here. If I didn't wholeheartedly believe in Rose, we wouldn't be here. That didn't mean I wasn't still anxious about it all.

Rose had been in the house seven minutes already. If someone in there had called the authorities, the guardians would most likely be arriving within the next ten minutes, max. More likely, they'd be arriving within the next five.

I glanced around the neighborhood, looking for any cars that might have seemed unusual in a residential area like this. There were a few minivans, a dirty four-door sedan that was older and probably belonged to some teenager just learning to drive, and several other unassuming vehicles. The only one that might have belonged to the guardians was a silver SUV, but it passed by us quickly, without bothering to slow at all. Plus, most standard-issue vehicles were black.

After a few more minutes, the front door cracked open again, and I felt the tight knot in my chest loosen. Rose checked the street, probably looking for the same threats I had, and then made her way to the car with Sonya tailing behind her. Sydney must have been left inside. A quick and tilted nod urged me out of the car, and I made my way towards her, making sure that I still had a decent vantage point on the street around us. We weren't out of the woods yet.

"Well, we found them," she didn't sound quite as thrilled as I would have thought after our journey, but she still seemed fairly resolute. "We managed to convince Emily to let Jill come to Court and claim her birthright, but it wasn't easy. And...we have other problems."

"Oh?" I felt my stomach sink.

Rose's lips puckered a little as she prepared to give me the bad news. "Jill and Emily recognized me from school, but Emily and her husband, John, also recognized me...from the murder allegations."

"Did they call anyone?" My heart raced. I was ready to throw her in the car, Dragomir sibling or no. From the moment those statues had exploded, the moment her jail cell had been opened, the moment I had practically dragged her into the car and started the ignition, Rose and her safety had been my priority. I'd leave everyone and everything behind to make sure she stayed safe, and I'd do so with absolutely no regrets.

She shook her head. "No. Emily convinced him not to. Since Sonya and Jill know me enough to know that I don't go around murdering people, she's trusting their judgment. Emily is letting us stay the night."

"Are you sure?" Something felt off. A hotel, while filled with strangers, gave me a bit of control. I could keep track of a small room with a single entry and exit point. I wasn't familiar with this family, or this house, or this situation. "We could go somewhere else and come back in the morning."

She looked back at the house and considered the idea a moment. "No. Emily and John are still a bit skittish about Jill coming to Court. I'm afraid if we leave, they won't be here when we come back. We better stay."

"Okay." I decided to trust her over my gut. Rose knew these people better than I did.

She took a quick glance back towards the car. "We need to figure out what to do with Victor and Robert, though. I don't think they'll be too surprised to see you with me since you're the one who supposedly broke me out -"

"I did break you out."

"You reluctantly broke me out," she said with a smirk. "Anyways, you won't be a big deal. Victor will be, though, and I think he's one too many fugitives than they can handle."

"We still can't turn them over. Not yet." I hated to admit that fact, but there was no getting around it. "If we're staying here tonight, they'll be able to turn us in the moment they have a chance to speak to the guardians. Tomorrow's our best bet. We'll find a place to restrain them, have Sydney or one of the others make the call, and we'll be long gone before the guardians get there. If we plan it right, we might even be able to get to Court before Victor really has a chance to speak to anyone in charge."

Rose let out a sigh. "So...in the meantime?"

A meek voice spoke up from behind me. "I can help. I can use some magic to hide him."

"You really shouldn't use -" Rose started at the same time I asked, "Are you sure?"

Sonya nodded. "Yes, it shouldn't be too hard. And with Robert's help, it won't expend too much energy either."

That's how, five minutes later, we were sitting in the Mastrano's home with Robert and Victor both obscured by magic, and accepting their gracious offer to join them for their weekly taco night. Rose seemed exceptionally pleased by the choice of the evening meal.

John eyed me warily from the moment I shook his hand. Despite his wife's assurances, I didn't blame his worry concerning having two wanted fugitives in his home, plus another one that he was completely unaware of. Still, I was already planning to keep a steady eye on him. On all of them, to be honest, but especially him. The ones that watch you are often the ones you need to watch as well.

Emily, on the other hand, was very accommodating, insisting on sending for a feeder from a local service in addition to dinner and housing. I initially tried to turn down her offer, not as a form of politeness, but because those services usually came with another Moroi or dhampir 'assistant' to help with the feeder's care during the session. Since I couldn't exactly tell her my reasonings without causing more concern from her, she was insistent and I eventually gave in. Plus, it was clear that our Moroi companions were in severe need. Sonya had dark circles under her eyes that weren't from lack of sleep, and Victor's rapid slowing wasn't his aging body catching up to him.

As Emily started dinner, I pulled Rose aside. "You mentioned earlier that you had some difficulty when you initially talked to the family. Do you want to tell me what happened?" I wasn't concerned about Rose being able to handle things, but Rose still had a bit of a haunted look in her eye that made me worry. Something was still bothering her.

She shrugged. "Just a hard conversation, you know? How do you reveal an affair, tell someone that the person that they think is their father isn't really their father, and drop the bomb that they're Moroi royalty all in one go?"

"As quickly as possible?" Knowing Rose, she probably just ripped the band-aid off. I didn't mean to say she had been cruel about it, in fact, she had probably done it quickly to try to save them the pain of a long, drawn-out conversation, but she was right in assuming that it was going to hurt any way you went about it.

"Emily didn't want to admit anything at first – she didn't deny it, but she was hesitant to have anything said at all. If Sonya wasn't there, I think I would have been kicked out right away." Her head dropped. "The worst part, though, was telling Jill that her father wasn't this low life that just left her. That he was actually someone who could have been there, and maybe even wanted to be there, but wasn't. And now he can't. Dimitri...she's so sweet, I never wanted to hurt her."

I looked at the young woman as she chopped onions next to her mother. Already she was smiling and laughing. In fact, I had yet to see any real worry about what would be awaiting her. Granted, it might have been the bliss of youthful ignorance, but I sensed there was something more to the girl. "She seems resilient. I think she'll be okay."

Rose bit her lip and worried it between her teeth. "I guess the important thing is that we did confirm that Jill is Lissa's sister – or half sister, I guess – and convinced her mother to let her come to Court. Emily isn't happy about it, but Jill has personally decided to help Liss, and I think if Emily didn't give permission than Jill would have found some other way to get there herself."

I raised a brow. "You think she'd run away?"

"I have no doubt that she would." Rose laughed with a touch of self-deprecating amusement. "Her role models are me and Christian. She has a crush on Adrian. Honestly, it's probably her saving grace that she's related to Liss. Genetics might be the only thing that keeps her from getting into too much trouble."

I tried not to laugh alongside her, but only managed to hide it behind forcibly sealed lips. "Oh come on, you aren't so bad."

She looked at me incredulously. "I'm accused of murdering the queen. I'm on the lam. My rap sheet doesn't just include breaking curfew anymore. I've upgraded to high treason."

I gave a vague gesture to where Victor sat on the couch, flipping through a random magazine. "Yeah, about that -"

"We're not going to talk about that." Her face turned serious in an instant, only softening when she noticed my shock at her almost volatile reaction. "Not right now. Okay?"

I let it drop, at least for today.

Music turned on suddenly and I heard someone laugh. Jill had begun dancing with her mother in the kitchen as they cooked and I could see exactly what Rose had mentioned earlier. It was a sweet picture. It was a young girl and her mother, enjoying a simple and homey act. I had seen my sisters dance with my mother like this. Occasionally, I might have even joined in on the act when I was very young. But life has a way of beating the simplicity of youth out of us.

It had happened to me when I had kicked my father out.

It had happened to Rose the night she watched Mason killed in front of her.

It had happened to Vasilisa the day she had taken on the full mantle of her family name.

For Jill, it might be the day she would be revealed to the world as the lost Dragomir child.

A little spin left the girl wrapped up in her mother's arms, and I saw Emily smooth out her daughter's hair before nustling her face into the brown curls as if she sensed the impending death of the girl's childhood. She was savoring those final moments, locking the memories in forever.

"I still can't believe it was Jill. And I can't believe I didn't see it earlier. Those eyes. I should have seen it in the eyes," Rose said, more to herself than to me. Even more quietly, she whispered, "She'll be okay. She's tough. She's resilient. It'll be okay."

I brought my hand down to rest on Rose's shoulder. "It will, Rose. Everything will be alright."

She looked up towards me and smiled. In another lifetime, I might have pulled her into my arms. I might have kissed her forehead and told her how proud of her I was. No, how completely amazed I was by her. I would have told her I loved her.

By that wasn't this reality. In this reality, I just allowed that small touch and those few words, because if I said anything more, I would say it all. Still, I somehow hoped that she could hear it through silence.

That little hope bloomed when she brought her chin down for just a moment, just long enough to rest it on my hand before quickly brushing her cheek against my knuckles. It wasn't a kiss or promise, but it was familiar. It familiar and completely unexpected at the same time.

Heat bloomed where she had touched me, and I pulled back reluctantly. She didn't seem to notice a thing, either her actions or my own. I didn't know if that made me feel any better. A part of me was comforted that she had done something like that so naturally and unwittingly. It was comforting to know that she felt comfortable enough around me that she wasn't affected by my touch.

The other part of me was gutted that she seemed unaffected by my touch, especially when every single one of her touches seemed to shoot me to my very core.

* * *

Dinner was a somewhat awkward affair where it felt like we were both guests and intruders. John offered a prayer over the meal that I hadn't heard in a long time and never in English. Dishes and condiments were passed back and forth. The conversation was forced as we tried to dance around topics that didn't include current political events, criminal allegations, or upcoming family derailments. Jill's schooling seemed like the safest course of action. It was almost a relief when the doorbell rang only a few minutes into the meal.

With the feeder there, the meal paused for everyone. The Moroi would take turns feeding, one by one, returning to the official meal once they were done or after the service had left. Despite the fact that the dining room was closed off from the living room, Rose and I had decided that it would be safer for us to hide away completely upstairs. Sydney had offered to stay downstairs to keep an eye on the Dashkov brothers, albeit at a distance.

I reached for Rose's hand the moment everyone left to greet the service company. She didn't take it though. Instead, she pouted, glancing between me and the half-eaten taco on her plate in a silent lament over her sacrificed dinner.

"It'll be here when everyone's done," I said with a gentle shake of my head, desperately trying not to succumb to her antics. "You'll survive an hour without food."

Her pout slowly grew into a full grin and her voice in a teasing lilt. "I don't know, Comrade. You know how I get when I'm hungry."

I did.

"On the other hand..." I pushed her plate towards her before she could stand. "You have ten seconds."

She was done in five.

We were slipping down the hall with Rose when Sonya pulled me back.

"Dimitri." She had a terrified look on her face that instantly put me on guard. I didn't see any immediate threats but that didn't soothe me at all.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't do it." She began shaking her head wildly, and I started to notice the same look in her eyes that had shown when she had started to fall apart in her own home.

"Do what?" She had already led us to Jill and her mother, what more could be worrying her?

She looked back down the hall towards the living room, the sounds of conversation gradually growing as introductions and preparations were made. "I can't...the blood... What if…"

Everything clicked. I took a deep breath, suddenly realizing exactly what she was terrified of. Unfortunately, it was a struggle that I couldn't give much guidance on. I no longer needed blood to survive. For me, the temptation was completely avoidable. The memories were still there, of course, and in the very terrifying and dark parts of me, occasionally I could almost feel something stir at those memories. Something that wasn't complete and total disgust. I didn't desire blood in the same way that I had, I didn't need it in the same way I had or the same way Sonya still did, but there was something in me that remembered.

That was terrifying for me. It had to be all the more terrifying for Sonya.

"You'll be okay, Sonya," I tried to assure her, knowing that my words probably sounded hollow. The truth was that I didn't know. I knew she wouldn't kill anyone, but that didn't mean she wouldn't panic through the process or accidentally pull a little more than necessary and daze the feeder. I offered her the best advice I could in the situation, though. "Feed a little less than you think you need. Just take enough to regain some strength. Over time, I'm sure it will get easier. You know how to do this properly. You did this for years before everything happened. Trust yourself, okay?"

She nodded, looking a bit more relieved, and as the conversation seemed to settle a little, I stepped away.

"I need to go. You'll be okay. I promise. You can do this." I turned her towards the living room and gave her a gentle push before making my way upstairs.

"Everything okay?" Rose leaned against the frame of one of the guest room doors with her brows furrowed.

"Yeah. Sonya just had a question." I didn't like hiding things from Rose, but some truths weren't mine to share. Sonya's fears were part of that.

She tilted her head and asked, "About the trip? I was thinking we leave first thing in the morning. If we drive straight through, we could probably make it before evening. And while we're waiting for everyone, maybe we can find a computer up here and figure out where we can drop the brothers off." She pulled at her shirt, looking at what was now a fairly dirty and tattered thing. "First, showers though."

"You go first," I insisted, but she brushed it off.

"Nah, it's okay."

Seeing a quarter on the nightstand, I snatched it up in my fingers. "Flip for it?" With a nod from her, I flicked it the air. "Call it."

"Tails," she said, watching it spin a moment in mid-air.

As it dropped again, I caught it between the palm and the back of my hand. A quick peek showed the profile of Washington's head. "Tails, it is."

She eyed me skeptically but didn't call me on my lie. "Fine. I'll see you in five minutes."

I raised a brow but decided not to call her on her lie either. Just before she left to grab her clothing, I playfully tapped her shoulder. "Hey, no singing this time."

She looked utterly confused and I nearly laughed. "What?"

"Nothing Roza. Go take your shower."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look! Two chapters in two consecutive weeks! I almost feel proud of myself. I wasn't quite able to answer all your reviews this week (I did read and appreciate every single one of them!) but, hey, I got a new chapter out. I'm getting better *Smile*
> 
> Last week, I shared the news that I'll be submitting my first manuscript at the end of the month. I also shared the news that I'd be giving a sneak peek of the COMPLETE manuscript to a few of you who were on my newsletter. I'll be randomly picking those readers this Wednesday, 8/8/18, around 6pm Pacific Standard Time. If you'd like to sign up for the newsletter and have a chance at getting that sneak peek, you have a few days left to jump in. Even if you don't get the sneak peek at MY book, I will be sending all of my newsletter readers a free book. The signup link is available on my bio page here or on my facebook page (just look for the big blue signup button!)
> 
> This weeks question of the week is: What is the one thing that will turn you off a book more than anything else?
> 
> Thank you so much for your support and for reading! You guys make my life better.


	25. Chapter 25

Rose’s shower might have taken five minutes, but everything else that happened afterwards – the blow dryer and who knows what else – was another twenty. Part of me felt like a teenager again, waiting for my sisters to finish getting ready so I could finally have my turn in the bathroom. I was going to tease her about it, like I had done with my sisters, but the moment she stepped out in that dress I was rendered speechless. Not just speechless – every single thought from my mind had been wiped away until only one thing remained. Rose, in a dress, smiling at me.

“All yours, Comrade. Don’t worry, I left some hot water.”

She bumped my arm playfully as she passed, and I winced. I didn’t need hot water. A cold shower, however...

Hot, cold, or somewhere in between, the shower ended up feeling incredible. Like Rose, I had been a mess when we finally arrived at the Mastranos’. My skin might not have been torn up quite as much as hers thanks to some more durable clothing, but looking in the mirror it was clear that I had seen better days. I rubbed at my eyes before tracing the gradually darkening circles underneath them. I tried to remember the last time I had really slept and came up short. I had barely laid down before Sonya and Robert had started fighting in her backyard, and the night before that had just been nightmare after nightmare until it was less exhausting to stay awake rather than try to fall asleep again. Granted, most nights had at least one nightmare nowadays, but trying to sleep after the incident in the alley had been particularly brutal.

With a slow roll of my shoulders, I pulled back my damp hair and fell into a yawn. I needed sleep – real sleep – soon.

John was passing by in the hall when I opened the bathroom door. He paused as he saw me but said nothing. Downstairs, I could still hear the others chatting.

“Thank you again for letting us stay. We really do appreciate it,” I said, hoping to extend a small olive branch.

He didn’t reply for a moment and I felt those small hairs on the back of my neck start to rise again. “Anything for my girls.” Without preamble, he turned and walked into the master bedroom at the end of the hall.

I slipped through the slightly ajar door into the room where I had left Rose. “Rose? I have a bad feeling about–” My words stopped cold as I spotted Rose sitting on the bed with eyes closed and fists balling the sheets in a tight grip. Her breath came in short, stilled pants, practically hyperventilating, while her face twisted into a grimace of sheer panic. I was at her side in an instant.

“Rose!” I shook her but her breath only grew quicker. Too much more of this and she was liable to faint just from lack of adequate oxygen. Too much more of this and _I_ was liable to start panicking alongside her. I gripped her shoulders again, probably tight enough to bruise, and shook her again. “Rose!”

Her eyes finally opened but the panic didn’t fade.

“Rose, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“No!” She pushed me aside and bolted for the door. “I have to– I have to go back to Court. Now. Lissa’s in danger. She needs me.”

“Rose.” I grabbed her arm just before she reached the doorknob, but she continued to fight me until she heard her name again. “Roza, slow down. Tell me what happened.”

“They were coming back from seeing someone about finding the real killer and this guy, he just came at her with a knife. He was a Moroi. He was waiting for her and the moment he saw her he just rushed them.”

“You said ‘they.’ Who was with her?” My own heart sped up as the itch to join the fray and protect like I had been trained to do since childhood kicked in. Even from hundreds of miles away, those instincts snapped into place. The fact that it was Lissa in trouble made the pull that much stronger.

“Christian, Adrian, and Eddie. Eddie was there in time but…” Her voice trailed off and I could see something else fill her eyes. Not panic now, but dread. The sort of dread that came with witnessing something that could never be undone – like the death of another friend. “He killed him.”

“Who?” There were far too many ‘him’s’ in this picture. “Eddie? The man? Christian? Adrian? Who?”

She shook her head. “The man. Eddie killed the man, whoever he was.”

A wave of relief rushed over me and I whispered a quick “Thank God,” under my breath.

“Thank God?” Rose looked at me indignantly. “Someone tried to kill her, Dimitri! And I wasn’t there!”

“But Eddie was,” I reassured her and squeezed her shoulder gently. “She’s okay. She’s alive.” The moment I let her go, she fell against the wall. Her legs shook under her own weight and fears, and for a moment I considered picking her up just so she wouldn’t have to worry about standing on her own for a little while.

“And now he’s in trouble.” That earlier dread was back again and her balance shifted once more as emotions pulled her down a bit further. “Those guardians were pissed –”

“Only because they don’t know the whole story. They see a dead body and a weapon, that’s it. Once they get facts and testimonies, everything will be okay. Eddie saved a Moroi. It’s his job.”

“But he killed another Moroi to do it. We’re not supposed to do that.” I could almost see her world shift on its axis. I could almost feel it. Killing a Moroi was unimaginable to her and if a jury had been able to see her face at that very moment, they would have proclaimed her innocence.  They would have known without a doubt that Rose could never have killed Queen Tatiana simply because killing a Moroi, even one that she supposedly hated, was simply inconceivable.

“This wasn’t a normal situation.” It was a paltry excuse at comfort, but it was all I had. Eddie would certainly have some trouble in his future despite the necessity of his actions. Hopefully, rational minds would be able to see past the bloody stake and find the truth behind its story. Considering that Rose and I were currently on the run and hiding in a bedroom, history wasn’t exactly in his favor, however.

“I know, I know.” Her head fell back against the wall and she gave a heavy sigh. “I just can’t stand leaving her undefended. I want so badly to go back and keep her safe. Right now. What if it happens again?”

As much as I wished I could tell that it wouldn’t be an issue, I wasn’t going to lie to her. I had worried that Lissa’s continued run for the royal title would stir up some protesters, and while I hadn’t anticipated an assassination attempt, I also couldn’t say that I was totally surprised. When I was very young, the human world in my country had been rife with tense political happenings. I had thankfully been kept apart from most of those issues since my family lived in a smaller city and the Moroi world ran on its own political ruling, but that didn’t mean I was completely unaware of the talk around town. There was one thing I could tell her with complete assurance, though, because we had made sure of it. “Other people are there to protect her.”

Rose shrugged in acknowledgment, but her foot still tapped with restless anxiety. In her eyes, I could still see the battle-ready urge to run out and fight for her friend. That was Rose, though. My beautiful warrior. She was fearless. She was protective. She was loyal, dedicated, strong, determined, and so, so very capable.

“Believe me, I want to protect her too, but we’d risk our lives for nothing if we take off right now. Wait a little longer and at least risk your life for something important.” With a gentle grin at the thought of her and her passion, I took a few hesitant steps towards her.

Her lips tightened into a thin line. “And Jill is important, isn’t she?”

I nodded. “Very.”

She shook her head and laughed in disbelief. “We did it.” The laughter slowly went from disbelief to awe as a smile grew across her face. “We did it. Against all reason...somehow, we found Lissa’s lost sister. Do you realize what this means? Lissa can have everything she’s entitled to now. They can’t deny her anything. Hell, she could be queen if she wanted. And Jill…” Her smile faded a little. “Well, she’s part of an ancient royal family. That’s got to be a good thing, right?”

I glanced towards the door. “I think that depends on Jill and what the after-effects of all this are.”

When I looked back, Rose’s face was completely downcast and guilt-ridden. I tilted her face back up and brushed the small frown from her cheek. “Hey, It’s okay. You did the right thing. No one else would have tried something this impossible. Only Rose Hathaway. You took a gamble to find Jill. You risked your life by breaking Abe’s rules – and it paid off. It was worth it.”

“I hope Adrian thinks so. He thinks leaving our ‘safe house’ was the stupidest thing ever.”

As quick as the freezing touch of ice, I pulled my hand away from the girl that wasn’t mine to comfort. “You told him about all this?”

“Not about Jill. But I accidentally told him we weren’t in West Virginia anymore.” She put her hand out and hastily reassured me, “He’s kept it secret, though. No one else knows.”

“I can believe that.” I swallowed and tried not to give away the twisting pain in my gut. “He...he seems pretty loyal to you.”

I hated the little half smile that dimpled her cheek. “He is. I trust him completely.”

“And he makes you happy?” I tried to shake away the small chip in my voice but it grew a tad bit sharper as I thought of the way he had made her laugh, even as we ran through a jail and towards a getaway car.

“Yeah, he does.” She laughed a little and bit her lip. “I have fun with him. I mean, he’s infuriating sometimes – okay, a lot of the time – but don’t be fooled by all the vices. He’s not a bad person.”

“I know he isn’t. He’s a good man.” I had no qualms about admitting that. We might not have gotten off to the best start but the more I got to know him, the more I respected him. That respect for him only made me feel more guilty, unfortunately. I tried to shake the feeling off. “It’s not easy for everyone to see, but I can. He’s still getting himself together, but he’s on his way. I saw it in the escape.”

Rose gave a little hum.

“And after...after Siberia, he was there for you?” Lissa had told me. Adrian had told me. I needed to hear it from her own lips, though.

All I got was a confused (and somewhat concerned) nod.

My mind raced, my heart slowed, and my mouth went dry at the last little sliver of truth I had to know. I had to know it. Even if it broke me, I had to know it. I just couldn’t bear to look at her when I asked it.

“Do you love him?”

I stared out the window, dreading the answer. The silence stretched between us and with every tick of the bedside clock, I became more torn between hope and heartbreak.

“Yeah. I...I do love him.”

Heartbreak. “Good. I’m glad.”

She had always been able to see right through me so it didn’t surprise me to hear her footsteps coming up behind me. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. That you’re happy.” I turned to face her, putting on a smile that I knew wouldn’t fool her in the slightest. Still, the tendency to hide things from everyone, including those I cared about most just to keep from burdening them, was a hard thing to let go of. It was Rose though, and I knew she’d understand. And even if she didn’t, she wouldn’t judge. I could tell her anything and everything, so I tried to push forward. “Things have just been changing, that’s all. It’s making me reconsider so much. Ever since Donovan...and then Sonya...it’s strange. I thought it had all changed the night Lissa saved me. But it didn’t. There’s been so much more, more to the healing than I realized.” _So much I had refused to see._ “Everyday I figure out something new. Some new emotion I’d forgotten to feel. Some revelation I totally missed. Some beauty I didn’t see.”

“Hey, my hair in the alley does not go on that list, okay?” She wagged a finger at me in jest. “You were in shock.”

My fingers twitched, longing to feel those tresses again. “No, Roza. It was beautiful. It’s beautiful now.”

“The dress is just throwing you off.”

She wasn’t completely wrong. The dress had thrown me off. Seeing her in a dress always had that effect on me, be it black, red, or even this gray one. Dear god...if I ever saw her in white...it would either make me the happiest man in the world or destroy me completely. It would all depend on where I was standing when the music played.

“What?” She shifted back timidly, looking somewhat unsure of herself. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

I exhaled sharply, shaking my head and offering her a rueful smile that almost stabbed me in the heart. “Because sometimes, a person can get so caught up in the details that they miss the whole. It’s not just the dress or the hair. It’s you. You’re beautiful.”

I had been so stupid before. Not ignorant, or blind. Either of those words suggested that I had some lack of understanding of what was before me. I knew exactly how special Rose was. Perhaps I didn’t know just how blessed I was to have her love, but I knew that her love was amazing. I knew that her love was the best thing I ever had and ever could have hoped to have. Perhaps that’s why I so adamantly rejected it after my restoration. I felt so undeserving of anything good in this life.

And Rose was the very definition of ‘good’ to me. She was the beauty I had needed. She was the beauty I had craved. She was the beauty I had torn apart in my hate and self-loathing until there was nothing for me to salvage when I realized I needed it to survive. Surviving without her beauty in my life...it was too agonizing to think about. “So beautiful it hurts me.”

Her lips parted and I saw a choked breath disappear like I had just knocked the wind out of her. It was almost the same stunned look she had worn when I told her that I didn’t love her, but instead of the immediate image of betrayal and pain that had followed that lie, all I was given now was this blank shock that left me fearful of what my admission meant for us. I half expected her to yell at me or lash out, and she would have been well within her rights to do that after what I had put her through, but she just stared at me.

And then the flicker of light flashed in her eyes, the flame growing little by little until the warmth reached my soul and thawed my worry a little. The corners of her lips tilted up almost imperceptibly. It wasn’t the full smile I thrived on, not even close, but it was a small whisper of it. It was a small hint of _my_ smile, the one I had seen in our most private moments, and it gave me a small but dangerous spark of hope.

Fear could make people do horrible things. That emotion could make you capable of hurting others. It could make you push people away and lie. It could make you worry so much about life that you forgot to actually live it.

Hope, though, oh, hope made you reckless. Hope could make you wonder ‘what if?’ Hope could make you stare at the lips of the beautiful woman in front of you and try to remember just what they tasted like. Hope could make you admit the truth.

Hope could make me do something so dangerous, so reckless, so incredibly daring as telling Rose I love her.

So I did.

My lips opened just as the door flung open.

“Hey, guys, have you – oh.” Sydney stopped suddenly in the entryway of the room, quickly looking between us before pulling back. “Sorry. I – that is –”

Rose jumped away from me and I pulled back, turning and wiping the still unspoken words from my mouth. I cursed myself for my stupidity in thinking I could just tell Rose I loved her when she had quite literally admitted that she loved Adrian less than five minutes before. What had I been thinking?

Rose covered while I tried to gather myself again. “No problem. What’s going on?”

Sydney glanced at me over Rose’s shoulder with a little concern and I waved her off. It hardly fooled her, but she was kind enough not to call me out with Rose standing between us. “I...that is...I just wanted to come and hang out. I can’t handle that going on downstairs.”

Rose hesitated. “Sure. We were just...talking.”

I tried not to flinch at the unintentional slight. It wasn’t as if Rose could tell her just how close I had been to saying that I loved her more than I had ever thought possible. Nor could she tell Sydney that I had been seconds away from kissing her because I couldn’t stand not feeling her in my arms anymore. How could Rose tell her those things when she hadn’t known them herself?

“We were talking about Jill,” Rose continued, sounding a bit more sure of herself and tossing whatever had been about to happen behind us. “Do you have any ideas on how to get her to Court – seeing as we’re all outlaws?”

Sydney’s brows furrowed a bit as she pondered the question, puzzling out options and strategies like the true general that Rose and I liked to joke about. “Well, you could always have her mother –”

A house-shaking crash sounded downstairs and Rose and I tensed, both of us reaching for our stakes and pushing past Sydney into the hallway. We were trained to act, to fight, but we were also trained to protect. The moment I heard the overwhelming shouts for people to ‘get down’ and the smell of smoke from what must have been a flash bang grenade, I stopped and yanked Rose behind me.

“Guardians,” I said, pressing Rose between my body and the wall. “There are guardians raiding the house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know you were waiting very patiently for this chapter and I appreciate it. School is kicking my booty but any spare moment that isn't spent learning about proper infection control techniques, alginate impressions, or how to prepare and place temporary crowns is spent writing. I'm not even making dinners anymore! That has been regulated to my husband. I've had macaroni and cheese twice this week. Please send help.
> 
> This week's question of the week is: What's your favorite RomCom (romantic comedy) movie? If were stalking my facebook page this week, which you totally should be by the way, then you saw me basically beg you to all to go see "Crazy Rich Asians" in theaters. It's made my top five list of favorite RomComs. Maybe even the top three. The Holiday with Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz still holds the top spot for me, though. Anyways, I love it. I want to know what other ones you enjoy and see if you can give me favs a run for their money.
> 
> Thanks again for bearing with me through this madness. I know the schedule has been royally messed up. Just a note to a few of you that have asked: I am trying to write and post weekly, but it has been difficult to do so. Keep checking back every Sunday evening/Monday morning and know that I'll post as soon as I possibly can. I love you all and I appreciate your support. I couldn't do this without you.


	26. Chapter 26

I frantically tried to work out every possible option in my mind – fight, run, hide, and every combination in between. The commotion downstairs was reaching a terrifying peak and it would be mere seconds before they cleared the bottom floor and started upstairs. I already knew that if I dared to peek around the wall again I'd only earn myself a bullet from the man stationed at the base of the stairwell.

"Get out," Sydney hissed with a tug of my shirt sleeve. "I'll distract them."

In true guardian fashion, Rose's mouth dropped open in horror at the thought of leaving her. I wasn't nearly as noble.

"Come on!" I grabbed Rose's arm and pulled, tugging her past the hesitance that tried to keep her planted at Sydney's side. She finally relented as the calls of 'all clear' were shouted below and the first steps started thundering up the stairs.

We rushed to the room at the end of the hall as Rose called back, "Get Jill to Court!"

There was no time to see if Sydney has actually heard the plea though, because just as I was slamming the door between us and the hallway, I caught my first glimpse of a gun-toting, black-clad guardian. A small lock on the doorknob would buy us even less time than Sydney would, but I flipped it anyways. I debated pushing some sort of heavy furniture in front of the door as well but the time was ticking down and the footsteps were getting closer. The only other option, however, was a large window.

I threw open the sash, pushed up the window, and looked out. Part of the yard was obscured by the first-floor roof. I couldn't see any guardians in the yard but I wasn't foolish enough to believe that it would be that easy. I glanced back at Rose who nodded at the unspoken plan.

Slipping through the window, I skidded down the roof as quietly as I could considering the circumstances and made the jump to the ground just in time to steady Rose's drop. I heard her hiss and saw her flinch when she landed just as the guardians started closing in around us. As I had predicted before, the guardians were here but just out of view. Thankfully, there were only a few.

I swung for the nearest one to me, purposefully trying to draw the majority in my direction. Two of the three moved towards me, poised to bring me down at any cost and take Rose with them.

Their body armor made things significantly more difficult. They wore bulletproof vests, helmets, and even steel-toed boots. None of that was as worrisome as the belts strapped across their waists though – the belts that contained a holstered gun.

It would have been all too easy to reach for the gun and use it against my opponent. I didn't want to be the one to start the shootout though, not unless there was no other option. So I bypassed the weapon for now and aimed a kick towards the first man's knee. The strike was incredibly dirty, but also incredibly successful at downing an opponent in one painful hit. He dropped, instinctively holding the injury and allowing me to bring my foot up underneath his kneeling form to make another solid kick to his face. Without his protective mask down, it was enough to throw the man's head back and lay him out cold.

His partner was quick to counter my attack and, unlike the first man, he didn't seem to have any qualms about using a weapon on me. Lucky, it was a stake and not a gun. He brought it down with a slash that was intended to cut across my left side. I dodged and managed to bring my arm up in a block, wincing as the tip nicked the skin of my bicep. It was worth the shallow injury though, because I was able to twist his arm into a lock that I could control. My elbow shot up into one of the few unprotected parts of the man's upper body, the spot right under his armpit, and the sudden blow made him drop the stake at my feet. Without the weapon to worry about, I shifted and brought every ounce of strength I could muster into a hard hit to his shoulder, letting my full weight force him down to the grown by that strike until I heard a hard crack of a dislocation and felt the shock of his body hitting the ground. The impact rattled my own bones, so there was no question in my mind that the man would be down for the count.

"The others will be out any minute," I called over my shoulder. I looked back towards Rose just in time to see her throw a foot up into her own opponent's chin. She was on the ground herself, skirt hiked up around her thighs to keep it out of the way as best she could. I rushed toward her as her aggressor stalked towards her but before I could reach her, her leg swept just above his ankle. As his back hit the ground the heel of her foot landed directly on his groin.

"We need to move," I grabbed her hand and pulled her up and away from the guardian doubled over in pain. Even through his agony, I could see him start to reach for his holster. I stomped on the hand holding the gun and kicked the cold piece of metal away. "We need to move – there. That gate."

Rose nodded, still catching her breath. Pushing her ahead of me, we slipped through the gate and onto a side road. I pointed away from the main street and we took off. It didn't take long to realize that her steps were getting further and further behind my own. A glance back showed that she was limping. Somewhere – either in the jump or in the fight – Rose's ankle had been injured. I paused just long enough for her to catch up and then slipped my arm around her to take some of her weight. I also pulled us into one of the backyards. It would slow us down a little, but hopefully, it would throw the guardians off our trail and slow them down even more.

My arm jolted as Rose stumbled beside me.

"We can't outrun them," she said between winces and hissing pants. "I'm slowing us down. You need to –"

"Don't you dare say leave you," I growled, pulling her up on my arm again. If I had to carry her over my shoulder, I would. The fact that she thought I'd ever leave her behind was preposterous. The idea that I'd just let her die in front of me was unimaginable. I'd rather die myself than lose her. "We're doing this together."

A sharp pop blew the flowerpot beside us to pieces.

"They're shooting at us! They're actually shooting at us!" Rose's eyes went wide as I pushed us to run a bit faster. I knew her ankle wouldn't hold out much longer, but that wouldn't matter if we took a bullet.

"With a silencer. Even so, they'll be cautious. They don't want the neighborhood thinking it's under attack." Another bullet zipped by, close enough to hear as it broke through the air. Part of me desperately wanted to find the source, but the other part of me knew that if we stopped for even a second, we'd both be dead. "We need cover. Fast."

I made a sharp turn into another yard and ignored Rose's yelp of pain at the sudden movement. She stumbled again and I knew we couldn't outrun them anymore. "There," I told her, pointing at a house with a large patio and open door. The lights inside were all dim, even this far into the evening, so I was willing to take the chance that whatever family lived there was out for the night. A thin screen protected the home's living room from the outside elements, but all it took was a quick slash of a stake to gain us entry.

The second we were inside, I pulled her close to me. I put a finger to my lips before tucking her a little tighter into my embrace so I could act as her shield if needed. If they spotted us, I wanted to be the one to feel the pain first. If it gave her the extra time to run, all the better, but if not...well I could think of worse ways to die than doing so with Rose in my arms.

Her fists clenched at my shirt and her breathing came fast. She was even shaking a little. It didn't matter if it was pain or fear fueling her adrenaline at this point, but it was obvious that whatever was driving her was pushing her past her normal threshold. I didn't blame her one bit. Even without any injury, my own heart was racing so fast that it felt like I was only a heartbeat away from some fatal cardiac arrest.

Taking a deep breath, I ran my palm over her hair. A few of the strands slid between my fingers and I used the feeling to ground myself to the moment and to her. I tried to slow my breathing, counting each breath, in and out, and focused on the way her hair felt, or how it still somehow smelled like shampoo rather than dirt or gunpowder. Recklessly, I closed my eyes and rested my cheek on top of her head, nuzzling against her crown just enough to hide a secret kiss to remember me by if we didn't make it out of here.

As my breathing slowed to a steady rhythm, hers did as well. We both jumped a little as the commanding voices of a guardian team made their way into the backyard of our secret hideout, but we remained steady. I could hear most of the team moving forward into the next yard, but the sounds of leaves rustling and other noises were a clear sign that we weren't completely alone.

I couldn't see anyone yet, but my eyes fell on the screen door and the hole I had left in it. It wasn't too noticeable, but it would have been better if I had shut the glass door behind us. It wouldn't take long for someone to realize that we had broken in. I could only hope that they were more concerned about disturbing a potential family living here than I had been, and didn't bother to investigate too closely. Still, it was time for us to go. I just had to figure out how.

Glancing around the room, I spotted a large television complete with a state of the art sound system, newer looking furniture, and more than a few high-end decorations on the walls. Slowly, I pulled back from Rose, gesturing for her to stay hidden. I moved towards the kitchen only to find a few similar signs of money around there as well.

A dark figure from outside cast a shadow through the window over the sink and I pressed myself against the wall again, managing to shift my frame behind one of the tall cabinets near the refrigerator. As soon as the threat passed, I opened the door beside me and peered into the garage.

"Two car family." I opened the door a bit wider so that Rose could see. "I was hoping for that." I hadn't exactly been hoping for a bright red Ford Mustang, but what it lacked in subtlety, it would make up for in horsepower.

"Or they're out for a walk and about to come home when they notice a SWAT team in their neighborhood." Rose nodded towards the backyard. It was quiet now, but I wasn't quite sure if it was a relieving quiet or suspicious quiet yet.

"The guardians won't let themselves be seen," I told her, though not in total assurance. For all I knew they had figured out our location and were regrouping outside. We had to move fast. I started looking for the keys in all the typical locations, but Rose found them first.

"Got 'em," Rose whispered, tossing the set towards me. She hobbled her way towards the garage and I slipped her into the passenger seat. "Will they spot us in this? It's, uh, a bit flashier than our usual stolen car profile."

I opened the garage door and slid the key into the ignition. When no immediate attack came, I started to back out. "It is, but other cars will be driving down the street. Some guardians will still be searching yards, and some will be guarding the Mastranos. They don't have infinite numbers. They can't watch everything at once, though they'll certainly try."

As soon as I said it, I spotted a guardian walking down the road. Both his stake and gun were hidden, and the black tactical gear that the initial wave of guardians had been wearing was traded for more street-acceptable fare, but I could tell from his posture and the way that he was scanning the area that he was a guardian on the hunt...for us.

His eyes passed over our car as we drove by and I realized that our car, while ostentatious, might actually be the best disguise for us. No guardian in his right mind would automatically assume that the flashiest car on the road would be the one hiding the fugitives he was looking for. Between that, the tinted windows, and the last evening light, we were practically hidden in plain sight.

I tried to follow the map in my mind, taking turn by turn to get us back on the highway. Now that we had been spotted, the only place safe for us was far, far away. Before too long, we were on US-23. And then I-94. And I had no plans on stopping anytime soon.

"They turned us in, didn't they? Victor and Robert called us in and then took off. I should have kept watch." I glanced at Rose who was staring out the window, her nails dragging up and down her arm in restless energy. Her face was screwed up in frustration as if she could have changed anything about the past hour.

"I don't know. It's possible. I saw them just before I talked to you, and everything seemed fine." Honestly, I thought Robert and Victor probably had little to do with it. My gut said John, but I hadn't exactly been listening to my gut for the past few hours so who was I to trust it now? Maybe Rose was right. Victor wasn't a foolish man. He was a man to act, not be acted upon. "They wanted to go with us to find Jill, but they knew it was only a matter of time before we turned them over to the authorities. I'm not surprised they came up with an escape plan. They could have used the feeding as a distraction to call the guardians and get rid of us."

"Crap." I saw her pull her hair back, only to huff and let if fall forwards again. "We should have gotten rid of them when we had the chance. What'll happen now?"

For us? Our lives wouldn't change too much, at least not in the big picture. We were still fugitives, though ones who would be hunted with even more fervor now that we had popped up on the radar again. But for everyone else? Their lives were about to change dramatically, and I doubted any of it would be for the better.

"The Mastranos will be questioned...extensively. Well, all of them will, really," I said, wishing that was the worst of it. "They'll lock Sonya up for investigation, like me, and Sydney will be shipped back to the Alchemists."

A pained look fell over Rose's face as I mentioned the Alchemist we left behind – the one who had made our escape possible. "And what will they do to her?"

Most of my interactions with Alchemists up until that point had been out of professional necessity. Even through their politeness, it had been all too obvious that the Alchemists that were forced to work with us detested our very existence. Sydney, while I hadn't trusted her initially, had proven herself a good person who hadn't hesitated to help us when our lives depended on it. While the action hadn't cost her her life, it probably had cost her her life as she knew it.

"I don't know," I offered honestly. "But I'm guessing her helping vampire fugitives won't go over well with her superiors." Perhaps Abe would be able to help her out of whatever bind we had put her in. She had sacrificed herself for his daughter, after all.

"Crap," she moaned as her head fell against the leather headrest. "And what are we going to do?"

"Put some distance between us and those guardians. Hide somewhere. Wrap up your ankle."

She gave me a sidelong glance, her eyes filled with frustration. "Wow. You've got everything planned out." I knew she was upset, but her sarcasm wasn't exactly welcomed at the moment.

"Not really. That's the easy stuff. What happens after that is going to be the hard part." And the totally unknown part. It was just me and her now. Except for one another, all we had were a few dollars in my pocket and a flashy red car.

Perhaps it was time. There had been a contingency in our plan – disappear. Leave without a trace and start over. Abe had provided Sydney with some fake IDs for us in case we were left without any other options. I had sincerely hoped we wouldn't need to use them, but I had always kept them on me. Now...well now Rose and I needed to have a difficult conversation.

None of that mattered tonight. Tonight was just about survival.

First things first. I saw a turnoff for an area called "Romulus" and pulled off the highway.

"Hotel?"

"Not quite." We needed to make due with the little cash we had, and even the cheapest hotel would eat through it within a day or two. Plus, many didn't take cash in the first place and doing so could send up some red flags that would draw the guardians right back towards us. I finally spotted a blue-signed superstore and slipped into a parking spot. I turned the car off but left the keys in the ignition as I got out. "Stay here."

"But –"

I gave her a hard glare, only relenting to glance down at her dress. When her gaze followed mine, she relaxed into the seat with a huff. Her dress had been torn past her knee and the black, white, and gray pattern was now scuffed with grass stains. Between that and her ankle injury, it was better for her to stay and not attract any attention.

The store had more people wandering the aisles than I would have expected at this time at night. I grabbed a cart and made my way to the back of the store to where the camping gear was stored only a few feet away from the bikes and free weights.

I looked over the options and found a small grey and orange tent. It wasn't very large, but it was within our price range. I slipped it into the cart and grabbed a few other necessary supplies – blankets, flashlights, first aid – before making my way back towards the front. I briefly considered the self-checkout to avoid any human contact here, but a monitor above each and every self-checkout station stopped me cold. It was much better to take my chances with a clerk who would have to search through their memory if questioned by authorities than a clear-as-day video that would give the guardians all the information about where I was, when I was here, and perhaps what I was buying as well.

I stepped into the shortest line I could, and as I set my items on the belt, a few small items lining the cashier's station caught my eye. A small bag of Lay's sour cream potato chips and a bar of Hershey's chocolate. With a smile, I tossed the pair alongside the rest of my purchases.

"Goin' camping?" A silver-haired clerk with a blue vest gave me an overly enthusiastic smile. "I always loved camping," she mused.

I nodded, eager to get moving again but not so eager as to be rude to the woman. "Any good camping grounds near here?"

"There's this cute little place a bit south from here. It's called Peaceful Pines. They have all the normal things you'd expect, but they also have a few great hiking trails just a few steps from the entrance. We take the grandkids in the RV every year."

I offered my thanks as she offered me my change, and then I threw the tent over my shoulder. Rose perked up the moment I stashed the supplies in the trunk and started the car up again.

"What's that?"

"A tent."

"Why are we –" she groaned. "No hotel, huh?"

I started making my way south using the vague directions that I had gotten from the clerk. "We'll be harder to find at a campground. The car will especially be harder to find. We can't get rid of it quite yet, not with your foot."

"Those poor people," she lamented in total sincerity. "I hope their car insurance covers theft."

It didn't take too long to find the campground, and with a little negotiation, I was able to secure us a spot at the very end of the campground. The moment I had the car hidden behind some brush – or hidden as much as one could hide a bright red Mustang – I cleared a small patch of dirt for the tent.

Rose opened the door as I was tossing the tent roll onto the clearing and I heard her a small yelp. I was able just to turn just in time to catch her as her ankle gave out.

"Whoa, Roza." Her fingers gripped my biceps hard as she tried to get her footing again, but I could see the pain in her face at the renewed injury. "You need to stay off your foot."

She brushed my concern off. "I'm fine. I promise. I just stepped on it wrong." There was another wrong step right after and her limp increased.

"Mm-hmm. Come here." I slipped my arm under her shoulders and lifted her up onto the picnic table. "Stay there. I'll get the tent set up."

"I can help." She started to move.

"No. I think at this point I can probably do it faster without you." I smirked at her, meaning my words in jest, but her lips pinched a little as she scowled at me. I shook it off and finished putting the tent up. The moment the last pole was in place, I helped her slip inside the nylon flap.

"Let me see that ankle." The little battery operated flashlight glowed faintly as I reached for the small first aid kit in the plastic bag beside me. I pushed her shirt up towards her knee and tested the muscles down her calf and while she squirmed a little at my touch, she didn't seem to be in pain. It wasn't until I grazed her ankle that I started to see swelling.

"Can you point and flex?" She pressed her toes towards me then pulled them back smoothly, automatically rolling her ankle clockwise and counterclockwise without my prompting. I poked at the joints and prodded at the bone. "I don't think it's broken. Just sprained."

"That kind of thing happens when you keep jumping off roofs." She gave a mirthless little laugh and eyed me above her skirt. "You know, we never practiced that in our training."

I wrapped her ankle in bandages and smiled. Jumping off roofs, car chases, and evading our peers with a shoot-on-sight order weren't exactly part of the standard training procedure. Still, we seemed to be managing pretty well, all things considered. I shut the first aid kit and shoved it back into the bag, pulling out something else.

"A bag of frozen peas?"

I shrugged, laying the not-quite-frozen-anymore bag against her ankle. "Easier than buying a full bag of ice."

"You're pretty resourceful, Belikov. What else do you have stashed away?"

I tossed her the chocolate bar and potato chips that I had grabbed for her – treats that were well worth their price with the little smile they earned me – and set out a few other little food items that could last us a day or so until we figured out our next step. It wasn't a high-end meal by any means, but it was food and food meant energy.

I was stretching one of the blankets across the length of the tent when Rose asked, "You didn't buy any clothes, did you?"

I looked back at her. "Clothes?"

She waved her hand at the battered dress that was hanging on her body. "I can't wear this for long. What am I going to do? Make a toga out of a blanket?" She rolled her eyes with a sigh. "You're such a guy, never thinking of this stuff."

"I was thinking of injury and survival," I grumbled, knowing that she was right and I should have realized that she needed something adequate to wear. "Fresh clothing's a luxury, not a necessity."

She slipped a small piece of chocolate (a luxury I hadn't thought twice about giving her) onto her tongue and handed one to me. Just before I reached for it, she pulled her fingers back. "Not even your duster?"

I froze.

"дерьмо!"

I glanced around the tent in a desperate hope that it was somewhere nearby, but it was a futile attempt at changing what we both already knew – my duster had been left back at the Mastranos' home.

"Don't worry, Comrade. Plenty more where that came from." A small, silver-wrapped square landed in my lap as she tossed the last quarter of the Hershey bar my way, and she winked.

Normally, I would have agreed with her. There was probably a store somewhere that made nothing but dusters. However, I doubted that the store made the much more valuable things that had been hidden in the inside pocket – our fake IDs.

I laid back on the second blanket and tried to think over what we'd do now. The plan to just disappear and start over had just become significantly harder. When nothing came to me, I groaned and rubbed my hands over my face.

"We'll get you another one." Rose's voice was laced with sympathy. "You know, once we find Jill, clear my name, and save the world."

I peeked through my fingers. "Just those things, huh?"

She fell beside me with a good-natured laugh and I couldn't help but laugh with her. Yes, our situation was dire, but at least we were in it together. After a moment, though, her chuckles dissolved into something a bit more sober.

"What are we going to do?"

For a moment, I was about to tell her that we'd be okay. We'd find a way to make this new life work, whatever it entailed. It wouldn't be easy by any means, especially since we were starting from the very bottom, but we'd make it. We'd made it thus far, right?

But just as I was about to say those things, it hit me that she wasn't talking about us. She was worried about pretty much everyone but us. Where was Sydney and would she be okay? What about Sonya? What about Jill, and Lissa, and every other person in her world? The only people she wasn't worried about...

Us. Because together...we didn't have to worry. Together, we were fine.

I clicked off the flashlight. "Sleep. Tomorrow, we'll get ahold of Abe or Tasha or...someone. We'll let them handle it and get Jill where she needs to be." Even if they couldn't help us, they could at least help Jill and hopefully get Vasilisa her place on the council.

"I feel like we failed. I was so happy back there. I thought we'd done the impossible, but it was all for nothing." Her voice was so quiet and weak, I almost didn't hear it. "All of this work for nothing."

"Nothing?" I couldn't see her face in the darkened tent as I turned towards her, but the light of a nearby campfire made her silhouette glow. "What we did...this is huge. You found Lissa's sister. Another Dragomir. I don't think you still really understand the weight of that. We had almost nothing to go on, yet you pushed forward and made it happen."

"And I lost Victor Dashkov. Again."

"Well, the thing about him is that he doesn't stay hidden for long." Rose gave a small, reluctant huff at my little bit of truth. "He's one of those people who always has to be in control. He'll have to make a move eventually and when he does – we'll get him."

After a moment, she replied, "And I thought I was the optimistic one here."

"It's contagious. You did good, Roza. Very good." I felt lighter hearing the smile in her voice again. Without thinking, I reached down and laced my fingers with hers. "Now sleep."

I waited for her to pull her hand free or turn away, but all she did was hum contently and let the pleasant, natural silence between us drift into the sounds of the woods around us. As the night air became cooler, I drew my warmth from her hand in mine. And as anxiety tried to create its silent war in my mind, I found my calm in the woman sleeping beside me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Chapter! Whoot! I'm out of words because I put them all in the chapter.
> 
> A big, massive, beautiful thank you for all the support I've received while writing this chapter. I know you had to wait a while for it, and I can't promise that the next one will be next week (but some passages are already written so fingers crossed!), but you were all so kind in showing your support and patience while I juggle school and everything else. Accelerated courses are no joke. I have finals ever six weeks. SIX WEEKS! Thankfully I've finished my first set a bit early so I should be able to breathe a little. Whew.
> 
> Speaking of next chapter...who's excited!?
> 
> The question of the week is: what's your favorite camping/road trip snack? I'm partial to peppered jerky and a bit cup of coca-cola filled with ice.
> 
> Thanks again for your love and support. Feel free to leave a comment, and don't forget to favorite, follow, and all that jazz.


	27. Chapter 27

Rose's hand stayed linked with mine for hours while she slept. Even when she turned onto her side, she didn't pull away. With her sleeping so soundly, I didn't dare unweave our fingers either. Not that I had the temptation to do so. I was perfectly content to leave as we were. In fact, I began to dream about leaving us that way forever.

Not a real dream, of course. Just those little wanderings that pull at your attention when you're supposed to be focused on something else. It started with just a simple thought of what it would be like to hold her hand like this outside of the privacy of this little tent, in a context of something other than comfort over the fear of death or the worry over friends.

I took a deep breath, trying to shake myself from the illusion. Instead, my senses were filled with the smell of leaves, and moss, and dirt. In a heartbeat, I was thrust into another moment that now felt like a lifetime ago. A moment where we had walked through another wooded trail, hand in hand like we were now. We still hid, but we had hoped. We had planned. We had thought we had a chance.

Perhaps it was self-destructive, but I tried to imagine that life for a moment. What it might have been like to be a normal couple had we had that chance. We had been so close, it seemed. I had planned to ask for a transfer to a Court position or to a Moroi in Court to make it all possible, and though Rose would have been traveling back and forth with Lissa while she went to college, we could have had an actual relationship. I could have held her hand and kissed her whenever I wanted without worrying about whether or not someone was watching us. I could have been more concerned about where I could take her to dinner than how my feelings for her could cost us both of our careers. Sure, people would have talked, but it would have been more than worth the occasional side eye from people who didn't understand how good I had it. Maybe I would have gotten my own apartment and eventually asked her to stay with me when she was at Court. I closed my eyes, trying not to laugh at the fact that my imagined relationship with Rose was moving so quickly that it probably would have terrified her, but for some reason...it didn't faze me one little bit. In fact, the idea excited me.

Maybe...maybe that possibility wasn't so far after all. We were on the run now. Specifically, we were on the run on our own. I knew the others were searching for evidence to exonerate her, but the reality was that every day we didn't find an answer was another day we fell further and further from ever finding answers at all. Obviously we knew Rose wasn't guilty, but she couldn't return to Court when everyone else still thought she was. It was incredibly selfish of me, but a small part of me began to wonder if things could change if we had to start over somewhere new. Maybe Rose and I could start over too.

We couldn't stay in this campsite forever, and motels were out of the question, so we'd have to find a place to live for at least a little while. I laughed again at the irony that Rose had much more experience in all this and would probably have to teach me how to live on the run. She had, after all, taken off with the Princess and evaded authorities for years. Certainly we could do the same.

I imagined a little apartment, just the two of us. I imagined somewhat normal jobs for us that didn't involve us walking in the shadow of someone else, poised for battle. I imagined making her dinner and sitting on the couch as we took turns deciding what shows or movies to watch. I thought back to the Christmas gift I had almost given her last year. The Quiet Man. One of my favorites. For a moment, I wondered what it would be like to watch that movie with her tucked under my arm as she teased me about quoting every single line from John Wayne. I wondered what it would be like to fall in love all over again and get the chance that had eluded us before.

While my mind wandered through this fictional world, my thumb brushed against the bare fourth finger and I closed my eyes, fighting and then giving into another thought. A ring. It was hardly conventional between guardians, but with Rose? With something that might have resembled a normal life? I wasn't sure how I would have proposed, but given the chance, I'm sure it would have happened eventually. She had that effect on me. I could probably spend weeks trying to come up with the perfect way to do it, but there were a few things I knew without question; I would get on my knees for her. I would tell her I love her more than anything else in the world. I would promise to stand by her and never leave her side. I would ask for forever with her.

And as long as we were dreaming of crazy impossible things...I imagined a child with her hair, her eyes, and my name. A little one so small that I wasn't able to tell if we had a girl or a boy, but the name 'рыбка,' little fish, kept running through my mind. It was the same name my mother called me when I was young. Rose would probably shake her head and roll her eyes. 'Who calls a child a fish?' she'd say right before turning around and calling the babe 'pumpkin.'

My body ached at the thought, both in longing and in heartbreak. I wanted it. All of it. Even those things that were absolutely impossible. And I wanted them all with Rose.

Perhaps that was the most impossible thing of all because she wasn't mine. She was Adrian's. An instant wave of overwhelming guilt flooded me. She loved him. She told me so herself. He got to hold her. He got to kiss her. If he truly wanted...he could have everything with her. And I would be here, remembering the moment I held her hand and dreamt of the impossible.

Like a confirmation to my thoughts and unintentional salt in my wounds, Rose turned and finally pulled her hand from mine. Part of me wanted to reach out and capture that warmth again, but I let her go. I had let her go when I should have held on, now I had to let her go when I  _wanted_ to hold on. It didn't matter if it chilled me to the bone.

An hour or so later, I felt Rose stir beside me, slowly waking up from whatever dream she had been lost in. After a moment she looked over her shoulder and said, "Your time for sleep, Comrade." Her voice was still laced with the huskiness of her own slumber.

My body cried out in relief at the idea, but I didn't want to force her awake if she was still tired. "You can get more rest if you need it."

"No, I'm fine." She flipped onto her back with a deceptive yawn before narrowing her eyes at me playfully. "And remember, You're not–"

"I know, I know," I laughed. "I'm not the general." I arched my back to loosen some of the tight muscles that had formed after sitting on the hard ground for so long and adjusted my arm behind my head.

Rose looked at me curiously for a moment and just before I was about to question her about it, she changed direction. "So, Sonya visited me while I was asleep. We have a problem."

I rose up on my elbow, instantly alert. In four words, any thoughts of sleep were immediately dispelled. "What's wrong?"

"Victor has Jill."

My stomach dropped. There was no way we could allow him to take the girl. I couldn't anticipate his exact plans with her (I'm not sure any sane person could, honestly) but I knew without a doubt that his motivations weren't good. We needed to find her. Rose didn't have to say it, we both knew it.

And I also knew that meant any crazy, selfish, wistful hope of leaving and starting over together somewhere new – that impossible dream that maybe could have been a reality, at least to some extent – was gone.

"What else did Sonya say?" I asked, trying to keep the undeserved disappointment from my voice.

Rose looked away and bit at her lip anxiously. "Not much. She thinks it's more likely that John called the guardians than Victor, but I guess it doesn't really matter now." It might not have mattered, but I felt some renewed frustration towards myself for not paying closer attention to the man. "Victor snatched her in the chaos and took off. The guardians were so focused on us that they didn't even realize she had been taken until they were long gone."

"Does Sonya have a general time frame for all that?" My mind started thinking in logistics and strategies to keep from wandering into more self-destructive paths.

"She didn't say. I didn't think to ask. She's trying to reach Jill through her dreams to find out more but hasn't been able to yet. Victor is probably keeping her awake just so we can't find her. Sonya wants to help us find her though so...well, I told her where we are."

It wasn't much information, but I tried to think of something despite what little I had. Truthfully, it was like trying to drive with my eyes closed and my hands bound – everything was just guesswork and hoping that I was moving in the right direction.

"Did I...did I do the right thing telling Sonya where we are?" Rose's timid question broke through my thoughts and I saw the worry in her eyes.

I placed a hand on her knee. "Yes. You're right that we need her help – and she can find Jill. The problem is, Victor and Robert have to know that too." I sighed. If I was honest it sounded slightly more like a growl. "And you're right that I better rest up for what's to come."

I settled back onto the ground and let the last bits of my impossible dream slip away. It wasn't healthy to hold onto it anymore.

My eyes must have only been closed a moment or two when I remembered. I remembered where I had seen the grey and orange tent before. I knew it had looked familiar in the store, but now I felt ill as I stood at the edge of our quiet campsite, staring at the mirror image of the one I had seen before.

The sound of a twig snapped beneath my feet as I stepped forward too quickly, and when my feet caught on a few cut logs for the smoldering fire over in the pit, I had to catch myself on a nearby tree. Still, the only thing I could hear around me was my own movement. Everything else was silent. Asleep. Or dead.

I choked on the thought.

A few more cautious steps lead me to the heart of the camp. A chocolate bar wrapper was discarded on the ground and I pinched my eyes closed. It was another all too familiar image. Another piece of my memory that I would have rather left forgotten.

_Lots of campsites have chocolate here,_  I tried to remind myself.  _They have those 'so-more' things or whatever they're called. The ones with marshmallows._

It wasn't until the glow of some light inside of the tent illuminated two silhouettes, one a little larger than the other, that I started to truly panic.

All my discretion flew out of the proverbial window as I ran towards the nylon flap that made up the door of the tent and frantically searched for the zipper. I practically ripped the thing free the moment I found it, catching it with a loud zip as I opened it just wide enough for me to crawl inside.

A mess of sleeping bags hid the occupants, but I could see a small head in the far corner that didn't stir at my sudden entry. The little one didn't seem to register my presence at all.

A child. Just a small, innocent child. No bigger than the one that I had brutally killed my first day as that monster.

I was terrified to investigate further. I didn't see any blood but the child also wasn't moving. Nor was the other person who protectively shielded the little one from whatever destruction I had undoubtedly caused.

With a deep breath, I pressed forward. My hand fell on the hard mass of someone's limb and the adult popped up quickly – so quickly, in fact, that it not only shocked me but almost made me stumble back in surprise. A glint of silver surprised me even more. I didn't flinch at the sight, though. I only paused and waited for the inevitable and well-deserved pain.

"Dimitri?! You nearly scared the sh-," the familiar voice came out in a harsh whisper and she quickly took a peek behind her at the other bundled mass before facing me again. "Sorry, I mean 'you scared me.'"

"Rose?" In the dark, I began to take in some of her features. I couldn't fathom why she was here. Or why she had caught herself mid curse. She certainly hadn't been one to hold back before.

Her head tilted slightly as she set the stake aside and her low laugh comforted me a little. "Of course, Comrade. Who else would I be?"

I didn't say anything. What could I say, really?

"Come on," she gestured towards the door. "Let's get out of here. I'm making you put your 'little fish' asleep again if you wake 'em up."

My head snapped to the child. Little fish...the nickname my mother gave me as a child. Rose said it with a gentle amusement, but there was still tenderness there. A tenderness that came from a very special place in a person's heart. A tenderness that I began to feel with the simple thought of 'can it be true?'

I backed out with my eyes on the child the entire time, my heart skipping a beat as Rose leaned over to kiss the child's hair before following me. She zipped up the tent and brushed her hands together before facing me.

"Did you get more firewood?" she asked.

"Huh?" I must have looked as utterly confused as I felt because her brows furrowed together as she asked me again.

"Oh." I turned and looked towards where I had first seen the campsite and sure enough, there was a small pile of firewood near the entrance of the trail. It must have been the same set of logs that I had tripped over earlier. "Over there."

I turned to gather them again, but she stopped me. "Here, let me. Why don't you go and sit for a moment."

I nodded absentmindedly, taking a seat at the small picnic table near the fire pit. My body relaxed a little as Rose stirred up the embers and placed a log on top of them, the fire catching the wood and creating a hypnotizing warmth and flame for me to focus a little on. All the while, Rose snuck little glances at me.

The moment the flames seemed to be crackling enough to hold on their own without her assistance, she moved towards me and sat on the tabletop, planting her feet on the seat so that she sat just beside me, but just a bit taller. Her hand gently rubbed my shoulder and I instinctively reached for it, weaving our fingers together for a moment so I could kiss the gentle comfort she was offering me.

Her lips pursed a little. "You okay?"

I grunted in reply, not entirely sure of the answer. The fire didn't seem to have it either, no matter how deep I looked into the flames.

Without hesitation, she asked, "Did you have another episode? Did something trigger another memory?"

My back stiffened a little. Was I that transparent? Of course I was. At least to her. I always had been when it came to Rose. She could see right through me, so it was no use pretending otherwise. She knew me better than I knew myself. In fact, she probably knew what was happening better than I did.

I tried to answer as honestly as I could with so little understanding of what was going on around me. "I...I think so."

Her fingers pressed into my muscle as she gave me a gentle squeeze. As small as the action was, it seemed to ground me a little. I looked up towards her.

With the fire casting light on her now, I was able to actually see her. Rose looked strangely older. Only by a few years at most, but still. I couldn't place my finger on it. It seemed like some places that were sharp before were a little softer now, and some of her softer curves were now a bit sharper. Time had touched her and the image was just as stunning as it had been before. I wanted to reach out and explore all those little differences that made her this new yet familiar woman, but I stilled my hand.

"It's okay, you know? To occasionally see the past." Her voice was still laced with concern, but there was some firmness too. "Just don't let it rule you. Don't let it hold you back from life."

"You're my life." It came out instantly, almost naturally. Like the words were etched on my heart and saying them was as simple as saying her name.

She wrinkled her nose playfully. "Then don't let it hold you back from me then."

"Never again," I vowed.

A moment or two passed before she asked, "Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really," I mumbled, already knowing she'd press me.

"You know it helps."

With a frustrated sigh, directed at myself rather than her, I said, "I killed two campers. One was…" I couldn't finish, but a glance towards the tent said what I couldn't.

She watched my gaze and then nodded. I half expected her to jump up, take whatever child was in that tent, and leave me right there. Instead, I felt her lean down and kiss my temple. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" The words didn't quite register. Why would she be showing me sympathy for that? "I'm not the one who's dead. I'm the one who did the killing."

She huffed in annoyance as if this was a conversation we had a million times before. "You weren't you. You were gone, Dimitri. I knew you then just as well as I knew you before and know you now. I can personally attest to the fact that that wasn't you. You're just stuck with the memories of what that thing did because your soul – the thing that makes you the man you truly are – was stolen from you."

I stared into the fire, contemplating whether or not to agree with her. I might not be that thing anymore, but I knew that a part of it still lived somewhere inside of me. It was in the background, lurking. If it managed to come to the surface…

I turned to argue with her but was met with a expectant smirk. She was waiting for my protest and already had the rebuttal on her lips. "You control him, Dimitri, not the other way around. He doesn't exist unless you allow him to. He doesn't get to steal anything from your life except what you give him. Don't give him anything to steal. Find beauty, find purpose, find reasons to move forward and let that thing wallow in the pits of hell where he belongs. Not you, though. You get to live life to the fullest." Her smile beamed and I couldn't help but smile with her.

Beauty, purpose, life. She was all three. Something that pulled at my heart, something that darkness couldn't touch, told me that whoever was sleeping soundly in that tent held just as much beauty, purpose, and life for me as well.

With a sigh, I leaned my head against her and found the comfort of her breast on my cheek. The position tuned my treacherous thoughts towards the idea of how that mysterious child could have been conceived, specifically the incredibly entertaining mechanics of it all, and what it might be like to explore that a little more when she laughed and nudged me away just long enough to give me a sly look that said ' _really?'_

I shrugged, only slightly embarrassed that she had caught me when I should have known better than to think my internal musing could go unnoticed from her when she knew me so well. A second later she pulled me back towards her and I was content to simply rest against her. At least for now.

Her heartbeat merged with the sounds of the camp and the crackling fire before us as we fell into relative silence. Her hands began to run through my hair and I felt my eyes close, lulled by the peace between us and the simplicity of the moment. It felt...perfect.

"This is all impossible, isn't it?" I could hear subtle hope in my voice, even when my body was braced for disappointment.

Her fingers paused only for a moment, but when she started again she did so with a quiet promise. "Oh, Comrade. Impossible situations are our specialty."

The fire began to die a little but the warmth remained. When I could only see the last embers dissolving into darkness, the sad realizations started to hit me.

It wasn't real. Even if it felt real, even if I wanted it to be real, I knew it was simply the sum of my waking wishes from earlier. The warmth I felt around me was just the blanket in the real world. Nothing more. Knowing that didn't mean I had any plans of letting go to my delusion, though. Not when I could cling to them a few moments longer.

I tucked my head a bit tighter into the warmth under my cheek and took a deep breath. I knew Rose was beside me, but in the darkness of this little tent, in the privacy of my dream, she seemed even closer.

It wasn't until something brushed past my temple that my breathing stopped. It wasn't until I felt something weave through my hair that my eyes opened. It wasn't wasn't until I realized that perhaps it might not have all been a figment of my imagination after all that I dared to believe.

I waited for a moment, perhaps expecting her to ask me to move or to push me away now that I couldn't blame my subconscious for the faux pas – but she simply watched me, waiting for something. We both were.

I rose up on my elbow, my face only inches above hers. My hand wove through the little strands of hair near her face, a mirror of what she had done just moments ago. It was so soft, just like I had remembered it. The feeling of her hair had been tainted in that alleyway by my fear. Here? Now? It was highlighted by the memories of another time I had felt hope.

The way she looked at me – I swore I recognized that look. I had seen it in our life before. I'd felt its stare in those moments when we stood together on the precipice of something great but needed the other to help make that leap. Falling was unknown, terrifying, but less so if we did it together. Only together. Fear. Excitement. Desire. Need.

I needed her. And maybe...

I was torn between the look in her eyes and the way her teeth gently pulled at her lip. A second later, her tongue darted out to soothe the invisible wound and I couldn't take it anymore. I leaned towards her gently, slipping my hand behind her neck to pull us together again and then paused when my thumb rubbed against something.

The last fading marks from Adrian's consensual bite. Adrian who was her boyfriend. Not me. I was the one responsible for the scars layered beneath from weeks of torture.

Real. Those were what was real. Those were what made everything else an impossible dream that wasn't even worth imagining.

I pulled back, frustrated in more ways than one, and sat up. I allowed my face to fall into my hands as I turned and cursed my stupidity. An almost physical pain behind my eyes grew and I tried to rub it and the embarrassment away.

"What's wrong?" I felt Rose shift behind me. I saw with a quick glance that she was sitting up, blanket clutched around her chest as if she was shielding herself from me. I couldn't stand the sight of her hiding from me, even though I knew she should. I had nearly kissed her, despite knowing that she was taken by another.

"Pick. There are a lot of choices." I had no right to snap at her. After all, it was hardly her fault for how I was feeling. She had done nothing but support me since the beginning. She had gone to amazing lengths to save me and I had acted ungrateful for so long. She had supported me from the moment I had been restored, and I had thrown it back again. Even if you didn't count all the atrocities that I committed before I had been restored, those would be more than enough for her to hate me, but she still stood by me as a friend and partner. She comforted me, lifted me up, and helped me when I needed a light in the dark. Rose was...Roza. My Roza. I had just forgotten it and now it was too late.

"I know...I know things have changed." She spoke hesitantly, almost as if she expected me to bolt. "I know you were wrong. I know you can feel love again."

Her words hurt and I winced against them. Things  _had_ changed – she was with someone else. Someone who she loved and who loved her back. Someone who treated her with the respect she deserved. I couldn't expect her to give that up just because I had finally come to my senses.

"This isn't about love," I insisted without looking at her. I wasn't sure if I could lie to her face. Even if I tried, I wasn't sure I could do it convincingly.

She scoffed. "If it's not about love, then what is it about?"

"It's about doing the right thing," I whispered.  _Even when it hurts_.

A heavy silence fell between us. One that demanded answers to unspoken questions. Questions that I didn't have answers for...or at least not adequate answers for. Certainly not the answers she deserved. All I had were more lies that would hurt her and slowly kill me.

Thankfully we were both saved from that misery by the sound of nails scraping against out tent.

* * *

**Author's Note**

* * *

This is one one of my favorite scenes in the entire series and it's here!!! I'm so excited to finally share it. I had fun writing it and I really hope you enjoyed reading it. Big thanks to Kelly for helping me the final touches on this one and being so patient with all the little last-minute rewrites. 

Just a few notes on the chapter: One of the most common requests I get is to write a one-shot or something with a Romitri baby. Obviously, that doesn't fit in this canon story, but I hope Dimitri's wish was enough to pull at your heartstrings. And yes, "Little Fish" is a nickname occasionally used for little children in Russia I guess. What you won't find in Russia, or many other places around the world, are s'mores (or so-mores, as Dimitri inaccurately called them). This toasted marshmallow treat sandwiched between graham crackers and chocolate is only really common in the US apparently. According to my research, marshmallows and graham crackers are almost impossible to find in Russia!

This weeks question of the week is: What is your favorite Marvel movie? I'm on a kick right now. I think I've seen Thor: Ragnarok about ten times.

Thanks for reading! Please share your thoughts in the comments and don't forget to follow and fav. If you REALLY love the story, feel free to share it with others!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one one of my favorite scenes in the entire series and it's here!!! I'm so excited to finally share it. I had fun writing it and I really hope you enjoyed reading it. Big thanks to Kelly for helping me the final touches on this one and being so patient with all the little last-minute rewrites. 
> 
> Just a few notes on the chapter: One of the most common requests I get is to write a one-shot or something with a Romitri baby. Obviously, that doesn't fit in this canon story, but I hope Dimitri's wish was enough to pull at your heartstrings. And yes, "Little Fish" is a nickname occasionally used for little children in Russia I guess. What you won't find in Russia, or many other places around the world, are s'mores (or so-mores, as Dimitri inaccurately called them). This toasted marshmallow treat sandwiched between graham crackers and chocolate is only really common in the US apparently. According to my research, marshmallows and graham crackers are almost impossible to find in Russia!
> 
> This weeks question of the week is: What is your favorite Marvel movie? I'm on a kick right now. I think I've seen Thor: Ragnarok about ten times.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please share your thoughts in the comments and don't forget to follow and fav. If you REALLY love the story, feel free to share it with others!


	28. Chapter 28

"Rose? Dimitri?"

I pulled Rose behind me before realizing it was only Sonya. Hearing her voice was a relief. Not only was it good to know that she was safe, but her interruption was perfectly timed.

I felt something under my hand shift as Rose moved past me to unzip the tent and I quickly pulled it away from where it had been resting on Rose's bare thigh. It was completely unintentional, of course. It had probably happened when I had tried to put myself between her and what I had initially perceived as a threat, but the heat of her skin burned me and the thought of touching her so intimately stung.

Sonya didn't look much better than us and I had to wonder where she had spent the night. The thought didn't last very long as Rose brushed beside me to give Sonya a bit more room to squeeze into our already tight space.

"Cozy." Sonya looked around before smiling at the two of us. "You've got the furthest spot out on the campground. Took me forever to find the car you described."

"How'd you get here?" Rose asked.

Sonya gave a small wink and a sly smirk. "You're not the only ones who can steal cars. Or, in my case, get people to 'willingly' lend them."

"Were you followed?" I peeked around her, checking the small patch of visible woodland. There didn't seem to be anyone there, but a deep worry settled in the pit of my stomach. Sonya wasn't exactly trained in stealth. She had managed to stay undetected for several years as Strigoi, however, so perhaps that was something.

She shook her head. "Not that I could tell. A couple of guardians followed me back in the neighborhood, but I lost them a while ago. Most of them seemed more interested in you two."

"Imagine that," Rose scoffed. "Too bad Victor was long gone – he might have taken priority."

"He didn't kill a queen." Sonya pointed out. "But the good news is that I know where they're at now."

"Where?" Rose and I asked together.

Our question was all business, but Sonya lifted a brow to me and gave me a little smile at the pure coincidence of our synchronicity. And that's all I was going to pass it off as right now. Coincidence. And perhaps months of training side by side. Nothing more. Or nothing more that mattered. Or could matter.

"West Michigan," Sonya said, her eyes boring into me a little deeper as I tried to mentally keep on track. "They took off in the opposite direction from Court."

Rose muttered a curse under her breath and I silently agreed with her. We had gone east into Ohio. We weren't too far away, but far enough that they could get quite a lead on us if they wanted to. We'd have to move fast if we wanted to catch up.

"But you saw Jill? She's okay?" I realized Rose's question was important in more than one way. If Sonya had talked to Jill, Jill had been asleep. Sleep usually meant that a group was resting...hopefully in one spot.

Confirming my thoughts, Sonya replied, "Fine. Scared, but fine. She described enough landmarks that I think we can locate their motel. I found her in a dream a couple of hours ago; they had to rest. Victor wasn't feeling well. They might still be there."

"Then we need to leave now." I started urging Rose out of the tent and Sonya with her. "Once they're moving, Jill will be awake and out of contact."

Breaking down the camp didn't take long. Perhaps only ten minutes. Even though she was doing her best to hide it, I could tell that Rose's ankle was still bothering her. I caught her limping more than once, and when I finally took a peek, I was surprised to see just how swollen it had become overnight. I was still fairly certain it wasn't actually broken, but I had obviously underestimated the damage last night. Eventually, the three of us were able to remove almost every trace that we had ever been there, save for the very glaring red Mustang hidden behind a thicket of bushes. Hopefully, we'd be long gone before anyone came to investigate the abandoned vehicle.

Right before we settled into Sonya's less conspicuous car, she pulled Rose aside. "Hang on."

Sonya dropped to her knee and gingerly touched Rose's ankle as I had the night before. Seeing the damage so clearly now, I shook my head. We'd need to get another bag of ice and a brace for her somewhere. There was no way that Rose could fight in her condition. She could hardly walk properly in her condition.

A moment later, Sonya closed her eyes and Rose gave a quick little intake of breath. I watched as the swelling gradually faded, leaving absolutely no sign of the earlier damage. The realization fell on me just as gradually. I recalled Rose's ankle – the same ankle, in fact – being healed by the princess just a few weeks into meeting her. Even with spirit all around me, and now irrevocably intertwined in my own life, it was sometimes easy to forget its power.

"Thank you," Rose said, twisting the ankle to test it. "But you shouldn't have done that...shouldn't have used the magic…"

"You need to be in peak condition," Sonya replied firmly. A moment later, her voice drifted. "And the magic...well it's hard to stay away from."

Unfortunately, Sonya was right. Rose needed to be sharp, and as much as I knew it could harm Sonya in the long run, I was grateful for her small sacrifice. Rose nodded and stood, lips tight before offering Sonya a hand to pull her up. A moment later, we were all on the road.

We drove as fast as we could towards Jill. Fast enough that I probably should have been concerned with being pulled over for speeding. Time was of the essence, though, and I took the chance. We stopped once to change cars, and because Sonya had used her magic to heal Rose, I insisted on using some more traditional methods to 'acquire' a new vehicle. Rose managed to 'acquire' a map for us via some petty theft, and when I gave her a look suggesting that we'd talk about her newfound skill, she matched it with one suggesting that I was ridiculous.

A few hours later, we turned off the highway for a place called Sturgis. My nerves kicked in as I saw that the city included a small airport. It had been a few hours since Sonya had been able to make contact with Jill, and I hoped that they hadn't already taken advantage of that little feature of the town.

"There," Sonya pointed towards a small hotel as we passed through the small downtown area. "That's what she described. The Sunshine Motel."

I pulled up to the lot behind the motel, far enough away not to be seen from the road but close enough to get a good vantage on the place. It wasn't a very attractive place. It actually might have been worse than 'MOTEL' down in West Virginia. Except for maybe the sun-faded and chipped wooden rainbow-shaped sign, I didn't think there was anything truly 'sun-shiny' about the place.

"That's their car," Sonya whispered despite the safety of our vehicle. She pointed to a familiar CR-V. "They're here."

"Sloppy," I mumbled. "They should have switched cars."

"That's Sydney's. It's not technically stolen, so it's not on any police lists." I had to admit, Rose did have me there. I was about to tell her as much until she rolled her eyes and continued, "Besides, something tells me Victor and Robert aren't hot-wiring pros like some people are."

Despite the sarcasm, I could hear the teasing in her tone. And maybe even a hint of a compliment somewhere in there. Maybe. I'd take it. "Whatever the reason, it helps us."

"How do we find them?" Sonya asked. It was a valid question. It wasn't as if we could just ask for a room number at the front desk or knock on doors until we found them. We had to remain just as inconspicuous as they were. We couldn't bring the fight to them, so…

"We wait," Rose said, finalizing the developing plot. "It's amazing enough that they stopped this long. If they have any sense, they'll leave soon."

"Agreed." I met her eyes. My equal. My partner. My...impossibility.

I coughed, gathering myself into the present. A quick glance around showed the motel on one side and a fairly high concrete wall on the other. "The lot's easy to defend too. Not much room for escape."

Once we settled on a slightly more detailed plan, I moved the car to the furthest parking spot possible and asked Sonya to wait while Rose and I took position under a large tree. The afternoon sun was high, but there wasn't much movement around us. Even the wind seemed calm, denying me even the sound of rustling leaves to distract me from the overwhelming presence of Rose beside me.

I was intensely aware of her. I noticed every moment she made. I felt every single time her eyes flicked towards me. And I had to physically restrain myself from looking at her too.

I bit my cheek at the sound of her voice, already knowing what was coming.

"I don't suppose that we're going to talk about this morning?"

"There's nothing to talk about," I lied.

"I knew you'd say that, " She huffed. "Actually, it was a toss-up between that and 'I don't know what you're talking about'."

I sighed, eyes closing because she wasn't wrong. She knew me too well to be wrong.

"But there is something to talk about," she continued. "Like when you almost kissed me. And what did you mean by 'the right thing'?"

I stayed silent, almost frustrated that she even had to ask something like that. Could she really not see – not  _understand_ – all that stood between us now? What what I supposed to do? Fairytales and happily ever afters don't exist. It's not an 'I love you, hero gets the girl, roll credits' world out there. At least, not for me. I screwed up. That was on me. Now I had to face my consequences and not try to run off into the sunset with someone else's happy ending.

"You wanted to kiss me! I saw it!" She tugged at my arm, trying to turn me to face her but I held firm.

"Just because we want something, doesn't mean it's right."

She was silent for a while. Long enough that I thought that might have been the end of it. It wasn't though, and what she said next hurt more than her earlier frustrations.

"What I said...it's true, isn't it?" She asked gently, tone understanding despite the words being a question. "You can love, can't you? I realize now that right after the transformation, you really didn't think you could. And you probably couldn't. But things have changed. You're getting yourself back."

"Yes." I glanced at her hesitantly. "Things have changed...and some haven't."

She shook her head, those earlier frustrations returning to her features. "Okay, Mr. Enigma. That doesn't help explain the 'right thing' comment."

I finally turned to face her. "Rose, I've done a lot of bad things, most of which I can never fix or find redemption for. My only choice now, if I want to reclaim my life, is to go forward, stopping evil and doing what's right. And what is not right is taking a woman from another man, a man I like and respect." Her mouth opened but I pressed forward, cutting off whatever she was going to say. "I'll steal cars. I'll break into houses. But there are lines I will not cross, no matter what I –"

A metallic clang grabbed both of our attention, pulling us instantly from our uncomfortable conversation. Victor led the two others out, but it didn't take long to realize that Jill wasn't totally in control of herself. She was too calm. Something told me that she would have struggled against her captors. Plus, there was something in the way that she followed like a lamb behind a shepherd that looked unnatural.

"Compulsion," I said under my breath in realization. Robert was a spirit user. A strong one, too, despite his appearance. It would be nothing for him to compel Jill. Rose had to realize that as well. "Go for Victor. I'll get Robert."

She nodded. "Jill will run as soon as the compulsion's broken. I hope."

Her last two words pulled me up short but I didn't have time to question them because Rose was already moving.

She was faster than me, reaching Victor just a moment before I reached Robert, but the image of Rose slamming his brother to the ground took them all by surprise. That, followed by the force of my own body jolting Robert into the wall was enough to make his focus slip and unintentionally release Jill from his grasp. The girl ran out of sight, thankfully, and a moment later I was faced with the full fury of the Spirit user.

His eyes locked on mine and for the very first time in my entire life...I realized that I was completely outmatched.

The overwhelming weight of his power felt like a spear between my eyes, piercing me within seconds. I struggled against it, but there was no physical manifestation to battle or fight, only the deep penetrating sensation of a madman probing into my mind. I tried to close him out, to hide from him, but the more I tried, the more painful it all felt.

He flipped through my memories like someone might flip through a book. He read through things I had done, things that I had felt, things that I had seen, and even things I had forced myself to forget from my childhood – moments when I had been just as broken and bruised as my mother.

He didn't need to strike me to hurt me. He didn't even need to say a word. He just needed to lay my life out for me.

The pain of it all brought me to my knees and my body shook as I tried to force myself back up.  _Get up,_  I told myself.  _You survived it once. You can survive it again._

But the seeds of doubt were planted in my mind. It wasn't a matter of if I could. It was whether or not I wanted to. If I deserved to.

I pinched my eyes against the intrusive thoughts.  _Get up damn it!_

When I opened them again, finally finding a bare ounce of strength to pull myself off my knees, I almost wished I hadn't.

My hands were coated in blood, leaving a dark smear on the ground where I moved. There was no sting though. It wasn't my blood on my pale hands. I swallowed back a choking gasp at the sight only to taste the same blood in my mouth.

_Not real. Not real. Not real._

I gritted my teeth at the silent chant and felt fangs pressing against the inside of my lip.

A voice inside of my head said, ' _Real.'_

My head filled with the sound of people screaming. Voices I knew and voices I didn't. Some cried out in fear or terror, some cried out in pain. Some screamed my name, others just screamed in long cries of desperate agony. I could almost hear my own voice among them.

The pressure of them pushed against the walls of my mind until nothing remained except the shrieking of pain and torture and fear. I could feel my heart race as I tried to do something, anything, to break through the noise and madness it was driving me down into, but it felt like quicksand. The slightest struggle only made me slip further and further down into hell.

Until it all stopped. All but a single, heartbreaking wail of anguish.

Not from me. Not from my mind. From Robert.

It was like a jolt to my body. Even more so to my mind. I didn't have long to catch my bearings, though. I was on my feet in an instant, running full speed towards a man who suddenly seemed like he had no clue I was even alive.

Robert was so focused on his brother and crying out for him, he didn't notice that I made my way behind him to lock him in an immobilizing hold. By the time he recovered, it was too late. Only then did I dare look to see what had captured his attention so desperately.

Rose knelt over Victor, his shirt in her hands and his head drooping to the side. She held herself with a terrifying air about her that I had only seen once before, but it sent chills up my spine. Beside her, Sonya pulled at Rose, but it was too late.

Victor was still with his eyes open and unmoving. I had seen that image more often than I cared to admit, but even someone who had never seen it before could immediately identify the cold reality of it all.

That reality seemed to have just hit Rose too, because she dropped him instantly, letting his body hit the pavement with a cold thud as she scuttled back in shock. Her eyes flipped from the wild battle lust that had been there moments before to terror. The deliberate breathing of a fighter slipped into the fast, hectic, terrified panic that bordered on hyperventilation.

Instinct drew her eyes to mine. There was a plea in them, begging me to tell her that this was all some sick twisted nightmare.

I wanted to, desperately. I wanted to rush over to her, sweep her up in my arms, and take us back to that moment in the tent where things had been good, even if only for a second, before reality had come back into focus. I wanted to save her from reality now.

But I couldn't. I couldn't save her from her reality any more than I could change my own.

"Get him out of here!" Sonya yelled, breaking my focus on Rose. She jumped up and rushed towards me, pointing at Robert as she did so. "Get him out of here! As far as you can."

I didn't question her. The truth of the matter was that we all needed to leave, and quickly, but there was something urgent in Sonya's command. Whatever she was asking, she felt it took precedence over the dead body in the hotel parking lot and I wasn't going to argue. When Robert dug his heels and refused to move, I shifted and pulled him over my shoulder. Robert wasn't a large man, but he was still a full grown adult male and it wasn't an easy task.

"Get him out of here!" Sonya called again. "He's trying to bring Victor back! He'll be shadow-kissed!"

I moved faster, despite Robert's weight. He hadn't been protesting much before, but he fought me now. When we left sight of the others, he started calling out towards his brother again.

"Quiet," I grumbled through my teeth, knowing that he wouldn't listen. I glanced around, both looking for a place to stash him and to make sure there weren't any witnesses lingering around.

A small walking trail slipped into a nearby grove of trees and I ducked in, praying that it would be empty this time of day. The thick brush offered quite a bit of cover, but who knew how popular it was with the locals.

Apparently, not very. Or at least not so much on a weekday afternoon. Once we were deep enough, I slipped off the trail a few feet and set him down. I was careful not to meet Robert's eyes as I did so.

"I'll kill her for hurting him," he hissed. It was the most lucid I had ever heard him and that alone was somewhat unnerving, but not as much as his continued threat. "I won't be merciful. I won't strike her heart or drain her blood. I'll drain her mind. I'll leech her spirit. I'll make her feel pain that can't be healed and see things that can't be forgotten. I'll force her to go mad, drop by drop, until there is nothing left but a shell that wishes she were dead. And then I'll force her to live in her madness until death is more merciful than life."

I knew I should have ignored him. It was the logical thing to do. It was the prudent thing to do. But the memory of him in my own mind was fresh and the venom in his voice was enough to make me fearful of what he could do to Rose if he ever saw her again.

I glanced up. "You won't touch her. I won't let you near her."

His eyes focused on mine, narrowing into serpentine slits just a moment before I remembered that I should look away. "You can't stop me. You can't even look at me, can you?"

My eyes flashed towards him, just to spite him.

' _Kill him.'_ The voice came unbidden, but it held.

"It would be so easy, wouldn't it, Dimitri? You're a killer. A murderer. You could do it. You want to do it. Don't you?"

His words were so enticing, especially since he wasn't wrong. It would be easy. It would fix so many things. He couldn't hurt Rose if he was dead. And what was one more death at my hands?

Drawing a quick breath, I lunged forward and pinned him on the ground, one hand wrapped tight around his neck. His hands grasped at my wrist and he kicked out, but it was useless under my strength. I stared at the ground beside him as the dirt, twigs, and leaves shifted with his struggling.

' _A little longer and then it would be done.'_ The thought, dark and bloody, scratched at the back of my mind from somewhere deep inside me again.

Eventually, his movement started to slow, and then it stopped entirely. He went limp and the moment he did, the cloud parted for me.

I pulled up so quickly that I slipped and fell back against the brush. Robert was still. Deathly still. Hesitantly, I crawled over to him. He didn't move, even when I lifted his hand. When I placed my two fingers against his wrist, I sighed in relief at the faint but steady beat of his pulse.

He was alive. Unconscious, but alive.

My face fell into my hands, equal parts terrified and ashamed of the demonic thing that had risen up inside me. I had almost given in. I had almost become that monster.

I started to count my breaths. First ten, then twenty, then eighty. Finally, at one-hundred and six, I heard a gentler voice: Don't let it rule you.

I control that creature. Not the other way around.

The longer Robert was unconscious, the less cloudy my mind felt. Tension left my body and knots untwisted in my mind. It eventually became clear that Robert's compulsion might not have been limited to our battle in the parking lot. He might have fought me here as well. It was of little comfort. His death at my hands might have been just as much of a victory for him – both in uniting him with his brother and driving me mad with guilt – as being able to make good on his threat towards Rose.

I'd have to worry about that threat later though. Right now, Rose had a more immediate threat, one that included a second dead body with much more damning evidence of it being at her hands.

I dragged Robert behind a bush, double checking to make sure he wouldn't be seen from the trail until we figured out our next steps, and started my jog back.

When I was in sight of the building, I was surprised – grateful but surprised – to find that the place hadn't yet been overrun with authorities.

"Dimitri!" Jill ran my way with her arms waving.

I glanced around and shushed her. "Where is everyone? Where's Rose?"

"She's over here." She pulled me back towards the parking lot. "Something isn't right. She's...something is wrong with her."

I picked up my pace, rushing a bit ahead of her. I couldn't see them, but at least they had dragged off the body as well.

"In the car, " the girl urged.

Through the glass of the CR-V 's window, I could see Rose tear at her hair, and while I couldn't hear exactly what she was saying, I could read the same frantic words repeating over and over on her lips.

I knocked on the door and both sets of eyes flicked towards me. I couldn't even see Sonya, though. Rose was my entire focus. Her eyes were pure black. Seeing but unseeing. There, but unthere. Hers...but not hers.

Sonya opened the door, pulling at my attention as she asked, "Where's Robert?"

I looked at her, and at the dead body of Victor in the back of the vehicle. "Unconscious, hidden in the bushes around the corner."

"Charming," She said with a nod, "Do you think that's smart? Leaving him?"

"I figured I shouldn't be seen carrying an unconscious guy in my arms." I shrugged. That concern didn't seem nearly as pressing as the fact that Rose currently looked on the edge of madness. It was like seeing Robert's threat manifested before my eyes. "In fact...yes, I think we should just leave him there."

Sonya tilted her head in question.

"He'll wake up. He's not a fugitive. And without Victor, he's well, not harmless -" We had certainly seen that time and time again "- but less harmful. We can't keep dragging him with us anyway." Perhaps without Victor driving him, he would slip back into his fog and general obscurity. Hopefully, we'd never see him again, and if not...well we'd have to cross that bridge if we came to it.

"He's unconscious." Rose laughed, but in a way that made the hair on my arms stand on end. It sounded deranged. "Of course. You can do that. You can do the right thing. Not me. 'An animal' he said. He was right. No higher reasoning…" Her words drifted as she wrapped her arms around herself. Her nails dug in deep enough to draw blood and I reached towards her to pull them away. She flinched before I even touched her.

"What's wrong?" I pressed. My words were just as frantic as Rose's, albeit in a very different way.

Sonya glanced at one of the drops of blood, staring as it trailed down her skin. "Spirit. She's pulled and pulled for so long..and managed to hold it back. It's been waiting, though. Always waiting…" She drifted, and after a moment Jill tentatively touched her knee, bringing Sonya back to the present. "Is that silver?"

Jill glanced down at the little heart-shaped necklace she was wearing. "I think so."

With some urgency, she asked, "Can I have it?"

Sans explanation, Jill nodded and passed it to her. Sonya held it for a moment before forcing it into Rose's hand. "Put it on."

"The heart," Rose mused dreamily, staring at the trinket. She looked up me. "Do you remember that? 'Where's the heart?' And here it is. Here it…" She paused. "This is a healing charm."

The moment the charm came to rest on her collarbone she seemed to calm, but there was still an emptiness there.

"I didn't know if it'd work on the mind," Sonya admitted. "I don't think it's a permanent fix...but between it and your own will, I think you'll be okay for a while."

Rose nodded absentmindedly as her gaze drifted towards Victor's corpse. "What have I done?"

The small crack in her voice chipped at my heart. "What you had to." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to post again. I know many of you miss these regular updates, and I have to admit that I miss them too. I miss writing on a regular basis. I miss chatting with everyone on a regular basis. And I really, really miss making you guys smile. Thank you again for your patience and I hope you liked the update. The good news is that our next update should be the BIG one. Yep. THAT ONE. I'm going to do everything in my power to make it perfect. 
> 
> I also wanted to give a quick reminder that I cannot reply to any review from a "guest" reviewer. I can only reply to reviews from signed in members who have their PM's activated. I'd love to hear your thoughts and I hope I can talk with you soon! Be sure to fave, follow, and share if you like the story.


	29. Chapter 29

Things had officially gone to hell. Short of being dead ourselves, we were in a 'worst case scenario' situation. I glanced towards Rose beside me. She hadn't shifted an inch in the last hour. She also hadn't responded to anyone either. I wondered if she was in Lissa's head. Honestly, I wondered if she was in her own head at this point. She just looked, well, gone.

"How is she?" I asked Sonya, perhaps the only person who could get a literal read on Rose at the moment. She looked towards Rose, squinting slightly as she read the space around her. The expression on Sonya's face made it clear that whatever answer she gave me wouldn't be good.

"She's surviving. The charm is holding, for now at least."

"And when it wears off?"

She didn't answer. Perhaps she didn't want to. Perhaps I didn't want to hear it either.

"We have to do something about the body, " Sonya pointed out. I nodded before she asked, "Any ideas?"

Truthfully, I had no clue. I hadn't really worried about that sort of thing before, even as Strigoi. We didn't have shovels and we couldn't exactly just dump him on the side of the road. A lake or river would be unreliable and could cause issues later down the line. If we were getting Rose acquitted of one murder, it would be best not to have her accused of another one should Victor's body show up.

A sign pointed towards another hiking trail down off the highway, this time towards a waterfall, and I quickly made the turn towards the ramp.

"I have an idea."

Thankfully this hiking trail was just as deserted as the one I had abandoned Victor's brother off of. There wasn't a single car in the small lot connecting to the trail, so I asked Jill to stay with Rose and Sonya to come with me.

We lugged Victor's body a half-mile down towards the end of the trail. "Are we throwing him off the falls?"

We were standing at the base of the waterfall, and that plan would have included a long, hard climb up. "No, we're going to stash him over here." I pointed towards one of the rock formations on the other side of the small creek. Most waterfalls – at least in wood areas like this – seemed to have the same type of landscapes around them. Lots of wet greenery, mossy trees with a few fallen ones where the roots just hasn't been able to hold on anymore, and rocks. Lots and lots of rocks. Not just any rocks. Rocks with outcroppings, deep crevices, and plenty of places to stash something until the wet surroundings decomposed it.

Sonya stayed on the trail to keep a lookout as I pulled Victor's corpse behind me, heaving him through some of the more difficult areas where sharp rocks or deep water pulled at him. That experience alone was enough to convince me that many wouldn't dare to cross the creek. To avoid notice of the more adventurous types, I found a small crevice on the bank under a large boulder and shoved him far underneath. It was already partially obscured by a bush, but I was able to roll a boulder in front of it and a half fallen tree completed the makeshift grave. Any passerby would have to be actively looking for him, and even then he'd probably escape notice.

I confirmed that my makeshift 'burial' wasn't visible from the trail before rushing back with Sonya. Rose still appeared fairly comatose when we arrived back. I wasn't sure if she even realized we had left. That worried me more than the fact that I had just hidden the body of a dead man.

"We need to get as far away as we can from here, " I said, speaking to nobody in particular but keeping my eyes on Rose. We also needed to get somewhere where she could rest or...something. Anything to come back to me. I needed her to come back to me.

BREAK

After a few hours of driving, it seemed safe enough to stop. Even if it wasn't, I was willing to take the small calculated risk. Rose hadn't spoken in far too long. She had just stared blankly out the window, completely unaware of anyone and anything around her.

Thankfully, she seemed to liven up a little as we pulled up to a small hotel.

"What's going on?" Rose's voice sounded tired.

I slipped into one of the parking spots and threw the car into park. "We're stopping. You need to rest."

"No, I don't." Rose insisted, but there was hardly any life in the demand. "We need to keep going to Court. We need to get Jill there in time for the elections."

I gave her a hard look over my shoulder at her weak protest. "You were just with Lissa. Are the elections actually happening yet?

"No."

"Then you're getting some rest."

"I'm fine." There was a bite in her tone, but it seemed like any actual fight in her had been smothered. I didn't have to drag her out of the car or continually plead for her to see reason. She just followed behind me, mostly silent, until we made it to the rooms Sonya managed to secure for us.

I paused outside the first room and gestured for Sonya to continue down the way without us. "Let me talk to her alone." When Sonya glanced at Rose warily, I continued, "I can handle it."

"Be careful," she cautioned. Her concern didn't seem to be so much about Rose's potential for mass destruction as it did for the possibility of Rose's personal demise. "She's fragile."

"You guys, I'm right here!" Rose's sudden outburst made us all flinch, but poor Jill looked terrified. We were all on edge, but that girl had born more than any one of us would have asked of her. She had performed admirably under the pressure, but it was clear to see that things were catching up to her. It was understandable; her world had been thrown into disarray with the sudden news of her parentage, she had been kidnapped and compelled, then she had witnessed the death of her captor, and now she was watching Rose slowly crumbling under the weight of spirit and the darkness that it had wrought against her. It was a lot to take.

With a gentle guiding arm, Sonya led Jill past us and into the next room. "Come on, let's order room service."

I slid the key card into our door's lock and looked at Rose expectantly. She stood her ground for just a moment, long enough to make sure I knew that she wasn't doing this willingly, and then walked past me with a sigh. Crawling up onto the bed, she crossed her legs and brought her arms around her body, slowly collapsing in on herself. She stared firmly at the ground as she asked, "Can we order room service?"

I was used to stubborn Rose, but the stubborn Rose I was used to fought back with fire and sarcasm. I wasn't used to a Rose who looked like ash and resignation. "We need to talk about Victor."

She drew in tighter at his name. "There's nothing to talk about."

Her eyes drifted, looking past me into something I knew she didn't want to see. She shut her eyes against the vision, but I knew from personal experience that all that did was make the images more clear. Her blank face twisting up in anguish was sad confirmation. Swallowing back a shuddering breath and with trembling lips, she whispered, "I really am the murderer everyone says I am. It doesn't matter that it was Victor. I killed him in cold blood."

I reached out for her hand but she pulled back from my touch. Undeterred, I pressed forward and told her, "That was hardly cold blood."

"The hell it wasn't!" A sob broke past her self-imposed barrier as she finally looked at me. "The plan was to subdue him and Robert so we could free Jill. Subdue. Victor wasn't a threat to me. He was an old man, for God's sake."

"He seemed like a threat," I insisted gently. My thoughts flashed to the horrible things that Robert had planted in my mind. Victor might not have been a spirit user, but being an 'old man' hardly meant that he wasn't a threat to her. "He was using his magic."

Her face fell to her hands and she shook. "It wasn't going to kill me. He probably couldn't have even kept it up much longer. I could have waited it out or escaped. Hell, I did escape! But instead of capturing him, I slammed him against a concrete wall! He was no match for me. An old man. I killed an old man. Yeah, maybe he was a scheming, corrupt old man, but I didn't want him dead. I wanted him locked up again. I wanted him to spend the rest of his life in prison, living with his crimes.  _Living_ , Dimitri." She was silent for a moment, but when she glanced up, it was with a heartbreakingly sad look. "There was no honor in what I did to him."

There was nothing I could do to fix this for her, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to try. "Sonya said it wasn't your fault. She said it was a backlash of spirit."

"It was…" she agreed, obviously not finding the excuse sufficient. "I never really understood what Lissa experienced in her worst moments until then. I just looked at Victor...and I saw everything evil in the world – an evil I had to stop. He was bad, but he didn't deserve that. He never stood a chance."

Her eyes clouded over with guilt again and I had to hold myself back from taking her in my arms and shaking her until she saw reason.

"You aren't listening, Rose." I could hear a bit of my own temper rising, not in anger against her but in frustration towards myself. I wanted to make this okay. I wanted her to be okay. "It wasn't your fault. Spirit's a powerful magic we barely understand. And its dark edge...well, we know it's capable of terrible things. Things that can't be controlled."

"I should have been stronger than it." Her assertion came quickly, but as soon as the words were out, it seemed to resonate deep inside her. "I should have been stronger than it," she repeated. "I was weak."

Rose wasn't weak. How she, or anyone else for that matter, could ever think so was beyond me. She was one of the strongest people I had ever known. Every person faces their own set of trials, but it's how they come out on the other side – the way that they keep going – that defines them. Rose always moved forward. She put others before herself, even when it hurt her to do so. She sought the things that were hard, even impossible, and made them a reality. She didn't give up on others, so why was she giving up on herself?

"You aren't invincible," I said gently. "No one expects you to be."

" _I_  do. What I did…" She looked up, blinking some tears from her eyes and swallowing hard before looking at me again. "What I did was unforgivable."

I was taken aback. "That...That's crazy, Rose. You can't punish yourself for something you had no power over."

She laughed humorlessly. "Yeah? Then why are you still –" She paused and looked at me curiously, even tilting her head as if it would somehow give her a better read on me. "When? When did it change? When did you realize you could keep living – even after all that guilt?"

"I'm not sure." I shrugged, wishing I could give her some definite turning point. "In bits, really. When Lissa and Abe first came to me about breaking you out, I was ready to do it because she asked me to. Then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was personal too. I couldn't stand the thought of you locked in a cell, being cut off from the world. It wasn't right. No one should live like that, and it occurred to me that I was doing the same – by choice. I was cutting myself off from the world with guilt and self-punishment. I had a second chance to live and I was throwing it away."

At last, there seemed to be some spark in her again. Her body relaxed a little and she leaned towards me as I tried to recount how things had finally shifted. There was a small part of me that recognized just how much I needed to tell her all this, not just for her sake, but for my sake too.

"You heard me talk about this before," I continued, already feeling a bit lighter. "About my goal to appreciate life's little details. And the more we continued on our journey, the more I remembered who I was. Not just a fighter. Fighting is easy. It's why we fight that matters, and in the alley that night with Donovan…that was the moment I could have crossed over into someone who fights just to senselessly kill." I looked at her meaningfully, not reaching out even though I desperately wanted to. "But you pulled me back, Rose. That was the turning point. You saved me...just as Lissa saved me with the stake. I knew then that in order to leave the Strigoi part of me behind, I had to fight through to be what they aren't. I had to embrace what they reject: beauty, love, honor."

Rose was biting back a smile as I finished. Pride, relief, joy...they were all there. And then they were gone again. "Then you should understand. You just said it: honor. It matters. We both know it does. I've lost mine. I lost it out there in the parking lot when I killed an innocent."

"And I've killed hundreds," I bit back. "People much more innocent than Victor Dashkov."

"It's not the same! You couldn't help it!" She clawed at her hair with a growl. "Why are we repeating the same things over and over?"

"Because they aren't sinking in! You couldn't help it either." I threw my hands up. "Feel guilty. Mourn this. But move on. Don't let it destroy you. Forgive yourself."

She sprang up to her feet and had me boxed into my chair with a hand on each armrest before I could react. I didn't back down, however. Face to face, she narrowed her eyes at me. "Forgive myself? That's what you want? You of all people?"

I could hardly breathe, much less speak, with her that close to me. I gave a sharp nod instead.

"Then tell me this," she bit out. "You say you moved past the guilt, decided to revel in life and all that. I get it. But have you, in your heart, really forgiven yourself? I told you a long time ago that I forgave you for everything in Siberia, but what about you? Have you done it?"

"I just said –"

"No. It's not the same. You're telling me to forgive myself and move on. But you won't do it yourself." She backed off a little and my mind cleared. "You're a hypocrite, Comrade. We're either both guilty or both innocent. Pick."

"It's not that simple." I rose up to my full height in front of her, but she was long past being intimidated by me in any way.

"It  _is_ that simple. We're the same! Even Sonya says we are. We've always been the same and we're both acting the same stupid way now. We hold ourselves up to a higher standard than everyone else around us."

"I – Sonya?" Her name brought me up short. "What does she have to do with any of this?"

Rose shrugged, shaking her head and looking vaguely annoyed with herself. She brushed off my question easily. "She said our auras match. She said we light up around each other. She says it means you still love me and that we're in sync, and…" She turned away towards the window and waved her hand dismissively. "I don't know. I shouldn't have mentioned it. We shouldn't buy into this aura stuff when it comes from magic users who are already half-insane."

It would have been easy to dismiss Sonya's claims, too. Just a little lie. All I had to do was deny it and say that Sonya had somehow been mistaken, that I didn't love her and this morning had been some sort of misunderstanding. I was tired of lying, though. And hearing Rose dismiss those claims was even worse. Granted, with how much I had forced the issue and denying over and over again that there was nothing between us, it shouldn't have been surprising at all. Maybe it was only surprising because now that I knew I loved her – that I still loved her – not loving her seemed unimaginable.

I heard Rose's quiet and unintelligible murmurs from where she had her head pressed against the glass of the window. Whatever she was thinking so hard about, it seemed to weigh down heavily on her. I wanted to go to her, hold her, and try to bear some of the burden, but I could almost feel the wall she was placing around herself, shutting out me along with the rest of the world.

I settled on just trying to support her from afar. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying...I forgive myself." Her shoulders rolled back with determination, and while I couldn't see it on her face, I could hear the resolution in her voice. "That doesn't make everything perfect, but it's a start. Who knows? Maybe that outburst in the parking lot let out some of the darkness Sonya says is in my aura. Skeptic that I am, I have to give her some points. She was right that I was at a breaking point; that all I needed was a spark."

And I hadn't protected her. Sonya had warned me, too, but I had done nothing to try to keep those shadows from overtaking her. I knew how much they could affect her. I had seen it. I had nearly lost her to them the last time and now she would be weighed down forever with the guilt of what that darkness had done.

Except she wouldn't, would she…because she had forgiven herself.

It wasn't that easy. It couldn't be. It was impossible to just shed that guilt of someone else's blood on your hands. Right?

But Rose had somehow done it. Maybe not completely, but...you could see it.

And if she could do something so impossible, maybe I could be brave too. Maybe I could tell her the truth.

I took a deep breath, building my resolve. "She was right about something else, too."

Rose tilted her ear towards me in curiosity. "What's that?"

"That I do still love you."

I couldn't breathe as Rose slowly turned to face me. She looked shocked, but I couldn't tell anything beyond that. Not if she was happy, or angry, or...anything. Just shocked. "Since...since when?"

"Since...forever." It was torture not knowing what she was thinking, but I was too deep into this to back out now. Plus, it was time to tell her. I needed to tell her. I needed to stop lying to her and to myself. "I denied it when I was restored. I had no room for anything in my heart except guilt. I especially felt guilty about you – what I'd done – and I pushed you away. I put up a wall to keep you safe. It worked for a while – until my heart finally started accepting other emotions. And it all came back. Everything I felt for you. It had never left; it was just hidden from me until I was ready. And again...that alley was the turning point. I looked at you...saw your goodness, your hope, and your faith. Those are what make you beautiful." I smiled, offering her my last bit of hope. "So, so beautiful."

"So, it wasn't my hair." She laughed nervously, but I saw a bit of a smile in the crook of her lips.

"No. Your hair was beautiful too." I mirrored her smile. It gave me strength. "All of you. You were amazing when we first met, and somehow, inexplicably, you've come even farther. You've always been pure, raw energy, and now you control it. You're the most amazing woman I have ever met, and I'm glad to have had that love for you in my life. I regret losing it." I had been so stupid. If only I had come to my senses earlier. "I would give anything – anything – in the world to go back and change history. To run into your arms after Lissa brought me back. To have a life with you. It's too late, of course, but I've accepted it."

"Why...why is it too late?"

"Because of Adrian. Because you moved on." My stomach twisted. I couldn't be mad at him, not when his only crime was falling for the same woman I had but being smart enough to appreciate it. When Rose moved to comfort me, I brushed it away. "No, listen. You were right to do that after how I treated you. And more than anything else, I want you to be happy once we clear your name and get Jill recognized. You said yourself that Adrian makes you happy. You said you love him."

She shook her head like she was trying to find some missing piece to our puzzle...one that had been lost a long time ago. "But…you just said you love me. That you want to be with me."

"And I told you: I'm not going to pursue another man's girlfriend. You want honor? There it is in its purest form."

Rose took a step towards me. And then another. With every step I felt something build inside me. Fear? Excitement? I wasn't sure. I was torn between telling her to stay back and stepping closer myself. When she was only a foot away, she reached out to me. I caught her hand as she rested it on my chest, but rather than pushing it away, I held it close, craving her touch even though I shouldn't.

"You should have told me. You should have told me this a long time ago." She looked at my fingers interlocked with hers and then met my eyes. "I love you. I've never stopped loving you. You have to know that."

My heart broke. I wanted to hear those words so badly – so, so badly – but I couldn't stand hearing them and knowing that they changed absolutely nothing. "It wouldn't have made any difference. Not with Adrian involved. I mean it. I won't be that guy, Rose. I won't be that many who takes someone else's woman. Now, please. Let go. Don't make this any more difficult." Even as I begged her to walk away, I tightened my hand on her, unable to let go myself.

"I don't belong to him." Rose moved closer, close enough so that her body was brushing mine. "I don't belong to anyone. I make my own choices."

"And you're with Adrian." I tried to reason with her as much as myself.

"But I was meant for you."

It was the last turn of the key in the lock. The last thread of a fraying rope. The final crack that broke the dam restraining every last emotion I had been holding back — both from her and from myself.

She reached up to me, but I was already there, meeting her lips in the same desperate kiss that I had wanted to give her the moment I had woken up. No hesitation. No pulling away. No more doubts.

Just me and Rose and this kiss.

With her arms circled around my neck, I slid my hands down her back until I found purchase under her legs and hiked her up my body. The little yelp she gave as I lifted her was just what I needed to dive even deeper into her and taste what I had been missing for so long. Her legs locked around my waist, chest pressed against my own as she moaned into our kiss. The tantalizing sound electrified me head to toe, sending shocks to every single part of my body.

I stepped backwards blindly, searching out the bed until I finally felt the edge against my knees and fell back, clutching Rose even tighter to me. With her legs straddling my lap, we became a mess of heat and hands, legs and lips and lust.

My hands wandered every single inch of her, from the base of her neck, all the way down her spine and to the curve of her hips. Every time I slid low, she rocked into me until I became hooked on the sensation, chasing the high of her body against mine even when it began to drive me mad. I could feel the warmth of her through the tattered dress and, hopefully, she could feel just how much I wanted her with every fiber of my being...both emotional and physical. Very physical.

We were passion in its truest form. Carnal. Visceral. Tenderness was hidden somewhere in there, too, but it was eclipsed by the need to make up for lost time. Caught up in the same crazed fervor I was, Rose's hands tugged roughly at my hair. The feel of her teeth scraping against my lip as she bit down was enough to send a painfully pleasured groan through my body.

"Off," she demanded, pulling at my shirt between nips.

I compiled without argument, pulling back just enough to tear my shirt over my head and throw it behind her. Her nails raked against my skin possessively, marking me as hers. I didn't mind in the least. I was already hers, I always was, and I welcomed any and every brand she offered me to prove it. She could tattoo her name across my heart and I'd wear it proudly. It belonged to her.

Eventually, I did push her back a little. As much as I was hers, I wanted to make her mine as well. And not with blood and bites, or threats and terror. I wanted to ask for all of her, and offer everything I had in return.

Her breath fell heavily as I brushed the familiar, stubborn lock of hair behind her ear. Rose seemed a bit stunned by the simple gesture that had been a hallmark of our early relationship. We had both wanted so much back then but thought it was out of our reach. There were so many reasons for us to push one another way that we had ignored the one thing that surpassed them all – that we loved each other. It was with a self-deprecating smile that I realized I had fallen into the same trap again. I had created a wall of excuses as to why I shouldn't or couldn't be with her in some vain attempt to stave off the pain that loving her might have caused me. It would have been useless, I realized. I would have loved her regardless. It was only in not recognizing my love for her that I had caused myself pain, because loving her was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

I ran my fingers further through the thick strands, already mussed from our excitement, and let it all fall behind her shoulder as I traced my hand down her neck. My thumb hesitated when it brushed against her scars. Maybe this was all a mistake. I couldn't...nothing could change what I had done to her. She might say she forgave me, but what would happen the day she realized that even though I might not be that thing, I would always be a reminder of him and that time. Worse, what if she realized that a grain of that creature was taken from who I was, and that that creature was still in there somewhere, feeding on the same parts of me that created it and….

Her hand came to cup mine, pressing my palm against the causes of my anxiety and hiding them in the same fluid motion. My eyes snapped to her's and rather than seeing the disgust my mind assumed would be there, I found understanding. Love. I could feel her pulse beating against me, but instead of the hunger it once incited, it became a reminder of the life and love between us. No more excuses, I had to remind myself. Just love.

_I'm sorry,_  I mouthed to her silently.

She smiled and shook her head, not rejecting my apology, but rejecting the notion that it was needed in the first place. It was both humbling and empowering. I wasn't quite ready to face my demons yet, not fully, but I was ready to accept her love. Right now, that was enough.

She turned her cheek, kissing my palm and then guiding it lower down her body, encouraging my further exploration. I pulled aside the strap at her shoulder and kissed the uncovered skin reverently. Every inch of her skin was a gift, and I intended to savor it, bit by bit. Rose wasn't the patient sort, though. She arched into me while my hands continued down, demanding more and whimpering when I held pleasure and relief just out of her reach. She finally let out a frustrated growl, but it quickly slipped into a sigh as I finally worked my way underneath the skirt of her dress, still bunched up around her thighs as she worked herself on my lap, and began to move it up and off her body.

As soon as I had her rid of the shredded cloth, I had us flipped onto the bed with her pinned beneath me, lips pressed under mine as I palmed her breasts through her bra and jutted my hips between her legs. I wanted her to feel just how much I wanted her. I wanted her to know just how much I missed and needed her. She gasped as I charged forward and I knew I needed more. I'd always need more of Rose in my life.

I stood and hooked my fingers in the waistband of her white cotton underwear, sliding it down her legs. She slipped her hands behind her back to release the band on her bra as I fought with the button on my jeans. The moment I was free she tossed aside the last remaining fabric covering her and I let out a pained groan at the sight.

It wasn't the first time I had seen Rose so beautifully laid out before me. It wasn't the second, or third, or fourth time either. But it was the first time since the cabin that I was truly seeing Rose with my own eyes again. There was no lens of selfish monstrosity tinting my vision as I looked at her. I knew that what I felt for the woman in front of me wasn't fueled by mere animalistic lust, but by desire and love. I wanted Rose, not as something to control, but as someone to hold forever.

She laid back in sly modesty, sitting up on her elbows but with her legs crossed demurely in front of her. Gently, I pried one leg apart and raised it up to kiss her ankle as my hand danced down the inside of her leg, slowly moving from her calf all the way down to the soft skin of her inner thigh. Her chest rose and fell a little faster with every inch. Both of us seemed to be locked in a trance, staring at one another in a deadlocked daze, waiting for the other to break first. With my fingertips taunting her a breath away from where I knew she wanted me most, she shot up, wrapped her arm around the back of my neck, and pulled me on top of her.

My kiss was hard and bruising, but only lasted a moment before I felt the need to taste every other inch of her. My lips meandered to her cheek, drawing up to her ear and down her jaw. I dipped low to lavish little kisses across her shoulder and collar. I licked at her breast and sucked at her nipple until it peaked. I let my hand slip down her body, delighting in the little whimper my touch drew from her as she anticipated what was to come. When my finger brushed her clit, her breath hitched and she bucked up into my hand. I couldn't help but laugh at her reaction and I caught a little glare from her for my impertinence. I offered some relief a moment later, slipping a finger inside of her warm body and giving into the deep moan it elicited from us both.

Her fingers bit into my arms as she squirmed underneath me, silently begging for every little slice of pleasure I was willing to offer her. One finger became two. The more she held onto me, the more she tried to fight off the pleasure that quickly mounting, the more I began to crave the moment she'd let go. I could feel her breath hot and fast against my cheek, and every little noise she made as her body grew tighter around my hand only served to turn me on further. The way she said my name, somehow pleaing and sighing at the same time, was completely entrancing. Those little noises would be the death of me.

And then finally, it happened. All it took was one final brush of my thumb across that little bundle of nerves to push her off that cliff. I was there to catch her, holding her in my arms in a way that I thought would be impossible this morning but knew I'd never take for granted ever again for the rest of my life.

She looked so beautiful, but before I could tell her so, Rose put a hand to my shoulder and flipped me to my back, straddling my hips and taking me in her hand. The glint in her eye promised payback for my torture and had me torn between begging for mercy and begging for her to do her worst. A single stroke from her was almost enough to do me in, though, and she knew it. With a tug at her lip and a mischievous glint in her eye, the phrase 'got you in the palm of my hand,' had been permanently altered for me. I'd do absolutely anything for her.

She leaned down, hovering over me as she kissed one more time, slow and deep, before raising up and gently positioned me at the breach of her. With one hand on her bare thigh and the other on her waist, I watched as she lowered herself on me and we finally came together. It wasn't just like coming home again...it was like coming alive again.

Fully seated inside her, I held her in place. I needed a moment just to...feel. I had been living, but I hadn't been alive without her. Not fully, at least. Rose might not have been the one to restore my soul – though, admittedly, she had done everything she could have possibly done to make that happen – but she had done something so much more important. She had given me back my life.

She was my life. My reason for living. She gave my soul purpose and my world meaning.

Rose was my everything.

Her hand brushed my cheek, trailing along my jaw and the stubble that had grown there after losing my jacket, my bag, and the razor that had kept me in check. The sight seemed to amuse her a little, enough that I considered if a new look was in order just to keep that smile on her face, but then her eyes softened into something that made me utterly breathless.

Drifting downwards, her palm came to rest over the scar in the center of my chest and my heart that beat right underneath it. I placed my hand right over hers, holding it tight in an attempt to say what my voice couldn't.

_Yours. It belongs to you._

She rocked her hips forward and I choked out a groan, eyes rolling back as my head pressed into the pillow. I had almost forgotten what it had felt like to be with her like this. I had almost forgotten just how amazing it felt to be inside her. How that was possible was beyond me, but feeling this physical connection once more was like being in that cabin again. I knew Rose. She was the person who knew me better than anyone ever had or ever cared to. But I had discovered a new aspect of her, of us, that night. I was rediscovering it now.

Maybe that's what was different. I wasn't rediscovering the Rose who I had held and guided through our first time together. Now, Rose was taking control. I relished in the way she moved, her body strong and powerful above me. My hands wandered without restraint, dancing over every graceful curve of her. I cupped one breast in my hand and let my thumb brush over her nipple, shuddering as the simple action made her grind down hard on me and moan. A pinch and her body tightened around me. On and on it went; I'd discover a new little part of her and she'd give me a new reaction. Eventually, I was choosing our torture.

She caught on to my little trick quickly. In a bolt of speed that surprised even me, she had my hands pinned above my head. Any protests I would have made were silenced before I could even consider them when her lips crashed down against mine. I could have easily thrown her off of me, but every time I shifted her hands tightened around my wrists.

It was incredibly sexy to see her so assured of herself like this, and I was secure enough in my masculinity to admit that there was a small thrill to being at her mercy. Mine and Rose's relationship had always had an element of combat built into it and while the thought of pinning her down was appealing – incredibly appealing, in fact – I didn't mind being under her control either.

Her fingers slipped into mine and for a moment, we stayed just like that – tied together intimately between our hands, lips, and slow thrust of my body into hers as she danced above me. Eventually, she pulled away, biting her lip and smiling.

"Got ya," she with the bare hint of a laugh.

I brushed a swift kiss along her cheek before replying earnestly, "Yeah. You got me. I'm yours."

Her eyes lit up at the gentle vow. "I…"

I pulled one hand out of her grasp and gently pulled her face down to mine, kissing her with as much passion, devotion, and honesty I possibly could. I only let her go long enough to whisper in her ear, " _Я люблю тебя всем своим сердцем и душой и обещаю быть с тобой всегда, Роза."_

Her breath shuddered. There was no reason for Rose to understand the words I had just uttered. Even with her time in Russia, her language skills were still rudimentary at best. But she didn't need to know exactly what I had said to understand what I had meant by saying them. She didn't need to know the words for 'heart' and 'soul' to know that I had just promised both to her. She didn't need to know the word for 'always' to know that that was how long I intended to be with her and love her.

With perfect understanding, she replied, "I love you, too."

Our words ended after that. Anything else that needed to be said was spoken with our hearts and our bodies. The only thing that spilled from my mouth was her name as a grateful chant to whatever God granted me enough grace to be in her arms. I knew I'd never truly be worthy of her. She was better than me by far, but loving her gave me something to aspire to. I wanted to be the man she deserved.

Soon, Rose's cries started building, gradually getting faster with every wave her body made above me and louder as she started to tighten around me. I could feel the tipping point coming for us both and I used my hands on her hips to guide her movements when her pleasure started driving them into erratic paces. Finally, her head fell back with one last cry of my name and a shudder that broke me moments later. With one last press of my body into hers, I gave her everything I had and then caught her as she collapsed onto my chest.

Time seemed to slow a little after that. Our heavy pants began to fade into the more lazy breaths of satisfaction. I took my time tracing the gentle ridges of her spine and twisting bits of hair around my finger while she hummed in contentment.

"I'm glad you gave in. I'm glad your self-control isn't as strong as mine." She nuzzled against my shoulder.

I laughed. "Roza, my self-control is ten times stronger than yours."

She crossed her arms, propped her chin up on my chest and grinned. That smile lit up my world. "Oh yeah? That's not the impression I just got."

Dragging a finger across her cheek, I gently enticed her closer towards me for a kiss. At the last moment, I diverted, brushing my lips against her ear instead. "Wait until next time. I'll do things that'll make you lose control in seconds." I was already imagining myself between her legs, tasting her fully and watching her come apart under my tongue.

As if she could see directly into my fantasy, she squirmed against my body. I was tempted to put my promise to the test right then and there, but suddenly the air changed. She shifted off of my chest, slipping next to me and tucking herself under my arm. Despite the physical closeness, I could feel a chill set in between us. "There may not be a next time."

I froze. "What? Why?"

"We have a couple of things to do before this happens again."

"Adrian." A wave of guilt fell over me.

"And that's my problem, so put your honorable thoughts aside. I have to face him and answer for this. I will. And you…" Her fingers traced an ambiguous shape on my chest. "You have to forgive yourself if we're going to be together."

"Rose –"

"I'm serious." With how she was looking at me, there was no question that fact. "You have to forgive yourself. For real. Everyone else has. If you can't, then you can't go on either. We can't."

"I don't know." What she was asking of me was immense. I was still unsure of how she had made peace, or at least started to make peace, with Victor's death. And Victor had actually been a horrible person who was actively attacking her and hurting others. What I had done as Strigoi...what I had done to  _Rose_ as Strigoi? It didn't compare in my mind. "I don't know if I can...if I'm ready."

She nodded, understanding my worry even if she wasn't pleased with my answer. "Decide soon then. You don't have to right this second, but eventually…"

I rolled, facing her nose to nose for a moment before pulling her deep into my embrace. I didn't want to lose her. I  _couldn't_ lose her. But I didn't know how to do what she asked either. It wasn't as easy as just flipping a switch and deciding that I was okay with what I had done back in Siberia. But if it meant never holding her again?

Whatever it took, I knew I had to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOT! I have been waiting to write this scene for a long time, and I know you guys have been waiting to read it for a long time too. I hope I was able to do it justice and made all your hearts flutter with Romitri adoration. Please let me know what you think in the reviews; they really make my day! I've also left a few little callbacks to other parts of their relationship in this scene, so props to you if you can find them.
> 
> The question of the Week is...honestly no clue. I'm still a bit lovestruck between these two! Let's go with favorite OTP/couple outside Romitri (doesn't have to be VA universe.) Personally, I'm a huge fan of Everlark (Katniss and Peeta) from The Hunger Games.
> 
> Thank you again for reading. Please share the love far and wide! Like, review, follow and fav! I hope to see you on the Facebook fan page too! PS, my facebook page fans got a sneak peek of this chapter!


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: Before we get started, I have a  _VERY IMPORTANT_  announcement.  **Vampire Academy may have a very real chance at getting another movie or tv series!**  Last week, Netflix put out a call asking for suggestions on the next book or book series people would like to see adapted. Vampire Academy fans flooded the comments. Our excitement was so impressive, that Jillian Defrehn, president and co-producer at Preger Entertainment (the production company behind the first movie) threw her support behind the idea saying "the fans have spoken" and "Let's chat, Netflix." This is pretty big considering in less than two months ago the company had insisted that they had no plans to sell the rights, despite multiple offers and requests.

We aren't done yet, however. We want to keep the ball rolling and be sure that Netflix KNOWS that we're serious about our series.  **So, tomorrow, 12/1/18, the fandom is hitting twitter to shout our love from the digital rooftops! At**   **1:30pm EST (that's 10:30am PST and 6:30pm GMT) start tweeting with the hashtag #PickUpVampireAcademy and don't stop until we trend.**  Share your favorite quotes from the book. Post fanart or pics of you reading the books. Talk about why you love the series! Anything and everything. Post multiple times and make sure we are noticed. Just be sure to tag Netflix and Netflixlifee (yes, two 'e') in each and every post. Don't forget tumblr, instagram, and facebook too.  **We've waited for this chance, let's not let it pass us by.**  And now, back to the story...

* * *

I spent a good portion of the night holding Rose and thinking about what she had said; I had to forgive myself. Somehow, I had to forgive myself for everything I had done.

Initially, my mind pulled me into the defensive.

_Impossible_ , it insisted.

When I remembered how Rose absolved herself of Victor's death, it countered with,  _It's not the same,_  and,  _You did so much worse, especially to her._ At one point, it even balked at the idea of her sudden absolution.  _She's just deluding herself. She'll realize tomorrow that the guilt is still there and always will be. There is no forgiveness in killing an innocent. She'll understand that soon enough._

And then I felt sick.

I dug my face a little deeper into her hair, taking comfort and courage in Rose's sleeping form beside me before quietly apologizing. Jealousy had made me doubt and deny her strength, even when I knew better. I took a deep breath and tried again, using her faith as my guide.

I was already trying to move forward, despite the guilt that tried to pull at me. I had moved past the idea that I wasn't worth anything good because of what I had done. I had chosen to live outside of a literal and metaphorical cage. I had decided to stop denying myself the beauty in life – the sun, the light, the woman in my arms – and just accept that I had been given another chance to do some good. I had decided to make the most of it and live again.

Some might have said that was enough. Granted, some might have said that it was too much and I deserved significantly worse. There were still some moments when I agreed with them, though they were coming fewer and farther between. In general, though, I was beginning to agree with Rose and the others that I needed to live again. I needed to find my purpose and embrace it. I needed to do good.

That wasn't forgiveness, though, was it? Moving on wasn't the same as letting go. Being happy wasn't the same thing as not being guilty, even if I didn't feel guilty for my happiness anymore.

So what was? Forgetting? That was the phrase, wasn't it? Forgive and forget?

But how do you forget those atrocities? How do you forget creating literal monsters who still stalk the night? How do you forget killing innocent people? How do you forget torturing and hunting down the woman you love?

I clung to Rose a little tighter as my heart began to race and my mind started spinning. The feel of her skin pulled me from the sudden dizziness. She was warm, not pale and cold. She was alive, not dead or undead. We were here...not  _there_.

The fact that we were here, naked in this bed and wrapped together, was something I couldn't quite get my head around yet. I was immensely grateful for it. I was incredibly blessed because of it. But I still didn't quite understand how or why Rose would still want me. I couldn't fathom how she could sleep so peacefully in my arms when less than a month ago I had wanted to kill her – or worse.

_Because she forgave you._  This time it was my heart that spoke.

My mind was right behind it.  _She thinks she forgave you. She's deluding herself. She'll realize one day..._

_No._

_Yes._

Rose rolled over with a sigh. Her head settled on my chest and her hand came up to rest on my scar. Her lips turned up a little as I traced the three little freckles on her shoulder and the internal battle inside me waned.

Rose forgave me.

Rose  _said_ she forgave me.

Rose said I needed to forgive myself.

I groaned and threw one arm over my eyes, blocking out both the sun and my confusion. One endeavor was much more successful than the other.

It was ridiculous, really. I had been turned against my will. That hadn't been my fault. I might have fallen in that cave, but I hadn't asked for my existence to be turned into a horrendous mockery of life. I would have rather died, but that choice had been taken from me. I shouldn't feel responsible for the fact that someone stole my life, my humanity, and everything that made me who I was.

If I wrote it all out on paper, it made sense. If I replaced my name with someone else's, it made sense. But when I tried to believe in it for myself, it all fell to pieces.

I might not have chosen to become Strigoi, but becoming one was hardly a possession. I hadn't been suddenly taken over by a body snatcher or overcome by some demonic spirit. That evil was, at its very essence, still me. The worst possible version of myself imaginable and one that I would never willingly allow to surface, but me nonetheless.

That monster I had become had fed off of the evil, sin, and weakness that I had already held inside me. Things that were still in me to some extent. It fed off my jealousy. It fed off of my insecurity. It fed off of my anger. It fed off of my desire for control in my life. It fed off of all the things that I had worked hard to suppress and brought them to the surface to show me what I was truly capable of. It disgusted me now, but it had empowered me then.

And it didn't just stop at the evil in me...it stole the good, too. It used my guardian training to hurt and destroy rather than protect. It fed off of my feelings for Rose – desire, attraction, and love – and twisted them into an obsession that nearly killed her.

As long as I could still remember how insanely powerful it felt to have everything I could ever want at my feet or remember the sick pleasure of holding someone's life or death in my hands, I didn't deserve forgiveness. As long as I could still feel the sting of my hand cracking against Rose's face when I took my anger out on her, or the thrill of watching her beg and plead for me to steal her total submission to me...I couldn't forgive myself. I just couldn't do it.

I wanted to create something good with her. I wanted to start over and be better for her. I wanted to be the man she deserved. I wanted us to have the relationship that we had both wanted from the very beginning but had fought because we were too afraid to try. No, I was the one too afraid to try. She was brave, and reckless, and had never been afraid to love. She was the one who deserved everything life had to offer...everything I had to offer, as little as it was. I wanted to give it to her. I wanted to start again and do things right.

But starting again and moving forward didn't mean we could just wipe the slate clean. Life didn't work that way. We couldn't just pretend that the past never existed. I couldn't pretend that I hadn't hurt her over and over again, no matter how much I wanted to.

And as much as I knew she wanted to pretend none of it mattered anymore...it still mattered to me. It still mattered and always would. What I had done was unforgivable, but acting like it didn't matter or never happened at all was somehow worse.

Unfortunately, that left me at a standstill of either doing the impossible and forgiving myself for the worst things I had ever done in my life, or admitting defeat and giving up on the best thing that I could ever hope for.

I couldn't let go of Rose. Not again. I couldn't imagine a life without her in it. I never could have, truth be told. Even when it had felt it better for her to stay away, I had still needed her in my periphery. I had needed to know that she was okay, even from a distance. Now that she was at the center of my heart again? I was done. She was it. My soul revolved around her and losing her would leave me lost.

I looked at my world in my arms. The glow through the window seemed to give her a halo, which was ridiculous since I'd hardly call my Roza angelic. Sure, she was was awe-inspiring and had a beauty that could make a man believe in the divine. I had no qualms in admitting, at least to myself, that being with her was a near religious experience. She wasn't some embodiment of innocence and purity, though. She was power, mischief, love, fire, heart, passion, darkness and light, and so much more all rolled into one. She was no angel. She was a goddess. And I adored her.

Her brow furrowed and her lips pursed for a moment, as if in worried concentration. Without thinking, I tipped my head to steal a kiss, and a moment later she settled again. If only I could fix all our problems so easily.

Somehow, I'd find a way to do the impossible. I wasn't sure how, and I wasn't sure when, but I knew I'd find a way. And I'd beg her to stand by me while I tried.

Because if I had learned anything, it was this: when it came to Rose, nothing was impossible.

Eventually, the warmth of her body and the knowledge that I had Rose at my side was enough to soothe me into sleep.

* * *

I woke up to two things. First, a persistent knocking at the door. Second, Rose's body still tucked under my arm. Her hair had once again fallen into her face, and it moved gently as she breathed in and out. I brushed it back behind her ear before reluctantly shifting away from her. She immediately settled into the warmth that I had left behind and tucked the covers tighter around her.

I chuckled in amusement at the sight before the knocking picked up again. I was tempted to call out, but I didn't want to risk waking Rose. Instead, I quickly slipped on my jeans and made way to the door as I finished pulling on my shirt.

A quick check through the peephole showed Sonya on the other side, nervously rocking back and forth on her heels. I flipped the lock and opened it slightly, keeping my body between her and the rest of the room.

Whether she saw it in my aura or on my face, it was obvious that she knew exactly why I was so incredibly happy at that moment. For propriety's sake, she tried to contain herself, but I could see some sort of teasing comment ready to accompany the smile that was growing on her face. I laughed, knowing that I probably looked like a lovesick fool, but I didn't care one bit. The only thing that I was really concerned with at the moment was why I was at the door speaking with Sonya rather than curled up with my Roza in the bed.

"I'm incredibly sorry to interrupt your...um...rest." She grinned and blushed. I tried not to smirk and probably failed. "Unfortunately, I think the front desk is on to us. They haven't investigated yet, but I went to get some drinks from the vending machines in the lobby and overheard the manager talking about our unusual check-in. It's probably time for us to go."

Even without the "early check-out," we probably should have been going. We needed to find somewhere more secure to figure out our next steps. We had Jill now, and we probably should return her to Court. We were fugitives, not kidnappers. Perhaps Sonya could bring her to her mother, and between them, they would be able to prove her Dragomir lineage.

What happened next for Rose and I, outside of our relationship that is, well, that was still up in the air. I wasn't comfortable walking into Court while she had a bounty on her head, so until we could get her cleared, we needed to figure out a place to stay and so forth. First things first, however.

"I'll go get Rose and we'll be out in ten."

Sonya looked at me skeptically and tried to peek around me. "Make it five."

I probably should have been offended that Sonya thought I'd settle for a quicky with Rose right after getting back together with her (granted, I wouldn't have said no to one either), but I let it slide. More pressing matters and all that.

Rose was still sound asleep as I shut the door. I knelt down beside her, gently shaking her shoulder. She groaned and pressed her face into the pillow. She had never been a morning person, and the fact that it was now two in the afternoon didn't change that one bit. "Rose. Rose, we have to –"

She sprung up, surprising me. "Oh my God. You will not believe what I just saw."

My mind instantly went to the worst. "Is Lissa okay?"

She waved the concern off. "Yeah, fine, but–"

"Then we'll worry about that later. Right now, we have to leave."

"What's going on?" She sat up straighter, battle instinct taking over.

"Sonya came by–" I began, as her eyes widened and she reached for the sheet. I laid my hand on top of hers, keeping her from pulling the fabric too far up her body while trying not to laugh at her sudden concern. "Don't worry. I got dressed and didn't let her come in. But she said the front desk called. They're starting to realize we had an unusual check-in. We need to get out of here."

"No problem." Rose tossed the coverlet aside and stood, naked glory and all. Her total lack of shame or modesty around me was amusing...and a bit arousing if I was totally honest with myself. I let my eyes roam over her, appreciating every curve of her body and silently mourning as she slipped on her clothing, piece by piece. I couldn't look away if I tried, and I was done trying. If Sonya hadn't insisted that we were in a time crunch and needed to leave soon, I would have been more than happy to throw her over my shoulder, onto that bed, and run my hands, fingers, lips, and tongue over every inch of skin until I mapped her entire being. And then I'd travel it again. I was fairly certain I could spend the rest of eternity in that hotel bed as long as I had her in my arms.

Feeling my gaze, she looked over her shoulder and met my eyes. A mischievous glint sparked. "You see something you like?"

She had asked me that months ago, back when we had first met and I had been struck dumb by her beauty. Back then I tried to deny it. Honesty won out today. "Lots."

Her lip pulled between her teeth and she blushed at my frank reply, eyes averting just a moment before looking back with a seriousness that broke the playful tension between us. "Don't forget," she said softly. "Don't forget…"

I felt a heaviness settle over us. "I know, Roza. I haven't forgotten." How could I?

Eventually, we were down to slipping on our shoes. A part of me worried that once we left this room, I'd wake up from whatever dream I'd fallen into and the spell would be broken. I was clinging to hope like a lifeline, but the fear was still there. I grabbed Rose before she could reach the door and pressed her against the wall.

This wouldn't be the last kiss I gave her. It couldn't be. I wouldn't let it be. Still, I kissed her as if it was.

Her eyes remained closed, lips swollen and gently lifting towards mine as I pulled away. I watched as she gradually blinked away the shock from my sudden ambush, and our slight breathlessness evened out as I smiled, reached passed her, and opened the door. With one last look at the messy bed, we left the room and locked it behind us.

Sonya was there with Jill. She gave a quick peek at an imaginary watch and tapped her wrist in a silent rebuke towards me for taking too long, even though we couldn't have been more than a minute or so late, and then we made for the car.

We were barely on the road when Rose told Sonya, "I need you to make a charm." She glanced at me in the mirror and continued, "And we have to stop in Greenston."

"Greenston? What for?" Greenston was the closest town to Court. It was only about fifteen minutes away, if that. If anyone caught wind of her presence there, we wouldn't have enough time to escape. My initial reaction was to tell her that there was no way in hell that I was taking her there, but I could see that there was a plan behind her mad request. I forced down my fear and let her lead the way.

"It's where the Alchemists are being held," she explained. "And it's where we're going to find proof that Daniella Ivashkov murdered Tatiana."

Daniella Ivashkov. Adrian's mother. My soul ached.

Adrian already had one horrible piece of news coming his way due to Rose and my ill-timed actions, but learning that his mother could possibly be the one that had set Rose up for murder would make everything so much worse. Rose had already insisted on telling him about us, and I was sure she'd insist on breaking the news of his mother's possible betrayal, too.

"Are you sure about this, Rose?" This wasn't an accusation to make unless you had total confidence in it. Rose didn't seem offended by the question. She knew the gravity of what she was saying.

"I want to talk to a witness before we do anything else, but I'm pretty sure all the pieces fit." It was clear that the revelation brought her absolutely no joy. "It turns out that Daniella was a part of some secret program Tatiana was trying out. She wanted to have some Moroi learn to defend themselves using magic. Daniella wasn't exactly a supporter of that sort of thing. She also wasn't a huge fan of Tatiana, and I doubt this really did much to help their relationship. Grant, who had been one of the guardians who had been helping with the whole thing, mentioned that Tatiana would occasionally meet with the students to see what they would learn. It looks like Daniella might have met with the queen that night." She looked over at me. "He also said that they had just started learning to use stakes."

That didn't exactly bode well for Lady Ivashkov, but it was still fairly circumstantial. "Why would she set you up though?"

She sighed. "Daniella was fairly blunt in telling me that she didn't want Adrian and I to get too involved. She was fine with us having a little fun, I guess, but the very first day I met her she just came out and told me that Adrian would never want me for long and I shouldn't expect much of our relationship. I didn't exactly disagree with her, it's not like I could really have a forever with a Moroi, but I think she saw that Adrian was in a little deeper…" Rose's voice drifted off a little and she paled. Adrian was still in deep with Rose, and we both knew it. There was no doubt that what we had done would hurt him. I reached across the center console and laid my hand on hers. It was cold and shaking. The touch seemed to calm her a little, though.

"Anyways, it seems a bit much to kill me over a relationship, but she loves Adrian a whole lot. There's no mistaking that. I didn't tell you before, but Lissa found out that she bribed that janitor to lie about when he saw Adrian at my apartment that night so she could make sure he wasn't involved with my apparent crime."

I huffed. I understood a mother loving her son and wanting to keep him safe, but paying someone to refute the only alibi that Rose had in her defense was a low move when he was the only person who could have possibly kept her off of death row. It only seemed worse when that son and possible alibi loved the woman who would be executed because he now couldn't prove her innocence.

It made my own actions towards Adrian seem almost kind. Almost. Barely. Actually, not really at all.

"How far is Greenston?" Rose asked, craning her head to look for some sort of sign or marker along the highway. We were still a bit too far away to see any.

"It'll be an hour at least," I said. "Why?"

She settled into the seat a little and leaned her head back. "I'm going to check in again. They're down to the final three candidates and Liss is one of them. She's going to give a speech. I'll let you know if I hear anything else. We're meeting the others at that buffet with the red sign. You know the one?"

I nodded before she closed her eyes.

The rest of the drive was practically silent. We stopped once to fill up on gas and pick up a silver bracelet for Rose's new charm using some of the cash that I had stolen from Victor's wallet before his impromptu burial. The rest of his wallet was dumped into one of the trashcans by the pumps. Then we were gone and the only sounds left were the songs on the radio and the occasional nervous foot tapping from Jill.

* * *

I had glanced at Rose once or twice while driving, and for the most part, she had stayed fairly passive and calm. I recognized the sudden smile that was slowly spreading across her face, however. "That's a dangerous look."

She opened her eyes and batted them at me innocently. "What look?"

I raised a brow, not fooled for a moment. "The one that says you just got some idea."

"I didn't just get an idea. I got a great idea." She laughed deviously. Literally. I rolled my eyes, but it did strike a nervous chord in me.

She smirked back at Jill and Sonya, and her face fell in an instant. "Hey, you okay?"

Jill was the one who replied. "I'm not sure. A lot's kind of happened. And I don't really get what's going to happen next. I feel like...like some kind of object that's going to be used in someone's master plan. Like a pawn."

Rose's lip pulled between her teeth in a brief look of guilt. "You're not an object or a pawn. But you're very, very important, and because of you, a lot of good things are going to happen."

Rose's assurance didn't seem to fully satisfy her. "It won't be that simple though, will it? Things are going to get worse before they get better, aren't they?"

I found myself nodding, and Rose didn't hold back from the truth either. "Yeah. But then you'll get to contact your mom...and well, like I said, good things will happen. Guardians always say 'They come first' when we're talking about Moroi. It's not exactly the same for you, but in doing this...we…" Rose looked towards me for some sort of aid, but before I could add anything, Jill spoke.

"Yeah. I get it. It's for the greater good, right?"

* * *

I insisted that Rose have the charm on before we got into Greenston. It probably wouldn't guarantee her safety if we were ambushed, but it would hopefully give her a slight edge.

She slipped it on her wrist and her appearance shifted almost immediately. She looked almost...well, difficult to see, honestly. It almost seemed like I was seeing two people at once and couldn't truly tell either apart from the other. I could see hints of Rose here and there if I looked for them, but then she'd shift and her features would change again.

"Well?" She held her hands out and turned slowly.

Sonya shrugged. "I don't see anything, but then, I wouldn't."

"You seem a little blurry." Jill squinted, and then took a step forward and squinted again. "Like I need to blink a few times."

Jill had hit the nail on the head. "Same here."

Sonya seemed pleased with the evaluation. "That's how it should look to people who know she's got a charm on. Hopefully to other guardians, she'll be wearing a different face."

Satisfied that she wouldn't be called out the moment she was spotted, we finished our journey to Greenston, and I became more and more anxious. Just before eleven thirty, we rolled into the parking lot of the breakfast buffet. It was already closed for the day and the only car in there was a black SUV that obviously belonged to the guardian fleet from Court. I steeled myself, reached for Rose's hand one last time, and opened the door.

My worries abated for a moment when I saw Mikhail step out of the other vehicle, but my blood suddenly went cold as he was followed by someone else…

Adrian.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I know updates have been erratic and I'm grateful for you guys hanging in there with me. You're love and support is appreciated.
> 
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	31. Chapter 31

I stumbled when I saw him. I caught myself quickly, but for half a second, Adrian Ivashkov had taken me by surprise.

I'm sure there must have been some flashing neon sign above my head – something that blurted out "I had sex with your girlfriend." Maybe there was. Sonya had been able to see something right away, presumably with our auras, so why not him? I was waiting for him to stride over to me and jam his fist into my face.

I wouldn't stop him. Lord knows I deserved it.

He didn't hit me though. He didn't even look at me. His eyes were only for Rose. He took a few steps forward, a bright smile on his face, but their moment was suddenly overshadowed by another.

The car door beside me – Sonya's door – slammed shut. The focused strides Mikhail had been making towards us, the ones ready to take on whatever insanity Rose had concocted, stopped all at once. For a second, they both just stood there. I could hear a quick intake of breath from Sonya before her hand came to her mouth in shock. Mikhail's eyes were wide. He almost looked like he had seen a ghost. Not a ghost, actually. An illusion. He looked like he wasn't sure he should believe his eyes or not.

And then Sonya moved. A single step at first, but then her feet took on a life of their own and she ran towards him. Apparently a sudden believer in magic and miracles, Mikhail caught her and pulled her towards him in a tight embrace. Sonya openly wept in his arms, but when I noticed tears on him too, I had to look away for a moment. Their reunion seemed too personal to be witnessed by so many. But my eyes kept coming back towards them again and again, because while it seemed so personal to them, it also seemed like it should be personal to me. It was theirs...but it should have been mine, too.

Mikhail held her back just far enough to look her in the eyes and trace his hands over her face and hair. "It's you...It's you...It's you…" The words came out choked but filled with awe and gratitude.

"Mikhail," Sonya clutched his hand at her cheek, keeping him close to her and she continued to sob. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry…" Her apology was filled with that quiet shame that ate at us both, but he shook his head immediately.

"It doesn't matter." He kissed the remorse away. "It doesn't matter. Nothing matters except that we're together again."

' _It doesn't matter to me.'_  Rose had told me that from the very beginning, back when I was locked in that jail cell.

_It doesn't matter…._

_It doesn't matter…._

_None of it matters except…._

_...it still matters to me…_

I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath to clear my thoughts.

_Maybe it shouldn't. Not anymore._

When I glanced over at Rose, she was staring at me with a soft understanding. That understanding was laced with the reminder: ' _Y_ _ou have to forgive yourself._ ' It only lasted a second before she turned away again, but I caught the way she drew her lips tight and lifted her head a little to keep the tears lining her eyes from falling. I wasn't sure if it was the happy couple that had put them there or the blunt reminder that I had denied us that same happily ever after.

"Thank you. Thank you for this." Mikhail didn't let Sonya out of his arms as he spoke to Rose. "Anything you need. Anything at all–"

"Stop, stop." Rose's voice cracked a little and she gave a small watery laugh. "I'm glad...glad to have done it, and well...it wasn't really me at all."

"Still…" Mikhail looked down at Sonya and ran his fingers through her hair again, taking a moment to kiss her forehead before speaking again. "You've given me my world back."

That was something I understood completely. My arms itched to hold Rose the same way Mikhail was holding the love of his life, but I could feel Adrian's unknowing presence over us. My eyes flitted to him and my heart twisted at the way he looked at Rose in almost the exact same way I knew I had been looking at her just a moment ago.

Rose didn't allow my guilt to linger very long. "I'm so happy for you," she said earnestly to Mikhail, "and I want you to have this, to enjoy this right now. But I have a favor. One more favor." It almost seemed to pain her to ask.

Sonya and Mikhail exchanged a quick glance and he smirked in a good-natured way. When Sonya nodded in answer to some unspoken question, he looked back towards Rose and gestured behind him towards where Adrian stood leaning against their car. "I figured that's why he brought me here."

Rose laughed nervously at the reminder of her boyfriend standing just a few yards away but straightened and spoke a bit more confidently when she said, "I need you to get me into the hotel where the Alchemists are staying."

Mikhail started shaking his head before she had even finished the request. "Rose...I can't get you into any place. You being this close to Court is dangerous enough."

Rose pulled a small silver loop from her pocket and let it dangle from her finger. "I'll have a disguise. They won't know it's me. Is there a reason you'd have to see the Alchemists?"

His jaw jutted to the side a little as he thought for a moment. Even in that deep consideration, his fingers continued their absent-minded tracings along Sonya's back. "They'll have guardians near their rooms. We could probably pass ourselves off as relief."

It was a good plan. A solid plan. I told him so. "If it's too different from their scheduled shift change, it'll raise eyebrows...but hopefully you'll have long enough to get in and find out what you need. The guardians are probably more worried about the Alchemists getting out than other guardians getting in."

"Absolutely." Mikhail nodded. "So it's you and me, Rose?"

I was about to object when Rose confirmed the idea. "Yep. The fewer, the better. Just enough to question Sydney and Ian. I guess everyone else waits here."

My gut clenched and I barely held back my protest. I couldn't let her go without me. I had promised to be her protector. I was supposed to keep her safe, even if she was willing to walk directly into the lion's den. If she was determined to put herself in danger, then I was supposed to stand and fight beside her. Letting someone else take on that crucial role was wrong. Unnatural even.

It was more than just my need to fulfill my promise. I wasn't ready to let Rose go. I couldn't lose her, not when I had finally gotten her back.

As Rose and Mikhail set out some strategies, none of them including me in any way whatsoever, Adrian moved towards me. I braced myself, but he passed me with no more than a friendly pat on my shoulder and a smile. In his mind, it probably looked like I had kept my promise to him. I had managed to keep her alive. I had brought him back to her...but I had unknowingly stolen her away from him too.

With Adrian distracted by the newest royal princess, I caught Rose's eyes and gestured towards the other side of the car where we'd be out of view.

"This is dangerous." My mouth felt like it was full of cotton and the words came out dry and strained. Saying it was hard enough, but imagining it was harder. "If that charm fails, you probably aren't going to get out of that hotel." The word 'alive' hung heavy between us. I knew Rose was well aware of the risk she was about to take, and I knew how vital it was for us to get the information, but a part of me hoped that she'd back out and call the whole thing off. We could find another way, right? There had to be another way.

"It won't fail. Sonya's good," Rose assured me while simultaneously dashing my hopes that she'd step down. "Besides, if we're caught, maybe they'll bring me back to Court instead of killing me. Imagine how much that will slow elections."

"Rose," I warned. "I'm serious."

Her smirk fell and she reached for my hand. "I know, I know. This'll be easy. We should be in and out in under an hour."

I nodded, trying to fuel my confidence with hers. I wanted to believe her. I almost believed her. And then I saw a hint of her own doubt.

"But if we aren't…" She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. "If we aren't, then send Adrian to Court with Jill, and you and Sonya hide out somewhere until...I don't know."

"Don't worry about us." I squeezed her hand once and then pulled her close to me, smoothing her hair back. "You just be careful." It was more than a simple request. It was a prayer. I sealed it a second later with a kiss on her forehead.

"Little Dhampir, are you –"

I stiffened with her in my arms as my eyes met Adrian's over her shoulder. There was no way that he hadn't seen Rose's and my little piece of intimacy. When Rose turned towards him, gently pushing me away as she did so, I could see her stumble for something that would make this better.

But there wasn't anything. There were no words to fix the hurt we had caused. I could almost hear his heart ripping in two from where we stood.

He looked between us in disbelief. I waited for his anger and accusation, but they never came. The question ' _Why?'_  was written on his face, but only when he stared at her. For me, he didn't have to ask, because he already knew. He knew I loved her. Just like I knew he loved her. Instead, he gave me a look that asked ' _How? How could you? How could you betray my trust when I asked you to take care of her and keep her safe for me?_ '

Pain shown through his eyes and in the tightening of his jaw. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I looked away in shame, knowing that I couldn't erase what I had done.

The scene of agony was broken by Mikhail. "Let's hurry," he called out, completely oblivious to everything. "Sonya says you guys have a ticking clock at Court, too."

"Yeah…" Rose said, her words fading into the wind.

"Go," I urged, placing a hand on her shoulder to push her towards the car. I let it slide away when I saw Adrian wince at the simple contact between us.

"Remember," she whispered to me. "Talking to him is my responsibility. Not yours."

I nodded to appease her, but I knew that it would be impossible. Adrian deserved something from me. An apology, or an explanation, or...something. Adrian's and my relationship couldn't exactly be called a friendship, but he had believed in me when so few had extended me that kindness. Back at Court, he had bluntly called me out on my self-pity and reminded me of who I was and who I should be. Maybe he hadn't liked me, but he might have respected me. I certainly respected him. Yet, I had still stabbed him in the back.

We both watched as Rose slipped into the car. Even with his pain, his worry for her was still apparent. When she looked through the window towards us, he pulled out an unopened packet of cigarettes, shook his head sadly, and lit one. The car pulled away as the scent of cloves washed over me and the combination of that, coupled with the image of Rose slowly disappearing behind a hill, made me sick.

* * *

Adrian steered clear of me as the minutes ticked by. Besides the occasional glance across the parking lot, he acted like I didn't exist. I wasn't sure if I was relieved by his avoidance, or unnerved by it. Part of me still wanted to go and say something. The other part of me wanted him to come and rage at me. I wanted him to fling his insults and his fists. He didn't, though. He just leaned against the concrete wall of the building as the pile of cigarette butts grew at his feet. All the while, he stared at the road.

And so it was, each of us silently taking turns as a sentinel and watching for Rose's return.

At one point, Adrian approached Jill. They spoke quietly and while I couldn't hear what they were saying, he almost appeared normal. He was putting up that unfazed facade that I had seen more than once. I could still see the heaviness of heartbreak on him, but he managed a smile for the new Dragomir.

As they talked, Sonya made her way to me.

"How are you?" she asked.

I raised a brow in disbelief. Sonya might not have witnessed the drama, but she was extremely observant. There was no way that she was blind to the tension. Plus, I'm sure both my and Adrian's auras were a mess.

"Not great," I admitted.

"So, I guess he knows?" It was more of a statement than a question.

I nodded.

"He'll be okay...eventually," she tried to assure me. I didn't believe her. I wouldn't be okay in his shoes, and 'eventually' seemed almost unimaginable at this point. This betrayal would stick with him a long time and I hated that. I hated myself a little more for being the one who doled it out.

I groaned and pulled the tie from my hair and rubbed at my scalp in some vain attempt to release the pressure inside my mind. It didn't help, so I tied it back again a second later. "I should have waited with Rose.  _We_ should have waited. She was still with him. I knew it was wrong and yet I allowed this to happen. He didn't deserve this."

"Of course he didn't," she confirmed. "I don't think there are many people out there who deserve to find out that the one they love is in love with someone else. Even fewer deserve to learn they had an affair."

That word stung, even though it was totally accurate.

"But, if it helps," she continued, "I think this would have happened anyway."

I scoffed. "You think Rose and I would eventually go behind his back no matter what?" I wanted to refute it, but it was hard to pretend to be noble when my actions didn't match up to reality.

"Maybe not behind his back, but there was no way that the feelings between you two would have stayed hidden for long. Adrian is a spirit user. He would have been able to see it fairly quickly. It would have hurt him either way. That pain was unavoidable."

"I still shouldn't have slept with her. Not yet, anyway. I should have waited until she could end things between them."

"Yeah, you should have." I appreciated her candidness. "But you didn't. I'm not going to excuse your actions, but Rose needed you and you needed her. Yesterday...well, she needed you more than I think either of you understood. I don't think Adrian could have pulled her back the way you did. I think you were made for each other in a way, and it wouldn't have mattered if either of you decided to live with someone else in your life, I think there would always have been some sort of pull back to whatever you two have. There's something between you two that can't be denied. I saw it whenever you looked at her. I saw it when she looked at you, too. Being with her last night was a mistake, I'll admit, but actually being with her – loving her like you do – that isn't a mistake." She gestured towards Adrian as he lit yet another cigarette. "I think he knows that as well as I do."

It didn't absolve me, of course, but it did make me feel a little bit better. She was right. I would always be drawn to Rose. I'd always love her, even if she had decided to stay with Adrian. Being with her last night had been wrong, but I couldn't regret loving her. I could feel guilty about my betrayal, but I could never feel bad about loving her.

"So what do I do?" I asked. "How do I make this right?"

She shrugged. "You don't. I don't think there's anything you could say that would make him feel better right now. Just hope that one day he finds someone to love as much as you love Rose."

"I do," I said earnestly. "I hope that he finds someone who makes him feel complete. And I hope that person makes him happier than anyone else could ever fathom."

"Besides you, you mean?" she asked, clearly referring to how fortunate I was to have Rose, and her love, in my life.

I smiled. "Yeah. I hope he finds someone who understands just how good he really is, despite what everyone else thinks, and she is smart enough to love him like he deserves."

"He will," Sonya said with a confident nod. "And when he's ready to see it, he'll understand. When he's ready to, he'll find that same love you and Rose have. He'll just need a little time."

Sonya placed a sympathetic hand on my arm and then walked back towards Jill and Adrian. Adrian excused himself a moment later, returning to the concrete wall and his cigarettes.

* * *

I paced as another hour passed. She was late. Very late. It was supposed to be a quick 'in and out.' I tried to mentally calculate how long that should have taken and none of my answers soothed me. Rose was late. She had been gone too long. Something must have happened and I couldn't do anything about it because I was stuck in this stupid parking lot rather than by her side. I should have insisted on going with her. I shouldn't have let her out of my sight.

The sound of a car engine over the hill finally broke my racing thoughts. Even Adrian seemed to relax a little, but he didn't approach with the rest of us as the car turned into the lot.

Rose glanced nervously towards him as she stepped out, but her worry didn't seem to extend just to him. Every time she looked at me, she tensed a little more and turned away. I felt my stomach twist, wondering if she had changed her mind about us, but it was soon clear that there was something else wrong.

"Were you able to get your information?" I pressed.

"Yeah. We have an eyewitness, and we can probably get some security tapes, too, if needed. But it's not.." She paused for a second, eyes momentarily flicking towards Adrian before continuing. "It's not who we thought."

Adrian blew out a cloud of smoke before asking, "Then who is it?" He managed to hide most of the venom in his voice, but it seemed impossible to do so completely. I doubted he'd be able to hide anything if he realized that our initial suspect was his mother. Thankfully, that didn't appear to be the case.

There was a beat of silence while Rose shifted and bit at her lip a little. Then, she looked at me almost apologetically before shutting her eyes as if to brace herself.

"Tasha. Tasha killed Queen Tatiana."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been so wonderful and patient while I try to juggle this story with school and the rest of life. I really do appreciate it. And I promise that I am trying to keep up. I've already been working on the next chapter and compiling bits and pieces for our final moments. Can you believe it's getting to that? 
> 
> This week's question of the week: What are your holiday traditions? Every year we go to our friends' home (they are more like family) and we have this big Christmas Eve dinner. Prime rib, garlic mashed potatoes, the works. Then we watch Muppets Christmas Carol and then the next morning we all do presents together!
> 
> Thanks again for sticking by me. I hope you liked the chapter. Feel free to say 'hi' in the comments and don't forget to fav, follow, and share!


	32. Chapter 32

_Tasha_. The name echoed in my mind.  _Tasha killed the queen_.  _Tasha killed the queen and then framed Rose for it._

I didn't understand. I couldn't believe it. But Rose wouldn't make an accusation like that lightly. I knew Rose wouldn't accuse one of my oldest friends of murder unless she was completely sure. Still, I couldn't fathom Tasha doing something like that.  _Tasha?_

Rose looked at me in pain in her eyes as she began to explain. "One of the Alchemists, Ian, saw her at the Alchemist headquarters. She was there with that guy that had attacked Lissa. The one that Eddie, um, killed. Apparently, the guy was acting like some bodyguard."

Bodyguard? Tasha wouldn't hire some sort of bodyguard. It had to be a mistake.

"Ian didn't know her name," she explained. "He actually didn't know either of them. He just was certain that it was them."

"How?" I asked, still not understanding. Or maybe hoping it was some mistake.

"He described her to me. Dark hair, light blue eyes, and…" Rose hesitated a moment. "And a large scar on the left side of her face. A pretty distinct scar."

I cursed, turning and walking away for a moment. It was too much to handle.

"Impossible. I can't believe that." Adrian scoffed as he threw the spent butt of his latest cigarette on the ground, stomping out the last smoking cinders. He immediately pulled out the pack, frowned when he found only one cigarette remaining, and then slipped the box back into his pocket without taking it. "Your Alchemist pals are wrong."

"The motives are there," Rose admitted it reluctantly, but with unwavering certainty. "And they are political. Ambrose was right."

"Ian's ID is hard evidence." I didn't want to acknowledge it, but if what Ian said was true, then there was no use in denying it. "But there are a lot of other holes, a lot of pieces that don't fit."

Why would Tasha go to such lengths? Why would she pay people off to lie about Rose and attack Lissa? Why would she delete records about Jill? Why would she anonymously write that threatening note? Why would she insist that the age law was too soft when she typically fought for dhampir rights? None of it made sense.

"Yeah." Rose's brows knitted. "Like why I was set up for the fall."

And that was perhaps the most confusing thing of all. Tasha liked Rose. She respected her. She had told me herself back at Christmas last year. I couldn't think of any reason Tasha would let Rose be the one accused of all this. It didn't make any sense…

...unless…

No, Tasha wouldn't do that. She wouldn't be that petty.

"We need to get back to Court or I'm going to be missed," Mikhail said, speaking as the voice of reason while we all remained stunned at the news.

Rose nodded and then looked at Jill with a smile that seemed a little forced. "And you've got to make your debut."

Adrian threw an arm around the girl and laughed. "I don't know which is crazier. The killer's identity or Jailbait being a Dragomir." It seemed like Jill's situation was holding him together for the moment. He was understandably cold towards me and Rose, but there was some sort of brotherly love between him and the younger girl. I was grateful that she was acting as some sort of oblivious buffer between us. If nothing else, it allowed him to forget our betrayal for a little while.

"You only have five seats," Sonya nodded towards the car that they came in. "We can't all fit."

Mikhail tilted his head in dismay, one step ahead of her. "I'm not leaving you behind. I just got you back. I'm not losing you again."

"You won't. I promise. But everyone else needs to be at Court. I don't." Sonya smiled gently at her lover. "Not yet, at least."

"Maybe Rose and I should stay back," I offered. I wasn't totally comfortable with her returning to a place that had an active kill order on her. The last thing I wanted was for someone to recognize her and put a bullet in her chest. "The rest of you can take Jill back. We'll meet up with you as soon as everything else is taken care of and Rose's name is cleared."

Sonya didn't agree. "Rose should be the one to explain things, and we all know that you aren't leaving her side while she does."

I heard some mumbling and the sound of a lighter behind me. A second later a cloud of smoke passed over us.

"Whatever we decide, we need to decide it soon." Mikhail looked unsettled. It seemed like he saw Sonya's logic and, as reluctant as he was to admit it, he knew she was right. We all did. We all gave the pair a moment to say their temporary goodbyes. Adrian left his phone with Sonya to provide updates, but as we started getting into the car, Rose stopped us.

"Wait. We have another problem." She glanced at me and worried her lip for a second. "They're gonna recognize Dimitri the moment we get to the gate. We can probably get them to overlook Jill for now, but not Dimitri. I have my bracelet but we need something for him. Can we get another bit of silver? Sonya, can you make something for him?"

Sonya looked almost as worried as Rose. "I...I don't know, Rose. I don't know if I have the strength. I can try, though."

"No." Mikhail stepped in front of her protectively. It seemed like he was well aware of the effects of spirit on her. "She shouldn't use her magic. Especially when she's tired."

"I agree." Rose looked upset when I mirrored Mikhail's sentiments, but I didn't want Sonya to give any more of herself than what was strictly necessary.

Rose pursed her lips in concentration. I could see her try to work through the problem, and then deflate a little as she found the solution. "Adrian…"

He didn't respond right away. He just looked at her blankly. If the others hadn't felt the tension before, they certainly did now.

She took a cautious step towards him. "We have to help Lissa," she pleaded. "Time's running out. Please. Please help us."

Adrian's stare moved from Rose towards me and a small hint of hatred flared from his otherwise calm facade. It was obvious that helping me was the last thing he wanted to do. I didn't exactly blame him, but Sonya had been right earlier – I wasn't going to let Rose go without me. Disguise or no disguise, I was getting in that car with her.

When I didn't back down, Adrian caved. It wasn't me that convinced him, however. He looked back at Rose with visible agony, then closed his eyes and sighed. With a small and obviously reluctant nod, he made his way towards the car. "Let's go."

* * *

Jill sat between Rose and Adrian as we drove towards Court. He ignored his technically-still-girlfriend while she, Mikhail, and I went over everything we had learned and the possible ties towards Tasha. I kept trying to find some reason to prove her innocent, but too many things seemed to fit where they didn't belong.

Mikhail started our list. "So we know the man that the Alchemist apparently saw in their headquarters was the same man that attacked Lissa. Joe, that janitor that testified against you, also admitted being paid off by both him and Lady Ivashkov concerning your whereabouts that day."

"Good ol' mom." Adrian shook his head in disappointment.

Rose looked torn for a moment, worrying her lip between her teeth before hesitantly telling Adrian, "She was just trying to help you. She didn't want you to get in trouble with me."

Adrian didn't reply, but his gaze turned a bit harder at her voice. It didn't seem to matter if Rose was defending his mother's betrayal. Rose's betrayal hurt just as bad, if not worse. At least his mother had the excuse of trying to save him from accusation. Rose and I...well, I didn't blame Adrian one bit for his anger towards us.

I think Rose felt the same. She seemed desperate for something else to say to him, but when she realized that there wasn't really anything she could do right now, at least nothing that wouldn't spark an intense argument between them, Rose took a deep breath and brought her focus onto slightly less complicated matters. She began to check off the data we had. "Motive? Yes."

Tasha was adamant that the solution to the growing Strigoi problem was for Moroi to learn how to fight alongside guardians rather than standing behind them. I knew without a doubt that the alternative the Moroi council had decided on – that young dhampir students would graduate early and join the guardian ranks before they were ready – had angered her beyond belief. I couldn't imagine her being so upset as to kill over the decision, but if anything had the power to get her to commit murder, sending children to die would probably be it.

"Ability?" Rose continued, checking the word off on her fingers. "Yes."

I didn't doubt that Tasha knew how to use a stake. Actually, I would have been more surprised if she didn't. I wouldn't have put it past her to carry one with her for defense when she wasn't at Court.

"Paying off Joe? Yes. Access to Tatiana's chambers…" Her brows furrowed in frustration.

That was where things started falling apart a little. Without an official invitation from the Queen herself, it would have been impossible for Tasha to see her that night. It wasn't like Tasha could sneak in, either. There were records of every single person who came and went in the palace. The Queen was too heavily guarded for someone to slip in undetected. Still, an invite also seemed pretty unlikely, since Tasha and Tatiana weren't exactly on good terms. Tasha might not have called the Queen out in the middle of a council meeting like Rose had, but the two had exchanged words more than once over the years because of Tasha's crusade for defensive magic and guardian welfare.

"Yes," Rose said with a snap of her fingers. In the middle of my deliberation, Rose apparently came to some realization.

I turned to her, caught by surprise. "Really? That was the one piece I couldn't figure out."

"Pretty sure I know how she did it." Rose did look fairly convinced, even if the knowledge seemed to disappoint her. I think a part of her was looking for something to absolve Tasha as much as I was. The betrayal hurt us both. "But the anonymous letter to Tatiana doesn't make sense. Not to mention obscuring Lissa's family – or trying to kill her."

No, they didn't make sense. Not that Tasha doing any of this made sense to me, no matter how many of the facts pointed to that conclusion. Not only was Lissa a big supporter of Tasha's ideas, but she was also the woman Christian loved. Tasha would never do anything to hurt her nephew, so sending an assassin to kill her? It was complete madness. The letter suggesting that more extreme measures needed to be taken to increase guardian forces...a suggestion that hinted at forced service or worse...somehow that was even more ludicrous.

A strange thought hit me. "We might be dealing with more than one person."

"Like a conspiracy?" Rose asked.

I shook my head. "No. I mean someone else had a grudge against the queen. But not someone who'd go as far as to kill her. Two people, two agendas. Probably not even aware of each other. We're mixing up the evidence."

_Two_ people bribed the janitor. One was Daniella Ivashkov, who bribed him to protect her son. The other was Tasha's bodyguard who was most likely doing it at her request, even if we still didn't know exactly why. Tasha wouldn't suggest extreme methods of increasing guardian numbers like that note had suggested, but Lady Ivashkov might. She probably would have objected to learning self-defensive magic, too, despite being part of the hidden group learning to do just that. Adrian and Rose had both insisted that she wasn't in favor of such a thing. The note had also mentioned worry about my restored state and had encouraged the suppression of spirit. Neither of those seemed like something Tasha would be concerned about either, no matter how Tasha and I had left things before I broke out of Court. No, unless there was somehow a third person messed up in all this, Lady Ivashkov most likely wrote the threatening note. She didn't kill the queen, though.

That, unfortunately, fell towards Tasha. As Rose had pointed out, Tasha would have been incredibly upset about the age decree and the death sentence it would give young students, maybe even enough to motivate her to do something rash. Between Daniella and Tasha, Tasha was much more likely to have the strength, ability, and will to use a stake. We already knew she had bribed the janitor to get information about Rose's whereabouts that night for some reason, and if Rose had figured out how she got into the Queen's chambers to actually commit the murder...well, that was it. I wanted to ask Rose what she had put together for those last details, but before I could say anything, I saw that she had become enthralled in Jill and Adrian's conversation beside her.

"What do I do?" Jill asked in a timid voice.

"Act like you deserve to be there," Adrian replied firmly. His advice on how to handle herself in Court was so immediate, confident, and kind that it was hard not to admire him and how he had already taken the young girl under his wing. Even in the midst of his own troubles, he was putting them aside for Jill's sake.

The question now was whether or not he'd put them aside, at least momentarily, for my sake. A final turn in the road brought the Court's front gate into view and my body began to tense in anticipation of what could be my last moments if the man I had insulted only hours ago decided to get his revenge. There was still a line of people waiting to get in, and the slow crawl towards my possible death was almost unbearable.

Finally, the true test of Adrian's honor came as Mikhail rolled down his window and addressed the guardians posted at the gate. Mikhail gave some vague reason to account for his absence and made a quick joke with his coworker about the insane line while the man scanned the car, passing over all of us – Rose and myself included – before waving us through. With a quick check of the trunk and a respectful nod towards Adrian, the only known royal in the car, we were free.

I wasn't sure if I was pleased by that or not. On the one hand, I was alive, but on the other, it meant that Adrian had kept his word. He had kept me hidden, despite what Rose and I had done to him. Worse, I knew he wasn't just doing it out of some gallant nobility. He was doing it because Rose had asked – no, begged – him to do it. He did it because he still loved her, and didn't want to hurt her like we had hurt him.

I couldn't even thank him. I felt too guilty to do so.

"Oh my God. It worked." Rose breathed a sigh of relief. I saw her glance towards Adrian, but he was looking out the window and away from us all.

"Now what?" asked Jill.

"Now we reestablish the Dragomir line and call out a murderer." Her words sounded confident, but I could hear the almost imperceptible waver in her voice that hinted at her nervousness.

"Oh, is that all?" The thick sarcasm practically rolled off of Adrian to fog the glass near his lips.

Before Rose could say anything, Mikhail interrupted. "You know that the instant your illusions are dropped, you two are going to be jumped by guardians and thrown back into jail." He looked between me and Rose. "Or worse."

"We know. But if everything works out...we won't have to stay there for long." She mirrored his tone while glancing at me for solidarity and pointedly ignoring his deathly warning. "They'll use what we've found out and then eventually set us free."

I nodded my agreement, even though I knew we were both worried about the possible outcome.

Without further ado, we left the car behind in the guardian lot and hurried towards the ballroom where Rose had said the final Council deliberations for the new monarch were being held. We didn't necessarily need her directions. The mass of people surrounding the building was an obvious sign of the activity inside. It was nearly chaotic. We moved through the crowd as they screamed, both at whatever was happening behind the door and at us for pushing past them. We seemed to be evading detection, thanks to Sonya's charm and Adrian's reluctant kindness, but I was still wary with every footstep forward.

We were able to slip in without issue, but the chaos inside was somehow even more intense than what we had seen outside. A few guardians were trying to break up some verbal fights before they could become physical, but most just stared at the madness with varying shades of nervousness. They had to be ready. With this sort of situation, anything could happen.

Granted, I doubted anyone was ready for two fugitives to break in and announce a murderous plot. I certainly wasn't.

Rose pursed her lips as she scanned the ballroom. "We need someone to get the room's attention. Someone not afraid to make a spectacle – I mean, besides me, of course."

I didn't appreciate her little joke. There was still time to back out. We could leave and find another way. I was just about to tell her so when I heard a familiar voice come from behind me.

"Mikhail? Where have you been?"

Rose turned and smiled at her father. "Well, speak of the devil. Exactly what we need."

Abe looked at her intently, sizing her up to figure out who she was and what threat she might pose. Abe was smart like that. He always wanted to know who his opponent was so he could get the upper hand. He was perceptive, too, and after a moment he could obviously sense something was off.

"What's going on?" he demanded.

"The usual, Old Man." Rose casually flipped her hair over her shoulder and shrugged with a playful grin. I wasn't quite sure what Rose's disguise actually looked like, but with that simple motion, anyone who knew her would be able to tell in an instant who was hiding behind the mask. "Danger, insane plans...you know, the stuff that runs in our family."

"Rose? Is that you?" Abe's voice went from confused to parental in an instant. "Where have you been?"

"We need the room's attention," Rose said, completely ignoring Abe's concern. "We've got a way to settle this whole argument."

"Or at least a way to start another one," Adrian commented in his typical sarcastic manner.

Rose stepped towards her father, lowering her voice. "I trusted you at my hearing. Can't you trust me now?"

"You apparently didn't trust me enough to stay put in West Virginia." Abe pointed out in an obstinate tone that sounded way too similar to Rose when she was being stubborn.

With a wave of her hand, Rose brushed aside the impending argument between her and her father. "Technicalities. Please. We need this."

I cut in. "And we're short on time." Already we had gotten a few looks, even if they were dismissed a moment or two later for something that seemed a bit more exciting than a couple of guardians talking to a man in the corner of the room.

"Let me guess. Belikov?" I straightened up a little in an attempt to not recoil under his scrutiny. Even if I had so far kept my promise to him and kept Rose safe, I was certain that I would be punished somehow for letting Rose slip away from the safehouse. I couldn't imagine what he would do to me for letting her return to Court while she still had a target on her back.

"Dad, we have to hurry." Rose reached out and grabbed his wrist, tearing his gaze from me. "We've got the killer...and we've got Lissa's…" She scrambled trying to find some explanation for all the complexity of the situation. "A chance to change Lissa's life."

Abe looked at her in shock. Apparently, he wasn't used to her calling him 'Dad' and he didn't quite know what to make of it. It was enough to melt his resolve. He looked around the still growing madness and nodded to someone across the way. Janine appeared a second later.

"Who are these people?" she asked, not bothering with any pleasantries.

"Guess," Abe replied humorlessly. "Who would be foolish enough to break into Court after escaping it?"

Janine caught on instantly. "How –"

Rose cut her mother off just as abruptly as she had her father before. "No time. I have a feeling half of the guardians in this room are going to be all over us soon. Are you ready for that?"

Janine looked conflicted for a moment, but one look at her daughter set her decision on the matter in stone. She was willing to break protocol – even the law – to keep her daughter safe. "Yes."

"Me too," Mikhail replied quickly.

Abe looked between us all in concern. Apparently, our plan seemed too crazy for even him to fully get behind. That didn't mean he was ready to back down from the challenge. "I guess there are worse odds."

We followed Abe as he made his way up towards the stage. Near the podium, Nathan Ivashkov continued shouting into the microphone, but anyone could see that it was a useless endeavor. Even he seemed to know it, and with one final call to order that went completely ignored, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

While we climbed the stairs, I glanced over to where Lissa sat as one of the three monarch candidates and the one this whole uproar was about. Her eyes widened. She knew exactly who we were beyond the spirit disguises and she started to rise. A quick, sharp look from Rose made her settle again. The worry and confusion still played on her face, but she was ready to trust Rose...just like she always had.

Nathan hardly seemed so trusting of Abe. When Abe grabbed the microphone and pushed Nathan aside, he gave a weak protest. "Hey, what are you –"

Abe disregarded him and slipped two fingers between his lips. An ear-piercing shriek sounded from the speakers – a combination of Abe's whistle and the lingering feedback from the mic. Instantly, the room quieted as people covered their ears and gave him their full attention.

"Now that you have enough sense to keep your mouths shut," Abe said with imposing confidence, "we have...some things to say." He still didn't fully understand what was happening, but like Lissa, he was willing to trust Rose blindly. "Act fast," he urged as he offered Rose the microphone.

Rose stepped forward. "We're here to, uh, settle this debate once and for all." Rose held the mic in a shaky hand and then steeled herself as she cleared her throat. A second later, her uneasiness seemed to disappear and she looked over the crowd with the same fortitude her father had. "The laws can stay the way they are. Vasilisa Dragomir is entitled to her Council vote – and eligible to be a full candidate for the throne. There is another member in her family. She isn't the only Dragomir left."

The mood in the room shifted. The crowd began to murmur in interest at the potential scandal. A quick glance towards the reigning Dragomir princess showed a barely concealed look of shock as her best friend announced the twist of events.

Rose looked towards Jill and extended a hand to urge her into full view of the audience. She appeared frozen, but Adrian placed a gentle hand on her arm and the girl lifted her chin and rolled her shoulders back in resolve. She pressed forward and when she finally stood next to Rose, she shook but she still appeared like the royal she was destined to be.

Rose gave her a small smile before addressing the crowd again. "This is Jillian Mastrano Dragomir. She's Eric Dragomir's illegitimate daughter – but she is his daughter and officially part of the bloodline."

The crowd seemed unable to process the news. It was quiet as Jill leaned towards the microphone in Rose's hand and said, "I am a Dragomir. Our family has its quorum, and my s-sister has all her rights."

In the growing confusion, Abe jumped in and said, "For those who don't believe this, a DNA test will clear up any doubts about her lineage." For someone who was learning this at the same time as everyone else in the room, he looked pretty sure of himself. I couldn't help but worry about what would happen if somehow the test didn't come out positive. After everything we had learned from Mrs. Mastrano herself, it was unlikely. But, people had tampered with DNA tests under less politically charged instances. It wouldn't be unheard of for someone to try to do so now.

Shouts started coming from the crowd. Guardians scrambled trying to restore some order, and a few of them started creating a perimeter around the stage. I wasn't quite sure if they were trying to establish security for the candidates on stage, or if a few perceptive ones had finally realized that the "guardian" speaking was completely unknown to almost everyone in the room.

I looked at Lissa sitting primly in her chair on the stage with her hands in her lap as people insisted it was all a scam on her part and demanded proof before immediately turning around and accusing her father of being a flirt and philanderer. Despite the outward appearance she was trying to portray, I could see her hands wringing together as she looked at Rose. When Rose remained focused on the crowd and tried to control the situation, she turned towards me. She silently pleaded with me for an answer. Any answer. I couldn't tell if she wanted me to tell her it was true and she actually did have an unknown sister or tell her that it was all a lie and her father didn't betray her family by having an affair with another woman.

Before I could nod or offer some sort of comfort, a voice rose above the others. "He did have another daughter."

From the crowd below, Daniella Ivashkov spoke the words with such certainty that the masses around her fell silent. Questions still flashed in the eyes of those beside her, but at least people seemed willing to listen to her while she explained. "Eric Dragomir had an illegitimate daughter, with a woman named Emily Mastrano – a dancer, if I recall correctly. He wanted it kept a secret and needed certain things done – things he couldn't do himself – to help with that. I was one of the few who helped." She sighed but kept her proper smile. "And honestly, I wouldn't have minded it staying secret either."

Rose looked at her intently. "Enough that you'd make certain papers disappear." It wasn't quite a question, but there seemed to be some new understanding between the women as they spoke to one another.

"Yes," Daniella replied.

"Because if the Dragomirs faded, spirit might too. And Adrian would be safe." The same protective instinct that had caused a concerned mother to bribe a man to keep her son safe apparently extended further than we had initially expected. Rose looked at her with something that resembled sympathy as she spoke to Daniella. "Spirit was getting too much attention too fast, and you needed to get rid of any evidence about Jill to kill Vasilisa's credibility."

Daniella didn't answer, but her silence was just as much of a confirmation as anything else could have been. The anonymous note sent to Tatiana began to make more sense. Yes, it had insisted on harsher action to recruit more guardians, but it had also mentioned spirit quite a bit as well. It questioned if spirit was enough to bring me back, and then insisted that spirit was too powerful and unpredictable to exist at all. It suggested that our ancestors had destroyed any history of it for a reason, and the possible madness it could produce in the users – Adrian and Lissa included – made it too dangerous to accept. Once again, by obscuring existence and limiting its study, she would be protecting her son. All Daniella had wanted was to protect her son.

Rose looked at her with curiosity. "Then why admit it now?"

The woman shrugged. "Because you're right. One DNA test will show the truth." People gasped. It seemed like those unwilling to believe Rose were more than willing to believe Daniella Ivashkov and her royal support of the truth. And since they believed her, they were willing to ask the same questions that she did. "What I'd like to know is: who in the world are you?"

Rose wavered, perhaps for once in her life considering the odds against her. Revealing herself would give some sort of backing against her words, but it would also put her at certain risk. A part of me urged her to step back and let the truth about the Dragomir line play out on its own. I saw her fiddle with her bracelet. I silently begged her to stop. I nearly ran to her to pull her away from the danger she was toying with. But then her finger tightened around the bracelet and I knew it was useless. She ripped it off in a single resolved and reckless movement.

"I'm Rose Hathaway."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm on break for the next week. I've been on break for the past few days, too. Do you know what that means? WRITING! Lots of writing. I've written HOURS over the past few days. Chapters! It's coming together!!!! Oh, it feels so good to be in my element again.
> 
> This week's Question of the Week is: What luxury would you have a hard time giving up?
> 
> Can we get a BIG round of applause for my beta, Kelly? She did a turnaround on this chapter in a matter of hours. Her role might be behind the scenes, but she has a big impact on this series. Thank you so much.
> 
> And thank you, dear readers, for sticking by me. I know we're nearing the end and you are all probably excited for the climax (I know I am), so I'm extra grateful for your patience. Fav, follow, share, and comment!


	33. Chapter 33

If people had been in an uproar earlier, now they were practically rioting.

The guardians that had been previously watching us so carefully now rushed the stage. Among them, I saw Phillips and Hunter, two of my former guards. Hunter looked at me with a shock of recognition and I knew it wasn't just Rose's disguise that had been dropped.

As they closed in around us, Mikhail and Janine stepped forward to block them from apprehending us. When I saw one of the guardians reach for his hip and the holstered gun there, I braced myself to join the fray as well.

"Don't!" Rose's voice called out, not towards our attackers but towards me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw that she was perfectly still with her hands up in submission. I knew what she was warning me against – any sign of attack from us would give them a green light to do whatever they felt necessary to protect themselves – but that didn't mean I was ready to put myself at their mercy. She eyed me carefully and eventually I gave in. Slowly, I raised my hands too.

"Wait." This time Rose was speaking to the guardians. "Listen to us first."

They slowed, but I wasn't sure if it was because of Rose's plea or because two other people now moved in front of us – Jill and Abe. I had no doubt that the guardians would take down Janine and Mikhail if they felt they needed to, but laying hands on two Moroi, particularly one that who might be Royal, made things much more precarious. It didn't help that Adrian was around too, perhaps acting as a shield to those who were trying to come at us from behind. Even if it was unintentional, he was giving us a little protection as well.

"Haul us off later if you want. We won't resist." Rose called out. "But you have to let us talk first. We know who killed the queen."

"So do we," replied the guardian with his hand ready at his gun. "Now, the rest of you...back away before you're hurt. These are dangerous fugitives."

"They need to talk. They have evidence." Abe sounded much too casual for someone standing in a circle of guardians who were itching to take down a threat. He also sounded incredibly confident for someone who hadn't actually heard a single word of our evidence. His faith in Rose and her crazy plan was insane. But, like father like daughter, I supposed.

"Let them talk." My heart sped as I watched Lissa push herself into the heart of the danger. I didn't know how the guardians had let her slip by them, but when one roughly grabbed her arm to pull her back, I saw red. It took a whole lot for me not to wrench his hands away. I wasn't the only one, either. I saw Rose practically glower at the man.

"They've come this far," Lissa said with a wince. The man finally loosened his grip and she rubbed at the spot. "They were right about...Jill. You've got them. They can't go anywhere. Just let them talk. I've got evidence to support their case, too." She still appeared wary about the news of her sister, but she seemed sure of everything else Rose had to offer.

Rose's eyes flashed towards her bondmate. "I'd hold off on sharing that, Liss."

"Let's hear them." The familiar voice of a guardian on my left took me aback. Hans – the captain of the Court's guard and the man who had personally signed off on Rose's death warrant after we broke her out – was willing to listen. In fact, he almost seemed intrigued by what Rose was saying. "After an escape like the one they pulled, I'd really like to know what brought them back. But, I'm sure you two will understand we'll have to restrain you before you make your great reveal."

I turned to Rose. Considering everything, a pair of handcuffs was better than what we had expected. Rose nodded, and I followed her lead.

"Okay," I said, agreeing to the restraints. When Janine, Mikhail, and the others didn't move, I spoke to them as well. "It's okay. Let them through."

They still didn't move.

"Do it," Rose urged with finality. "Don't end up as our cellmates."

One by one, the others stepped to the side and allowed themselves to be taken to the sidelines and out of reach. Janine and Abe were the last to move, but eventually, they allowed the guardians to pass. The only one who remained near us was Lissa, but Rose and I had shifted so that she was positioned safely behind us. We were both protecting her, even if it looked like we weren't paying attention to her at all.

A few of the guardians stepped forward and pulled our hands behind us, cinching cuffs around our wrists. Even restrained, they didn't move away. No more grand escapes for us. Hans stood beside Rose, hand on her arm, and said, "Get on with it."

Rose glanced around us, looking at Lissa and then through the crowd. Her face fell a little and I knew she had found who she was searching for – Tasha. Christian was inches away from her, completely oblivious of what was about to happen. My own heart lurched. If I felt betrayed by my friend because of her actions, how would her nephew react to the news?

Rose took a deep breath and then spoke.

"I didn't kill Tatiana Ivashkov. I didn't like her, but I didn't kill her." She looked at Hans, still gripping her arm. "You've questioned the janitor who testified about where I was during the murder, right? And he ID'd the man who attacked Lissa as the one who paid him off to lie about where I was?"

Hans looked surprised, but only for a moment. I think at this point, he was used to the fact that Rose would always manage to be where she shouldn't be and know things that she had no business knowing. He nodded, accepting the inevitable.

"There's no record of his existence," Rose admitted. "At least not with the guardians. But the Alchemists know who he is. They saw him at one of their facilities – acting as someone's bodyguard. A bodyguard for someone who was let in to see Tatiana the night she died: Tasha Ozera."

Tasha sprang up instantly from her chair. "What on earth are you saying, Rose!? Are you out of your mind?"

Rose's lip trembled a little as she stared at the woman. I could feel the pain in my own heart, too. Tasha had defended herself quickly. Too quickly. She had known exactly what Rose was about to say and had already been ready to fight back at the accusation.

The hurt in her voice was palpable as Rose solemnly said, "I wish I was...but it's true. We both know it. You killed Tatiana."

"I never, never believed you killed her – and I've fought for you on that. Why are you doing this?" As quick as she was clever, Tasha played a dirty hand that visibly pulled at Rose's resolve. "Are you playing on the Strigoi taint in our family? I thought you were above that kind of prejudice."

"What I am saying has nothing to do with Strigoi. I almost wish it did." It certainly would make things easier if we were battling those monsters rather than a friend who had set Rose up to take the blame for treason… even while she seemingly fought for Rose's innocence. Rose stood firm despite the visible despair on her face. "You hated Tatiana for her age law and refusal to let Moroi fight."

Another person, some member of the Ozera family who just had outcast Tasha for years, finally seemed ready to speak out to defend his family's honor. "Half this Court hated Tatiana for that law. You among them."

"I didn't have my bodyguard bribe a witness or attack Lis– Princess Dragomir." Her focus returned to Tasha. "And don't pretend you didn't know the guy. He was your bodyguard. You were seen together."

Tasha threw her hands in the air, looking more flustered at every word. "Rose, I can't even believe this is happening, but if James – that was his name – did whatever you're talking about, then he acted alone." I saw her eyes widen as she revealed herself a little. We had never said her co-conspirator's name. She tried to redirect to cover her tracks. "He always had radical ideas. I knew that when I hired him as outside help, but I never thought he was capable of murder." Tasha looked towards the Council. "I've always believed Rose was innocent. If James is the one responsible for this, then I'm more than happy to tell you whatever I know."

Tasha was brilliant. It didn't matter if she was fighting for other's rights or for her own freedom, she was always able to take hold of a situation and work it in her favor. Right now, that meant finding someone else to take the blame. A dead man was the perfect suspect. I could see that Rose had come to the same conclusion: allow a dead man to take the fall and it would all go away. Indecision – not doubt, but indecision – warred inside her features. She shifted on her feet. Her hands tensed and relaxed behind her back. She bit her lip and worried it between her teeth. Her eyes...her eyes fell to the floor as she made her choice.

Honor had pulled her to the side of truth.

"James couldn't have staked Tatiana," she said with obvious remorse. "He had an injured hand. It takes both hands for a Moroi to stake someone. I've seen it happen twice now. And I bet if you can get a straight answer out of Ethan Moore…" Rose looked towards the back wall at a guardian I had never seen before but was visibly pale as everything was coming to light. She aimed her words straight at him. "James wasn't there the night Tatiana died, was he? And I don't think Daniella Ivashkov was either, despite what Princess Dragomir was told earlier. But Tasha was. She was in the queen's chambers – and you didn't report it."

The man stumbled over his words as he looked towards Tasha for aid. "Tasha wouldn't kill anyone." His declaration seemed to hold a little uncertainty.

"Rose! Stop it!" Christian now stood next to his aunt, looking equally hurt and outraged. I wasn't sure what was going through his mind, but I knew that he had to be just as shocked and confused as anyone else. Perhaps more so. He was being torn between his love for his family and his respect for Rose. I didn't know if he could see the truth behind Rose's accusation, but I sympathized with his need to defend the person he considered his only family left in the world.

I heard Lissa's quiet footsteps as she walked hesitantly towards us. "I know it's wrong...but if we used compulsion on the suspects…"

Tasha's eyes flashed with anger at the idea. "Don't even suggest that! Stay out of this." Christian looked at his aunt with visible distress. Her reaction wasn't exactly working in her favor, and there was an obvious shift in him as he started to realize it. Tasha's voice softened a little as she spoke to Lissa again. "Your future's on the line. A future that could make you great and achieve the things our people need."

"A future you could manipulate." I shook my head in shame because Rose was right; If Lissa won the crown, Tasha would be in a perfect position to mold Moroi politics to fit her vision. Rose spelled it all out when she continued, "Lissa believes in a lot of the reforms you do...and you think you could convince her of the ones she doesn't. Especially if she's with your nephew. That's why you've fought so hard to change the quorum law. You wanted her to be queen."

"That's idiotic," Christian argued, but he suddenly didn't seem so sure. "If she wanted Lissa to be queen, why make that James guy attack her?"

Rose hesitated. It was one of the things that had plagued us both about Tasha's motivations. Why  _would_ she send an assassin after Lissa?

"Because no one was supposed to die," I said in sudden realization. "You didn't expect a guardian to be with her. James was probably going to fake an attack and run...enough to generate sympathy and more support for Vasilisa. Which it certainly did – just a little more severely."

When Tasha looked at me, I could see why Rose had wavered in her attempt to bring the truth to light. I understood why Christian didn't want to believe any of it. I knew just how much it hurt to say the things nobody wanted to say. It was terrible to learn that someone you care about – someone you respected and trusted – was capable of such horrible things.

"Dimka, not you too." The use of my childhood nickname was like a knife in my heart. She looked at me as if I had betrayed her rather than the other way around. She had hoped for an ally in me, but I couldn't save her at the expense of another...especially when that person was Rose.

"And that's why I took the fall." Rose's words were so soft and sad, that I almost didn't understand them.

"Hmm?"

She shook my question off, but I could still see the heaviness of her comment lingering. Instead, she turned towards Hans. "You can take me into custody, I mean it. But don't you think you've got enough to take her – and Ethan – in too?

Hans stared at her, but Rose didn't sway under his scrutiny. Rose and Hans were more similar than I think either of them would have liked to admit. Yes, Hans was strict and played by the rules while Rose tended to be more reckless, but in the end, they were cut from the same cloth. Rose and Hans would always fight for what they knew to be right. Even if they fought for it in vastly different ways, they would always do what they felt was necessary for truth and justice to reign.

Finally, Hans nodded. "Take Lady Ozera. And Moore. We'll question them."

Guardians moved towards Tasha and Moore almost as quickly as they had descended upon us before. Guardian Moore didn't resist, but it seemed like Tasha's 'fight-or-flight' response was kicking in. She looked around her in desperation, trying to find some way out. The people beside her scampered away and the guardians moved as swiftly as they could between the tight rows of chairs, but it wasn't until Tasha threw a punch at the first person to try to apprehend her that everyone started to truly panic. More guardians tried to get hold of her without actually hurting her, but she fought hard. Her martial arts training was unexpected for most of them, and soon they appeared less worried about harming a Moroi woman than they were about restraining her before she hurt them, the people around her, or herself.

I wanted to call out for her to stop. I wanted to tell her to stop resisting. She was too far gone, though. She knocked one guardian down and fell with him beyond my view. A second later, the distinct crack of a gun sounded.

I stepped back in surprise. They had shot her. They had shot Tasha to bring her down.

Even knowing what I knew about her and her role in all this, I never wanted her to be killed. Apprehended. Yes. Brought to justice? Yes. Imprisoned for her crimes? Yes. But not shot down by a guardian in the middle of a ballroom.

It was almost a relief to see her standing as the guardians backed away. That relief quickly turned to dread.

It wasn't a guardian who had pulled that trigger on the gun. It was Tasha. She held it up in the air for a half a second before snatching a young blonde woman next to her and putting the barrel to her head.

Someone gasped and said the woman's name under their breath. Mia. I suddenly recognized her from the Academy as one of the students who had been captured with Rose and the others in Spokane.

"Don't move," Tasha warned. I could see the fear in Tasha's eyes. She was like an animal backed into a corner. She didn't have many options left to her, but I knew without a doubt that she would do whatever she could to escape. I wanted to believe that she wouldn't harm the girl, but at this point, I wasn't certain of anything except that Tasha was no longer the person I once thought she was.

The guardians who had been surrounding Tasha suddenly pulled back, many of them taking a citizen or two with them to keep them out of harm's way. Christian was among those saved from his aunt's unpredictable hysteria. His face fell into a blank sheet of terror and uncertainty as his aunt used her hostage to slowly make her way to the door.

Mia looked unnaturally calm for someone with a gun to her head. She allowed herself to be pulled along with Tasha, but I got a sense that she wouldn't allow it for much longer. The look in her eye confirmed it. The girl was a fighter, I realized, but this was a fight that would probably get her killed.

Everything after that happened so fast. I heard footsteps behind me and someone called out to Tasha as Mia pulled herself free. Guardians started moving towards her but Tasha's gun wasn't pointed at them. It was pointed at the stage. At us. At me. At Lissa. At Rose.

A flash of dark hair moved in my peripheral as I broke free from the guardian beside me. Screams echoed in the hall as I jumped into the path of the oncoming bullet. And as the piercing sound of a shot echoed across the ballroom walls, I shut my eyes and braced myself for the pain.

...

....

......

.........

.....

...

I waited for the pain. The forceful jolt. The stinging bite. I waited for the fiery burn of that bullet ripping through my flesh.

It never came.

The sound of people screaming seemed distant. The movement around me seemed to slow as I realized that Tasha's shot had missed. It must have gone wide and hit the wall behind us or maybe the stage below us. I was alive.

I opened my eyes carefully, only to catch Tasha's open-mouthed look of horror. Guardians descended on her, tearing the gun from her hands with little resistance. She didn't fight them anymore. As they closed in, she met my eyes with a look of shock, dismay, and perhaps even disbelief at what had just happened. She looked at me almost apologetically. Then she looked past me.

I turned and followed her gaze and my world came to a standstill.

Rose was on the ground.

"Rose?" I was stuck in my unbelief. She didn't respond. "Roza!"

Thick, red liquid pooled around her as she gasped for air and choked on her breath. Blood sputtered on her lips as she coughed.

The bullet might have missed me...but it had found her.

I ran, my legs giving out the moment I was at her side. Lissa held on to her, calling her name and then calling for help in turn. Her hands were drenched in Rose's blood as she tried to stop the bleeding.

I reached out to help, but my hands caught on something behind my back. I was still handcuffed – completely useless while Rose bled out right in front of me.

"Pressure! You need to put pressure on the wound." Lissa scrambled to follow my command but there was so much blood that neither of us could tell exactly where she had been shot. Rose grimaced at every touch.

"Hold on, Roza. Help's coming. Just hold on." It was obvious my words were falling on deaf ears. I tried in vain to free my hands again, pulling hard enough to feel the metal cutting into my wrists and then pulling even harder. The cuffs held tight. I couldn't touch her. I couldn't help her. Dear God, I couldn't help her.

Rose's eyes were wide and glassy as she looked for something or someone. Tears fell down her cheeks and her eyes darted frantically while she continued to struggle for breath. Then they settled on Lissa.

All at once, she seemed to calm. I could still hear her quiet gasps and see the dark crimson pool growing around her, but any sort of panic from her ceased. It was like her friend was some sort of lifeline, keeping her here in our world. It was like Lissa was the  _only_  thing keeping her in this world with us.

Lissa cried and brushed back Rose's hair from her face, leaving a red streak across her cheek. The sight made me choke on the pain rising within me, but Rose smiled. It was a small and shaky little thing, but it still managed to light up her face somehow.

"Help is coming. You're going to be okay, Rose," Lissa said earnestly. You could tell she really believed it, too. She pressed her hand against Rose's chest and I could practically see the magic she was trying to use to heal her. It wasn't working. At least, it wasn't working fast enough. Nothing was working. She was bleeding too fast.

She was dying too fast.

I swore I saw the death and darkness closing in on her. Shadows danced in her eyes, circling closer and closer. Her breathing became shallow and even more strained. The pain and exhaustion of her wounds were dragging her down into nothingness.

I was losing her.

I wanted to hold her. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and make it better. I desperately wanted it to all go away. I wanted to apologize that I hadn't been fast enough to save her. I wanted to beg forgiveness for her pain and how I hadn't been there when I should have been.

I wanted to beg her forgiveness for  _every single time_  I had caused her pain, and every single moment I hadn't been there for her.

"Roza. Please. I...I...please." My apology was a broken plea for everything we has lost, and everything I knew would never come now.

Then she looked at me. Even in her agony, she was able to hold me in that stare.

Her lips, now stained red, opened. She struggled to say something, but all that came out was silence. I could see her pain. I could see her frustration as that pain held her back. We both knew the seconds were counting down quickly for her, and we were helpless to stop them.

I saw the moment she simply accepted it. She accepted her death. It was in her eyes.

Her eyes held another message – this one just for me.

 _It's okay, Dimitri,_  she said in comforting silence, looking at me as if it was the last time she'd ever see me.  _It's okay. I'm okay. It'll be okay._

And finally….

_I love you._

I'd never forget that look. In a single moment, everything that made Rose who she was – that fight, that fire, that passion – seemed to vanish. I heard the last breath leave her lips as the spark in her eyes died. Rose, my Roza, was gone.

With those three words and one final smile...she was gone. A bullet had extinguished it all.

Her eyes drifted closed. I almost begged her to say something,  _anything_ , just as a reassurance that there was something still inside her – some flame, a spark, dear God anything! – but she didn't.

"Rose? Rose?" I called out to her as she went limp. "Please, Rose. Please open your eyes."

She slipped to the ground as someone violently pulled Lissa away from the carnage left in that bullet's wake. "No! Stop! I can save her! ROSE!"

Lissa's shouts fell away into the rest of the noise behind me. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. It was too late.

I wasn't ready to accept that yet. Not yet.

"Come on, Rose. Stay with me." I pressed my cheek to her chest, hoping to hear a heartbeat I already knew wouldn't be there. When I pulled away, I felt the sticky heat of her blood on my face. "Please don't leave me, Rose. You can't leave me. I need you. Open your eyes. Come back to me."

She remained still.

"Medic!" I screamed, my voice cracking on my own cries. "Medic! Please. Someone. Anyone."

When nobody came, I simply pressed my forehead against hers and cried. "Please, Roza. Please."

Eventually, someone pulled me away from her. People in dark blue coveralls started touching her. They shouted things like, "blood loss," and "not breathing." Other words were shouted too. I couldn't hear any of it. Someone finally cut the cuffs that were still restraining her arms behind her. I pulled at mine and whoever was now holding me back from her as they shifted Rose to a gurney. A path cleared as they began to move towards the door, running as they took her away. Then, I couldn't see her anymore.

She was gone.

She was gone... 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not crying...you're crying. Okay, we're both crying. Someone pass the tissues, please. 
> 
> This week's "question of the week" is: What is the luckiest thing that has ever happened to you?
> 
> Thanks for reading. You guys are amazing.


	34. Chapter 34

I vaguely remember someone pulling me up. I could almost hear someone's voice telling me that I needed to come with them. "Just for a little while," they said. I barely noticed people still screaming and frantically running as I was dragged through the crowds and away from the building. All of it was hazy.

I wasn't quite sure how I had ended up there, but when I finally became aware of my surroundings, I was back in that damned cell. My knees hurt as I knelt in the middle of that room, encircled by those concrete walls and cold steel bars that were all too familiar. Part of me wondered if it had all been just a dream.

That had to be it. It was just a dream. A nightmare.

No murder accusation. No escape. No...gun. It was all a dream. Rose was fine. It was all just a dream.

Except for the blood.

It was everywhere. I could see the large splotches on my shirt and my pants. I could feel it drying on my face and how it made my hair stick to my temple and forehead. Every last inch of me was covered in her blood.

Well, almost.

I pulled my hands from behind my back. They came freely this time. I wasn't restrained by handcuffs anymore, only by my own shock. My wrists had red rings around them, but none of the skin was broken. My hands were clean. Not a single spot of blood on them.

I hadn't been able to touch her. I hadn't been able to help her. They were clean because they had been useless. I had been completely useless. Rose had died because I had been useless to help her.

She died because of me.

I could still hear the shot. I could still feel my feet moving. It had been too fast and I had been too slow. And Rose….

A heavy weight pulled at my chest. It would have hurt less to have that bullet in me. It would have hurt less to have my heart ripped out of my body and then left bloodied and broken on the floor. It would have been so much easier to die than to watch her die.

The walls of my cell started echoing with the sound of someone screaming. It wasn't until I felt my throat straining that I realized that the sound was coming from me. It didn't stop me. If anything, I screamed louder. I screamed out my agony until it drowned everything away. Every thought, every red-tinged vision, every last thing that I felt until I felt….nothing.

And then I laid on the floor and simply sobbed, whispering her name into the cold ground in hopes that she'd somehow answer me.

She didn't. 

* * *

The door to the cell clanged opened a little while later. I didn't bother to move until a pile of grey fabric fell onto the ground beside me.

"Get up, Dimitri." The voice wasn't harsh. If anything, it was gentle. Sympathetic.

I finally turned to the man standing over me. He still had a bruise on his face and a bandage across his nose, but he was instantly recognizable.

"Adams." His name was raw in my throat.

He took a few steps forward and then knelt beside me. "You need to get up, Dimitri. You have someplace to be."

I laughed humorlessly. "The gallows?" I wasn't sure if I was asking or hoping. Either way, the question sounded wrong, even to my own ears.

Adams shook his head. "No. Natasha Ozera has made a full confession. Moore, too. I don't know if he'll be tried for treason yet, but he certainly won't go unpunished for his role. Ignorance might save him a little." If I didn't know better, I'd have said Adams was a little bitter about that.

"Where are you taking me, then?"

He placed a hand on my shoulder, rubbing at the sore muscles there. "Nowhere. You're free to go, for now at least. I wouldn't suggest running off again. They still have some questions about your earlier escape, but for now…"

"They don't care?" I finished. I wasn't entirely sure I cared either at this point. Cell… apartment… free… incarcerated… did it really matter?

"They aren't worried about you right now." Adam's eyes seemed to say that he was a little worried about me, or at least my sanity. I was a wreck right now and I was sure it made him a little wary. "Plus, as I said, you have better places to be right now. Hurry. Change your shirt."

His order was a bit firmer this time and I shrugged my ruined t-shirt over my head. He stopped me before I slipped the next one on, gesturing vaguely to my face.

That's right. I probably looked like I'd come right out of a horror show.

I took the old shirt and used the tiny sink in the cell to wet a small area on the back that was still relatively clean. I wasn't able to remove every last trace of the previous hours away – a few flecks refused to budge at my hairline and I knew there would be more when I eventually washed up properly – but I looked human at least. I wrung the spent cloth in the sink and watched pink swirls of water slip down the drain. It felt like they were taking a part of my soul with them.

With a new shirt on, I turned to face Adams again. "Okay. Where are we going?"

"Hospital." The word was abrupt and I wasn't quite able to understand it. I wasn't hurt. Not physically, at least. Why would I need to….

"She's–" I was too afraid to say it out loud. I was terrified to hope.

Adams nodded, "She's in surgery."

My legs felt weak for a moment. Rose was alive?

"I'm not sure what her status is, but..."

I rushed past him before he could say any more. I needed to get there. Now.

"Wait!" Adams called out to me. I paused briefly to look back at him, though my body still urged me to move.

"I'm glad you're okay," he said. "I hope she will be, too." There was honesty in his eyes.

"Thank you." There was a part of me that wondered if he was the only reason I was even allowed to leave this place right now. It wouldn't surprise me to learn that Adams was the only one to think of me in the midst of everything else. I gave him a brief but grateful nod and then ran. 

* * *

The automatic doors gave a soft 'whoosh' as they opened for me and I ran towards the front desk of the waiting room.

"Rose," I demanded, panting slightly. I wasn't sure I had ever pushed myself so hard as I had sprinting from one end of Court to the other. "Rose Hathaway. Where is she? Please."

The lady at the front desk looked me up and down with wide eyes. I glanced down and saw why she was concerned. My pants still had red stains on them. While I appreciated the clean shirt from Adams, looking even vaguely presentable was no longer my priority.

"Where can I find Rose?" I tried to temper my voice, but the desperation was obvious. Thankfully, it was enough to shake the woman from her surprise. She tapped out a few keys on her computer and then wrote a small note on a piece of paper.

Handing it to me, she said, "Surgery. Third floor. There's the waiting room. The others are still there I think."

The pink post-it had a number written on it: 302.

"Thank you," I said, taking off towards the elevator in the direction she pointed.

Several heads popped up when I finally made it to the right place. Abe and Janine were in one corner, seated side by side. Abe stroked Janine's hand while she glanced at the swinging doors that divided us from where I imagined the actual surgery was taking place. It took everything in me not to rush into that room. Lissa was biting at her manicured nails. Others – Christian, Mia, Eddie – all paced or tapped their feet or clenched their jaw in anticipation. Even Adrian was there, his face in his hands.

"Dimitri." The moment Lissa recognized me, she stood and ran. I barely caught her as she pressed her face to my chest and shuddered. "They took you. I didn't know where...I'm sorry...Rose…"

I soothed her hair back. They were just random words thrown together, but I understood. "Shh. I know. It's okay."

It really was. I didn't blame her one bit for being here without me. If I had to choose between trying to find where they had taken me or waiting outside of a surgical room and praying that Rose was okay...well I would have been here too. No hesitations.

"I'm here now," I told her, though it comforted me a little too. I was here. I was as close as I could be to Rose right now. She was alive and I was where I needed to be. As I peeled Lissa away from me a little, I asked, "How's Rose?"

"I…"

"She's been in there three hours and..." Adrian looked up at the clock, "...forty-seven minutes. Other than that, we don't really know. They haven't told us anything." He glared at the doors and raised his voice at that last part like it would somehow summon answers for him.

Lissa sniffed. "And they won't let us help, either."

Abe looked just as shaken as everyone else. It was odd to see the usually confident Zemy look so scared. He looked about ready to say something when a call of 'code blue' rang out over the overhead speakers. Janine jumped in his arms.

"That's the fifth one…" Her words drifted.

I fell into one of the open chairs, suddenly exhausted. I had been mourning Rose just a little while ago, but now I was stuck in this new purgatory. Was she okay? Was she going to live? It was a precarious edge.

I rubbed my hand across my jaw. My face was still stubbled from three days without a razor and the movement burned my palm a little. I'd probably be unrecognizable soon if I wasn't already. I remembered Rose's laugh when I had pressed my cheek against her skin in the hotel room. The memory stung. I wanted so desperately to hear her laugh again. I would do anything, anything at all, to hear it again.

But there was nothing I could do. There was nothing any of us could do right now. So we fell into silence as we waited, and before I even realized what I was doing, my lips started forming the words to prayers I hadn't spoken in forever...

* * *

It took another hour before someone walked through those doors. We all stood immediately. My heart slowed. My breath caught. Nothing else mattered except whatever that woman in blue scrubs was about to say.

"She's stable."

The collective sigh of relief from everyone was almost deafening after the earlier quiet. Tears fell from Lissa and even I had to choke back my own thanks to the heavens.

"She flatlined on the table twice," the woman continued, "but she pulled through. She's still on the ventilator and probably will be for the next day or so as she builds up her strength a little and can breathe comfortably on her own again, but we're going to get her set up for a recovery room. It'll take an hour or so."

By this time, Janine was wrapped up in Abe's arms as she cried grateful sobs into his shirt. He looked fairly emotional himself. He nodded as the person continued to relay her instructions.

"I'll let you all know now that we can only allow one or two people in the room at a time. She'll be asleep for the most part, but I know you are all ready to see her."

She left as we continued to celebrate the miracle, and it wasn't until a few minutes later that I noticed someone was missing. The hallway door leading to the elevators swayed a little and I was able to catch a glimpse of a man with chestnut hair as he slipped away. I pushed through after him.

"Adrian!" He turned at the sound of my voice. I closed the last few feet between us. "Are you okay?"

His eyes were rimmed in red and practically bloodshot. He looked like hadn't slept in days and was close to the breaking point. I was sure I didn't look much better, but something about the way he stood made me worry.

His jaw shook. "Rose almost...she almost…"

"I know." I placed a hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it away.

"I should have been there," he muttered. I wasn't sure who he was talking to. He had a strange distance in him.

"I should have been there, too. I'm sorry I wasn't."

He gave me a gruff, biting laugh. I had no doubt that he agreed with me on that front. It probably would have been a whole lot less stressful for him if I was the one who had just survived a bullet and difficult surgery rather than Rose.

There was a little silence before he said, "I wouldn't have let her die, you know."

It took me a second to understand. He thought I blamed him for not being there to save her. He thought I questioned whether or not he would have even tried to heal her.

"Of course you wouldn't have, Adrian." My words didn't seem to comfort him much. "I know you would have saved her if you could have. You loved her."

"Love."

I raised my brow in question and he sighed.

"Love," he repeated. "I still love her. Even after…" He waved his hand at me and then ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Damn it. I still love her."

I didn't know what to say. He seemed more than simply annoyed about that fact. He seemed like he hated himself over it. It hurt to think that he might be angry just for loving Rose, but I knew it was less about her and more about what Rose and I had done to him.

"I know," I acknowledged. "And for what it's worth...I'm sorry."

He scoffed. "No, you aren't."

He looked at me and I felt my heart clench at the lie. He was right. I wasn't sorry for loving Rose. I never could be. I'd never apologize for loving her, wanting her, needing her. I'd cherish the fact that we were together again, and after today, I knew that every moment with her would be a gift. I wouldn't allow myself to be ungrateful about that fact or let it slip away from me. I didn't want to lie and pretend that loving Rose was something I should apologize for.

"You're right," I confessed. "But I am sorry for how it happened."

He stared at me for a long time. I wasn't quite sure what was going on in his mind. Regret, anger, guilt, sadness, and agony all played in his eyes over a matter of seconds. If he wanted to rage at me, I'd let him. If he wanted to hit me, I wouldn't flinch. He could do whatever he needed, and I'd allow it. The only thing I wasn't willing to do was let Rose go again.

We both loved her. I wasn't going to belittle his feelings and pretend that I deserved to love her more than he did. I wasn't going to say that I deserved her love more than he did, either. We both knew that it wasn't some battle between us anymore. We both cared about Rose, perhaps more than we had ever cared about anyone else before her, and that was fine.

We both had almost lost the woman we loved today. Both of us felt that pain when we thought she was dead, and both of us felt a weight lift when we learned she was going to be okay. The only difference between us was that when she woke up, I'd get to hold her in my arms.

Finally, he nodded. It was his acknowledgment and reluctant blessing.

I had no doubt that his anger towards me would linger. It would probably burn for a long time. It was well deserved. But it felt like there was a new understanding in it. He didn't hate me because I loved her. Neither of us could hate the other for something like that. I didn't even think he hated me for being the one that she ultimately decided to give her love to, either. I wouldn't have held that against him if the roles had been reversed.

He was angry for how we had hurt him. He'd hate us for our actions. He wouldn't apologize for feeling that pain and I wouldn't expect him to feel anything less. But he knew I wouldn't apologize for loving her, either.

Because then he'd hate me for apologizing. He'd hate me for throwing it all away again. He'd hate me for being careless and forgetting just how lucky I was to have the one we both loved. The one he still loved, despite it all.

I returned his silent message with a nod of my own. It was my promise.

Then a bell chimed, the elevator doors opened, and he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could you imagine if I had just ended the series last week? *maniacal laughter* I know I broke many of your hearts, but fear not, Rose is a strong one. What do you think of Adams returning? What do you think of Dimitri's conversation with Adrian? Who do you think he's gonna come head-to-head with next? 
> 
> The question of the week is: What was the most surprising twist ending that you've ever read?
> 
> See you next week!


	35. Chapter 35

"Why."

One word. That was all I could think of as I stared at Tasha behind those bars. Everything else I had wanted to say to her as I made my way back to the Court's prison went out the window the moment I saw her sitting on that lonely cot.

She didn't answer me. She silently stared at the ground between us like I wasn't even there. One minute. Two. By her third minute of silence, my temper was gone.

"Why, Tasha?" I shouted, disregarding the way she winced as my voice reverberated around us. "Why did you shoot her? Why did you frame her? Why would you let her die?"

"Is Rose okay?" The words were cold. Not resentful, not remorseful, just empty.

I was stunned. "Are you serious? You put a bullet in her. You framed her for a murder you committed and you were willing to let her be executed in your place. Now, you're asking if she's okay? No, Tasha. She's not okay."

"Is she alive?" The minor specification pulled at my anger more.

"Yes. Barely," I growled. I wanted to rail on about how she had no right to even ask that question, especially since she was the reason Rose had nearly died. The fact that she didn't really seem to care, but just looked merely curious, made me all the more furious. Even now, the news didn't seem to affect her. She just nodded quietly.

I didn't want to believe it, but it had to be asked. "Is this because of us? Because I turned you down? Because I didn't love you?"

The moment of silence between us was heavy as I anticipated her answer.

"No." Her unexpected answer stunned me. Slowly her eyes shifted from the ground to the wall behind me. It was as if there was a window back there that offered her a view of something beyond us. "I will admit that it stung when you said no. I cared for you. And as much as I know I shouldn't, I still do. Maybe I always will. You're an easy person to fall in love with, Dimka, and nearly impossible to forget. But I guess I can't blame you for that, can I?" She sighed but still refused to look at me. "The truth is, I don't think I love you. Not really. And I know you never loved me. Even back then, I knew you couldn't. I've seen the way you looked at Rose. I've had someone look at me like that. And I looked at him the same way Rose looks at you. You love her and she loves you. Just like how I loved Vinh…" The last words drifted a little, perhaps not meant for me.

"Then why? Why did you do it? Why did you kill Tatiana? You aren't a murderer." I bit my tongue and corrected myself. "You weren't a murderer. Why did you do it?"

"Something needed to be done. The council was ready to throw children onto the front lines. I couldn't have that. I had told them for years that there was a better way, but nobody listened. Tatiana treated my ideas like some ridiculous notion. Something drastic needed to be done." She paused for a moment. "I had no idea that she was secretly training people."

"So you killed her." Her head dipped a little as I made the accusation. I didn't save her from the truth. "You know that you've set your goals back years because of what you did."

"Not if Lissa becomes queen. She knows what is right."

I wanted to remind her that it wasn't all up to Lissa. Even if she was crowned – which we still had no way of knowing if that would happen at this point since Court was in an uproar over the reveal of Tasha's assassination – Lissa would have to convince the Council to see things her way. Tasha had used her training and combat knowledge to kill. It set a pretty bad precedent in encouraging others to fight. Lissa, as reasonable and persuasive as she was, couldn't change the minds of those who were terrified.

"And Rose? Why did she have to take the fall?" I needed to know.

"Does it matter now?" I could hear the resignation in her voice. She was obviously holding something back, but I couldn't understand why. What did she have to hide at this point?

I clenched my teeth, grinding them together in frustration. "It matters to me."

"Fine." She adjusted herself on the thin mattress, but she still seemed distant. "Rose was an opportunity. Who knew when I'd be able to get another one? Nobody had seen her all day. Christian said they had been looking for her everywhere so I offered to drop by her room while they checked somewhere else. I swiped Lissa's spare key to Rose's apartment and when she wasn't there...things just started falling into place. I took her stake, made sure that she was still missing, and lied to Ethan so he'd let me into Tatiana's chambers. It was that simple. Something needed to be done, I took action, and Rose made for a convincing and convenient scapegoat. Everyone already knew how she had fought with Tatiana. Nobody had any problem believing that she had committed the crime."

I was in shock. Everything Tasha was saying was unbelievable. "You were willing to let her die because she provided you an easy opportunity to murder someone without getting caught?"

"Basically." She shrugged. "If Rose managed to be proven innocent, then so be it. Dead or alive, Rose's sacrifice would have been important. Valuable, even."

There was a certain tilt to her head and tone in her voice as she said those last words. It threw me back to our conversation in the garden the day Rose was missing. Tasha had asked if, as a Strigoi, I would have killed Christian as long as it meant I could get to Rose.

' _He had more value to me alive, but if it came down to it…yes.'_

Tasha must have been heading to Rose's apartment when she had seen me. It made me sick to think that I might have been the tipping point in her decision to let Rose die so Tasha could further her personal beliefs and agenda.

"Why didn't you just take your anger out on me?" I asked. The steel bars felt cold in my hands and it sent a chill through me. "Why Rose? I was the one who tried to kill him, not her. Was it just to get back at me?"

"You took Christian  _because_ of Rose," she hissed. The venom in her voice chilled the room. "Your obsession with Rose nearly got him and Lissa killed. And even before that, before you became that creature, your fixation with her was dangerous."

"I love her," I insisted. She wasn't some infatuation or curiosity to me. I wasn't that monster that was obsessed with her and demanded her body and her allegiance. I truly cared for her. I wanted to be with her because she made me feel better than I truly was. I loved Rose, and the fact that anyone would demean my relationship with her as some 'fixation' was a slap in the face. "I did horrible things that I shouldn't have while I was Strigoi, but that was on me, not Rose. Blame me. Blame that monster. But don't blame Rose. She didn't hurt anyone."

"Oh? You don't think your secret relationship with your student was harmless? You don't think it would have hurt you and your reputation if someone found out?" She said it like the answer was all completely obvious rather than the complex story my relationship with Rose really was. "And tell me honestly, do you really believe Rose had nothing to do with why you were turned? You don't believe that she might have distracted you in those caves?"

She was right, I had been distracted. I had been worried about her as we fought side by side. And in the end, whether by instinct or pure luck, I managed to step between her and Nathan right before I fell. So, yes, perhaps I had died because I loved her, but I wouldn't have changed a thing if it meant keeping her alive.

I didn't need to answer Tasha. She saw right through me. "I thought so."

"I kept her safe," I argued. "That's all that matters."

"And I kept Christian safe."

Her reply was so out of left field that I had to pause a moment to catch up. When I did, I still couldn't figure out what she meant. "I don't understand."

"You wouldn't." The corner of her lips just barely tilted up on one side. A second later, the smile-like twitch was gone. "Apparently nobody can see the fact that trouble follows her. Nobody sees that Rose is a danger to herself and those around her."

That was ridiculous. I didn't have a chance to tell her so before she continued. "I've done nothing but try to keep Christian safe for the better part of nine years. And for the most part, I think I've done a pretty good job. The moment that Rose came it to his life, though, everything went to hell. He was mauled by psi-hounds at Dashkov's cabin because she allowed him to follow her. He was held captive by those Strigoi because she dragged him to Spokane. They barely made it out alive. A kid died there! What if it had been Christian?"

I knew that she had been understandably worried about Christian while the group had been held in that basement. We had all been terrified as we searched for them. But I never imagined that she would hold Rose solely responsible for that. It was a series of bad choices, including bad choices on my part, that had led to their capture and Mason's death.

"And then when the Academy was attacked…" She shook her head, disappointment obvious. "It was Rose's job to protect Christian, not drag him into the heat of battle."

"You've been an advocate for Moroi and guardians fighting side by side for years," I pressed, confused why she would suddenly be upset that Rose and Christian had fought together. "You personally trained Christian to use his magic for combat."

"Yes, in a  _defensive_ manner," she emphasized. "Not so that a novice could charge into danger with my nephew when she should have been keeping him somewhere safe."

"They saved lives!"

"He could have died!" Despair radiated from her as she said it. Her fingers were practically white as they tightened around the cot's metal bed frame. She shook with the force of her anger and fears until it seemed to dissolve into placid nothingness. "He could have died and it would have been all her fault."

I stared at her, stunned into silence at all she had admitted.

Her lip trembled a little as she whispered, "He could have died…"

Suddenly, I understood. Tasha was like a mother to Christian. I knew that having to raise him so young had put a strain in her life. It was one that she had accepted without complaint, and I had admired her for that. She treated him like a son, and I knew she would have done almost anything to protect him. I thought back to her unknowing partner to her deception. Daniella had been trying to protect her son, too.

Love could make you do crazy and reckless things. I had seen that many times in my life. It could make you attack the man who abused your family. It could make a woman risk her life, travel the world, and chase a fairytale to save someone's soul. It could drive a man to disregard his reputation, freedom, and entire life if it meant that the woman he adored would be safe. It could motivate a mother to bribe someone to protect her son. And, apparently, it could drive Tasha to murder.

It was illogical to place the blame on Rose for every threat to Christian's wellbeing. Rose may have had some part, but Christian had made his own choices and also played a part in the dangers he faced. I had a part. Even his relationship to Lissa played a part now and again. None of us, perhaps with the exception of that monster I once was, had ever designed to hurt him or anyone else, though. Rose had protected him. In Spokane and at the Academy, Rose had done what she could to make sure Christian and others around her were safe. Christian had even protected Rose several times. I wasn't blind to the fact that he had put himself between Rose and Lissa and those psi-hounds. I knew that he had been essential to helping those students break free from their concrete prison in that basement. And, I knew without a doubt that Christian's ability and bravery to fight alongside Rose when the Academy was attacked might have saved her life.

I think somewhere, she knew all this, too.

Nothing would ever justify Tasha's actions. She had acted irrationally, impulsively, and without regard to what she was doing and who she was hurting. It was horrible, but for some reason, she believed it was necessary. For some reason, she believed that killing one woman and laying blame on another was acceptable. For some reason, Tasha believed that Rose was a threat to those she cared about rather than the friend and protector she really was. I doubted I'd ever truly understand why, and I knew I'd never forgive her for this, but I did pity the woman in that cell a little. I pitied her for her illogical madness and believing murder was the only way.

Finally, Tasha looked at me. For the first time, I saw the emptiness of her ice blue eyes. "I know I have no right to ask, but would you do me a favor?"

A favor? Was she kidding? After all she had done and all she had said, she now wanted a favor? I refused to answer her question on principle, though my sudden wave of fury might have tinged my reasoning as well.

"Will you watch after Christian?" she asked, despite my silence. "After I'm gone, that is. Will you make sure he stays safe?" The barest hint of remorse flashed across her face. It was the only real emotion I had seen from her since I had started speaking to her.

I debated saying no simply because it would hurt her. A selfish, vindictive part of me wanted to make her feel some of the same pain that had ripped through me over the past few hours. But I couldn't. I couldn't let myself give into that anger.

I let myself truly look at the woman behind the bars. When had she changed? When did she become capable of murder? Tasha had always been loud and passionate about the things she believed in. She had advocated for guardians like me and for Moroi who didn't have the benefit of guardian protection. I had admired her for that.  _Rose_ had admired her for that. So when did it all get twisted? When did she decide that killing and letting others be killed was a worthwhile sacrifice for things she supposedly cared about?

I couldn't figure it out. I couldn't understand this cold woman who had once been my friend. The person who I had once known was gone. The woman who I had laughed with and looked up to was dead.

"Yes," I finally promised. It wasn't for the person sitting in front of me. Instead, it was for the person she had been before. Tasha had been a good person once, and in her memory, I could promise to take care of the one person she loved more than anyone else.

She gave me a hollow smile. I wasn't sure there was any gratitude in it, but there did seem to be a little peace. Christian would be safe, and at the end of the day, that was all Tasha truly cared about.

Tasha eventually turned away, staring at the light of day beyond the small window of her cell. She didn't say goodbye and I didn't bother to either. There was nothing more to say between us. Tasha, the person I had once known, was gone. This new person who was capable of murderous hate would soon be held responsible for her crimes.

And what more can a man ask for than to see justice be upheld?

He could ask to sit by the woman he loved. He could hold her hand and thank the heavens that she was alive. I intended to do just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am literally hiding from all of you in fear of potential hate mail. First of all, only one of you guessed that we'd be going head to head with Tasha, which surprises me. Second...I'm pretty sure that this conversation with Tasha had at least one surprise for you. I promise that this wasn't a random thought without careful consideration for what was canon. I truly believe that Christian, not Dimitri, motivated a majority of Tasha's actions. I had sown seeds of this idea throughout the entires series (yes, even book one) that you can go find if you really want. I won't go into all my reasons for why I came to this conclusion here on fanfic, but I will be opening up a thread tomorrow over on my facebook page. Link to the page is in my bio and you can ask all the questions you'd like over there. I'll be answering them all day. 
> 
> This week's question of the week is: What skill would you like to master?
> 
> Thanks for reading and I look forward to your comments!


	36. Chapter 36

The tension in my shoulders refused to relax as I made my way back towards the hospital. I was exhausted after my conversation with Tasha. On top of everything else, it was just too much and, as sad as it seemed, I was ready to leave my former friend and her betrayal in the past so I could move on. I didn't want to spare another thought for her. I just wanted to focus on Rose and see her healthy again.

I was saved the trouble of searching for Rose when I saw Janine and Abe walking out of one of the patient recovery rooms.

A small pang of worry hit me as I realized that I might have missed some sort of set "visiting hours." I didn't plan on leaving without seeing her, though, and if I had to beg or bribe a nurse for even five minutes with Rose, I would.

"How is she?" I asked. The weariness in my body couldn't overcome the anxiety in my voice.

"Asleep," Janine replied simply. She looked as tired as I felt, and that was saying something. While she didn't seem quite as frantic as she had in the hospital waiting room, it was obvious that she still hadn't managed to regain her guardian mask.

"Can I see her? Where is everyone?" Lissa, Christian, and the others were nowhere in sight.

"They left a little while ago. A few members of the Royal Guard came by and asked for Lissa and Jill. I believe the Council is going to push the vote forward and we'll likely have a new monarch in the morning." Janine's last words were muffled a little as they flowed into a long yawn.

"We're going home for the night," Abe said, placing a hand on Janine's arm. For a moment, I wondered what 'home' meant, exactly. Somehow, I felt that whatever four walls they both were planning on going to tonight, they'd be doing so together. "We'll be back sometime tomorrow morning."

I nodded, letting them pass without further interruption. Janine let herself be led by Abe without any sort of resistance, and at any other time, I would have laughed at the thought of Guardian Hathaway following Zmey. Both were an unmistakable force in their own right, yet complete opposites. She was the law while he broke every rule in the book. But for some reason, tonight they looked like a perfect pair. Right before the elevator doors closed, I watched Abe wrap his arm around Janine as she tucked herself into his chest. I had to hide a smirk at the insane yet totally natural-looking image.

Walking into Rose's recovery room was like walking into a nightmare. She was on the bed surrounded by beeping equipment. Tubes and cords were spread across her body. Her face was half covered by a ventilator and a small pump opened and closed with every breath it offered her. A digital screen on the machine next to her showed a line that rose and fell with her heartbeat. It was a comfort to see that it was strong and steady, but I had no doubt that disturbing even one of the multi-colored cords would cause all sorts of alarms to go off.

I approached her slowly. Surrounded by medical equipment, she just seemed so small.

Her skin looked pale and sallow. Her body was unnaturally still. A cold sweat dampened the hairs around her face and the long strands were pulled over one shoulder. It was clear that someone had tried to clean her up a little, but nobody had cared to brush out her hair and now the soft curls were tangled up with one another. Carefully, I ran my fingers through the locks to smooth out some of the bigger knots, but I didn't dare try to get them all. Instead, I tore the tie from my hair and carefully wrapped her's into a simple ponytail, making sure that I didn't agitate any of the wires connected to her.

My hands brushed against her neck as I finished arranging her, and the slight chill of her skin shocked me a little. I let my fingers softly drag down, trying to find some of the familiar warmth in her that I had come to rely on. My touch made a path across her collarbone and shoulder, and then I noticed a patch of white barely peeking out from under the light blue hospital blanket. Hesitantly, I pulled the sheet back a little and saw the large bandage that covered her wound.

I couldn't breathe. My attempt came out as a gasp and shuddering choke, unable to stand the sight of where she had been brutally shot. I felt weak and I gripped the railing of her bed to keep from falling. I knew she was alive, but I could still see her laying on the ground with her life slowly draining away. I didn't think I'd ever forget that image.

I shut my eyes against the swirling thoughts, lowering myself at her side and resting my head onto the scratchy sheets. The smell of blood and the sound of gunshots still rang in my mind, but they dampened a little when I reached for her hand. She didn't react, but a quick glance toward one of the monitors assured me that her pulse was still beating. I used the rhythmic beeping of the machine to calm myself. Things began to clear a little as my thumb brushed a soothing back and forth pattern over her fingers. Feeling her hand in mine helped to ground me a little and remind me that she was here. She was safe.

Even knowing she was alive didn't take away the pain of nearly losing her. I tried to remember the sound of her voice but all I could hear was her pained wheeze. I tried to remember the color of her eyes but all I could see was…

...the way she had looked at me.

My body stilled at the memory. Right there, in that moment before I thought I had lost her forever, there had been something in her eyes.

It had been love. Pure, unconditional love.

Even without words, it had been clear. She hadn't used her last seconds to condemn me. She didn't use her last breaths to question what we had or what it meant or any of that. No, she used that final moment to tell me that she loved me and to make sure I knew it without a doubt. And, I had. Even in that fear and pain, I had known that she loved me. I felt it in her gaze. And I felt it now in my own heart.

Roza's love for me had never wavered. Not for one second. Not even when she was suffering some of the worst pain imaginable.

The pain of a bullet to the chest hadn't changed her love for me. Nor did the pain of heartless words. Even my bite, and the cruelty that had come with it, hadn't changed a single thing for her. She had loved me just the same. And she always would. Even to her very last moment, I knew she would love me.

I shook my head at my own stupidity.

I had been the only thing standing in her way. Not what I had done or what I had said. No, those had only been symptoms of the larger issue. The real obstacle that had held Rose back from me was my fear that her unconditional, unrestrictive, unequivocal love could somehow end.

I had been hesitant to accept her forgiveness because it meant that she still loved me, despite it all. And I had been even more hesitant to forgive myself for all the horrible things I had done – both to her and to others – because that meant I had to accept everything between us, including that unimaginable love. If I accepted it, I would give in to it. And if I lost it...it would destroy me.

It nearly had.

I had nearly lost her and her love in my life and it had been agony. Nothing I had ever felt before had even come close to hurting as much as that moment when I thought Rose was gone. It had been my worst fear brought to life and the self-induced guilt that I had been restraining myself to hadn't protected me one bit from that pain.

I had been selfish in my self-loathing, and I had been stupid in my stubborn rationalizations for it. Forgiving myself would never justify or wipe away the horrible things I had done back then. Forgiving myself wouldn't let me forget those brutal memories. But Rose was right: refusing to forgive myself had done nothing but stand in the way of accepting that the love between us was amazing, life-altering, terrifying, and wonderful all at the same time.

She loved me unconditionally. I knew it without a single doubt in my mind. She would always love me, no matter what happened between us. And I loved her, but I knew I couldn't honestly call it 'unconditional' until I let go of the guilt, pain, and fear that I held between us.

So I let it go.

I let it go and I let myself love her unconditionally. I forgave myself for everything and accepted that while the past couldn't be changed, I could go forward with her and somehow we'd make everything else work.

Because if I had her in my life, then nothing else mattered.

"Come back to me, Roza. I need you." I shifted my tired weight to one knee and pressed her palm to my face. I knew she might not be able to hear me, but that didn't stop me from admitting everything going on through my mind. "I love you so much. I thought it was impossible to love someone so much, but then I found you and everything changed. You made that impossible dream a reality. I want more, Roza. I'm not ready to give you up yet. I'm not ready to give up our 'impossible' future."

The steady beeping filled the silence between us as my imagination raced with what our future could hold if only she would open her eyes and say my name. I kissed her palm as I continued, "I want a life with you. I want forever with you. I want to stand by you and never leave your side. I want everything with you." A bittersweet smile spread across my lips as my thumb brushed over her fingers again and I realized what I truly wanted to say.

"I want to marry you."

It sounded almost ridiculous. Maybe it would have been before all this. We had been guardians. She was still young. I had hurt her and she had terrified me. Our past was a complex mix of joy, pain, longing, excuses, hope, and heartbreak. But it was also ours. And despite it all, the love that should have been considered reckless, irresponsible, and completely impossible was still there. Unconditionally. I loved her unconditionally.

I smiled, whispering the request again to my beautiful girl. "Marry me, Roza."

I continued kneeling next to her, content with her silent rest and my newfound hope, until I heard the door open up behind me.

The nurse had a small look of surprise on her face as I stood. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize anyone was still in here." She gestured towards Rose. "I'm just going to check her vitals."

I nodded and moved out of the way, watching intently as the young woman checked the different numbers on the machines, wrote a few notes into the computer system, and adjusted a couple of things with Rose's cords and IV.

"How is she doing?" I asked, curious about the information that only she seemed to understand with all this medical getup. "Is she going to be okay?"

"Her vitals are good." She smiled and moved towards one of the cupboards. "And she has people here who obviously love her. Something tells me that she'll be just fine." She pulled out a pile of linens and shoved the bundle towards me. "The couch over there folds into a bed. It's not very big, but you're welcome to it if you want to stay with her. I'll be back in a few hours to check on her again."

I offered my thanks and set the blankets on the vinyl couch near the window. In the end, even that felt too far. I dragged one of the chairs next to her, wrapped one of the blankets around me, and held her hand until exhaustion overcame me.

* * *

I was woken up by Hans. He shook my shoulder and I snapped awake, startling us both a little.

"Guardian Croft." I quickly got to my feet, double checking to see that Rose was still resting and that all the equipment was beating the same rhythmic pattern they had last night, before facing him.

"Dimitri. I thought I might find you here," he said with a friendly smile. "The nurse outside told me that she's recovering well. I'm glad."

"Me too." Even shaking off the last dredges of sleep, it was impossible to miss the happy relief in my voice. "Are you just here to see her or…"

"Not quite. The Council is asking for a deposition. They'd like to question you. They're meeting in about…" he glanced at his watch, "a half-hour."

So soon? Well they didn't waste any time now, did they? I wanted to ask if it could be postponed, but I knew it wouldn't do any good. The Moroi Council ran its agenda on its own timeline, and that didn't include waiting for the love of my life to eventually wake up from her coma. "Do I have time to change?"

He glanced down, taking in my stained jeans with a raised brow. Even if my clothing wasn't still a mess from last night, I was hardly fit to go before the Council in something so casual. "If we move quickly," he replied.

Good. The quicker this all was over, the better. I glanced at Rose one more time, hesitant to leave her, but my worry was alleviated a little as Janine and Abe stepped into the room. At least she wouldn't be alone while I was gone, and hopefully I wouldn't be gone too long.

* * *

I was able to make it to my old apartment with enough time to shower, change, and pack a small bag before rushing towards the Council's chambers. Rather than meeting in the large hall, I was directed to a smaller conference room. The twelve royal family chairs were filled, with Lissa taking the one on the far end. The monarch's thirteenth chair in the center was still left vacant, and I half wondered whether or not the council had actually moved forward with the vote as Janine had predicted.

Guardians encircled the room, but Hans stepped away after leading me to a chair across from the Council. No handcuffs for me today, apparently. Good. I never wanted to be burdened with those again. Not after…

I shook the thought away. I couldn't focus on that now. Not when I was going to be questioned about who knows what. The list of available options was endless.

"Mr. Dimitri Belikov." The Voda family representative addressed me with a curt nod. Little name plaques sat in front of them all, but I was familiar enough with the royal princes and princesses that they weren't necessary. "I assume that Guardian Croft explained the nature of this meeting?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Let's begin, then." Prince Voda and several others reached for pens or shifted papers in front of them. "I'd like to start with the day of Tatiana's funeral. Several witnesses have identified you as the one who broke Ms. Hathaway out of prison. Is that true?"

"I was." It would be nearly impossible to refute that fact with what must have been dozens of witnesses.

He nodded, not surprised in the least. "And did you have any accomplices?"

It took everything in me not to look at Vasilisa. Still, I could see in my peripheral that she shifted a little at the damning question. "No. No accomplices."

"No?" this time he did seem a little surprised. "Many witnesses state that they saw others, perhaps even guardians, with you and Ms. Hathaway the day of her escape."

I took a beat to come up with some sort of lie to cover for Eddie, Mikhail, and everyone that had been essential to getting Rose out of Court. They had been well disguised by Spirit, but that didn't make them completely invisible. I quickly settled on the simplest excuse that popped into my head. "There were many guardians willing to stop us as we fled. Perhaps there was some sort of confusion as to what they were trying to accomplish. Rose and I acted on our own."

He seemed skeptical but before he could press further, Rufus Ivashkov stepped in. "What about the Alchemist girl?"

It was dangerous ground. Sydney must have been questioned when the guardians caught her, and if my lie didn't match hers, then I was sure there would be hell to pay on her end. The less I said the better, so I settled on, "I don't know much about her. Rose said that they met while she was in Russia."

"And was she involved in the scheme?" Princess Ozera asked.

"No. Not with the escape. Rose contacted her afterwards." I was grateful when they didn't ask about everything else Sydney was a part of, but I assumed I had said enough to corroborate her own story that they didn't bother with anything else.

A moment passed before Princess Szelsky asked the question that probably mattered more than anything else. "Why did you break Miss Hathaway out? You must have known that she was imprisoned for treason, and that aiding her would be an act of treason as well."

I felt all eyes land on me before I spoke. "I know Rose. I trust her. I've trained with her, fought beside her, and owe my life to the fact that she was willing to do whatever it took to free me from what I was. And, all that aside, I love her." I was fairly certain that some confession of love was hardly enough to absolve either of us from guilt, but I felt the need to say it anyway. "Rose is a lot of things. She's wild, reckless, loud, and opinionated. She's also loyal and protective. She's not a murderer. I knew she didn't kill Queen Tatiana, and I wasn't going to allow her to die for a crime she didn't commit."

Surprisingly, Princess Szelsky seemed a bit softened by my words. "While I don't condone your action in breaking laws we have set in place, in the end, you were right. That, and you were able to find a lost member of the Dragomir bloodline and capture the real killer. I believe we owe you a great deal of gratitude for that."

"And I owe them my gratitude as well," Lissa stood, and the rest of the council gave her a strange deference and respect. "I would be dead if it weren't for Rosemarie. And we know that Dimitri also moved to protect me, even if he wasn't the one who ultimately took the bullet."

I took a slow breath, fighting off images of Rose on the ground while Lissa tried to heal her wounds in vain. I could see in her eyes that Lissa was also trying to suppress the memory. Rose was alive, and that was what mattered.

"Because of that," Lissa continued, "I move to grant a full pardon towards Mr. Belikov and Miss Hathaway."

One of the men on the other end of the table stuttered some sort of refute, but Lissa silenced his protest with a firm yet professional glare. "This may be the last time you are able to object to one of my proposals before an official vote, Prince Ivashkov, but I suggest you don't."

He shut his mouth, pursing his lips for a moment in bitterness, before relenting. "Yes, Queen Elect. Your proposal has merit, and I second it to bring it to a vote."

My eyes widened in shock at the title he gave her. Apparently, they  _had_  voted for the new monarch last night, and while she obviously didn't hold the mantle of it yet, others were already submitting to her decisions as if she did. Politically savvy on their part, but surprising nonetheless considering that just a few hours ago they were denying her even a seat on the Council.

I could see it then. Despite her cool exterior, there was some anxiety in Lissa's countenance. She spoke with a royal air, but there was also a well-masked shake in her voice. She had accepted the results of the vote, but apparently she was still doubting herself in that position. I didn't, though. It would be hard for her to serve so young, but I had no doubt that she would do so wonderfully. She'd change our world for the better.

One by one, hands went up in favor of Lissa's proposal for Rose's and my freedom. In the end, it was unanimous, though I was certain that more than a few would have been happy to vote against it if they weren't currently trying to curry favor with her.

Immediately after the matter was settled, Lissa spoke again. "Furthermore, I ask that Guardian Belikov and Guardian Hathaway be reinstated to their full titles and positions within the guardian ranks. I believe their heroic actions speak well of their dedication to the guardian oath that they took." The request was directed at Hans, bypassing any vote.

"I agree, Your Highness, and I would be more than happy to do so."

A small grin caught her lips. "Good, let's consider the matter settled. Guardian Croft, if you wouldn't mind staying back a little, I believe I have another guardian matter to discuss with you. Dimitri, would you stay as well?"

I was certain that Lissa knew where I'd rather be – actually, I was pretty sure that she would rather be there with Rose as well – so I knew that whatever she needed was important enough to keep me from running away right that second. As the rest of the Council shifted personal items into purses and briefcases, Hans and I approached Lissa.

"Thank you," She said, before turning to Hans. "I believe I'm entitled to choose my own Royal Guard. I am sure the current guard is fully capable and I'd be happy to keep them in service, but I'd like to add both Dimitri and Rose to their ranks. As you know, they were slated to be my guardians before the election–"

I didn't care to remind her that we had both lost that privilege long before the election.

"– and I trust them for that and a variety of other reasons. We both know they have the dedication and capability. Is that possible?"

Hans' lips twisted for a moment as he thought. "While an official appointment typically requires testing, I believe that we can bypass it in this instance. If I remember correctly, Guardian Belikov has already undergone those trials before."

I nodded. After Ivan's death, I had been nominated and given the chance to take the trials for Royal Guard. I had passed all the tests, but ultimately declined on the opportunity when offered the position as Princess Vasilisa's personal guardian instead.

"And," he continued, "Rose was not only trained personally by Dimitri, but also graduated top of her class, fought surprisingly well against the guard when they attempted to apprehend her, and has shown her dedication without question. I believe that is all we need to know concerning her appointment."

"Perfect." Lissa gave a grin that was much more appropriate for her age. Happy, bright, and full of pride for both me and Rose. I hated to let her down.

"Actually Princess...Queen Elect…"

"Lissa," she insisted with a  _don't you dare_  look.

That look intensified for a moment as I gave her a small half-bow in respect, but it faded quickly as I pressed on, "I'm honored, but I'm going to have to decline."

"What?" Both Lissa and Hans looked a bit shocked, but only Lissa asked, "Why?"

Half of that answer was easy. The other half...well, if everything worked out as I hoped, then it really be wouldn't be easy, per se, but at least it would be possible. I decided to go with the easier answer, for now.

"You have an amazing Royal Guard who are trained and willing to protect you. You don't need me alongside them." Before she could protest, I continued, "But if you are going to be queen, then there is someone else who will require his own personal guardian."

Her brows furrowed for a moment. Logistical Hans picked up my meaning instantly, but it took Lissa a little longer. The instant she did, though, her face lit up. "Christian?"

I nodded. "If he'll have me."

"That'll be perfect." She gave me a grateful smile, and I returned it openly.

It really would be perfect. Tasha had asked me to watch over her nephew, and I couldn't think of a better way to do so. Lissa could rest well knowing the man she loved was protected during her reign. And Rose...well, Rose and I would finally have the chance we had hoped for so long ago.

Lissa held her hand out for me to shake and declared, "I'm going to officially accept on his behalf."

As I took her hand, I chuckled and replied, "Well then, I'll go ahead and accept Rose's future position on the Royal Guard for her."

She laughed, squeezing my hand tight as she sealed the deal. "I hope they won't be too upset about this," she joked.

I wasn't one-hundred percent sure about Christian, but as for Rose? "She won't." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two things that I'm routinely asked to write: a Romitri baby and a proposal. We got a bit of baby romitri in Dimitri's dream at the campsite, and now, we have a proposal. Non-traditional, I know, but hopefully it made you smile.
> 
> The question of the week is: What fad or trend would you like to come back?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. You've all been so kind in your reviews and support, I've actually had a difficult time keeping up with replies. Rest assured that I read and love every single one. I love you guys and have a happy week.


	37. Chapter 37

Rose was still resting when I returned. Abe and Janine had left, but I found Eddie sitting by her bed as I walked in. I didn't really have the chance to speak to him before he mentioned being late for a shift. "I didn't want to leave her alone," he said as an explanation, glancing at the clock and slipping his stake into the holster at his hip. I was pretty sure he would have skipped his shift entirely if I hadn't come back in time. I understood. I didn't want Rose to be alone either. I knew Lissa would be coming as soon as she was able to, but with all that was going on for her in her new political role, I wasn't expecting her anytime soon. For now, it was just me, and I was perfectly content with that.

"Hello, Roza." I walked around the bed and kissed her forehead, breathing her in for a moment. Her color was coming back and while she still wore the breathing tube and other medical devices, it was good to see her looking a little better.

I dropped my bag at the end of the couch and rustled through the clothing until I grasped the familiar rectangular-shape I had been searching for. It was the book that Adams had given me right after Rose had been arrested, and while I had been too frantic to even think about reading back then, I felt a bit calmer now and was eager to dive into some sort of normalcy.

I read the first paragraph before an idea struck, but as soon as it did, I was hooked on it. Rose would probably let me have it after she woke up, but it would be well worth the teasing.

" _Riding up easy, he looked over the horses at the hitch rack. Kentucky wasn't there_ ," I read aloud, pausing a moment to see if my voice, or the fact that I was forcing her to listen to one of the Westerns she loved to tease me about, would rouse her. I didn't see anything obvious, but a part of me wanted to believe that somewhere deep in her sleeping mind, she knew I was there beside her. I took a deep breath and continued, " _Then he heard a familiar knicker, and rode past the house…"_

* * *

I read a little over nine chapters before I saw Christian leaning against the door frame. He smirked, most likely ready to offer some quip about me reading to Rose, but his expression drained when he actually set eyes on her.

"She's doing well," I assured him. I remembered the shock of seeing her like this yesterday, and I was sure it wasn't easy for him either. "The nurse said her vitals are normal and the doctor is supposed to be here in an hour or two."

Christian nodded, taking in my words but not quite looking reassured by them. "I couldn't...I couldn't come in yesterday. I just...Tasha... what my aunt did...I couldn't...I just couldn't."

I could read the guilt on his face, even though it was completely misplaced. "It's not your fault, Christian. None of us would have thought Tasha –"

Several more footsteps sounded outside the room behind him, cutting me off. A second later, I saw a slightly flustered Lissa appear in the doorway. She looked over her shoulder towards someone behind her. "Can you guys just wait over there?" A gruff voice answered affirmatively and Lissa let out a sigh of what looked to be relief. "I'm not sure I'm going to get used to the whole 'never being alone again' thing."

Christian brightened again next to Lissa, his earlier worries forgotten...or at least well hidden. "You'll be alone in the Queen's quarters," he pointed out.

"Yeah, but they'll be waiting just outside of the apartment," she huffed. I was also certain that while she might be 'alone' in her quarters, the Queen's Guard would be extra cautious in roaming the perimeter and in jumping in to stop any possible threat. Guardians don't react well to a charge dying under their care, and the fact that someone had managed to kill Tatiana right under their noses would make them hypervigilant. It wasn't something worth mentioning at the moment though, especially considering all the circumstances surrounding that incident. It would stay with us all for a long time.

Lissa didn't have the same hesitancy that Christian had in walking into the recovery room. The 'two visitors' rule they had here at the hospital had been broken so many times the past couple of hours, and if the staff wasn't willing to go against Abe in enforcing it, I doubted they were going to try to keep the new Queen-elect from seeing her savior.

"I can't feel her," Lissa whispered softly as she touched Rose's arm. "I don't think we're connected anymore."

The news seemed to surprise both me and Christian. "What do you mean?" he asked. Christian had cautiously followed Lissa when she came in, but it seemed like he still needed her as a shield between Rose and him.

Lissa's hands still moved over Rose. I wasn't sure if she was trying to heal her or was somehow prodding for more answers. "I couldn't feel her earlier. I thought maybe the bond was just weak, or somehow quiet while she was sleeping like this, but it's gone. I can't feel it at all. And then Adrian said..." She paused a moment and closed her eyes. I would have bet anything that she was trying to reach out in vain. When she opened them again, she drew her lips tight in a half smile. "I think it broke when she..."

Died.

None of us really wanted to acknowledge how close we had come to losing Rose, but voicing that one word (or even just thinking it) made it all the worse. I wasn't generally a superstitious man, but saying that word aloud could jinx everything and none of us were going to take that chance.

"Are you okay with that?" I shifted in my seat, wondering how this would affect Rose and Lissa's relationship. It was obvious that the bond wasn't the thing holding them together, but it was a big part of their lives and losing that could be hard.

"Yes," Lissa said after a moment of thought. "She's done so much for me, more than I'd ever ask of her, and she deserves her own life now."

"Bond or no bond, she's still going to be there for you," I offered in gentle comfort. "And she's still going to insist on being your guardian."

"I don't think I could stop her even if I tried," she laughed. I smiled in agreement. It didn't matter if Lissa was now the most powerful person in the Moroi world, Rose would do whatever she felt she needed to and felt was right. Protecting her best friend would always rank high on that list.

We sat with her the rest of the day, only stepping out to let the doctor and nurse remove the breathing tube once they felt she was strong enough to breathe on her own. They insisted on monitoring her another night but were confident enough to tell us that she could most likely go home tomorrow. Home, of course, would be her own apartment next to the Queen's quarters at the palace. Lissa was insistent.

We stayed the day, talking and laughing now that the majority of our fears had been abated by the doctor's assessment. Janine and Abe joined us, and while he never spoke to me directly, I was the recipient of more than a few glares from Zmey. I knew there were some not so pleasant conversations coming my way and it was only a matter of time before I suffered his wrath.

I even saw Adrian pass by the door once. He didn't step in, but when I met his eyes, there seemed to be a new silent agreement between us. I nodded, trying to let him know that Rose was okay, and he left shortly after without drawing the notice of the others. Part of me wished he had come in and joined us, but the other part of me knew that he wasn't ready.

Eventually, the sun started to rise and the others began to file out for the night. Once it was just us, I tucked Rose's blanket a little tighter and wished her goodnight with a kiss on her temple. Then I sunk into the chair beside her, wove my fingers between hers, and prayed that when I woke in the morning, it would be to her voice.

* * *

As the doctor had predicted, Rose was able to be moved into her new apartment the next day. Medical staff checked on her from time to time, but they all expected her to wake within the next few hours. I didn't plan on leaving her side until she did.

I was sitting by the window, finishing the last page of my book when I saw Rose start to stir. "Sleeping beauty awakens."

Her head turned towards mine and I saw the most beautiful sight in the world – her smile.

"Are you my nurse?" Of course, her first words would be dripping in her signature sarcasm...even if it was a bit hoarse in her throat.

I shook my head at her antics before standing and making my way over to her. After everything that had happened, all I wanted to do was kiss her. And hold her. And thank God for her.

Her smile brightened as I got closer and I watched her shift up onto her elbows, wincing at the movement. I placed a hand on her shoulder and carefully pushed her back down. "No, no, you need to lie down."

She didn't protest. Her breathing was a little stilted as she fought the pain before finally relaxing into her pillow again. Part of me wondered if I should call the nurse to look her over and get her some medication, but after a moment or two, she seemed to calm. I knew she wouldn't bounce back from her experience any time soon, but the glint in her eye suggested that she would eventually be back to her full self and ready to terrorize the world once more.

"Then come closer," she playfully ordered. "I want to see you."

I looked her over, my fingers itching to touch her but wary that I might somehow hurt her. I couldn't deny her though, especially when I could see the quiet 'please?' in her eyes as she noticed my hesitation. I kicked my shoes off and lifted the corner of her blankets so I could lay next to her. It would have been impossible in that hospital cot from before, but this bed was large enough to fit us both with room to spare. I was sure that wasn't Lissa's intention when she'd given Rose this apartment, but I was more than happy to take advantage.

I paused a moment when I heard Rose hiss as she turned to the side to make room for me, but she waved off my concern with a familiar smile. Feeling her beside me was a blessing that I hadn't been sure I'd ever get a few days ago, and now laying next to her, I couldn't get enough. I rested my head on the same pillow, gently pulling her body closer until I could feel her pressed against me.

"Is this better?" I asked. My nose brushed hers. It would only take a slight tilt of my chin to kiss her lips again.

"Much." She sighed in contentment and a rogue bit of hair slipped onto her cheek.

Gently, I brushed it away, letting my fingers linger on the smooth skin of her cheek. A small blush bloomed under my fingertips and my heart clenched at the simple beauty of it. "How are you?" I asked.

"Hungry." Her lips pursed in amusement and I laughed alongside her.

"Of course you are." I moved my hand down the curve of her spine. She wasn't in the hospital gown anymore, but the fabric was still fairly thin and she wiggled a little under the tickling sensation. "I think they've only managed to get broth into you so far. Well, that and the IV fluids early on. You're probably in sugar withdrawal."

Rose crinkled her nose at the mention of the IV and then asked, "How long have I been out?"

"A few days."

"A few days…" she repeated softly to herself. "I shouldn't be alive." I felt her hand come between us to feel the bandage on her chest.

Her words stilled my hand and my heart for a moment. Truthfully, no, she shouldn't be alive. I could still acutely remember how much it hurt when I thought I had lost her, and the terrifying ache when I learned that she was still alive...but just barely. It was only now – holding her in my arms, looking into her beautiful eyes, and relishing in the sound of her voice – that I truly felt relief knowing that she'd be okay.

"Oh, Lord," she stiffened with a small look of panic. "Lissa healed me, didn't she?"

"No, she didn't heal you," I assured her.

"No?" Her brows furrowed in confusion and then melted into guilt. She turned her face away and refused to look at me as she spoke again. "Then...Adrian? He'd never...after how I treated him...no. He couldn't have…"

I gently pulled her chin back to me and dipped my head until I could see her eyes. "What, you think he'd let you die?"

She didn't answer but her lip quivered in uncertainty.

"No matter how he feels…well, he wouldn't have let you die." I remembered the way he looked as he struggled with those conflicting feelings – torn between love, agony, anger, and worry. I prayed that someday he and Rose would be able to look at one another without some sort of pain between them. The fact that Rose felt he might have let her die? The fact that Adrian had to assure me that he wouldn't have? They needed to know that, despite everything, there were still feelings there. I had no doubt that Rose cared for him still. Perhaps she didn't love him the way he loved her, but I knew that his pain cut her to the soul. Knowing that she was responsible for it? I'd be willing to bet that it hurt her more than the pain of her wound. "He wanted to heal you. But he didn't either."

Her lips pulled tight and she nodded slightly, taking my words to heart even if she didn't quite believe them. "Then who? Sonya?"

"No one," I said before amending, "Well, you, I suppose."

"I...what?"

"People can heal without magic now and then, Rose." Her reaction almost made me laugh, but then I remembered the gun, the blood, the hospital, the wires….all of it. "And your wounds...they were bad. No one thought you'd survive. You went into surgery, and then we all just waited."

"But why…" She hesitated. "Why didn't Adrian or Lissa heal me?"

"Oh, they wanted to, believe me. But in the aftermath, in the chaos...the Court went under lockdown. They were both taken away and put under heavy protection before they could act. No one would let them near you, not when they still thought you might be a murderer. They had to be certain about Tasha first, even if her own actions were pretty damning." I tried not to let the hardness in my voice leech out, but I doubt I was totally successful.

"Is Tasha...still alive?" The concern that Rose seemed to have for the woman who had nearly murdered her frustrated me even more. I still didn't want to believe that Tasha was capable of such things, and it angered me just to think of it, but hearing Rose worry about someone who had no problem putting a bullet in her chest was somehow more upsetting. Rose was a much better person that I was, that was for sure.

"Yes," I said, gritting my teeth to keep my hatred hidden. "They caught her right after she shot you – before anyone else got hurt. She's detained, and more evidence has been coming in." Although her own testimony would probably incriminate her more than anything else.

"Calling her out was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Fighting Strigoi was easier than that." I felt her hand circle over my upper arm, and whether she had intended it to or not, the touch soothed me a little.

"I know. It was hard for me to see, hard for me to believe." I allowed myself to feel the pain of her betrayal rather than the hatred that had come because of it for a moment. Only a moment. "But she made her choices, and all the charges against you have been dropped. You're a free woman now. More than that. A hero. Abe's bragging that it's all his doing." I had heard him talking to one of the doctors earlier, but I couldn't exactly blame him for singing Rose's praises. I was proud of her too.

She chuckled. "Of course he is. I'll probably get a bill from him soon." If she had been anyone else, I certainly wouldn't have put it past him. It was clear that Abe loved his daughter though, and it was clear that he would do anything, including pro bono legal work and C-4 assistance, to keep her safe.

I smiled and laughed with her, and gradually, our voices gently trailed off into a quiet happiness that only being with her could inspire. I combed my fingers through her hair, loving the way she tilted her face closer to my palm with every pass.

"So what now?" The question was practically a purr.

"I'm not sure," I admitted. I pressed my lips to her forehead and then rested my cheek against it. "I'm just so glad...so glad you're alive. I've been so close to losing you so many times. When I saw you on the floor, and there was so much commotion and confusion...I felt so helpless." I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to adequately describe it. All I knew was that I didn't want to feel that helplessness ever again. "I realized you were right. We waste our lives with guilt and self-loathing. When you looked at me there at the end...I saw it. You did love me."

"You doubted?" I could hear some annoyance in her voice, but I couldn't exactly hold that against her. I was plenty annoyed at my own stupidity over questioning and fighting her love for so long.

"No. I mean, I knew then that you didn't just love me. I realized that you had really forgiven me."

"There was nothing to forgive, not really." She must have said those words a hundred times to me by now, but for the first time, I was able to really accept the truth behind them.

"I've always believed there was." I pulled away a little, just so I could look at her. "And that's what was holding me back. No matter what you said, I just couldn't believe it...couldn't believe you would forgive all the things I did to you in Siberia and after Lissa healed me. I thought you were deluding yourself."

She shrugged in my arms. "Well, it wouldn't be the first time I've done that. But no, this time I wasn't."

"I know, and with that revelation...in that split second that I knew you forgave me and I really had your love, I was finally able to forgive myself too. All those burdens, those ties to the past...they went away. It was like…" I paused and tried to find the words.

"Being free?" she suggested. "Flying?"

"Yes. Except...it came too late. This sounds crazy, but while I was looking down at you, having all these thoughts coming together in my head, it was like...like I could see death's hand reaching for you. And there was nothing I could do. I was powerless. I couldn't help."

"You did." I raised a brow at her assurance, and she continued and clarified. "The last things I saw before blacking out were you and Lissa. I don't know how I survived getting shot, how I beat the odds...but I'm pretty sure your love – both of you – gave me the strength to fight through. I had to get to you guys. God only knows what trouble you'd get into without me."

I didn't know what to say. It was nice to think that I might have had some role, but I knew it was really all her. Rose was strong. She was a fighter. She was a survivor. It didn't matter what gave her the drive to live, I was just happy she was here.

I cupped her cheek and pulled her a little closer, softly bringing my lips to hers. The kiss was gentle, and I had intended to keep it that way for now. Honestly. But then she had pressed herself against my body and I couldn't stand to let her go. I needed her.

I wrapped my fingers in her hair and tugged. Her moan set me on fire. It wasn't until I felt her wince as my hand wandered her body that I was reminded just why she was in this bed in the first place. Reluctantly, I pulled away.

Her lips reached for mine a second longer until she opened her eyes and realized I had put an end to our intimate moment. "Hey, what gives?"

"You're still recovering. You might think you're back to normal, but you aren't." I said it for my benefit as much as hers. A decent part of me was ready to pick up where we had left off, but her health came before my desires.

"This is normal for me," she insisted with a slight pout. "And you know, I thought with all this freedom and self-discovery and expression of our love stuff that we could finally stop with the whole zen master wisdom and practical advice crap."

I laughed as she tried to raise one brow to mock me, and dear God, she almost managed it. Almost. "Roza, that's not going to happen. Take it or leave it."

She rose up a little to kiss me. "If it means getting you, I'll take it."

I held her in my arms, nuzzling my nose into the wispy hair at her temple and smelling the chocolate scented spray Lissa had used on Rose's hair earlier. I still wasn't quite sure what it was or what it was for but it smelled good.

"Dimitri, for real," Rose's concern broke through my happy musing. "What happens to us?"

"Life," I answered automatically. "It goes on. We go on. We're guardians. We protect and maybe change our world."

"No pressure," she scoffed. "But what's with the 'we' and 'guardians' part? I'm pretty sure we were out of that career path."

"Mmm," I caressed her cheek, letting my fingers dance towards the pink tint of her lips. "Along with our pardons, we received our guardian status again."

"Even you?" she exclaimed, her eyes widening in surprise. "They believe you're not a Strigoi."

I nodded.

"Huh. Even if I got my name cleared, my ideal future was that we'd get filing jobs near each other."

I would have been alright with that, to be honest. As long as I got to stay close to her, I would have been okay with almost anything. But I knew she'd eventually get bored with a quiet life. Rose wasn't made to be quiet. She was made to be great. I leaned close to her ear and whispered, "It gets better: you're Lissa's guardian."

If she had been surprised before, she was in pure shock now. "What? That's impossible. They'd never…"

"They did. She'll have others, so they probably figured it was okay to let you hang around if someone else could keep you in line." Despite my teasing, I was a little taken aback to see that she didn't look completely happy with the news. I'd support her whatever she decided, but I honestly thought she'd be thrilled.

"You're not…" she worried her lip between her teeth. "You're not one of her guardians too, are you?"

I suddenly understood her fears. It was the same old concerns from the Academy rearing their heads again. We couldn't both guard Lissa without putting her, and each other, in danger. The emotions there were too complicated. But we had set a plan before, and I intended to keep to it if she agreed.

"No," I said, trying to ease her worry. "I have a different assignment."

"Oh."

She still didn't seem quite relieved so I decided to just come out and say it. "I'm Christian's guardian."

I had thought it would make things better, but apparently I had made things worse. She sprung up and out of my grasp. "But that's...that's practically the same thing!"

"A little," I admitted. I tried to pull her back down so she wouldn't hurt herself, but she brushed me away. She narrowed her eyes at my lack of concern over the assignment and I almost had to laugh. She was insane if she thought I was going to let her go again. "But they won't be together every moment, especially with her going to Lehigh. He's not going...but they'll keep coming back to each other. And when they do, so will we. It's a good mix. Besides, I think you've proved to everyone that you're willing to put her life first." I glanced momentarily at the spot on her chest where I knew the bullet had marked her.

She shook her head. "Yeah, but no one was shooting at you. Only her." There was an awkward silence before she said, "You followed when I jumped in front of Lissa, didn't you? Who were you going for? Me or her?"

I desperately wished she wouldn't have asked me that. The truth was, I would take a bullet for either of them. I would have taken  _that_  bullet for either of them. But asking me who, specifically, I was trying to save at that precise moment….

"I don't know Roza. I don't know." I sincerely hoped that was the last lie I would ever have to tell her.

She sighed. "This isn't going to be easy."

I shifted so my back was against the headboard of the bed and then pulled her into my lap. "It never is." She rested her head against my chest and I slowly ran my hand up and down her arm. We stayed like that for a while, slowly enjoying being wrapped up in the other and perhaps trying to avoid thinking about our inevitable struggles in the near future. Right now, there was just this. Just us. And right now, that was all I needed.

Our privacy was eventually interrupted by a small knock on the door. Lissa stepped into the room and I saw her light up when she realized Rose was awake.

"Sorry," she said with absolutely no hint of remorse. "Should have put a sock on the door. Didn't realize things were getting hot and heavy."

Rose quickly mirrored her best friend's smile and playful tone. "No avoiding it." She grabbed my hand. "Things are always hot with him around."

I...I didn't know what to say. Or do. A part of me wanted to jump out of bed and say that it was nothing, but I knew it was the knee-jerk reaction of someone who had been forced to keep his feelings and desires suppressed for too long. I had to remind myself that it was fine. Our friends and family were already aware of our relationship. Expressing affection was okay. Even public affection. But laying in bed with her in my arms felt a little  _too_ public. And an innuendo about our more physical relationship in front of someone else felt practically scandalous.

They seemed amused by my discomfort, and while Lissa was kind enough to suppress her laughter, Rose did nothing to hide it. She threw her head back with glee and then kissed me. "Oh, this is going to be fun, now that everything's out in the open."

"Yeah, I got a pretty 'fun' look from your father the other day." I was still waiting for that impending conversation. Rose suddenly looked a little nervous too but I gave her hand a squeeze and decided to take my leave. "I should go and let you two talk."

I wasn't quite to the door when I heard Rose ask, "Will you be back?"

Looking over my shoulder, I met her eyes. I knew she was just asking about coming back sometime today, but it felt like there was something more to it. I would always come back to her. It was inevitable and I wasn't going to fight it anymore. My heart belonged to Rose and for some reason completely unknown to me, she had given me her heart as well. I couldn't wait to hold onto her forever.

For now, though, I smiled. "Of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I missed a week. I promise that I'm not trying to extend this story because I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life after this is all over. Yeah...I'm totally not doing that. 
> 
> I wanted to answer a few questions that I've been asked recently.
> 
> I will be taking a break from writing fanfic after this is finished. I will not be gone forever, just a month or two. I do have more stories planned but I will not be writing Bloodlines from Dimitri's perspective (or Adrian's for that matter). It would be an interesting project, and I really encourage one of you to take it on, but Vampire Academy DPOV was four and a half years in the making and I'm ready to switch gears. As far as Knight of Swords is concerned...I may abandon it for now. It really hurts to say that, especially since I've made it a point to finish any fic I start, but I've been more wrapped up in other projects and I'd rather set it aside until I can give it the focus it deserves.
> 
> As a quick note, my beta and I will be editing the earlier books over the coming weeks. Goodness knows those books need it. There will be some minor changes, but only to make sure the book aligns with the 10th-anniversary stories that came out after I had started writing. Things like Dimitri meeting Janine before his graduation rather than after. Nothing major. Hopefully, all you'll notice is significantly better spelling and grammar.


	38. Chapter 38

While I felt confident to leave Rose's side for an hour or two now that she was awake, I still spent every night in her bed. It was good to have her friends and family around her, but I craved the moments where it was just me and her and nothing else. I craved the way she laughed and rolled her eyes while I quoted every single one of John Wayne's lines from The Quiet Man. I craved the way I felt knowing that not only did I have the love of my life in my arms, but my best friend as well. My partner. The one person I trusted and loved more than anyone else in the world. I couldn't imagine falling asleep anywhere else but beside her, with her body tucked into mine.

Tonight though...

"Rose, this is dangerous ground and you know it." I crossed my arms in reply to her transparent request.

"Please?" Between the plea and the look in her eyes, I was hard-pressed to stand my ground. "I just want to feel you. That's all."

I sighed, knowing that desire all too well. "I'm not going anywhere, Rose. I'll hold you all night long, I promise, but the doctor said –"

"The doctor said that I was off of bed rest."

"Yes, but he wasn't exactly encouraging runs at the track or...other things." Ever since she had caught me trying to sneak back into her bed a few mornings ago, post-workout shower hair and all, she had been practically begging to join me in my early morning routine. Her not-quite-subtle hints towards other forms of exercise were just as tireless.

She brushed it off in that casual way of hers. "He said I'm fine. I just need to take it easy for a little while longer, that's all."

I raised a brow to her. We both knew that our previous times together couldn't really be classified as 'taking it easy.' Even when I had tried to be gentle with her our first time in the cabin, it was impossible to not give into the natural passion she exuded. I hadn't been rough, exactly, but it had still been intense.

"Please?" The slight pout in her lips finally broke me.

I sighed in defeat, pulling my shirt over my head. As I reached for the tie of my plaid pants, I shot her a look. "Fine. But this is it. Nothing more. I'm serious, Rose, you need rest." My boxer briefs soon joined the rest of my sleepwear on the floor, right next to the clothing she had discarded earlier.

Her victorious smirk was tangible on my skin as she looked me up and down. She quickly flipped back to faux-innocent sweetness again, lifting a hand with her three middle fingers raised and pressed together. "Scout's honor."

"Hmph." I lifted the blanket and slid in next to her, instantly drawing her back to my chest and fitting us together in a now familiar way. "You were never a girl scout."

"Nope." She twisted her head to give me a goodnight kiss. "But I promise to be good."

And she had been admirable in her attempt. Honestly. But the moment I had felt her skin against mine, temptation began to brew inside me. I tried for nearly an hour to satisfy myself with simply tracing circles on her stomach, or by brushing my nose against the shell of her ear, but I knew there was only one way to douse the growing flame inside me. I also knew she was probably all too aware of my desire pressed firmly against the curve of her ass. She shifted slightly, and just like that I was done for.

My hand drifted down her stomach, past the dip of her bellybutton, and paused in the coarse curls settled between her thighs. I didn't want to push her, especially while she was still healing, but damn if I didn't want her so. damn. badly.

I felt her stiffen a little against me in confusion. "Dimitri?"

I groaned. My hand flattened against her hip and pulled her back against my body, relieving some of the growing pressure inside me before tripling it moments later. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed her. And I was practically begging her with just one word. "Roza."

To my undying gratitude, she opened her legs in permission and I slipped my fingers between her folds. Her instant whimper of satisfaction elicited another deep and possessive growl inside of me.

"So perfect," I whispered to myself, lost in the feeling of my fingertips slipping over her skin. "So perfect and mine."

She nodded wordlessly. I felt her gasp as the pad of my index finger fluttered over her clit, and the sudden movement drew my eyes to the developing scar on her chest. She had stopped wearing the bandage a day or so ago, but the tissue around her stitches was still tinged pink as her body tried to heal the damage inside of her. I pulled away a little but her hand clamped over my wrist, holding me firmly in place.

"Don't you dare," she warned.

And I didn't. I kissed every inch of skin between her temple and her shoulder that my lips could reach. I fed off of her desire, letting it fuel my own. With every sigh and moan that slipped away from her, I pressed my hips against her back. I wanted her to know just how much I wanted her, cared for her, loved her, and needed her. I needed her to know that she was my everything and more.

My finger slipped inside of her and I couldn't hold back my groan. She was so wet and so warm. I wanted to feel her on more than just my hand. I wanted to feel her tighten and break against more than just my fingers.

"Roza," I repeated, asking again for something I probably shouldn't, but had known was inevitable from the moment she had asked for us to lay in this bed together naked.

"Yes," she replied in a pleasure laced hiss.

I hooked my hand around her upper thigh, opening her just a little wider as I shifted lower and slid my cock against her. Her hot sex begged for me, drenching my length as I teased her. Our pace remained slow, even when I set myself against her opening and began to press into her. A part of me wanted to let this build into the desperate craving I knew we both were a slave to, especially with one another, but I held back, choosing instead to revel in a new kind of passion that promised much more than one night or week or month or year. This slow adoration for her was something I knew I could cherish forever.

I moved in and out of her without hurry, content just to surround myself in her and this moment. I let the heat between us smolder like burning coals rather than the flashing hot and fast. I slowly inched us towards the edge of that beautiful cliff, kissing the curve between her neck and shoulder every time I felt the urge to run to that impending bliss. Even with the slow and sensual pace, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It felt like a new side to us and our relationship.

We weren't held down by fear or desperation. We had shed societal judgment. There was nothing holding us back anymore and it allowed us to truly relish what we had between us rather than worry if or when we'd be torn apart.

Eventually, nature couldn't be fended off any longer. The animals inside of us begged for more and we began to give in to the primal urge. Her hand looped back around my neck and her fingers tangled in my hair as I began to move a bit faster. A bit harder. It may not have had the same urgency from our other nights together, but it was just as all-encompassing.

I felt the need for release building inside of me, begging for permission to let go. I needed to feel her first, though. I wasn't going to give in to the end until she did. As her breasts moved in time with my thrusts, I slipped my hand back down to the apex between her legs. My finger slipped alongside that little button of pleasure, circling it in an almost a taunting manner.

"Roza," I whispered hot and breathless into her ear. I felt her tighten a little just from the sound of my voice and I closed my eyes in an attempt to keep ahold of myself. My needy desire was heavily accented in my voice as I spoke again with a curse and a plea. "Fuck. Let go, Roza. I need...I need to feel you come apart. I need to feel all of you. I need...please, Roza."

My thoughts were barely coherent, thinking only of the way she felt in my arms and the way I felt inside of her. Everything else around us was inconsequential. It was just me, her, and us. It was just this.

Almost without warning – nothing more than a hitch in her breath and an arch of her back – she shattered. I wrapped my arms around her tighter, holding onto her as she fell, and finally allowed myself to let go as well.

The world around us started shifting back into focus a few minutes later. Our breath still came heavy and I was practically dizzy with the afterglow of our tryst.

Suddenly, she laughed. The sound came out of nowhere and I pulled back just enough to nip at her shoulder in rebuke. When that only seemed to encourage her, I asked, "What?"

She craned her neck to grin at me, and I couldn't help but smile back as I saw the flush in her cheeks and joy in her eyes. "What was that about your self-control again?"

"Hush, you." I pinched her hip gently, using that hidden ticklish spot against her. When I tried to pull away so I could get something to clean us up, she held me fast.

"No," she said, gripping my wrist to keep me from moving. "It's fine. Stay."

I hummed at the gentle request. I didn't want to let go either. We'd probably need a shower in the morning, but for now I wrapped her close to me, kissed the tender spot under her ear, and whispered, "I love you, Roza."

* * *

The next morning, little motes of dust danced between the rays of sunlight pouring through a crack in the curtains, constantly moving but never quite falling. On a whim, I blew a quick puff of air towards them and watched as they swirled around the disturbance for a moment before settling back into their previous rhythm as if nothing had ever happened. Life moves on I guess.

Rose sighed and shifted under my arms a bit, gently coming out of slumber. "How long have you been awake?"

I glanced down at her and my heart skipped a beat. I don't think I'd ever quite get used to the way she smiled at me. It was so beautiful. Knowing that smile was reserved for me made it all the more precious. "A little while," I admitted. I nodded towards the window. "I think I'm still on a human schedule. Either that or my body just wants to be up when the sun is. Seeing it is still amazing to me."

She tucked her head into my body for a moment, unsuccessfully hiding a yawn as it stretched into her words. "You should have gotten up."

"I didn't want to disturb you." It didn't matter that she had been cleared from bed rest, I knew she was still recovering and could use every single minute of sleep she could possibly get.

Her fingers lightly traced a pattern on my bare chest and she hummed. "This is perfection. Is every day going to be like this?"

"Not every day but most days." At least if I had any say in the matter. I tilted her face up with two fingers under her chin before shifting to meet her lips. The sweet kiss held a little bit of fire in it and I felt it starting to warm me from the inside out – especially with the memories from the night before. Just as I was about to give in again, she pulled away.

"I was wrong," she said with a lazy smile. "This is perfection."

I agreed wholeheartedly. I was ready to pull her back to me when I saw her easy contentment shift into worry. "What's the matter?"

I could see her hesitation in the way she gnawed at her lip before cautiously asking, "Do you think I ruin lives?"

"What? Of course not." My thoughts raced back towards Tasha and her horrible accusations about Rose being 'dangerous' and 'harmful' to those around her. Did Rose speak to her? No, there was no way I wouldn't have known about it. She would have told me. Right? "Where would you get that idea?"

She shrugged. "There are a lot of people whose lives are still kind of a mess. My friends, I mean." I hated the self-guilt in her eyes and the way she tried to look away. I forced her back to me with a gentle tug and a sympathetic kiss.

"True," I said honestly, not wanting to give her platitudes when we both knew things had changed for us and those close to us – for better and for worse. Not all of it rested on her shoulders, of course, but I knew how hard it was to accept the wrongs in the world when even the barest hint of blame could be attributed to you. I also knew how hard it was to let go in those situations. "And let me guess; you want to fix everyone's problems."

Her silence spoke volumes.

"Roza," I chided with a kiss. "It's normal to want to help people you love, but you can't fix everything."

She gave me a frustrated scowl. "It's what I do. I protect people."

"I know, and that's one of the reasons I love you." My declaration seemed to pacify her a little. "But for now, you only have to worry about protecting one person: Lissa."

She hummed in acceptance before stretching out like a cat beside me, working any stiffness from her muscles and joints. "I suppose that means we can't stay in bed all day?"

I laughed at the playful hope in her voice. I wouldn't have minded it much, but unfortunately, we had an appointment this morning. Lissa was going to be officially coronated, and I knew Rose wouldn't miss that for the world. "Afraid not," I said, soothing the sting of that reality with a gentle caress over her body. It didn't quite have the intended effect for me when I felt nothing but bare skin as I traced her curves from shoulder to thigh. My desire to stay in bed was only renewed. With a groan, I tried to remember my responsibilities waiting outside the bedroom door. "They come first."

Rose brought her lips back towards mine, stopping just a breath away. "But not for a little while."

"No," I agreed, resolve broken but happily so. "Not for a little while."

In one quick motion, I slid my hand up her back, weaving my fingers in her hair and stealing the kiss she had been teasing me with just seconds before. Her light giggle as I gently flipped her underneath me was music to my ears, and the quiet moan she made as I closed that final gap between us was peace to my soul.

* * *

Court was flooded with visitors, even more than there had been for Tatiana's funeral and the monarch election. There were people around the world vying for a chance to be a part of history. There hadn't been a Dragomir monarch in over a century, and now that the so-called 'Last Dragomir' was taking the throne, the event would almost be as mythic as a phoenix rising from the ashes of a nearly forgotten royal family. The drama surrounding her election only drew more curious eyes. People wanted to see the 'Lost Dragomir' just as much as they wanted to see the new queen.

Guardians had worked day and night to prepare for the logistical nightmare, but mine and Rose's roles had already been set in stone. As Christian's sanctioned guardian, I would stand silently in his shadow as he escorted Lissa through her proceedings. And Rose, who was officially enlisted into the Queen's Guard (even if she wasn't cleared for active duty) would stand beside her best friend.

Tradition dictated that Lissa spend the first half of the day in the chapel, praying in isolation for guidance and wisdom. As Rose and five other Royal Guardians finally escorted her out through the tall wooden doors of the church and walked beside her as she returned to the palace for the day's other events, I couldn't help but feel proud of her. Rose stood out like a sore thumb in the best of ways. Most of the Royal Guard were older than me and carried years of experience behind them. Still, I had no doubt that Rose deserved to stand amongst their ranks. Her hair was tied up high and the marks on her neck, both the  _molnija_ and  _zvezda,_ stood out, rivaling those of her peers. Knowing that many of her victories weren't even written on her skin made the image even more impressive.

Chin held high, Rose walked next to Lissa in vigilance. I fell in behind the group as Christian and members of the other Royal families joined the procession towards the palace where the final events would take place.

And that's where I eventually found Rose alone. She stood guard next to a door that was almost indistinguishable from the carved and gilded walls around it. The only indication that it was somehow special was her presence. Lissa must be inside, waiting for things to begin. Part of me wanted to walk up to her and wrap her up in my arms, but I knew I couldn't interrupt her on such an important day. Apparently, Abe didn't have such qualms and he strode towards her with absolutely no regard to protocol.

The moment her parents approached, Rose waved to some unseen force and almost instantly another member of the Guard replaced her at the door. They stepped to the side and spoke for a moment, creating a familial picture that I never would have anticipated. I should have stayed back, but for some reason, I was drawn to it.

"Mr. Mazur. Guardian Hathaway." I respectfully nodded to each of them in turn and tried not to cower under their gaze. Abe and Janine were both intimidating in their own rights, but both of them together was practically terrifying. While we had spoken several times during Rose's recovery, it had always been a little stilted, formal, and a bit vague. I didn't think any of us knew how to handle the other and what roles we each placed in Rose's life.

Abe reached out for my hand, grasping and shaking it somewhat harder than was necessary. "Ah, Belikov. I'd been hoping we'd run into each other. I'd really like to know you better. Maybe we can set aside some time to talk, learn more about life, love, et cetera. Do you like to hunt? You seem like a hunting man. That's what we should do sometime. I know a great spot in the woods. Far, far away. We could make a day of it. I've certainly got a lot of questions I'd like to ask you. A lot of things I'd like to tell you too."

I felt Rose go rigid beside me. I had been careful not to stand too close until her parents were more comfortable with our relationship, but I nearly reached for her hand to offer some reassurance. She looked to her mother for aid, but found none.

"Actually, I'd like to come along," Janine said. I could practically feel the threat hiding in her words. "I also have a number of questions – especially about when you two were back at St. Vladimir's."

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Rose hissed quietly. "We're about to start."

"Of course." Both of her parents softened a little and Abe stepped forward to kiss Rose's forehead. It really was hard to comprehend how the man that had frightened me as a child with his ruthlessness could also be so gentle and loving towards his daughter. "I'm glad you're back."

A second later, he winked at me, reminding me not to be fooled by the wolf in sheep's clothing. I knew that if he felt I had mistreated his daughter, I'd end up disappearing without a trace just like my father had. "Looking forward to our chat," he said with a knowing smirk.

Rose watched them leave with wide embarrassed eyes. Eyes that might have a spray of fearful concern in them as well. The moment they were out of earshot, she whispered, "Run. If you slip out now, maybe they won't notice. Go back to Siberia."

I laughed under my breath. "Actually, I'm pretty sure Abe would notice." I moved so that we were shoulder to shoulder with one another and brushed her hand with my fingers. I would have been more than happy to display our little act of affection openly and with pride, but out of respect for professional and propriety's sake, I kept it subtle...for now. Still, I couldn't help but gaze down at her and smile like a fool in love. "Don't worry, Roza. I'm not afraid. I'll take whatever heat they give me over being with you. It's worth it."

"You really are the bravest man I know." I fell for her a little more as she looked back at me with a love that you couldn't buy and few would ever get to experience in their lifetime. I was a lucky man. She might call me brave, but she was more fearless – both in a fight and in sharing her heart – than anyone else I had ever met.

"Looks like she's ready," I noted as I saw the rest of the Royal Guard shift into their final positions. Rose stayed by my side as the lights dimmed a little.

"I hope I am," she murmured. I gave one last brush of support before the herald announced Lissa's grand entrance.

The ceremony was a formal affair steeped in ancient tradition. It almost felt like being transported back in time to a place where power and majesty was something a person was born with rather than won through politics and vain promises. Lissa was born to lead, and you could see it the moment she entered the hall.

In a break from tradition, Christian escorted her across the stage. He gazed at her with a reverence I understood well as he led her by the hand towards Her Majesty Ekaterina. Even at Ekaterina's advanced age, the woman gave off an air of power and nobility. Her reputation was one of fairness and integrity. I was born only a few years before she passed the crown to Tatiana so I never really had a chance to experience her reign, but older guardians spoke highly of her.

With a deep bow towards the retired queen as well as his girlfriend, Christian fell back into the rest of the crowd. I made a quick note of where he had moved to before returning my attention towards both the former and future queen.

"Kneel." Ekaterina's voice didn't betray her age. Even without a mic it was clear throughout the hall, commanding respect.

Lissa slowly dropped to one knee. Ekaterina's voice once again carried as she read aloud from an old tome that predated this Court by centuries. It was as old as our people and the sacred vows hearkened to the past as she asked Lissa to dedicate the rest of her life to the Moroi.

"Will you serve?"

"Will you protect your people?"

"Will you be just?"

With every question, Lissa confirmed her vow – once in English, once in Romanian, and once in my native tongue. Each word seemed to bolster her until she gave off the same aura as the woman in front of her.

After Lissa had given her solemn promise, Jill stepped forward with a golden crown glittering with diamonds and emeralds. It represented the colors of the Dragomir line, and the moment Jill placed it on her head, the air shifted.

There was a new queen. There was a new era being crowned. Life wouldn't just change for Vasilisa. It wouldn't just change for me and Rose. No, the entire Moroi world would be better because of her guidance and reign. I had total faith in her and looked forward to the future she would usher in.

"Rise," Ekaterina beckoned. "You will never kneel again." She held out her hand, inviting Lisa into a legacy that only true monarchs would ever know. As Lissa stood to her full height, Ekaterina declared above the crowd, "Queen Vasilisa Sabina Rhea Dragomir, first of her name."

The entire room, me and Rose included, dropped to our knees and gave our respects. Only a moment passed before I heard Lissa give the first command as Queen. "Rise."

A few signatures were needed to make everything official, but once the documents were signed, Lissa ascended the stairs and took her place on the throne. The room broke out into applause, extending beyond the grand hall as people outside the palace began to celebrate along with us. She was the people's queen, and they were just as excited as anyone else.

As Lissa took in the crowd before her – the people whose lives she now held in her hands – she smiled. I could see the magnitude of it all bearing down on her, but I could also see the strength inside her. She already carried her responsibility with grace.

Something caught her eye and I knew without a doubt that it was Christian. Her eyes said it all. I could practically hear his voice calling out to her above the cheers of everyone else. He would be her champion. Her greatest confidant. He would be the one to bolster her when things seemed bleak and hide her away when she needed a reprieve. He would be her biggest supporter.

Except for maybe one other: Rose.

Lissa's eyes drifted towards us and something passed between the two girls. Even without the bond, they spoke to one another in a way that nobody else would ever understand. Their souls were tied, even if Spirit didn't connect them anymore. A small laugh broke Lissa's regal facade, and Rose mimicked it beside me.

"What's so funny?" I asked, wondering what the two of them could possibly be planning. They had both grown up so much from the first day I had met them, but their devotion to one another would never cease to amaze me.

"I'm just thinking about what Lissa would say if we still had the bond." Rose glowed as she looked at her best friend whom she loved like a sister. She was beautiful. They both were, to be honest, but there was something about Rose's happiness that made her glorious. It touched my heart and reminded me again just why I was so lucky to have her love.

"And?" I pulled her towards me, wrapping my body around hers and laying my chin on the top of her head. She laughed and smacked my hand, silently chiding my breach of guardian protocol before intertwining our fingers with a sigh.

"I think she'd ask, 'What have we gotten ourselves into?'"

"What's the answer?" I slipped a kiss into the strands of her hair, loving the way she relaxed into me.

"I don't know," she answered. "But I think it's going to be good."

With Rose in my arms and a promise of a bright future in front of us, I couldn't help but agree. "I think you're right, Roza. Life is good."

* * *

**EPILOGUE**

Two Weeks Later 

* * *

I was still hesitant but Rose insisted she was ready to head back into the gym. I eventually caved into her pleading, but only under the condition that she take things slow. No sparring and only a light jog on the track. She rolled her eyes at my overprotective instincts but relented.

Rose practically bounced in anticipation as she gave the countdown to our race. Even if it was unintentional, our runs had always been a race. We were both competitive and it was inevitable. I might have won handily in our early days together, but by the end, she beat me more often than not. My long strides couldn't hold up against the sheer will and energy she possessed.

Unfortunately, will and energy weren't enough to overcome nearly fatal injuries.

She totally disregarded my instruction to take things easy and shot off the moment she called out 'go!'. I held back, forcing myself to keep to the plan rather than run after her or scold her. Realizing that I wasn't beside her, or even close behind her, she groaned and slowed down until she was matching my more laid-back pace. She didn't look very pleased with me now, but it was worth any complaints she might throw my way if it meant keeping her healthy. I'd be sure to earn her forgiveness later.

I already planned on kissing every inch of her skin while I promised her the rest of my life. I had asked her to marry me nearly every day, but only in my native tongue where I could hide just how devoted I was to her. I knew she wasn't ready yet, but it was getting harder and harder to keep my wish a secret. Any day now I knew I'd break and ask her properly. Perhaps even tonight.

We made it three laps around the track in an easy jog before she started to slow. I heard her breathing become more and more labored with each step, but she pushed forward until we crossed the start line once more.

"Let's take a break," I suggested, offering her an out that wouldn't make her feel weak.

She nodded, unable to speak between her heavy breathing, and collapsed to the ground next to our bags.

"Rose!" I rushed to her side, silently berating myself for letting her come when I knew she was still recovering. I ran my hands across her back trying to get a grasp on just how injured she might be. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she insisted as she turned and pushed me away. I sat beside her, still worried that I had pushed her too far. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, almost in resignment. "Just tired. The mind is willing but the body is still recovering a little I guess."

I was relieved to know that it was only her pride wounded this time. I tried to offer a bit of relief by justifying her current state. "You were shot, I believe that's a decent excuse to cut training short for the day."

"Huh. If only I had thought about that back at the academy. I might have gotten to sleep in a little." She laughed at her own joke, but I could hear a slight wheeze beneath her amusement.

My water bottle rested atop my bag. Rose had, of course, forgotten hers again. I grabbed mine and offered it to her. "Here, drink." As she began to gulp it down, I added, "Slowly."

She finished off about half of it before laying back down on the grass, arms splayed wide. She lifted her face towards the fading sun, breathing in and out in a slow, deep, and intentional pattern.

I fought off the urge to fuss over her. Rose was a strong woman and an amazing guardian. She might still be reckless, but she also knew her limits and I needed to trust her to not push herself too far. She could take care of herself.

Still, I loved her and wanted to make sure she was okay. I let her rest for a moment more before standing and offering a hand to pull her up. "Come on. Let's go home."

"Your place or mine?" she asked with a playful smirk.

"Whichever." I pulled her close and kissed her temple. Her sigh of contentment put me at ease a little and allowed me to relax. Rose and I had spent every night together since Lissa's coronation, and while she had come to my place more than once, I think we both agreed that her apartment was vastly more comfortable. Apparently, being a member of the Royal Guard had its perks…a large king-size mattress being one of them. My apartment really only served as a place to hold my meager possessions now, and even then, I had a drawer full of clothing in her closet and a shelf that was gathering more and more of my books every day. Neither of us really acknowledged the fact that I was slowly moving in, but I also don't think either of us really minded.

"I do need to go pack sometime soon though," I said as a subtle reminder that we would be leaving for Baia this weekend. Rose still wasn't on active duty and we had decided to take advantage of that fact before she began working again.

She nodded. "I need to pack a few things, too." I was sure her intentions were good, but I was fairly certain that she wouldn't finish packing until an hour before we were set to leave. "I'm so glad we're going to see your family again. I miss them."

"Me too." I did miss them. And I did want to see them again after so many years away. But I was also nervous about seeing them after everything that had happened. Every time I tried to build up the courage to call them, I faltered. Knowing Rose would be right beside me when I knocked on that door was the only reason I felt brave enough to return to Russia.

While the sun eased a little lower, it came as a bit of a surprise to me to realize that Russia wasn't what I thought of as home anymore. Before, it always had been. It was where I grew up. It was where my family still resided. While guarding Ivan, I still always considered Russia home. Even when I was assigned to Saint Vladimir's and given my own space there, I never really considered the Academy home….at least not until her.

It didn't matter where we were going. My home was wherever Rose was. My future was with her, no matter the location. And as the sun set beside the ridge and with her hand held tightly inside of mine, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that as long as I had Rose by my side, I'd be happy. I'd be loved. I'd be at peace. With Rose, I'd be home.

**THE END**


	39. Chapter 39

6 stories

4.5 years in the making

2 translations

605,311 words

5709 comments and counting

1,098,904 (OVER A MILLION) total combined views.

And now were are here. The grand finale. The happily ever after. The end. I'm happy, and relieved, and excited, and a little bit sad too. Not going to lie, I'm crying as I write this. This series has become more than I could have ever predicted. I never thought that people would love this series so much. I also never imagined how much this series would affect me.

This series has quite literally changed my life. Writing chapter after chapter held me through some of the most trying times in my life and gave me something to be excited for when things were tough. It gave me confidence and joy. Some of my best friends, who I talk to nearly every day, are people I only met because of this series. Readers like you encouraged me to write my own work, telling me they would be excited to read something born completely of my own imagination. You guys have literally made me an author. Not a fanfic author, but an honest-to-goodness author who will hopefully have her work on the shelves of bedrooms, libraries, and bookstores in the coming years. This series, these characters, this experience...all of it is embedded in who I am now.

So thank you.

Thank you to Richelle Mead for creating a world full of characters who pulled me in and wouldn't let me go. I picked up this series on a whim and fell in love without ever realizing how much it would change my life. It inspired me to do great things. I am simultaneously curious and terrified to know what you'd think of Dimitri's story (or, at least how I imagine his story), and heaven forbid, if you ever do get a chance to read it, I'd love to chat. I promise not to fangirl...too much.

Thank you to my two editors, Raissa and Kelly, for making this work legible and standing by me through quick turnarounds and horrible grammatical errors. I'm not kidding. I once changed tenses in the middle of a chapter without realizing. I'm pretty sure they wanted to smack me on more than one occasion. This series is better because of your touch on it.

Thank you to my translators, TeamSuzia96 and Coral997, for dedicating so much time and sharing this series farther than I ever could on my own. Vampire Academy: Dimitri's Point of View has been translated into both Spanish and Portuguese and I just learned today that Portuguese translation of Shadow Kiss: DPOV is now the number one Vampire Academy fanfic on WattPad, followed closely behind by both Frostbite and Vampire Academy: DPOV.

Thank you to Em, Ines, and the rest of the Buria girls for standing by me, encouraging me, and reassuring me when I thought I was going as crazy as Strigoi Dimitri in BP and SB. You were sounding boards, pre-readers, and visual magicians. You kept me sane, and I love you for it.

Thank you to my husband who put up with me and my obsession over the past few years. He listened to my ideas. He bought me not one, but TWO laptops when the previous ones died. He insisted that writing was part of who I am, and he couldn't allow me to go without that outlet (cue the collective 'awww' as we all fall for him a little.) He literally pushed me out the door a few times so I could focus and finish chapters. Even though he may never read this series in its entirety, it would not have been possible without him. You are the epic love of my life, the one who served as inspiration for Dimitri's goodness, and I couldn't imagine life without you.

And thank you to all those who have read and loved this series. Some of you are brand new, and others have been with me since the very beginning. Either way, you have made this experience so rewarding. I've loved getting to know you through comments and reviews. I've cried tears of joy when I learned that this story inspired you to write your own work. I've appreciated those who took the time to check on me and my family when I disappeared for a while, as well as those who patiently waited for weeks to read the next chapter because I needed a little time to myself. Every single one of you has played a part in making this series so amazing.

**In honor of this series's completion and as a special thank you to you all, I wanted to give away THREE copies of the entire series. They will be bound and feature a custom cover by VaFanartByTimi. I might even sign them lol. Giveaway link will be is[here](http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/ed745eeb1/?) and will close March 13th.**

Just a few disclaimers here: giveaway is limited to wherever FedEx ships (check our their "served and not served" list for those details). To stay compliant with copyright laws, all printing and shipping will come out of my own pocket. I will not be making any profit. This series, in any physical or digital form, is not for sale. The original work of Vampire Academy and its sequels belong to Richelle Mead and her licensed publishers. This giveaway is posted on (but not hosted by), Fanfiction, Ao3, Facebook, and other services. I could not find any portion of fanfiction's terms and conditions prohibiting this giveaway, at least as far as my knowledge and understanding of legalese could decipher. They didn't answer my email concerning it so I think it's fine.

To those who do not win, Archive of Our Own has an option to download the stories in several formats. You can read them on your computer, device, or print them out if you so wish. I'm currently working on editing the earlier stories and updating to make them compliant with what we learned from the 10th Anniversary release, so I'd wait a few weeks for that to be completed before downloading.

Thank you all again for all of your love and support. It has meant so much to me over the years, and as bittersweet as it is to close this final chapter, I look forward to many more stories in the years to come. Vampire Academy: Dimitri's Point of View may be done, I'm not. I may be saying goodbye to this series, but not to you.

I love you all, and I'll see you again soon. ~Andrea

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember to comment, subscribe, and share. A big thank you to Rachelle Mead, author of Vampire Academy Series.  
> Feel free to check out my Facebook Page at [www.Facebook.com/AndreaAndersonWrites.](http://www.facebook.com/AndreaAndersonWrites)


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